If the girls ebcoem pregeant, i love to see Luna and Celestia expression wodnering HOW they going to explain this. Love to see Someoen make a wrong comment and Celestia bangs her face on the desk over the screw up.
all the while his arms hooked around two female giggling classmates of his, leading them off to do God knows what.
Each other.
This really was a magical school.
More like Crystal Prep is filled with assholes.
There was a time and place for everything, and this wasn’t it.
Pokemon has taught me that much.
“No. We are upset at you girls,” Luna added. “Yes, even you, Twilight.”
Come again?
“The rules of this party, as I am aware, required all women to be 100% completely naked and exposed for its duration. You all performed to that standard rather well…” Luna began speaking. “They did, however, not state that you girls had to so ruthlessly and maliciously tease these helpless boys by engaging in sexual intercourse with one another in front of them!”
I, see.
Flash Sentry pants
Sentry's.
impose on you.”
Question mark, not period.
for pete sake
Pete's.
“Bareback is so much more satisfying after all...”
Not necessarily the best idea, but it's a clopfic and you presumably know what you're doing.
quick half five over too Brawly
HIGH five over to Brawly.
Applejack was still staring slack jawed speechless
Comma after staring, hyphen between slack and jawed, 'and' between jacked and speechless.
exact answer to seeing
Comma between to and seeing.
He to wasted
ToO.
was grinning having
Comma between grinning and having.
(I'll be perfectly honest because I don't believe in beating around the bush. You need an editor. This is a very hot story and I greatly enjoy it, however, as someone who's a bit of a grammar/spelling nazi, seeing a misspelled word or misplaced comma breaks me out of the flow of the story more easily than I enjoy. I'm all for helping you edit these if you'd like for the record.)
Realistic Ending: Nearly all the girls get pregnant, nearly everyone gets an STD, and Celestia and Luna are arrested for orchestrating a massive orgy with their underaged highschool students. Still pretty hot though....
I was honestly really liking the story's direction in Ch. 1, but everything after that was pretty shit. Blaming the girls for bullying, turning them all into sluts, having the principals outlaw underwear in CHS, essentially defeating the purpose of the parties. I know that I'm analyzing a smut story and all, but I was pretty disappointed since this started out as one of the good ones. I would've preferred it if the principals had gotten involved and eventually maybe some of the guys got to join, but at the end of the fic it was still a party and they all looked forward to next time. Just my two-cents though. Feel free to ignore it.
Sorry, I should have warned you guys this chapter contained a brief appearance of watersports.
and the next chapter will be six months later and have every girl at that party at school pregnant
8066831 I was just planning a short epilogue after this. Should come out in another year on April 1st because it is also pretty silly.
8066847
i mean story wise six months later when ever girl has a baby bump
So how many girls just got pregnant and/or STDs? At least in the end everyone's happy. That's what's important, no?
So, you posted a prank chapter during November and posted a serious extension April 1.
What.
Well, that became quite intense much more rapidly than would normally be anticipated.
8067394 This guy plays the long con.
8066847
If the girls ebcoem pregeant, i love to see Luna and Celestia expression wodnering HOW they going to explain this.
Love to see Someoen make a wrong comment and Celestia bangs her face on the desk over the screw up.
It's like your wildest dream come true.
Each other.
More like Crystal Prep is filled with assholes.
Pokemon has taught me that much.
Come again?
I, see.
Sentry's.
Question mark, not period.
Pete's.
Not necessarily the best idea, but it's a clopfic and you presumably know what you're doing.
HIGH five over to Brawly.
Comma after staring, hyphen between slack and jawed, 'and' between jacked and speechless.
Comma between to and seeing.
ToO.
Comma between grinning and having.
(I'll be perfectly honest because I don't believe in beating around the bush. You need an editor. This is a very hot story and I greatly enjoy it, however, as someone who's a bit of a grammar/spelling nazi, seeing a misspelled word or misplaced comma breaks me out of the flow of the story more easily than I enjoy. I'm all for helping you edit these if you'd like for the record.)
8066726 lol I get it...
Y'know, there's an algorithm for solving that.
[youtube=nY7aQEhIxYA]
Realistic Ending: Nearly all the girls get pregnant, nearly everyone gets an STD, and Celestia and Luna are arrested for orchestrating a massive orgy with their underaged highschool students.
Still pretty hot though....
The epilogue should have all girls in school arrive, immediately strip down and let all the boys do what they want all through a school day
I was honestly really liking the story's direction in Ch. 1, but everything after that was pretty shit. Blaming the girls for bullying, turning them all into sluts, having the principals outlaw underwear in CHS, essentially defeating the purpose of the parties. I know that I'm analyzing a smut story and all, but I was pretty disappointed since this started out as one of the good ones. I would've preferred it if the principals had gotten involved and eventually maybe some of the guys got to join, but at the end of the fic it was still a party and they all looked forward to next time. Just my two-cents though. Feel free to ignore it.
They probably were.