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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Got to love piss drunk Irishmen being transported into the world of talking pastel horses (mind the absence of the 'W'.)
This is great. Can't wait to see what happens next!
7772817
Oh I'm sure you'll be "quite" surprised.
7772773
Damn straight! Next these damn ponies will be dancin to the Killarney tune
Alright, you have my attention being of Irish decent myself.
Fun story so far... I've only read the first chapter. The ponies of Ponyville know what horses are (the CMC sang about having hearts like horses) while the word "whorse" was made up by the fandom, but eh... Still funny.
7777206 The lizards of Komodo are TRUE dragons.
May I ask where in Ireland Killian is from?
also
are you fluent?
So the protagonist gets his ass beat by an animal with fucking hooves and gets back up, shakes it off, and befriends the one who assaulted him? Sure he deserved it, but I'm just wondering where the hell the personality in everyone is.
A real person isn't just defined by his Irishness(?) or his beard or his occupation, but by his natural reactions to events taking place around him. You've done well with his thoughts on how he ended up in an alternate dimension, but I'm pretty sure anyone would be livid regardless of how much they believe they are dreaming if they are wailed on by something they just met.
And c'mon. Twilight's faced magic-leeching demons, chaos spirits, and powerful pony princesses bent on creating an eternal night. Why the hell would something so unassuming as a human? She can fight the apocalypse every other day and not have it be of note, but when what is essentially just a thin ape on two legs arrives at her doorstep says 'hello'? Oh, the horror!
Well, in the few years I've been on this site, that's a sentence I never thought I'd read.
Human pissing on Lyra in the first chapter...guess I'll read more
I been out the fandom far too long, I've missed a lot of shit. I came back for a while to see if there was anything good on this site and this is the first thing I see.
Within the two paragraphs you had my attention. ten paragraphs and I didnt want to stop.
this is witty, it has the perfect balance of high class and low brow types of humor that meld so perfectly together. Your characters are three-dimensional in their actions and mannerisms.
Bravo man. Well done.
A definite favorite within the first chapter. I look forward to the rest
7781350
Just wow... I really have no words to say. Thank you, just... thank you.
Well of to a good start i see one question though his name is it
Kill ian or kill an
This is fucking amazing and I don't say that about many stories
I'm going to be sticking to this story like glue
Are you sure he's an Irishman? Seems like he's got a good bit of Scottish blood in him.
dunno why, but I couldn't stop him from having a cockney accent
-Ru
Ummm... This chapter kinda jumps around. A lot. He starts pointing out things that previously in the chapter weren't even mentioned nor explained. Like the fact he was only told he was in Ponyville, and then not long after says he's in Equestria. Then there's the fact he's taking all this in such good stride, despite being obviously surprised and confused in the very beginning. It'd be a lot easier to read if you paced things better. Your way of starting it off was good, but you didn't follow through after succeeding with the hook, making the hook itself sort of useless.
Everyone in the chapter so far is jumping to conclusions, or in the case of Twilight, overreacting. Same with Spike, sort of.
Sorry if any of that is rude, just trying to point out some mistakes and help you out.
9076165
I think the point is that he somehow knows, because he used 'buck' instead of 'fuck' previously. It's like these words, or ideas, are just popping into his head, I think. Subtle plot introduction, I suppose.
Also, he's not really helping much. I suspect that's mostly because for the majority of the chapter he truly believes he's dreaming.