MORE!!!

Amazing!!!

Nice~ cant wait for more!

Great chapter keep up the good work

Sexy....

Awesome comrade, can't wait for more and it'd be interesting if he ended up a channeling king

I actually had lol moment to finding this story i had just finished the overlord story went to mark it to tracking after witch i would go here noticed a new post for this story

I see quite a few issues with this story.
There's a considerable number of grammar mistakes, enough to make it distracting from the story as a whole.
Very little backstory/explanation is given of the main character, and many jumps in assumed understanding are made. A little ambiguity is acceptable if the story is written in such a way that makes me curious about the character, but here you use a ton of super powers and reference history that the reader likely has no prior knowledge of. Putting a link to his wiki page is basically saying "I'm too lazy to explain it all, so here's stuff that you need to know to enjoy this story."
The pacing of the story throws the reader around in time lines and plot lines, and seemingly for no reason at all. Don't use a flash forward or back unless it adds something to the story.
The dialogue is very unnatural. The characters don't really speak as normal people do, and conversations are stilted and almost inhuman, to an extent.
I'm not trying to be negative for the sake of being negative. I honestly find the concept quite interesting, and would love to see a crossover story like this done well. Perhaps the scope is too large for the length of story you're trying to achieve?
Good luck on your future chapters and stories.

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Sorry about that, english isn't my first language. I just write to pass the time, I have no ambition as a writer, this is just a hobby that I know I'm not good at.
I was just curious to see the reaction of other people.

8320535

Very little backstory/explanation is given of the main character, and many jumps in assumed understanding are made.
...
The dialogue is very unnatural. The characters don't really speak as normal people do, and conversations are stilted and almost inhuman, to an extent. 

My excuse is that they have a hivemind and the ability of sense emotions, so much of their communication is non-verbal. Sorry if that sounds lazy.

As for the power, I can add a explanation in the story, but it will have to be a little long. I might break it into smaller explanation spread throughout the chapters.

8320535
Thanks for the constructive criticism. It was very helpful.

Smexeh. Me like.

One thing, though, if I remember correctly, griffons are slightly taller than ponies on average. At least it looked so IV the show, with only extraordinary ponies (Big Mac) looking larger.

The third group was the mushroom breezies, they had a connection with The Green, just like the other breezies, and The Gray because they started to add fungi in their staches to compensate for the decline or the magically enhanced pollen, this caused them to change. They lived in a very rigid class system based on what type of plant and/or fungus they collect, they were masters of poison and potion making.

of

“Why you refer to yourself in the third person?” asked Phyllia after she noticed that he referred to himself by name.

Why do you

Volthoom stumble in his walk, getting used to his new muscles and center of gravity, changelings had a slightly different way of walking compared to humans. It took a bit of concentration but he manage to stand in front of the mirror and Phyllia was trying not to laugh at his learning experience. He ignored Phyllia enjoyment of his predicament and looked at the mirror to inspect his new body, which is easy considering that he was naked.

managed
Phyllia’s enjoyment

Lastly Volthoom inspected his horn, on its base was the Phantom Ring, the horn itself coming out of his forehead through and around the ring, with the ring being part of the horn itself, the length looked like a fusion of a key and a blade with the indents on the front and back edges creating pattern similar to a double-sided or paracentric yale-type key, on the length of the blade were indentations in the shape of the different Lantern Corp logos, Black, White, Phantom, Violet(Star Sapphire), Indigo, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange and Red in that order from the base to the tip of his horn.

creating a pattern

The symbols of the Star Sapphire and the Phantom Corp and the Phantom Ring itself begin to give a faint pinkish violet glow and Phyllia felt pure love directed at her.

Star Sapphire, the Phantom Corp and the Phantom Ring itself

Volthoom laid beside Phyllia and hugged her not bothered by the fact that they were both naked and Phyllia hugged him back. They stayed like this, just enjoying the comfortable silence, until knock was heard by both of them, at first they ignored but the one knocking persisted, so they let go of each other and sat up.

knocking

“Oh, I almost forgot,” said Phyllia before turning to Volthoom and say, “I hope you don’t mind but I asked for one of my physicians to do a check-up on your new body, I just want to be sure that everything is ok.”

“to say” would work better

After Volthoom recovered he saw Dr Sciens motioning for him to sit on the examination table, he did so and looked around the clinic. The clinic is like any other on earth but the walls had runes on its corners, the equipments also have runes on them, to protect and sterilize them if he was not mistaken.

that “is” should be “was” literary past tense
had

8565040
Fixed and thanks.

“Indeed, the dreamscape is a pocket inside the mindscape, that’s the reason why she doesn’t venture beyond Equestria, this place is just a layer away from where thought and emotions come from, the source of my power in this reality,” said Volthoom.

This guys sounds more akin to a being of the Warp, not a daemon, like the literal embodiment of the Warp, if you dont know what that is, google 'The Warp - Warhammer 40k'

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I know, I'm a fan of 40k and the existence of a higher plane that is shaped by thought and emotion is nothing knew, its actually present in many religions and other pieces of midia. It just sounded like the warp by the way I described it but it would be no different than the Flash entering the Speed Force, which is a plane of existence made almost entirely of Kinetic Energy.

9116994
But I concede to the fact that he sounded like a Warp Entity of some kind, after all, the Chaos Gods and their daemonic spawns are not the only ones that came from the Warp, he would be more akin to an Eldar God. Volthoom the God of Emotions, but I think an existence like that would be closer to Chaos Undivided than anything else.

Volthoon is a trap now