Story of a Stick

by Xinrick

Stick goes to Whitetail Woods

“Okay...I think I lost them.” I mutter to myself, going from a fast sprint to a gentle jog. “Phew, that gave me a workout.” I chuckle,

“Stop criminal scum! The Whitetail Woods are off limits!” A guard shouted out loud from above. A pegasus holding a spear was aiming right for me.

“The fuck did I do to become a criminal!?” I shout, completely confused about that.

“You ran!” Several dozens of guards yell back.

“How the fuck is that a criminal offense!?” I shout back, starting to head off again.

“The innocent don’t run.” A mousy mare with large glasses in a guard uniform cried out.

“Hot Fuzz references don’t work this time lady!” I shout, “Besides, what else was I supposed to do when I randomly appear in a new world to meet candy colored horses?” I ask, completely confused by all this.

“Go with the guard like a sane individual.” The guards yelled out.

“Sanity is for the weak!” I shout, continuing to run past a bunch of trees.

Several spells are fired off including one that freezes a tree in a block of ice. Several spears were also chucked as well.

“Why the fuck are you trying to kill me!?!” I shout, continuing to run away from the guards even more.

They can’t answer because I ran too far away. ”Shit!” I thought, looking around frantically before seeing a cave up ahead. I quickly marked a tree and faked where I was going before vanishing and hoping they were stupid enough to follow the tree mark as I bolted towards the cave. As I entered the cave I hid in one of the dark corners and kept my breathing still and quiet. What felt like hours pass and even though I heard some guards shouting it quickly died down as they completely missed where I was. ”Thank lord.” I mentally sigh out. I got up and dusted myself off before looking outside and towards the darkening cave. “Might as well make a little camp…” I mutter, thinking a fire sword and pushing a hand into my stomach, and before long I pulled out a long sword that was surrounded by fire. “Sweet.” I smile, before raising it like a torch and, thankfully, seeing down the cave.

“Damn this cave is deep.” I say, hearing my voice echo as I moved deeper into the cave, giving it about a solid ten minutes since I started walking through the dark cave. As I ventured further I heard a gentle drip, causing me to stop and ready myself for whatever’s to come next. After a moment's waiting I heard another dripping noise but I just sighed out, thinking it was probably just condensation coming from the rock this deep in the cave. As I continued forward I then stepped in something that felt like...spider’s web? “Huh?” I mutter, raising my foot up and noticing a white sticky substance on the underside of my blue foot. “I do hope that doesn’t stay…” I mutter, continuing my trek forward.

After another five or so minutes I came across a ton of eggs lining the walls and ceiling, “Okay so if this is some spider cave or Xenomorph breeding ground I’m out.” I frown, continuing forward till I get to, what I think, is the end of the cave where I see a giant ass see through cocoon...which held a weird ass looking pony in it. “Weird…” I mutter, holding my makeshift torch up to get a better look, and all that seemed different about the pony was that it has some strange antenna and weird fly like wings. “Strange...is this some weird ritual or something?” I hum to myself, gently touching the cocoon.

“Who dares interrupt my slumber?” A female says from...everywhere in the cave, seeing the pony in the cocoon open it’s eyes tiredly, and it stared at me with creepy insect like eyes.

“Whoa…” I mutter, taking a step back from the thing, “Dude that’s creepy.” I frown.

“”A Stick Figure?” The female asks, seeing the pony stretch in it’s bubble. “I’ve heard stories of your race, but I’ve never seen one myself” She says, moving a hoof over and opening the cocoon with ease.

“Weird...and here I thought I was a special snowflake.” I say, taking another step back and feeling like I just fucked up big time.

“A being of immeasurable power, an insatiable hunger for violence, and can be the harbinger of life or death…” The woman says, the pony finally getting out of the cocoon. “Ah, one thousand years in that thing, always gets so stuffy.” She says, her voice reverberating as if she was saying the same thing with her own personal echo.

“Still creepy.” I frown. “Anyways, who are you?” I ask, readying myself for a fight.

“I am the Parasprite Queen, the mother of all parasprites and devourer of millions.” She says.

“Uh...you look like a filly…” I say, looking down at the now less intimidating but still creepy filly.

