Seemed a bit rushed with a few spelling mistakes. Most were wrong word issues that won't trip a spell checker though. Parishioners instead of petitioner, made instead of maid, and at one point Shining was spelled as Shingin. Being a proper noun those don't always get flagged.
Otherwise it was fun. A bit odd with how the males that were coerced into helping were treated, as depending on how the cultists went about convincing them(these are ponies who know what happens when you go against the crown, so I don't find it surprising), they could be considered victims just as much as the mares, being told to have sex or be charged with treason. I could see these guys getting a similar threat or worse from the cultists and considering Sombra was in charge not too long ago the idea of the crown backing this kind of thing isn't that far fetched to them.
I have this strange feeling, that Cadence is somehow linked to the cult, that she changes slowly (because of stress and ect) into Nightmare, and just like Nightmare Moon was mockery of night and dreams, so she slowly becomes a mockery of love and passion (aka. pony Slaanesh)
Usual complaints about proofreading, but then there's also this:
The Guards took Flurry to one of the higher end homes in the Empire, they told her there was a back room where the mares were being held. Stationing them on the home perimeter, Flurry rushed into the house. She found two stallions arguing about what to do, she knocked them out before they even knew she was on them. In the back room of the home, she found four mares bridled, each tied to a post in a corner. Flurry’s pure rage powered her magic, incinerating the bridels in an instant, leading them out Flurry found a group of Guard regulars outside questioning her Guards. All conversation ended when Flurry dropped two stallions in front of the regulars.
This would have been so much better stretched out and explored, seeing things from her point of view, sneaking up on the stallions, plowing through them and scouring the house. As it is, it reads more like a grocery shopping list than an intense raid on a den of rapists. So yeah, proofread your stuff, maybe explore more on what you can do, and keep up the good work m8!
Seemed a bit rushed with a few spelling mistakes. Most were wrong word issues that won't trip a spell checker though. Parishioners instead of petitioner, made instead of maid, and at one point Shining was spelled as Shingin. Being a proper noun those don't always get flagged.
Otherwise it was fun. A bit odd with how the males that were coerced into helping were treated, as depending on how the cultists went about convincing them(these are ponies who know what happens when you go against the crown, so I don't find it surprising), they could be considered victims just as much as the mares, being told to have sex or be charged with treason. I could see these guys getting a similar threat or worse from the cultists and considering Sombra was in charge not too long ago the idea of the crown backing this kind of thing isn't that far fetched to them.
Flurry Heart just got hoofed the keys to the Empire...
I have this strange feeling, that Cadence is somehow linked to the cult, that she changes slowly (because of stress and ect) into Nightmare, and just like Nightmare Moon was mockery of night and dreams, so she slowly becomes a mockery of love and passion (aka. pony Slaanesh)
7950991 Alot of people have done that, and it fits if you consider what a Nightmare does to a pony.
this is getting good...
this will go to hell in a hay basket soon I just know it.
There are several instances of "cutest" what should be "cultist".
Usual complaints about proofreading, but then there's also this:
This would have been so much better stretched out and explored, seeing things from her point of view, sneaking up on the stallions, plowing through them and scouring the house. As it is, it reads more like a grocery shopping list than an intense raid on a den of rapists. So yeah, proofread your stuff, maybe explore more on what you can do, and keep up the good work m8!
Other then a few spelling mistakes good chapter :)
Time to sweep the city clean of this filth!
I personally think Cadance is behind those ponies.
This chapter needs some editing.
Whelp, it's been about a couple months since last update or comment. Is the story dead?
8085540 no, I'm still working on it and have some done, just life is getting in the way
8085602 That's good to hear, too many of the stories I've read recently go long enough to get me hooked only to die.
8085679 then you'll be happy to know I have 2 chapters in rough draft, as well as the ending planned, this story WILL be compleated.