Chapter IX: Shatter
Mistake. If Sunset had to summarize her life in one word, that'd be it. It was a mistake running from Princess Celestia, from home all those years ago. It was a mistake to think she could steal Princess Twilight's crown and usurp rule over her homeland. It was a mistake for her not to return to Equestria after the Fall Formal. If she'd done that one simple thing, Twilight would still be alive. You can't blame yourself for 'what ifs'. There's no way to know what would've happened had you left. But she did know.
The headboard to her bed dug into the back of her neck when she leaned against it. Why did Mrs. Sparkle insist she read that entry? All it did was reaffirm what she already thought. Only now there wasn't any chance at all for her to be wrong. The words were right there. Twilight died because of her. So why did Mrs. Sparkle think she'd be helped by the diary?
You know exactly why she wanted you to read that particular passage. She wanted you to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it's what Twilight wanted. It was her choice. What Twilight 'wanted'. And what did her want get her? She died. All for what? Her? Because she fell in love?
Sunset didn't mean for that to happen. Most don't intend for it to happen, but love is a funny thing and crops up when you least expect it. If she'd known Twilight loved her so much, she'd have pushed her away to begin with. Spared her, her fate. So then you both suffer. What kind of life is that? One where she's still alive. You can't know that. No one can. Life is precious and fragile and all it takes is a single moment. None of us are guaranteed anything.
No. She pushed those thoughts away. Twilight deserved so much more. There was no doubt in her mind that Twilight would be a light to more people than just her. She felt this in the fibers of her being. So then why did the world take her away, snuff the light? Wasn't there already enough darkness? Why did the good have to suffer? Sometimes things just happen.
But it wasn't right! Fire flowed through her veins. She gripped her pillow, tossing it across her room. It impacted above her dresser. Several pictures fell out of place, a few shattering upon hitting the floor.
Great.
Sunset carefully avoided the glass shards scattered on the floor when she went over to the fallen frames. Bending over, she picked up the closest one. Behind the cracked glass, she saw a photo of Twilight sitting under a tree, nose buried in a science book. She fell against the side of her bed, gaze glued to Twilight's concentrated expression.
'I don't remember this picture. When did you take it? Really? Why? Oh! Well, you know this means I'm going to need to take a picture that captures who you are now, too. Not that a picture could adequately show how amazing you are… Hmm? Oh, nothing, nothing!'
Pain. That's all she ever caused. You know that's not true. From the moment she came through the portal, she caused suffering to others, to those that would become her best friends. But you changed. But it wasn't enough. If anything, she caused more pain with her “change” than she ever did before the Fall Formal. How messed up was that? Her lips curled into a painful smile at the realization.
How cruel.
Why didn't the Elements destroy her? Because that's not how they work. They should've destroyed her. Your friends would miss you. No they wouldn't. They'd miss the you that you'd become. The true you. Their friend. Their friend that broke them apart. Their friend that broke their hearts. Their friend that destroyed a families' lives. That friend? But—No.
All she'd ever do is cause pain to those she loved. And they didn't deserve that, and she didn't deserve them. She never did. They would be better off if she… if she'd just…
Die.
Sunset shot to her feet as if startled. No, that's not... that's not what she wanted. Isn't it? You can lie to everyone else, but you can't lie to yourself. Not anymore. The thoughts have crept through your veins like a poison since the funeral. You knew it was only a matter of time. Why do you deny them?
She gripped the door frame as she stumbled out of her bedroom. Where was she going? One step. Two. Her body felt driven by someone else with her in the passenger seat. You don't have an answer, do you? The poison pulses in your soul. Can you feel it?
Yes. An all consuming emptiness ripped at her core with tooth and claw. Sunset clutched her chest from the pain and was almost surprised to feel her heartbeat. Shouldn't she be hollow, numb to the world around her, by now? The seconds ticked by in excruciating slowness, exacerbating her anguish. She was a shell of herself. Why did she still feel when just a few minutes ago, she felt nothing at all?
Because there is always more pain to find, and you are a buffet of misery. The poison won't be satisfied until every last shred of you is corroded beyond recognition, beyond repair. You will find no rest. You will find no solace. This is your existence from now on. Endless suffering. But there is an antidote, a way to take all the pain away. You know what you have to do.
Sunset leaned over her kitchen counter to catch her breath. She wanted the pain to end, but what about her friends? What about them? You said so yourself. They'd be better off without you. Why do you hesitate? Do the right thing.
