"Fluttershy come on! That little furball has enough blueberries to last him a millennium! Some of the berries are practically rolling off your basket; it's so full!"
Fluttershy rolled her eyes, she and Discord were in the Whitetail Wood picking fresh blueberries for Angel Bunny.
"It's not that full Discord, and besides, Angel is very picky and only likes a certain number of berries. Otherwise he'll throw a fit that even I can't stop. I only have a few more blueberries to pick and then we can go." Fluttershy didn't tell him that she had picked a few extra for herself, as he would've complained more; but as of late she's been having a strange craving for them...
She heard him groan in protest and she rolled her eyes again. Even after months of being married to the draconequus her life hasn't gotten any easier, but it has made her life much more exciting. She couldn't be happier.
Fluttershy looked over to said draconequus and saw him standing not too far behind her with his arms crossed and pout on his face. Fluttershy could not help but laugh at the adorable pout he displayed.
"What's so funny?" Discord asked, annoyance clearly evident in his voice.
Fluttershy stifled a giggle. "Nothing."
Discord glared at his wife and raised an eyebrow in suspicion, but didn't say anything.
Little did either of them know that their lives were about to become much more exciting... and so much more chaotic...
Two men were walking down a dirt path, each with a rifle strapped to their backs. They were dressed in camo, and both looked to be in their mid to late thirties.
"I've never been in these woods before, and that's really saying something! I've been all over the world poaching and hunting every animal species known to humankind and know all the forests and woods I have been into by memory. I'm ashamed to say I don't know this one, do you?" He looked over to his hunting companion.
"Can't say that I do, Brett. I ain't familiar with all them forests like you are, but I know enough to know I haven't been in this one."
"What's this place called again Gunner?"
"The sign said 'Whitetail Wood'. I'm guessin' it got it's name from the many whitetail deer that live here." Gunner said, and he wasn't wrong about that statement, they've only been walking in the woods for a few minutes and they've already seen at least six deer cross their line of vision.
"Ain't nothin' like good ol' deer, wouldn't ya say Brett?"
"Yep." Brett said with a simple nod of his head.
"Let's go find a decently clear spot an' set up gear. As the old saying' goes, 'To hunt successfully you must know your ground,' and in order to know your ground, ya' gotta' see the ground. We can't see the ground if it's covered with bushes and whatnot."
"But Gunner, the bushes are helpful when it comes to hiding, especially if the animal sees us. Plus, we blend in better with the bushes and trees. That's why we wear forest colored cameo. Come on man, I know you are not as big of a hunter as I am, but that is common knowledge. Even non-hunters know that! That being said, that same quote also says 'To know your quarry.' If we have learned anything in our hunting experience, we know that all game, big or small, run for the hills if they see or so much as smell us. That is why we mask our scent with deer urine. In order to hunt successfully we have to know what causes our prey or quarry to stay around long enough for us to give the killing shot. Thus, winning the game...Ha! Get it? Game?" Brett shook with laughter at his own joke. "That was an unintentional joke, which makes it even funnier!" He laughed harder.
"Ha ha yes yer so funny, everyone knows yer so brilliant!" He said quickly and sarcastically as he rolled eyes. "But yer correct on that part. I at least want to find a spot that is not totally blocking my view. Got any complaints about that?" He narrowed his eyes at Brett.
Brett wiped away the tears that formed in his eyes from laughing so hard. He bit back another laugh the look his friend was giving him caused. "Nope, no complaints here."
"Good. Now follow me."
Pedantic Prose Probing Passing Proactively in Perilous Proximity!
In all seriousness, I'm not doing this to be a grammar or punctuation nazi; but so that you can polish your story a bit and make it more enjoyable to read. Consider asking for a proofreader or editor. (Hint, HINT)
Should be:
You need to use more commas and semicolons. Otherwise it feels like you are talking and talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no one has the chance to interrupt it can be really quite hypnotic and makes it hard to tell when you're addressing someone or trying to denote something important with a single breath of air instead of making it look like it has rhythm and cadence the way it happens when people speak normally. Like that.
No need to use "She" again. We know from the first one that the sentence is talking about Flutters.
Space after an ellipsis. ALWAYS.
Camo.
And this is why you need commas. This sounds like the speaker can't admit to having intercourse with an individual named Brett.
Here. Now this denotes that the speaker admits his ignorance on the subject at hand. With just a comma.
Is the story set in past tense, or present? Switching like this is a no-no.
Please let me know if you want/need help proofreading this. I'd love to see this story become even better.