Writing is at times a bit stiff, and Twilight is pretty dumb even accounting for compromised thoughts, but I like where this is going.

what does non-consensual mean anyway?

8397441
It means that things are going to happen to ponies with or without them wanting it to happen.

8397390
Thanks! My main concern is writing stiffness, but this is basically my way to try to work that out of my writing.

8397806
Right?

8397809
So what will happen in the next chapter?

This is pretty damn solid writing compared to the average in this genre, very interested to see more.

I'm curious about where this will go, since this story is tagged TF/TG

8397809 Very very nice work (for a first story, in particular). There are some mistakes, and it seems a touch stiff here and there, but it has a lot of promise.

Descriptions could be a little more full, particularly when it comes to establishing location, but as I said "first story" cuts a lot of slack. Welcome to the hallowed, and somewhat messy, halls of the self-published writer.

A few tips for publishing a new story:
Groups!
—You will find yourself joining a LOT of groups as a writer. Groups thrive on stories; make sure to read their descriptions, and join, then add your story to them as needed.
—Try to avoid adding to groups before the type of stuff they want happens in the story.
Readers!
—You are going to get a lot of people asking questions, and making assumptions. Try not to get discouraged when your story isn't what they were looking for.
Advice!
—It is almost always useful. Don't take negative comments as the end of the world, but look for trends in them as to things you could look at working on with your writing.
—Take the praise when it comes, you deserve it.
Writing!
—Make sure you enjoy doing it, always try to become better, and do it your way.

Rock on!

Definitely watching this to see where it goes.

Thanks for everyone's comments. I'm definitely keeping this all in mind for the future. Speaking of the future, I'll be releasing part two next week. It's in final editing now.

8398993
Hooray! Don't suppose you need an editor/proofreader, do ya?

Please continue

What will that collar do now? I wonder. Great idea for a story. I can't wait to read what happens next.

Very interesting so far I wonder what will be in stored for Twilight with that ring on her neck.

Interesting, does make one wonder what else is up your sleeves.

Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

OR is it jest because it Contains: Corruption and Non-consensual

Dang....I was hoping Spike would be the one to get the collar
oh, well still good story

Congrats on getting featured!

8400244
Give it a bit of time. ;)

Featured Story! I never in a million years expected it to hit featured story. Thanks to everyone for putting me there! As thanks, I'll tell everyone that the next chapter involves Spike. You'll begin to see what really can be done with this new tool. Next chapter is revealed on Wednesday. Thanks again!

8400363
Twi's probably gonna grow herself or someone else a dick.

8400408
im wondering what it means as in stands for TF/TG

8400432
Oh, TransFormation/ TransGender
IE:someone's growing a dick.

8400437
Spike could grow breasts and become female. Then it'd still fit the TF/TG tagging.

8401167
Yeah, I suppose he could, but considering how most lf the characters are woman; someone is growing a dick.

8400363
um,....I'm stupid so I actually cant tell if you asking me something or pointing something out to me?
and I just found out I can actually see what's behind those black bars so I'm really stupid.

8400382
alright

I wonder if fluttershy might get herself turned into a manticore? at least im hopeing so

I see this going three places
Either spike Reyes to talk with Fluttershy and the next one is Applejack making Fluttershy transforms to silence her and punish Winona/spike
Going after unicorns like Rarity (raricow I choose you) for power
Or a want for power with the princesses and/or discord

Twilight, Twilight, Twilight.

Didn't you see the warning signs?

- Unexpectedly strong magic casting, with a device of power.
- Twice getting a stong sense of "use me" -- the first time you said "no", and the second wasn't a warning for "hey, something off"?
- No desire to report even that you found something and are studying it? Even when this was pointed out to you?

This device is ... subtle. It definitely wants to be used. And it wants the user to think that it's their choice. They can take it off when they want to, right?

9837215
Great deduction there