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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Chapter 1 had a really small hint that either Nate thought of or through telepathy, that something was off. Looking at the tag, it could be changelin/pony related. Since not every writing is truely standard, the hint was vague and never brought up again.
The big issue was the filler chapters that doesn't address the readers' time to continue reading: "is there ponies?"
It took about 4/5 of chapter 5 to reveal there was a changeling in one of Nate's past during the war. When he actually met a changeling in the present, it was average. Nothing wrong with that, but it took way too long to reveal there are actually ponies, or something related to MLP, in this fiction. That long drag would burn out the reader's attention before they could reach the 5th chapter.
One idea that could help is to show that something isn't normal to begin with in the early chapters. Since this is also a third person view, shifting the persective to the changeling for a while could give your fiction a bit more hooks for the readers to catch.
I had to skip later parts of chapter 4 since I was trying to find a reason why I wanted to read and found none. I had skipped a lot of chapter 5 about Nate running away from the deathclaws. It was on one of his later flashback that I skimmed through that I found the first mention of said Changeling.
One thing I also wanted to point out was how weird it was for Nate to ask if the dog knew how to reload seriously. This could have been used to tell the reader that something is not all it seems, instead, it was weird.
Considering how metal it was when Preston told Nate he had a knife wound and nonchalantly staples his would multiple times while talking, you might have gone for the strength and endurance type while lacking in other areas like Charisma or Intelligence. It would have been better portrayed if the people around Nate had some reaction at how not normal it was. Could have been a memoriable scene.
My personal thought: I would still continue reading. But there isn't much tension or anything between Nate and the Changeling, other than the initial awkward first time seeing eye to eye. Hope there is more meat in the story considering the Changelings had interestingly sided with the American.
Read up to chapter 5 only