Would they miss her? Why should they? You've pushed them away for so long that they won't even notice you're gone. They'll probably be relieved. No. That didn't sound like them. Her friends… They'd hurt if she died. It be like Twilight all over again. It wouldn't be like her at all. Sure they may hurt a bit right away, but they'll come to realize why you did it. They'll know it was to protect them from yourself. They'll see the selfless love of your act.
But…
Enough! You have to do this. What kind of friend would you be if you didn't? You know the risks that you pose to them. Twilight's dead because of you. It doesn't matter what her mother said. You know the facts. If you live, how long will it be before another friend dies? A week? A month? A year? She didn't know.
Who do you think will die next? Pinkie? Fluttershy? Oh! Maybe Rarity. Yes. What do you think your surviving friends will say when they lose another friend in your presence? Will they be able to forgive you knowing that you could've stopped it? Will they understand? How selfish can you be?
“Shut up!” Sunset swept her arm across the counter. Knives scattered from their wood block and clanged onto the tiled floor while the phone dangled over the edge, tethered by its cord. “Am I being selfish?” She whispered as she slid down the cabinets.
Are you afraid? She hugged her legs, resting her forehead against her knees. You shouldn't be. It's what you want. Is it? It's the only way to end your pain, end everyone's pain. Was it? What would she do? She raised her head and spotted a knife by her left foot. It will be so easy. Just a bit more pain to never feel pain again.
Sunset reached a tentative hand towards the knife. That's right. Then she pulled back. Why did you stop? Her heart pounded against her chest in response to the conflict in her mind. What would she do? The question repeated. Sunset peered at her ceiling hoping to hear an ethereal voice tell her there was another choice. She needed to hear someone—anyone tell her there was a second option. There is no other choice. The thought rang with finality. There was only one other thing she could think of to do.
Reaching for the phone, she dialed the only number in her mind. What do you think you're doing? “Please pick up. Please pick up,” she said, listening to the phone ring. Sunset knew it was a long shot, but if there was ever a time for someone to answer the phone…
A yawn followed by a quiet voice. “H-Hello?”
“Fluttershy,” she said, voice equally as quiet.
Another yawn. “Sunset? Is something wrong?” Despite how tired she sounded, Sunset heard the concern in Fluttershy's voice.
Look at you disturbing your friend's peaceful slumber. You want to make her suffer too? No, she—Hang up the phone. “No, I'm sorry I woke you u—”
“What's wrong?” Fluttershy's voice was soft yet firm, inviting her to tell the truth. Wasn't it time?
Sunset's vision blurred. “I...” Her voice cracked. “I need help.” Sobs wracked her body.
“I'm coming over. Just stay on the phone until I arrive, okay? Sunset?”
Through her tears, she managed to choke out a single word. “Yes.”
But in the corner of her vision, she saw the knife still sitting, still waiting for her. Pick it up. She shook as she reached for it. “Please hurry,” she said, fingers wrapping around the handle.
Stats
Page generated in 0.032 seconds
Total duration
721 users online
743,202 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Yea!!! Woohoo! SunShy forever! Great chapter as always.
7682730
Between all Sunset's friends, I figured there'd be no one else she'd call given the situation. From the start of the story, I knew that Fluttershy was going to play a pivotal part. Thank you! I aim to please.
7682750 Honestly, It really is amazing how strong Sunset is if she can fight her innate want to end it all, a lot of people couldn't do that.
7682782
And that is exactly what I wanted to show. Sunset does have a lot of strength inside herself. Even if she can't see it, it's still there. The battle against depression and suicide is a hard one, and I wanted to show that. It's a tough topic that deserves to be written well. I've tried my best to handle it with as much care as I can.
7682806 Definitely. Thats exactly what I felt when I was doing it with my story. The trick is showing that its hard to fight against depression but there are ways of getting help, even if it doesn't seem like it.
7682826
So true.
I've really enjoyed Sunset's depression so far, but it's also very nice to see that she's able to make at least some progress on her own. I was half-expecting one of her friends to force her into asking for help, so seeing her finally find the nerve to ask for it herself was a very sweet moment. Fluttershy was also a very appropriate choice, I think. I'm definitely hoping this ends sort of well, but with how well you're portraying her struggles I'm kind of hoping there's more trouble to come.
7682856
I'm glad you've been enjoying it! Yeah, I quite enjoyed that moment where she finds it in herself to finally ask for help, too. Fluttershy is just a really kind, supportive person, the kind of friend you'd want to help you in your darkest moment. It makes me happy to hear that you like my portrayal of Sunset's struggles. Well, there's still one more chapter left. I don't think the trouble is over just yet...
that flip in her mind and that phone call to shy surprised me
Okay. This chapter has me like 'What...the Hell?' All this time, her mind was trying to convince her that Twilight's death was not her fault and NOW her mind is encouraging her to kill herself! What the hell caused the 180º?
