The Solar Steward

by kissfromarose2

A Charioteer's Woes

"Are you ready to go Miss Sparkle?" called a white pegasus in royal guard armour. Glancing at the hoofwritten "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging from the doorknob he took a break then knocked on the door.

"One moment" called a frazzled voice from inside.

The door opened a crack to reveal a young purple dragon poking his head through the door to lock droopy eyes on the guard.

Taking a bite of the blue gem in his claw, Spike quirked an eyebrow at the stressed look of the guard. "She means ten more minutes minimum." he said bluntly, cocking his head towards the large pile of books three times his height and four times as wide. "If I were you I'd start moving that lot into the chariot."

The guards eyes widened. "She can't...you can't possibly…" he spluttered in growing horror. "That can't all fit on the chariot. Its impossible!"

"Look..."

"Swift Wind"

"Look Swift, this is the bare minimum I'm going to be able to get her to take."

"But she's staying in a library!"

The small dragon sighed; a very heavy long suffering sigh. "Look I'll see what I can do. I can't promise anything though."

He rubbed his forehead in an attempt to ward off a headache.

"Twilight is, ehem, more than a little possessive of her books under normal circumstances. Add to that the fact that the princess just gave her an entirely new task out of nowhere. Well I'm amazed she isn't bringing the library."

Swift nodded understandingly. "It must be a very important task indeed if the Princess has entrusted it to her most faithful student. Usually Princess Luna handles everything herself."

Spike shrugged. "Not really. She just told her to go make some friends."

********************

Two hours later, an hour behind schedule, and three large crates of books attached to a trailer behind the chariot later Swift Wind finally caught sight of Ponyville. His back was aching, Smooth Current, his co-pilot, hadn't stopped complaining under his breath the entire way, and his equine passenger was swiftly devolving into a state of complete meltdown.

"But I don’t know how to make friends Spike! What if I say something wrong? Or they laugh at me? I mean that's always a possibility. What if I'm so bad they throw me out entirely? Or tell Princess Luna?! What if she throws me out? I mean a student who can't even make a singe friend. She'll send me back to magic kindergarten. Or banish me to the moon. Or revoke my library card privileges!"

"I sure she wouldn't..."

"You have to tell me Spike! How in the name of Luna do you make friends?!"

"Well not destroying their eardrums would be a start."

Twilight blushed indigo. "Sorry Spike, I accidentally slipped into the Royal Canterlot Voice again."

"And I'm sure Luna regrets teaching you it every day."

The hurt look Twilight sent back at him immediately made him regret speaking. "Look Twilight, making friends is easy. All you have to be is yourself. You're a great pony. I'm sure there are lots of ponies out there who would love to be friends with you. You just have to find them."

Twilight brightened.

"And not scare them away." he muttered under his breath.

"What was that Spike?"

"Oh nothing." said Spike with forced innocence. "Just thinking up a plan of attack."

Comments

[Revan]

Twilight with the Canterlot Voice?

[WhitewolfStormrunner]

7673004 Oh, Lord. THAT is bad.

[Knight of the Raven]

This chapter confirms what I was thinking after finishing the previous one; I find it too short. That said, I'm the last person to tell someone to extend their chapters since I can't write a multi-chaptered story to save my life.

I'm surprised the 'Do Not Disturb' is written by hoof, considering Twilight is an unicorn and they tend to use magic to hold their pens.

And one whole hour behind schedule? I'm surprised Twilight didn't get an aneurism over it, even if she was the sole cause.

Corrections;

"One moment" called a frazzled voice from inside.

Add a comma after 'moment'

"Swift Wind"

Add a period after 'Wind'

a very heavy long suffering sigh.

Add a comma after 'heavy'

"Well not destroying their eardrums would be a start."

Add a comma after 'Well'

Comments;

"She means ten more minutes minimum."

He rubbed his forehead in an attempt to ward off a headache.

Who's 'He' here? Spike or Swift Wind?

She'll send me back to magic kindergarten. Or banish me to the moon. Or revoke my library card privileges!

Twilight's got her priorities straight.

You're a great pony.

"You know, when you're not mindraping entire species as soon as your first plan fails."

[Knight of the Raven]

7670436

Thanks so much for the comments. I've gone over your suggestions and though I didn't end up changing everything there were definitely some things I'd missed so thanks a lot for that. Extra long comments like this with such great critique is my new favourite thing!

You're welcome, but I wouldn't call pointing out typos and saying what I liked and disliked great; they're certainly more complete than several others on this site though.

Anyway, I know from personal experience how it feels to write and only get a 'plz more' or things along those lines, so I try to make my comments more worthwhile. And I also know from the same source how it feels to write such long reviews and not even getting a 'thank you' in return, so thanks for actually making the effort to reply to my comments.

