Equestria is broken, damaged beyond all repair. Maybe. But sometimes, a little dirt and goo can piece it back together. Just with a new... sheen... to things!
It's certainly more detailed, but it kind of feels like the story is dragging its feet. Did the original story really need extended subplots for Vinyl and Trixie the way this appears to be headed?
Vinyl's subplot was established in the original and is just being fleshed out a little more instead of being so abrupt.
Trixie's plot has been moved earlier in the story to flow better than it did in the unpublished material from the original. Also, a big part of the rewrite is the need for established characterizations and motivations. These scenes are important for those reasons because it absolutely sucks to try to explain the 'why' of a character's actions after the fact. Believe me, the pace will pick up as we get into the flow of the action, but we have to have a few deep breaths now since there won't be time for them once the fit hits the shan.
I liked the chapter itself, but multiple people talking in the same paragraph? Big readability no-no. Makes it far harder to follow who's saying what, and what's going on.
I didn’t realize that there was a remake Fel Equestria until now. A pleasant surprise!
Still not a fan about the Unicorn nobles are supremacists, thought. They seem to be the default villains whenever someone doesn’t want to use an ancient evil or the griffons. In my opinion an alliance of ambitious and ruthless Unicorns, Earth Ponies and Pegasi would’ve worked better. This would’ve been increased the number of potential traitors and had made it easier to explain how they got enough minion to keep the population quite.
But that’s just me nitpicking.
The small artworks inside the story were great. It’s not often that you see something like that and it’s very well-drawn. I’m glad that they were reused for the new story. The new title card is also great. Such a bunch of lovely mares. Just look at their smiles. Thought Twilight looks more like a bear than a pony. Guess that happens when you stay in Tartarus for too long.
Instead of jumping right off into the story we got a little prologue that introduces us character like Trixie, Vinyl and Octavia and their fate . We’re also seeing some new stuff and character that hadn’t yet appeared in the old story. I like that, I'm especially curious about the fate of Twilight's parents and Spike. Are they still alive? Are the nobles playing to turn Spike into a weapon?
One thing is certain: Twilight will be pissed and many nobles will getting mauled by an angry demon bear alicorn princess.
Another thing I like about the remake is Green Leaves’s expanded role. The last time when we saw her in the old story she was being turned into demon by Cadance. Then she disappeared from the story, not even being mentiond once. In this story there’s a lot more interaction between her and Cadance and there’s even a surprising twist at the end. Even if her role in this story is going to be rather small, she’s going to leave a huge impact.
This remake looks very promising, it fixes many flaws of the original and improves the good parts. There also seem to be less sex and it's also less graphic compared to the original. Some readers may find it disappointing but I don't really mind.
It will be interesting to see what will happen in the chapters involving the School for Gifted Unicorns and if Quite Steps role will remain the same or if there will be change, too.
It's certainly more detailed, but it kind of feels like the story is dragging its feet. Did the original story really need extended subplots for Vinyl and Trixie the way this appears to be headed?
7863847
Vinyl's subplot was established in the original and is just being fleshed out a little more instead of being so abrupt.
Trixie's plot has been moved earlier in the story to flow better than it did in the unpublished material from the original. Also, a big part of the rewrite is the need for established characterizations and motivations. These scenes are important for those reasons because it absolutely sucks to try to explain the 'why' of a character's actions after the fact. Believe me, the pace will pick up as we get into the flow of the action, but we have to have a few deep breaths now since there won't be time for them once the fit hits the shan.
yea for update,
good story, cant wait for more i like the slow pace of it
The buildup is shaping up nicely, very good work.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
i for one cant wait till twilight show up, let the age of demons begin,
Ok definitely establishing the moral side the mane six and Candace are on
it getting good, soon cantalot will be a lovey home for the demons,
This chapter, We like it. ANOTHER!!!
I liked the chapter itself, but multiple people talking in the same paragraph? Big readability no-no. Makes it far harder to follow who's saying what, and what's going on.
Might want to fix that.
7878315
Okay, I think I caught them all and broke them out. Usually those don't slip by, but I was distracted in my final polish. Thanks for the catch. ^^
I didn’t realize that there was a remake Fel Equestria until now. A pleasant surprise!
Still not a fan about the Unicorn nobles are supremacists, thought. They seem to be the default villains whenever someone doesn’t want to use an ancient evil or the griffons. In my opinion an alliance of ambitious and ruthless Unicorns, Earth Ponies and Pegasi would’ve worked better. This would’ve been increased the number of potential traitors and had made it easier to explain how they got enough minion to keep the population quite.
But that’s just me nitpicking.
The small artworks inside the story were great. It’s not often that you see something like that and it’s very well-drawn. I’m glad that they were reused for the new story. The new title card is also great. Such a bunch of lovely mares. Just look at their smiles.
Thought Twilight looks more like a bear than a pony. Guess that happens when you stay in Tartarus for too long.
Instead of jumping right off into the story we got a little prologue that introduces us character like Trixie, Vinyl and Octavia and their fate . We’re also seeing some new stuff and character that hadn’t yet appeared in the old story. I like that, I'm especially curious about the fate of Twilight's parents and Spike. Are they still alive? Are the nobles playing to turn Spike into a weapon?
One thing is certain: Twilight will be pissed and many nobles will getting mauled by an angry demon
bearalicorn princess.Another thing I like about the remake is Green Leaves’s expanded role. The last time when we saw her in the old story she was being turned into demon by Cadance. Then she disappeared from the story, not even being mentiond once. In this story there’s a lot more interaction between her and Cadance and there’s even a surprising twist at the end. Even if her role in this story is going to be rather small, she’s going to leave a huge impact.
This remake looks very promising, it fixes many flaws of the original and improves the good parts. There also seem to be less sex and it's also less graphic compared to the original. Some readers may find it disappointing but I don't really mind.
It will be interesting to see what will happen in the chapters involving the School for Gifted Unicorns and if Quite Steps role will remain the same or if there will be change, too.
Poor Trixie