The Incompetence Bureau

by Daemon McRae

Chapter 7: Sour Sweet's Day In... Therapy

Chapter 7: Sour Sweet’s Day In… Therapy

“Princess Twilight, please. I have work to do,” I state firmly, glaring across the conference room table at the purple alicorn. Who, by the way, hasn’t looked up from her notes since we sat down.

She holds a wing up, shushing me. “Just a second.” Three minutes later, she finally looks at me. “Ok, Sour Sweet. I called you here because, thanks to doctor/patient confidentiality, I’m not permitted to sit in on your appointments with clients.”

“Of which I have a very large number to do today.”

She dismisses my argument with a wave of her hoof. I feel an aneurysm coming on. “I wouldn’t worry about that. I rescheduled your next few appointments with some other therapists who had surprisingly sparse schedules,” she says in a cheerful tone. I think she thinks she’s being helpful.

She’s NOT. “You did what?!”

Giving me a surprisingly stern look, she explains, “Having founded this department, I am technically your superior. Altering your schedule is well within my purview.”

There’s this little blood vessel in the back of my neck that’s being rather worrisome right now. “Princess, while I understand your authority here, I don’t think you understand the mindset of some of my clients. And the fact that there is a reason most of those schedules are so sparse.”

She huffs. “I seriously doubt a small change in schedule is going to affect your clients so thoroughly, Doctor Sweet.”

I rub my forehead with a wingtip. I can feel my pulse at the nape of my neck, now. “Princess Twilight, will all due respect, you send us some of the most disturbed, unstable, and maladjusted citizens in all of Equestria. We had to be made into a detachment of the Royal Guard just to keep these folks in line. One of our patients tried to break reality because her friend went to school before she did. These are the kinds of ponies, griffins, dragons, and draconequi, which I didn’t know there were more than one of until you teleported into my office, whose entire lives have come to revolve around the stability and regiment of having a very set schedule with the same ponies every week. Sometimes, every day. So I would think that the Princess who put them in this mess to begin with calling and telling them they can’t see the therapist that 90% of them requested would run the risk of setting at least one of them off. Need I remind you they’re all criminals?!”

She blinks at me like a deer in the headlights. “Oh… well, I mean, it’s already done now, so there’s not much we can-”

“TWILIGHT SPARKLE!”

“Oh, buck me,” I groan, recognizing the voice instantly.

A large volume of smoke fills the room, as a thunderous female voice rattles the glass in the windows. “How DARE you usurp Trixie’s therapist for your own selfish ends! Has Trixie not suffered enough at the hands of ‘Princess’ Twilight?!” The smoke clears, and a very familiar blue unicorn in hat and cape is standing on the table. “You shall pay for this grievance, you little-”

“Trixie,” I say simply, before the two of them can get into it. The magician turns around to see me staring at her. I must have my disapproving face on because she dons a rather embarrassed expression. “Oh! Doctor Sweet, I didn’t-”

“What have I told you about interrupting?” I cross my arms and lean back in my chair at her. “Come here.”

She steps down off the table and trots slowly over to me, stopping at the arm of my chair. “Trixie… is sorry.”

I soften my expression a little, and curl a wing around her head. “It’s ok. I know we were supposed to have an appointment today. I’m sorry I missed it.”

“But you didn’t!” Trixie protests. “SHE stole you!” she exclaims, pointing an accusing hoof at Twilight.

“But I didn’t-” Twilight starts.

“SHH!” I hush the Princess. Her mouth closes almost reflexively, and she looks surprised at herself. I look back at the sad-looking magician. “It’s ok, she’s just new here. She doesn’t know.”

“But, but… she’s always stealing Trixie’s stuff! She stole my fans, and then my Alicorn Amulet, and she’s been trying to steal my friend Starlight, and….”

Twilight opens her mouth to protest, but closes it again when I glare at her. “It’s ok, this is a safe place. We can take this to my office.” Trixie sniffs, and nods, following me out of the room. I turn back to Twilight. “You coming?”

Twilight jumps, then nods, gathering all her paperwork.

------------------------

It’s half an hour later, and I now remember why I don’t do group therapy anymore.

“I’m so-so-sorry!” Twilight cries, bawling into Trixie’s shoulder. “I just wanted to he-he-help!”

“Trixie knows!” the other mare bellows, crying just as hard. They’re both hugging each other really hard, tangled up on my couch and crying like someone died. Which might still happen. “Trixie is ju-just jealous! WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”

The vein in the back of my neck is acting up again, and I wonder to myself exactly how painful an aneurysm would be. Might be worth it.

Comments

[Foxhelm]

[Booster Spice]

Shes going to need a bigger rolled up newspaper.

[Rhulain]

I dunno. That might have been what trixie and twilight needed.

[Gulver]

Just let that vein burst. All your worries will be over by then.

[CSC]

Sour needs her own therapist.