One thing is the "Night Guard" is referencing the branch of the guard in both cases rather than specific soldiers thus the lack of pluralisation.

Okay.

Sorry you don't like Chrysalis. She is going to be rather different here from in show and will likely make at least couple more appearances, but is not a main character.

I probably would dislike changelings less if there were less 'omg X is secretly a changeling,' 'Cadance and Shining Armor have to raise a changeling baby rofl,' 'a changeling comes to Equestria trololol' and various other 'poor little changelings are oppressed waaah' fanfictions on this site.

Yeah, Sunset is an interesting player here. I haven't elaborated on all the history there yet by any means but the prequel short story to this Sunset Impossible and the new chapter should give you a better idea, particularly with how Spike and Twilight relate to Sunset. (Clue Spike is suddenly even more snarky than in the show--I wonder who he got that from?)

I would say Luna is far less secretive. Despite a certain disdain for the elements (see The Cost of Harmony]) she was the element of Honesty and I think at least to some degree that has carried over especially in her personal life. However she is still rather cagey and isn't telling Twilight everything by long shot. She certainly isn't a saint by any stretch.

Would reading these stories spoil things revealed later in this story? I had no idea why it was Celestia who ended up banished when I started reading this and I liked learning about it here.

The princess capitalisation wasn't something I thought about but now you point it out it makes a lot of sense. Even in this alternate timeline Twilight is still very respectful whilst Spike is far more comfortable with thinking of Luna as simply Luna.

Glad to be of service.

Admittedly the Griffon's DO have mane envy, but there is something more there.

I figure when the bearer of three of the Elements of Cheat-Win-Button disappears, it screams "OPPORTUNITY" as loud as it does "PLEASE ANNEX US."

Blueblood is in fact the one constant in a changed world.

I'm surprised Luna didn't fry him on the spot for trying to sit on her beloved sister's throne... or that she even bothers to let him live for that matter.

As for the cushions I think I'll leave that up to you. You're certainly right on the two main contenders though.

Sunset is the most obvious since her whole coat is yellow as opposed to only her cutie mark like Celestia, but nothing says it can't be both.

[kissfromarose2]

7673160 Thestrals, at least to my understanding, are another term used to describe the specific race of winged ponies that seem to make up Luna's Night Guard (i.e. the ones pulling her chariot in Luna Eclipsed on Nightmare Night)

Now Rainbow Dash as Sunset's lovestruck queen would be interesting. I do intend, though not in this fic to resolve what happened to Sunset and how she ended up portal hopping which is quite different from the main timeline.

Of the three prequel fics. Sunset Impossible I would say doesn't really spoil anything. All it does is give an idea of a younger Sunset in this universe and little Twilight. The other two might be. Ready and Waiting to fall is Sombra and the birth/creation of Nightmare Moon. That isn't something I'm likely to spell out here and it does have the advantage of being my longest fic to date.

The Cost of Harmony is basically a look into Luna's head right after Celestia is banished. It mainly gives a better and more in-depth look at to the immediate effects and Luna's mindset. It brings up a couple of things I haven't spelled out here particularly to do with how I see the elements so if thats something you want to wait to see feel free.

Luna telling Twilight to make friends I would say is only manipulative in the sense that she's pushing her to do exactly that: make friends. Partly because she doesn't have that underlying plan the way chessmaster Celestia would. Luna (who, in my head at least, ascended from a pegasus) is simply 'winging it'.

Currently I'm writing quite short chapters because they are primarily setup. I think once we hit the big return they'll lenghen out pretty quickly. At the minute I'm going for frequency over length though I will try and still a couple together, if it works, to give you guys more to chew on.

The hoofwritten sign is more stylistic choice. Considering we tend to see the non-unicorns using their mouths it's more of a comparision to handwriting. Whether or not Twilight actually wrote the sign or poor Spike had to scribble it out is of course up for interpretation.

Honestly with the way Twilight was clinging to those books I doubt she even noticed how late she was.

And of course there is only one thing more terrible than magic kindergarten: book denial.

Changelingwise I've tried to make them very distinct. There's a clear reason splitting off nearly a thousand years back which has led to them being a very different race and having quite a different (and presumably less invadey) relationship with Equestria

Once again thanks fore such insightful comments and I look forward to reading both your responses and what you think of what comes next

[kissfromarose2]

7673092
7673004
Twilight's infamous freakouts = the reason the Golden Oak library has so few windows.

[WhitewolfStormrunner]

7673412 That's a very good reason, I'll admit.

[Revan]

7673412 Well, remember the Season 3 premiere, where she blew the library up into the air?