Scootaloo secretly invites Rumble to a try out some sex in a private part of a grassy, rocky area for their three month anniversary. Only to be suddenly kidnapped by two male griffons with a sexual fetish to foals, bondage, and sex toys.
All in all not a bad fic, you've definitely got talent as a writer. The only thing I can recommend is to either be a little more thorough with your editing or get somebody to proof read your chapters before releasing them, There were far too many spelling and grammar mistakes to count. 7/10
"It might be a bit unpleasant flying fast with you being carried by both of us," Thunderlane said. "But it's much faster in getting to Ponyville. A few hours at the most."
They are talking about getting carried in a chariot, right?
Other suggestion: If you make a complete rewrite of an chapter, don't just change the text but post a complete new one instead and make the other one invisible. Otherwise it's hard to notice the chapter had been changed at all. I only got a notificaton whan you had added this current chapter.
8510395 Either that, or being carried with rope tied around his waist, with Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash tied to each side, hulling him like cargo. Most likely, it would be the latter, since they need to get there in a hurry. So no time to hire a chariot.
Whoever they kidnapped, they will pay! Good work! I already can imagine how it could go. A SWAT team immobilizeing their getaway vehicle, Brief Case grapping one griffin by it's chest and Rainbow and Thunderlane kicking the other, like in the 3 arrest scenes I showed you. And it's nice to see that I'm not the only one who thinks that Rumble's and Thunderlane's parents have died.
For making Rumble and Thunderlane's parents dead: It's because I read a lot of fan-fics involving Rumble and Thunderlane with their parents being dead, so I went with that because the fandom believes that. Also, the scene where Rumble and Thunderlane embrace, and Thunderlane tearfully said "Rumble...I...I thought I lost you like we did mom and dad." was inspired by a heartwarming scene from the 1983 movie, The Outsiders. Here's a video of the scene it was inspired by, though it is not a real good quality one.
Personally, I don't really think Rumble and Thunderlane's parents are actually dead, just probably not shown on screen. Sorry if I really disappointed you.
Oh they dun fucked up. They foalnapped Diamond Tiara. You do not fuck with rich ponies.
8509014
Hey you took my guess!!!
8509014
Not going to say anything about who it is, but wait until the next chapter.
BTW Thank you for adding it to your favourites.
All in all not a bad fic, you've definitely got talent as a writer. The only thing I can recommend is to either be a little more thorough with your editing or get somebody to proof read your chapters before releasing them, There were far too many spelling and grammar mistakes to count. 7/10
8509132
Thank you.
Though, I wasn't aware of any spelling and grammar mistakes. I thought I checked them all.
8509229
Thanks for the correction. I can't believe I didn't noticed that.
I thunk it’s Sweetie Belle.
They are talking about getting carried in a chariot, right?
Other suggestion:
If you make a complete rewrite of an chapter, don't just change the text but post a complete new one instead and make the other one invisible. Otherwise it's hard to notice the chapter had been changed at all.
I only got a notificaton whan you had added this current chapter.
8510395
Either that, or being carried with rope tied around his waist, with Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash tied to each side, hulling him like cargo. Most likely, it would be the latter, since they need to get there in a hurry. So no time to hire a chariot.
Whoever they kidnapped, they will pay! Good work! I already can imagine how it could go. A SWAT team immobilizeing their getaway vehicle, Brief Case grapping one griffin by it's chest and Rainbow and Thunderlane kicking the other, like in the 3 arrest scenes I showed you. And it's nice to see that I'm not the only one who thinks that Rumble's and Thunderlane's parents have died.
8511743
Well, you'll see in the next chapter.
For making Rumble and Thunderlane's parents dead: It's because I read a lot of fan-fics involving Rumble and Thunderlane with their parents being dead, so I went with that because the fandom believes that.
Also, the scene where Rumble and Thunderlane embrace, and Thunderlane tearfully said "Rumble...I...I thought I lost you like we did mom and dad." was inspired by a heartwarming scene from the 1983 movie, The Outsiders. Here's a video of the scene it was inspired by, though it is not a real good quality one.
Personally, I don't really think Rumble and Thunderlane's parents are actually dead, just probably not shown on screen. Sorry if I really disappointed you.
8513040
I see, makes sense and it's fine.