Chapter 5: Journey Begins (Edited)
The Journey Begins
He was thinking whether a Screech would help or just make things worse. He shrugged jumped down and walked over to Trixie before poking her in the side with his cold metal foot making her jump up for a minute.
"Oh Trixie was just dreaming the little me-", she muttered. She stopped when she looked down to see that same creature sitting next to her shaking his head.
"If you are done with your beauty sleep, then shall we get back to where we left off before you fell back on your ass?" Aron said with a sigh as Trixie fell back into a sitting position. "Well she didn't pass out this time, so a little progress has been made at least," he thought as he stretched some more jumping back onto the seat.
"Why should Trixie trust you? Trixie doesn't not even know what you are!" she almost shouted, as Aron almost facepawed. That she spoke about herself in the third person even when alone, was annoying.
"Well I guess at least no one will believe her if I end up just leaving her," he thought as he looked at her before letting out a sigh. "First of all, I am not the one who just pissed off the most popular people in the town. Secondly, no one else knows I can really talk, and I would rather keep that fact to myself and the few I trust to keep it. Finally, I am trying to help you make more whatever the fucking currency is in this world." He said in a calm and monotone Discord voice.
(Meanwhile in the Canterlot Gardens)
"Hmm I could swear someone just used my voice for something that was more calming that it should have been. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS I HAVE ENCOUNTERED!!" the Discord statue yelled into the void that was his mind. He thought there was a new brand of madness, made just for him.
(Back with Aron and Trixie)
"Tr-trixie was just doing her act when they kept interrupting the Great and Powerful Trixie!" she almost shouted at him, as he sighed and rubbed his forehead with his front legs. He knew he had a lot of work ahead of him to get her to work with him.
"Okay, first off - no third person while talking to someone outside of shows, and secondly even if they bothered you should have ignored them and moved on. Thirdly, you need to perform for a certain audience in a world that is full of magic," Aron said, doing his best to keep his voice calm.
"Tri-I'm not talking in third person, Trixie does not take people doubting her skills very well, and what could performing for a certain audience do for Trixie?" She had almost growled at him as he saw that she was at least starting to show signs of listening more attentively.
"Well if you perform for, say a younger audience, you can do one of two things. You can have private shows for birthdays, which usually will get you some money though not a lot, or you can set up in places like libraries or even some large stores where they will pay you for helping to attract kids or even just helping the kids stay busy as their parents shop," Aron said with a bit of a smile, if you could call it that on the little metal creature's face.
"Trixie can see the benefits of doing this but won't that also shrink Trixie's audience tremendously?" she rebutted, rolling the idea around in her head.
"While the audience itself shrinks in size, the amount of publicity and money will increase steadily, as long as you keep adding more tricks to your act," Aron replied.
As they talked there was a large roar coming from outside. "Um Trixie please tell me that was not the sound of what you were bragging about defeating before!" Aron almost shouted. Trixie was sweating bullets at this point, as he sighed and walked towards the door. "Okay, this will be the plan for the moment. Get this thing to either to the other side of town, or outside of it while I try and distract it," Aron said as he walked out before mumbling under his breath, "Let's hope to Arceus that this thing is not strong enough to bend metal."
Trixie had ran out of the door, quickly hitching her mobile home up before getting out of town on the opposite side that the roar had came from. Aron saw two little ponies running in his direction. His eyes widened as he saw the large, towering bear come out the forest. "Oh mother of Arceus that thing is larger than a Groudon. I'm going to fucking die!!!" he thought quickly using harden as he thought for a minute it could be weaker than it looks he was hoping that was the case.
The bear had stopped and looked down at him tilting its head and wondering what the little creature was as it raised it's paw and swatted him around like a cat would a ball of yarn. "Ahhh this is the most horrid thing I have ever had happen to me. I am going to get sick from this," he yelled in his own tongue. Since his mimic had worn off making small yelps and and squeaks having rolled up into his ball form. He let out a loud squeak as he was sent flying, "WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA!!!" he yelled as he flew out of the town and ended up embedded in a tree.
"Note to self - when stronger, break this tree" he mumbled to himself as he saw Trixie not too far away. He started prying himself from the tree before landing on the ground with a loud thud. He groaned a bit before walking over to where Trixie was, as she hid behind a few trees.
"Well I think that is the sign for us to go, Trixie because that hurt like hell and I would rather not be around when they finish dealing with it and then turn their attention this way," Aron said. Re-using Mimic had tired him out even more, though Trixie was surprised that he had arrived here so fast. That was until she saw him collapse, noticing the round hole in the tree from which he had come. With a sigh Trixie picked him up with her magic before setting him in her mobile home laying him on the chair he was in earlier so he could rest.
"Trixie guesses she is stuck with you for a while, and will have to see if his words hold true," She thought, as she went and hitched herself up to the trailer and started heading out to a new town.
