Story of a Stick

by Xinrick

Interlude II

All was quiet in Canterlot for the most part...before someone screamed loud enough that even Manehatten heard it. “HE DID WHAT!?!” Celestia screams at Discord, her eyes wide and filled with horror at Discord’s report.

Discord removed the cotton from his ears before answering. “Oh you know the usual. Destroy the very fabric of reality and set the Whitetail Woods into a squalor that would never recover without heavy duty magic being used to fix it. Also made Twilight realize her mistakes of using magic on creatures she doesn’t know about, but who’s keeping track these days of her mistakes?” He slowly rubbed his claw against his chest and blew on the nails. “By the by, it’s four so far. Also you are welcome for fixing everything.”

“Thank you Discord but...how in the world could he kill a Parasprite Queen?” Celestia fusses. “You know how strong those things are, yet he took it down single handedly.”

“Oh that old thing. Please Celestia you knew that thing was weak from being stuck in a cave for all this time. Plus a bug is still a bug. He squashed it… albeit with a mountain. It’s hilarious especially the look on Twilight’s face when he broke reality.” He quickly pulled out a picture of a slack jawed Twilight for Celestia to see. “Priceless.”

“I know but still…” Celestia says worriedly. “A Parasprite Queen is extremely powerful even if it just woke up...but how in Tartarus is he able to summon those strange weapons?” The solar princess frowns, ignoring her slack jawed student.

“Pocket Dimension.” Discord bluntly stated.

“You can’t just go ‘pocket dimension’ without having some form of answer.” Celestia frowns. “You try making a pocket dimension that suddenly has such weapons without screwing with Reality.”

“Not here but throughout the stars it’s possible. I’ve seen so many countless things and this is a standard use of a pocket dimension.” Discord pulled a glass of chocolate milk out of a pocket dimension on his side and offered Celestia a glass as well just for the added effect of freaking her out.

Celestia gave Discord a bemused look. “You’ve done that hundreds of times Discord, and chocolate milk is different then a giant hammer that can summon ice to that degree, or the power to force a mountain to the ground with just a movement of his palm.” She frowns.

Discord pulled out a hammer and shot lightning from the head at a pillar before putting it back into the pocket dimension. The smile on his face said it all.

“Me damn it Discord…” Celestia sighs out, rubbing the bridge of her nose bitterly.

“On another note it seems his running path will take him straight into Canterlot in a couple of hours. Would you like me to send him elsewhere after he runs through the city?” The smile on Discord’s face was full of malicious intent and gleeful sadistic fun.

“Oh for the love of!” Celestia sits down and throws her hooves in the air at hearing that. “Send him where exactly?” Celestia asks, not believing the Stick Figures next stop was Canterlot of all places.

“I know a certain queen has been getting a bit lonely lately. Perhaps some problems could be dealt with expediently should proper motivation be given.” The smirk was back. Calculating away for what the authors were planning to write very soon.

“Fine...just make sure he doesn’t hurt any of the ponies here...even if the nobles are...not that nice.” She says bitterly. “Like try and distract him with something that doesn’t involve punching someone for saying he’s a freak…”

“Right, put Zesty Gourmand in his way and hope for the best. Genius Celestia. Genius.” Discord stated before zipping away with a snap of his claw. He left behind a piece of paper for Celestia to read.

Selective hearing has been activated on your Discord to change the setting please offer up twelve barrels of chocolate milk, a cotton candy machine, and Luna’s moon. If unsatisfactory please contact your service providers. We as Discord Inc. welcome constructive criticism which we accept in writing. Which we then use to keep ponies home’s warm by burning them. Enjoy.

Celestia read the entire thing...before channeling her magic and disintegrating the thing. “Me damn it Discord…” She grumbles, getting up and looking outside over Canterlot, hoping this new event won’t cause any problems.

No promises…

“Oh sweet lord.” Celestia groans, accidentally ramming her head into the wall with how her ‘so done’ meter spiked.

