Chapter 5: Sugarcoat's Day In... the Office
Chapter 5: Sugarcoat’s Day In… the Office
Monday, apparently, had been a serious disaster for the mail office. Something about sorting and fights and… well, to be honest I didn’t really care. As long as there wasn’t any permanent damage and I still got what little mail actually came to me, it’s fine.
Having Twilight hover over my shoulder while I do my job, however, is not. “You’re hovering.”
I hear uncomfortable shuffling behind me. “Sorry, Sugarcoat, it’s just… the filing system you’re using-”
“Is an office-wide institution that has kept us functioning since you established this department. A filing system, if I remember correctly, that you created,” I add, not turning around.
She coughs loudly. “Yes, well, I’ve made significant strides in alphanumeric sorting and category condensation in the last few years and-”
“-and I don’t really care that much because implementing a new filing system would also have to be an office-wide institution which would put us even farther behind in our work than you seem to think we are, and the time we could hypothetically make up with the possibly more efficient system would take so long to cover the time we lost that it would be nigh incidental. Now please, Dr. Sweet is double-booked multiple times this month and I would very much like to get this sorted before patients start calling my crying again,” I explain.
Twilight walks around the desk to sit opposite me, making sure she’s in my field of vision. “Double-booked? Isn’t that seriously irresponsible?”
I feel a sigh escape the cage of my ribs like a scene out of Shawshank Redemption. “No, it’s because she’s wildly popular. She’s the most successful therapist we have, and so has a lot of repeat business. In fact, compared to some of the other therapists we have, she’s basically the entire department. She’s double booked because she takes all calls herself, and makes a valiant attempt to accommodate everypony you guys keep sending our way. Unfortunately, this involves making promises before she even gets to look at the schedule, which falls to me to clean up.”
She has the courtesy to look sheepish. “I- sorry. So… can I help?”
“Yes. Be quiet.”
She looks slightly offended, but complies. From what I understand, she’s still not used to the actual ‘Princess’ part of her job. “Oh, ok.”
I work in quiet for a few minutes, until I’m interrupted by office post. Zest still has the bruises from yesterday, which Twilight gives her an apologetic look about. Zest scurries away rather quickly, and without a word. Rather unlike her, but I guess a rampaging princess in your workplace can humble most anypony. I sort through the mail rather quickly, there only being a few pieces, most of which are in poor condition. Surprisingly, there’s another letter from me. Inter-office post again.
It’s from Zest, taking advantage of her position to deliver what amounts to a text message on office stationary.
Sugar
Don’t make Sparklewings mad. She scary.
Zest
I roll my eyes, throwing the lot into the trash can, and return to my work.
After a few minutes, I realize the Princess has been uncharacteristically quiet, yet I can hear more paper shuffling than I’m actually doing. I look up to see her perusing some files she’d brought with her when we’d started today. Normally, it wouldn’t be distracting, but the one she has open right now just happens to have my picture clipped to it.
“Anything interesting, Princess?” I deadpan. It’s not exactly polite to peruse somepony’s employee file in front of them.
She jumps a little in surprise, then looks up at me with a rather curious expression. “Well, your work history looks fine, but there are some… entries here that worry me.”
I raise a much-practiced eyebrow. “Such as?”
“Well, it’s… reports from other staff members. A therapist last week said you made her cry-”
“It’s not my fault her manestyle was horrible.”
“-and a janitor who claims to have locked himself in a closet because he ‘feared for his safety’-”
“All I did was relay a message from one of our clients about how he’d offended them and should await his slow, agonizing demise in the darkest corners of his life. Not my words.”
“-and a report from one of your retrieval specialists-” fancy name for bounty hunters “-who say you tipped off their mark?”
I roll my eyes. That one was from Indigo. “I did not tip off her mark, she[/i[ tipped off her mark. All I did was send her a text message, which she would not have received had she been following protocol and left her phone in the office, that she thought was funny, and she laughed so hard the guy she was staking out ran away.”
Twilight looks back over my file with some concern. “It just seems to me that most of your… complaints seem to stem from the fact that you’re, well, brutally honest.”
Another sigh makes a jailbreak. I push some paperwork to the side, making room for me to lean on my desk so I can address the alicorn properly. “Princess Twilight, I understand that you’ve spent most of your life either in Ponyville, or under the wing of the ruler of Equestria. I can understand how you’ve been raised to believe that being polite, telling a white lie here and there, and in general being nice can get you pretty far. It might actually do just that for you, I don’t know. But we’re in Manehatten. DO you know what being nice gets you in Manehatten? Run over. Stomped on. Ignored. Do you know what telling lies gets you? Arrested. Fired. Also ignored. The city isn’t a small, warm community where everypony knows everypony and we’re all good friends who break into song at random. The city is a living, breathing thing where each pony is a cell that does it’s job and if it doesn’t, it dies. The city cleanses itself of any piece too weak or to dirty to function correctly. You have to be either crazy, brutal, or extremely talented to work and live here. I, unfortunately, am not crazy, nor do I have some outstanding talent that makes me super rich doing something I love where I can just buy my way into anything I want and make ponies go away with a wave of a bit bag. My special talent is seeing the truth for what it is, and bringing it to light. What other ponies do with it is their problem entirely, not mine.”
It surprises me a little when I finish my rant to find the Princess paying rapt attention and considering me rather seriously. “I hadn’t thought about that, Sugarcoat. I apologize. I’ve only ever been to the city once or twice, so I hadn’t considered that the few unpleasant experiences I’d had in the past were, well, the norm. But if you’re so miserable, why do you live here?”
Another raised eyebrow. “When did I say I was miserable? The city- this city, is my home. It’s the perfect place for somepony like me, because the short, sharp attitude gets me exactly where I want- left alone, with only a few friends that I actually trust, instead of a whole bunch of fake ones waiting to take advantage. I am, actually, happy here.”
“Then why don’t you smile more?” She asks, genuinely curious.
“Wrinkles,” I answer simply. An answer I’ve had at the ready for years, amidst a lot of ‘You should smile mores’ and ‘Why so sad’s?
She gives a hesitant nod, and goes back to reading her file. After a few minutes of quiet, wherein I actually get some work done, she pipes up, “Sexual harassment? Seriously?!”
“I DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS GAY.”
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...Sugarcoat raises a good point.
8393433 But she didn't know he was gay!
calling *me
Formatting error.
Emphasis on the brutal.
Are you sure about that?
no capital she
Classic Catch 22. Everyone knows that to get the job you have to be crazy, but if youre crazy you cant have a job unless you have a letter from the therapist, but to pay up front to see the therapist you need the job.
Um... I hate to bring this up, but Twilight grew up in Canterlot.
I do like the story so far. It is very entertaining.
This is Equestria, so in spite of what Sugarcoat says, there probably _are_ ponies who do quite well on the big city by starting musical numbers and being relentlessly nice. But this is Equestria, so they probably have a cutie mark relating to that. (See, Pinkie Pie)