“Just because I’m a queen doesn’t mean I have to be ‘old’.” She scoffs, her antenna twitching and the eggs all around me started moving eerily. “Ah but our time is up. I’m very hungry after being asleep for one thousand years, maybe I’ll go out and have a little snack...maybe a town or two? Or maybe that castle those damned fools created.” She growls.

“I’m gonna have to stop you their lady.” I say, pointing my sword towards her. “I’ve barely been in this world for a day yet I don’t want it being a snack for some bitch with an appetite.” I frown.

“And what are you going to do about it?” She asks. “Use your little stick to hurt me?” She laughs, before I poke her shoulder with the point of my sword and she yelps in pain, looking over at the now burned stab wound.

“Hinoken, or just simply ‘Fire Sword’.” I smile. “Hope you enjoy getting cut and burned at the same time.” I grin, readying myself for a fight.

The Queen growled before she stomped her hooves on the ground, the eggs suddenly hatching immediately and spawning…

“Okay who the fuck would defile skittles like this?” I ask angrily, finding all the parasprites being nothing more than skittles with eyes and wings.

“These are my babies.” The queen says, before something punched me in the gut out of nowhere and sent me skidding back. As I looked I saw a brick of Parasprites disband and gently float around her. “And they can and will do anything I tell them to.” She says with a smile.

“Well...that’s something.” I say, stabbing a parasprite and setting it on fire, the thing falling down to the ground quickly. “Well at least it can just as easily die like the rest.” I grin, before my eyes widen at seeing the things...cough up hairballs. “Ew…” I frown, only to be rudely shocked at seeing them turn into more Parasprites.

“Parasprites are special, they reproduce asexually.” The bug filly says with a grin, twitching her antenna and making the swarm of flies turn into two giant arms with clenched fists. “So I have an infinite amount at my beck and call.”

“Ah.” I nod. “Now, about that…” I start before vanishing and appearing half way to the exit. “Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit!” I chant, the queen hearing my rapid fire words echo through the cave.

“Good Faust…” The queen sighs out, flapping her wings and dashing towards me. “You just had to give me this being to fight huh?” She shakes her head, feeling like someone was already laughing at the display she has to deal with.

After a swift and horribly failed attempt to flee I leapt out into the outdoors and swiftly dodged a swing made by a bunch of Parasprites. “Shit…” I mutter.

“Now that we’re outside we can get serious.” The Parasprite Queen chuckles, “Also thank you for giving me an advantage, if we stayed in there you would have burned the entirety of my swarm.”

“Forethought isn’t my strong suit…” I say nervously. “But whether advantages or not I’m still gonna kick your ass kid.”

“I’m twenty times older than you.” The queen frowns, before I appeared behind her and swiftly smacked her upside the head.

“And that’s what I have to say about that.” I laugh, falling down and dodging her furious attempt at a counter attack, “Come on Queenie! You can do better than that!” I taunt, landing on my feet.

Several tentacles of parasprites appeared all around me and swiftly began to burrow through the terrain cutting off all my running routes following by them picking the trees and stones and making them appear like spikes in the collection of parasprites all around me. Everything was covered in spikes and was less flammable due to the layer of dirt over everything.

“Right then.” I say before I tossed my sword in the air, causing it to disappear before I shoved my hand back into my little pocket dimension of weapons, and before long I pulled out a giant ice blue hammer that seemed to steam, “Aisuhanmā, know what that means?” I say with a grin, spinning it around like the giant war hammer weighed nothing. “Let me show you.” I say before swinging the hammer and ramming it into one of the ‘spiked’ tentacles, causing a big portion of the tentacle to be suddenly frozen in ice in almost an instant. “Ice Hammer.” I smile, punching the ice tentacle and it shattering like it was nothing.

She wisely pulled her tentacles away and picked up any large items and flung it at me. Never letting the tentacles get close until all the parasprites she had made had reformed into a new tentacle. I spun the hammer and either deflected and destroyed all the ranged ‘weapons’ she threw at me, stomping down and slamming my hammer into the ground, causing the ground to start cracking, then a massive ice spike shot out towards the Parasprite Queen. The queen tried defending with three trees, but they did nothing as the spike punched through all three and then hit a tentacle, freezing them all quickly and shattering. “I doubt your ‘babies’ can breed as fast as I can kill them.” I say. “So how about you give up now and I won’t have to make you feel like shit, or continue and I show you real pain.”

