Nicely done, Gale! You might want to fix this bit:
castle[\i] that seemed to be built from magic and Stardust.
It was as she stared at the great, imposing image of the star-bear when Zinnia realised that Trixie has fallen quiet. Tearing her eyes from the image before her, Zinnia looked to Trixie, and found herself shocked as the showmare seemed to stare at her own creation with what almost seemed an air of shame.
“Trixie… I messed up, one day…” she muttered, staring at the beast. “I was doing a show in Ponyville… and I started showing off, telling this story…”
Tears formed in Trixie’s eyes, slowly dripping down her cheeks as a choked sob broke from her throat.
“I f-forgot… forgot to tell them… that these were just s-stories…” she stammered. “Two of the k-kids in town, they went of into the w-woods…”
As Trixie fell into quiet sobs, Zinnia’s mind raced. For as much as she played the aloof, disinterested role, she noticed things, and the pieces quickly fell into place from why she’d been told.
“They tried to fight one themselves, didn’t they?” Zinnia asked, staring up at the slowly fading image of the star-bear. Trixie’s sobs only grew. “Hey, Trixie…” she began, before faltering. What could she say to this? Nothing, was the answer. She was new to this world, new to it's struggles and customs. If she tried to push her own views on things… she could just make things worse.
And so Zinnia sat in awkward silence, frozen by fear and awkwardness as her new and only friend in this world cried her heart out over past mistakes, with no idea on how to even begin to help. Minutes passed, and when Trixie grew quiet, Zinnia looked over to find the mare with her head lolling onto her arms, knees tucked to her chin, gently dozing after crying herself to sleep.
Zinnia sighed, climbing to her feet and moving to Trixie’s side. Kneeling down, she scooped the mare gently into her arms, taking little notice of the ease with which she did so as she turned towards the caravan and carried Trixie to her bed inside. She re-emerged moments later, a borrowed purple jacket covering her bare shoulders and the blue top replaced with a black tee shirt. She looked over the campaign tiredly, slowly moving about to tidy everything away and extinguish their cooking fire, bringing the two Mudbray around for their own sleep.
Once finished, Zinnia sat with a heavy sigh on the caravan’s steps, staring once more into the night sky above.
“Like hell I could sleep now…” she mutters darkly, brows furrowed in frustration. She sat there for a few minutes more, simply staring at the stars above, before pushing to her feet with an agitated grunt and storming into the woods
I think it was supposed to be Castle in italics, but everything else in these paragraphs also got italicized.
Damn... now this makes me feel bad for Trixie. Never really thought of it like that until I read this chapter.
Well done, Gale. Well done
IT LIIIVES
Very much welcome back.:D Missed your displaced story. Glad to have ya back.^_^
Though, to point out, you messed up with one of the italics markings, leaving a good part of the story that way. Should be a simple fix.
8427792
Care to tell me more about this game you're making?
Nicely done, Gale!
You might want to fix this bit:
I think it was supposed to be Castle in italics, but everything else in these paragraphs also got italicized.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq_Fm7qfRQk
You've gotten better. Good. Always good to see for a revival. I look forward to more, and hope your days are merry.
any idea when we can expect an update and new chapter?
9783835
Will this continue?