(Meanwhile with Twilight Sparkle and her friends)
Twilight let out a sigh of relief upon discovering that her friends were not mad at her for having used her magic, so the Ursa Minor would go to sleep. Having achieved that, she had put it back into the cave before the mother noticed. She was now ready to write a report to the Princess and then start researching the 'Aron' as Luna said he was called. Hopefully he didn't get out of the house.
Twilight was smiling until she opened the door, with Spike peaking around her to see why she had stopped. The door to the basement was hanging off the hinges with the door knob missing. Twilight quickly trotted down the stairs and let out an almost enraged roar - the cage was missing a section large enough for Aron to get out.
(Meanwhile in Canterlot)
Celestia was tilting her head as a loud scream of anger was heard and made her floating cup of tea shake.
(Meanwhile in the Garden with Discord.)
"What is that noise? Is that Sunbutt losing another piece of cake?" Discord asked to no one in particular. His statue was shaking from the pure anger in the scream
Meanwhile in another Universe.
A large Overlord was doing some paperwork at the moment the scream of anger reached him. "What is that? Oh no, is that my ex? WHAT DO YOU WANT WOMAN YOU ALREADY TOOK HALF OF MY NETHERWORLD, WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT!?!?!"
(Back to Twilight.)
She finally stopped screaming and took in a deep breath. She quickly trotted out of her house, her hair smoking a bit as she began her search looking in any and all spots that the little metal creature could be hiding. She even roped in Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack into helping her look for him.
"Come on, he couldn't have gotten that far! Where would he even go? The train didn't run today and the forest would be too dangerous for him!"
Twilight was getting more and more panicked. For one thing, the creature she was watching for the Princesses has disappeared. Secondly, she was going to have to message the Princesses telling them that she lost it. "I think we might just have to give up for now girls, it's starting to get too dark outside." Twilight said with a deep sigh, as she was starting to head back to the library.
Applejack had stopped for a moment as she saw Apple bloom walking over to her.
"Hey Bloom ya wouldn't have happened to have seen a small, silver-like critter any time today, would ya?"
Apple bloom stopped for a minute putting her hoof under her head as she thought. She had thought back to when they were all watching the show, remembering seeing what she thought was a silver ball rolling up to the edge of the crowd. Then after the show had came to a close, the ball had rolled off on its own toward the showmare's trailer.
"Well now that ya mention it, ah do remember seeing what looked like a bright silver ball rolling toward that showmare's trailer not too long after her show."
Applejack's eyes went wide as she quickly ran to Twilight. "Twilight, ah just found a clue as to why the little critter isn't in town any more. My little 'sis said she saw a bright silver ball rolling toward that Trixie's home before she happened to leave town," Applejack said, as soon as she burst into the library.
Twilight's own eyes widened as she had continued writing her letter, adding the new information.
After completing her friendship report she had started writing about Aron, "It seems Aron had gotten out of my home while I was away with my friends. From the clues my friends and I have found, we think he had ran off with the traveling showmare I had just written about," she wrote handing both letters to Spike to send to the Princess hoping that she wouldn't be mad and that she might be able to find him.
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Replace know with if.
Replace thing with think.
I would go over the last six paragraphs as they are difficult to read and feel as if they are missing some information. Plus the actual last paragraph should be an authors note not in the regular story. This chapter just read clunky and not to your usual standard. Overall good chapter and let's see the adventures that Trixie and our protagonist get into.
7667584 Okay and thank you I'll fix that real quick
7667661 Well I hope I might improve over time since haven't really been writing much I am trying to keep it a steady sign of progress, but I will say I might just go back to being in an MLA format just cause it is what I am use to maybe when I get better I might go back and edit the older stuff. I feel like I may have been told this in school before if you would mind it be nice to have some examples just message me and I'll see what I can do about getting better at it.
Well, it isn't that unthinkable that he would run away from Twilight. What she did was not cool, then again he had gotten ink all over the place and this happened before Twilight could get anything that resembled chill..... at a bit of a crossroad here. Also forgot what the hell this rambling was leading to so I will end it here.
i love this
You mentioned his legs being nubs. How about...FACENUBBED!
Also Facestumped could work too, if you refer to his stump-like legs as stumps!
Is that a TFS reference I see there?
what is this referance?
8544410
it's a combination of a TFS references with an Overlord from Disgaea games
While references can be good in stories, they should be... subtler. Keep the TFS reference, but make it make sense in universe.
Otherwise it's just an unnecessary break in immersion. It's why subtle fourth-wall breaks are genius, but obvious ones usually end up annoying.
That said, it really seems like it is more of a visual/writing humor miscommunication. (As in, it would have worked better in an animation as a side gag rather than in writing. Quite literally, it sounded better in your head.)