7683503
The 180 is quite purposeful. For most of the story, Sunset has been actively hampering her own recovery while her inner voice has been trying to help her. However, as hinted in the story, there's been another voice, a darker voice lurking inside of her. Until the end of chapter 8, she'd been able to keep that dark voice in check for the most part. However, after chapter 8, that dark voice finally managed to take hold of her. Now, the rolls are reversed. Sunset is trying to hold off the dark feelings while her inner self is trying to get her to succumb to her suicidal feelings.
7683560 Another darker voice? I didn't notice.
7683782
Back in chapter 5 before she gets on the bus. The moment where her thoughts take a brief dark turn.
Specially in the last part I can feel Sunset.
Great chapter as always!
Good chapter like always.
Sunset has more strength then she gave herself credit for, but its an uphill battle shes fighting. Its takes a lot of courage to admit that things arent fine and you need help. Glad she realized i it was (hopefully) before it was to late. I think if anyone can talk Sunset down its Fluttershy. Fluttershy is the kindest most caring person you could ever find. But she also has this strength about her, makes you just know everything is goan be ok.
7684582
I'm glad that I conveyed Sunset well that you could feel her.
Thank you!
7685761
Thank you
Indeed she does. You're right. It takes so much courage to admit you need help. In fact I'd hazard a guess and say that it can be one of the most difficult things. To be fair, Fluttershy is definitely the best person to talk to Sunset. Exactly! Fluttershy does have a strength about her that I think goes tragically unrecognized sometimes.
Jeez that scared the shit out of me for a second. Thank god fluttershy is so perceptive when she feels something is wrong with her friends.
Well s
, after that last chapter, that got ridiculously dark fast as a sonic rainboom
7687708
Indeed!
7689254
It most certainly did. We'll have to see what happens next.
Dang it, the more I read this, the sadder I get realizing this is beautiful(and better then anything I can write...). I hope to see more.
7689723 ok two things 1. How soon/long until we find out how she died? 2. Random question but where did you find that cover art? It's beautiful
7691538
Thank you for your kind words. Just don't sell your writing abilities short, alright? The last thing I want to see is another writer putting themself down.
Well you're in luck! The story still has a little more left to it, and I'm sure that I will have another idea soon enough. Hopefully something a little happier, but this is me I'm talking about so...
7691730
I've got two answers for you!
I have it on good authority that the next chapter might have the answer to your first question.
The cover art is quite lovely indeed! It was actually made specifically for this story. Here's a link to the artist's Tumblr: Stripedbrain. I'm sure they'd be happy to hear that you think their art is beautiful!
7692283 A) Thanks. Just got me down but I am happy for your story so... There's that. B) I wouldn't worry. If it's as beautiful as the rest, I'm sure your story will have a flawless ending
*edit-Congrats on the 900 views*
7692309
You're quite welcome! You know, I can relate to your feelings more than I'd care to admit. Let me tell you something. I read a fic just a few weeks ago that I found to be absolutely beautiful and beyond what my current abilities can offer. And while I enjoyed the story immensely, I can't deny that I felt a little down about my own writing for a bit after that too. So trust me when I say that your not alone with experiencing those feelings.
Thank you. I most certainly hope so, and I will do my best to make the ending as good as it can be!
Also, thank you! 900 views on one of the chapters? I almost can't believe it! This story, I think and hope, has broken my fanfic funk I'd been suffering from for about a year.
Oh god I didn't expect that to escalate so quickly. I'm literally too sad to make anymore comments. I hope this isn't too bad of an ending.
Hurry Fluttershy
!
As much as I hate being baited like this, this was a nice chapter.
This is too real for me, fantastic job.
Edit: I realized that the tone of this comment could be misinterpreted, so just to be clear, the story is amazing. The thoughts Sunset goes through are very real and relatable to me.
Aww jeez, aww man, you completely hit the hammer in the head with this line because that’s the same thought I always have when I’m up late and want to talk to someone but can’t because I don’t want to wake them up. Even when they say it’s ok, even when I do the same for them and they say ‘just like you’re awake for me, I can be awake at anytime if you need it’
Author, you completely nailed everything about how the inner voice acts and I must commend you on that
Your not to blame for any of that sunset, life is full of many unexpected moments to come and go in life. It happens whether we like it or not,
Sunset don't, this is only gonna make things worse!!! 😰
Thank you sunset. Thank you. 😊
Don't worry sunset, with the help of fluttershy and your friends I know you'll be better in no time.