---

(Back in the halls of the Library of Knowledge)

“You mean the Library right mister Narrator.” Pinkie called out to the sky.

(It’s still filled with knowledge.)

“Pinkie who are you talking to?” Rainbow asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Don’t worry your pretty little rainbow head Dash. Auntie Pinkie has got this covered.” She answered with a smile knowing that two people were writing her character sending her into an existential crisis she hid beneath a smile. “I think the narrator is a bit too dramatic.” She whispered over to Twilight.

“We’re the same age Pinkie…” Rainbow frowns.

“I don’t care about whatever your rambling about Pinkie, I’m trying to find something that’ll help me understand just what in the wide world of Equis just happened.” Twilight says bluntly and bitterly, using her magic to search the entire library.

“It was under U~!” Pinkie sang out giving Twilight a book that has the title ‘Unexplained Unmentionables.’

“Is it wrong that I originally thought that meant something dirty?” Spike asks.

“No…” Twilight sighs out.

“Yup.” Pinkie muttered. “Twilight thought so too.”

“Anyways!” Twilight says before opening the book and searching through the Table of Contents to find at least something along the lines of what the hell just happened. A moment later Twilight flipped to the right page and then read the page...then reread it...then re-reread it. “Are you bucking KIDDING ME!?!” Twilight roars in anger and disbelief.

“Ooh ooh is it insightful beyond belief cascading through the cosmos and unlocking the very fabric of reality that would expand our minds beyond the cosmos thereby making us goddesses amongst ponies which we then smite the non-believers in parties fit for all ages?” Pinkie said all in one sentence.

“Um...are you okay Pinkie?” Applejack asks worriedly.

“Of course you silly billy. I’m just under the control of a slightly insane writer who knows they can use me as a springboard to be highly trollish or crazy beyond belief. It’s actually fun from time to time since I can blame them for letting me see what’s going to happen before it happens. Also Rarity twitchy tail.” Pinkie pointed out.

Rarity yelps and moves for cover from whatever falling thing might appear above her. When Rarity looked up she saw Twilight’s jaw drop at having read the book again...before her hair started to steam.

“Oooh that did drop far.” Pinkie stated.

“They exist….” Twilight mutters.

“What exist?” Rainbow asks.

“Stick Figures exist.” Twilight repeats.

“We know that, but is there anything else?” Rainbow asks curiously.

“THAT’S ALL THIS BOOK SAYS!” The bookworm shouts, spinning around and showing the book to her friends. The page had on the top ‘Stick Figures’, and all it had was ‘They exist’ in big black bold letters and that was it for the entire page.

“So we have a clue then.” Pinkie stated while wearing a detective hat and blowing out of a bubble pipe.

“That’s not a clue at all Pinkie!” Twilight shouts.

“Sure it is. Now we can ask Celestia without her being able to deny it.” Pinkie smiled. “And they say I’m the dumb one.” She elbowed Spike while she said it.

“Wow...dick move.” Spike says bluntly. “Seriously Pinkie...like...wow.” The youngling says, honestly worried about his friend who’s acting even more random and crazy then normal.

“She can still deny it. And she could say that a random book saying ‘Stick Figures exist’ would just be either the ramblings of a crazy pony, a strange conspiracy theory based on something weird, or figure out another way to completely deny it. Celestia isn’t stupid, and could think of many reasons why a book saying ‘they exist’ would sound silly in many ways.” Twilight says with a frown.

“Want me to write a letter to Celestia?” Spike asks, grabbing a quill and paper.

“Yes…” Twilight sighs out. “Might as well explain what we know to her. Hopefully she’ll respond soon.”

To be continued...

Author's Note:

This is kind of weird, I blame Quartz for the parts with Pinkie and Discord...but all an all I hope you like the chapter.

Comments

[Blaze the draconic mage]

This is super funny pls make more

[Xinrick]

8248718
I will...just don't expect them to all be constant updates