Ok, definitely giving this a read

A goods story and a happy ending. that's rare to see at such stories. I think It was a good way to improve your skills.

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My only criticism of the end is that it felt like a rushed summary of events rather than narration.

It could have been built up by, for example, giving us a grim hospital scene. The mostly unresponsibe kids are being treated while the detectives wait to question them. The reader will think "oh no, their memories are gone..." only for the positive ending to kick in the form of a wham line - one of them responding to their name. Then we queue the explanation for how they lucked out by vomiting up the potion.

Good fap material, the only minor criticisms being a few grammar/spelling/word choice issues. Also gets a little "telling more than showing" at times. And of course, I discussed the ending in more detail in another comment.

But overall not bad.

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Yes, that would have been good

This is... somewhat different from your usual writing. I find your lack of card games disturbing.

Jk idc what you write

A good ending!
But I'm a bit conflicted about the last sentence.

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Hello, theponycaptorproject! Nice of you to drop by, and read my latest story, and for adding it to your Read It Later list. I think you might like it, because this story was inspired by a certain scene in one of the chapters of one of your stories.

And I should tell you that this story is a warm-up for the big clop/rape-fic project I plan to start writing soon. I hope it's a good warm up. Though I should tell you also that I plan to expand this story a bit more, thanks to the advice given to me by some's posted comment.

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You two have just gave me a really great idea. I think I will do just that, and expand on the story. My dark prequel story to A Pop Star, a Princess, and a Prisoner might just have to wait a little longer, but that's okay. I really want to expand this story now that you've inspired me.

Nice! Given that this story has a happy ending unlike most other stories of this kind, it shouldn't have so much dislikes. FPI, Federal Pony Investigation, right? If I may make a suggestion, of the law enforcement of Equestria has a very low tolerance towards foalnappers, you could make them use lines the police uses in GTA3 (Those are very agressive compared to the other games) and the arrest of the griffins like in Need for speed Undercover. If you want to know how they sound like and the arrest look like, say the word and I send you a Pm with everything. Just a suggestion, you don't have to

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Thanks. I hope so too.

You are correct. FPI stands for Federal Ponies of Investigation. A reference to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, FBI.

Also, please do send me a PM about. I'm interested in what you have suggested. I'd like to get inspiration of anything I can find.

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Right away!

"Yes," Eye Witness said. "The constant sexual stimulation made these kids sex, causing them to vomit the contents of their stomachs, along with memory erasing potion, or most of it."

sick. also you had me fooled for a sec, i thought you where gonna have them mem erased for good. nice twist

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Hey. Just to let you know, I have posted numerous more chapters to the aftermath.

The mare looked around and noticed the remotes to the vibrators close by in the grass. She took them with her magic, and shut the them off, before placing them on the grass again. "Let's untie these two poor foals."

The pony officer turned to the other police ponies. "Right! Let’s move out!"

I know I promised to spend a few days with you and the kids,

of all was when we attempted to to press the victims on what happened,

he still had a shred of doubt.

that only the the foal would remember.

I need to ask you to tell me,