As Zac walked past a couple of houses he entered a specific walking area he liked best. He examined his surroundings.
There was a small cavity in the tree to his left, it contained a squirrel, birds where heading up to the treetops to roost, Zac swore that he saw a deer in the woods for the left. Zac still had his un-comfortable-half-made ghillie suit. Zac heard a BMW engine roaring.
He turned around and started to walk backwards and looked as a car drove by him probably faster than the speed limit, Idiot. Zac swung round and began to walk forwards again but as he completed his 180 degree spin he noticed something.
A hole in the ground? This is weird. This wasn't there coming to school.. Zac stopped walking.
As he ducked down to examine the seemingly blocked hole he thought This is like something out of portal. Hehe. He chuckled to himself. He finally decided to peer into the hole when a own Flew out of it.
Whoa! that is WEIRD. The owl landed on a Tree branch "Who." it said.
"Huh?" Zac said.
"Who." The bird replied
"Stupid owl" He murmured and started to take a look at the owl a bit closer. It can't be..
It was. Owlicious was sitting right in-front of him on a branch.
Could be..
"Are you Owlicious?" He said
The bird seemed to nod.
Then that means...
Suddenly a wave of blue flew up in-front of him and stopped above him. He looked up My god..
The only thing he could think of is that TV show he watched three days ago.. If that's Rainbow dash then why is she here..? The realization hit him like a ton of Bricks.
Fear seeped across his body, his legs began to wobble. He ran; Jumping over the hole in the ground, his bag left behind. Zac sprinted as fast as he could to get away from his possible captor and to get into the safe haven that was his house.
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ! What do I do! I'm doomed! Is she following me? What do I do?!?
He didn't look back because of a couple of things; One was fear, Two was the easiest way to run fast was to keep your head down and remain in a good running posture.
Flapping noises where heard and before he could dodge or react he was tackled to the ground, HARD.
"Get off of me!" Zac Protested.
"Oh no you don't!" Rainbow dash replied.
Zac's Adrenaline was pumping through him like a fire, he bucked his backside up to Dis-place the creature on top of him and it worked. Zac shoved rainbow dash off of him, got up and ran.
Oh my god what is she going to do is she taking me to be experimented on?? what if that fiction cupcakes is true!
He realized his own thought If cupcakes where true rainbow dash wouldn't be here..
His thought was cut short by a moaning behind him.
He turned around and saw the Pegasus laying there.
Did i hurt her? Oh god..
His fear was gone now as he approached the Pegasus.
"Why?" He asked.
"T-T-Twilight wanted to see what was in another.. W-World.. So she opened up a P-Portal and sent me to get the nearest creature.." She Grumbled
Zac examined the creature further and saw a scratch on her left wing joint.
"Well not me. At least let me help you back into your world." He persuaded.
"Fine. But i can't move my wing so be careful!" She moaned
After about five minutes of almost dragging the Pegasus back to where they started she seemed to start to walk on her own but quickly stopped. This is a trap.
He was Right. As he walked to get his bag he was pulled by his neck backwards, and quickly felt vertigo Build in his body.
"Damn you!" He Screamed
Admiral Ackbar would be ashamed of me..
I haven't read it yet, but this sounds suspiciously like my story. I am thirteen, and I go to Equestria via hole in the ground. I'm serious. Did you read mine, and get inspired? Answer me!
So what if your 14? I'm 13! I'm still in Middle School and my writing is awesome!
Hah lol, if I saw that Rainbow Dash was hurt I'd be like.
"Omfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomdf, you alright, ohdlgodohgod, please tell me you're fine!" Aaaaand so on... I care about poniz.
This is... okay...
I'll wait 'til next chapter to vote or possibly track....
I'm just going to be blunt.
The chapter is waaaaay too short, you have no lead in as well as no follow through, things just came out of no where, you didn't pain a mental picture with your words, I got bored a few sentences in, not to mention Humans in Equestria is so over done, it isn't even funny any more. It's a little too early to tell, but it looks like it has the potential to be a Mary Sue fic (That's not good.), and I don't know you, but this looks like a self insertion.
I don't want to seem mean, but that's how I view it.
On a lighter note, don't let that stop you. If it makes you happy to write, then by god, you should write! It doesn't matter if it is original or not, or even well written, as long as you have fun.
I apologize if I came off as rude or mean, but I have a philosophy that negative feedback is better than positive. If I just said "Nice fic." or so, you would never learn, right? Instead, (I don't know about you, but I love this.) I focused on the negative. Instead of being satisfied with what you did right, you should try to improve on what was weak or lacking. You don't have to take my advice, and I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't. You can't let everyone change your story, and if you feel strongly about it, it's your decision.
Happy writing
~Thundra
You can't just slap 200 words and call it a fan fic. This was not even a great topic on it, because, humans don't cross with ponies.
This.... can improve. (I think) Elaborate. I honestly don't get the whole idea of this story. Unless you'll throw in the experimenting, ext, I wouldn't call it a legit Fanfiction. Please Please elaborate! Make it longer! Don't be afraid to go into detail. Just work on it some more, possibly give it some more thought, and it possibly will turn out fairly better than this!
I want MOAR!
NOW!
46096
firstly it is incomplete, as can be seen under the chapter list.
second off...
he is the writer.
haters gonna hate.
writers gonna write.
ponies gonna pwn.
46075
I'd second Thunder.
More plz :3
Possibly by next week?
hope this is going to be atleast a weekly update :D
It wasn't the best, but it certainly wasn't the worst. And no, I'm not softening it up because your 14. I'm 14, and my story's been on EqDaily. Age has nothing to do with it.
46174 This is going to be a Every-Other-Day Update cus i get bored easily :P
And to everyone else Tortoise says tanks (seewhatididthar?) for commenting and for all of those people who say this was short.
its going to be added onto daily or Every-other-day so be gratefull.
Popular fics like Whiplash update like waaaaaaaaaaaay slow so yh :S
"admiral ackbar would be ashamed of me"
Damn right.
hahahahaahhhahahahaaaahhhhaahaha..... ok you get all my H&S's cause of the Starwars referance.... that is the best one i have heard in ages.... so here they are.... ☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭
each one represents how awesome your are... use them wisly.
as long as it was not a tarp we are good