She pushed her tentacles into the ground, lifted the ground I was standing on and slammed it on top of me. A moment later the slab of rock I was under was blown to bits and rocks flew everywhere, as I stood there glaring at the queen without much injury besides small amount of dirt and a scuff or two. “Well if that’s what you want…” I say before disbanding my hammer and summoning two silver gauntlets. I shoved my hands into the ground and, with a slight grunt, table flipped a crap ton of rocks straight towards the queen.

She flew straight up into the air dodging several of the rocks allowing what parasprites still in formation to grab them out of mid air and toss them back using gravity to speed them up.

I bounced between the rocks before grabbing a giant hammer probably bigger than my ice hammer, “Megaton Press!” I shout, the words echoing as the Parasprite Queen felt the air around her grow thicker and more dangerous, the queen looking over and seeing a whole tentacle of her Parasprites suddenly become nothing more than blood splatters on the ground below as I landed on the ground. “Come on lady! You’re not even trying at this point!” I shout.

She flew straight up and opened her mouth. Millions upon millions of parasprites suddenly clouded the sky sending the entire land into darkness. She made them pick up a mountain and the caves where she slept and held it over her head.

I took a deep breath before my hammer disappeared and two wrist bound buddhist prayer beads wrapped around my wrists. “Art of the Gentle Fist…” I mutter, the words echoing out to her as I vanished before her, climbing up the upturned mountain with great speed as I leaped up into the air and pointed my palm towards the mountain so I could squish her. “Buddha Palm.” All went silent before an ungodly amount of force pushed down on the mountain, forcing the Parasprites and the Queen down and down until it sooner or later crushed her. “Sorry lady, I guess I’m just crushing on you.” I say with a giant ass grin, pushing further down on the mountain.

“BURN IN HELL!” The queen roars one last time before the mountain smothered her and her entire swarm and most likely flattened them all like a pancake. I gently landed on top of the mountain and put both my palms together and bowing with respect.

“Phew, that was fun.” I smile, gently taking off my prayer beads and putting them away.

“Capture that fool. He just destroyed the entire Whitetail Woods!” A guard screamed out.

“I JUST MURDERED THE PARASPRITE QUEEN GO TO HELL!” I shout.

“He just admitted to murder!! Get him!” Another guard cried out.

I let out an unintelligible roar of pure aggravation. “That’s it I’m done! I’m so out of here!” I shout before bolting off again into some random ass direction. When I looked around I saw a castle. “Maybe I’ll just meet the person in charge.” I growl, hating this entire situation and bolting towards what I think is the Capital.

---

“Uh~” Twilight said, her eyes as wide as dinner plates and having said that for the past three minutes without room to breath.

“Is Twilight okay? Spike asks worriedly.

“I don’t know Sugarcube…” Applejack says worriedly. “But...it makes sense considering what just happened…”

“How…?” Rainbow mutters, not believing what she just saw.

“My word…” Rarity mutters, looking over at Fluttershy who was currently on the ground completely unconscious.

“Wow…” Pinkie says breathlessly, not believing that just happened either.

“I heard he killed something called...a ‘Parasprite Queen’?” Spike says.

“Quite the haul. I couldn’t have done better myself. Good thing he fixed Twilight’s mistake from so long ago.” A voice rings out of Spike’s ear. Discord slowly slinks out of his ear before the girls. With a snap of his fingers the entire Whitetail Woods is back to its pristine visage. Especially for Fluttershy and her animals.

“You mean when the Parasprites were causing trouble?” Spike asks curiously.

“No I mean when I was causing trouble of course.” Discord chews absentmindedly on some parasprite jerky.

“WHAT THE TARTARUS WAS THAT!?!” Twilight screams at Discord, her mane already springing out of place in sheer confusion.

“Simple little sparklight. When you used your magic to try to change their eating habits you accidentally mutated the original into an eldritch abomination that would have devoured all ponykind in… “ Discord pulls out a wristwatch and taps it a bit before speaking again, “Twelve seconds after escaping it’s home. So thank you for creating something almost as dangerous as me but not as fun.” Discord smiled before appearing next to spike as a hat on his head. It was a fancy chef hat.

“W-what?” Twilight goes stock still in fear, “B-but...how!? My spell wouldn’t have done that!?”

“Sure it would, the Element of Magic includes some chaos magic within it. You’re a regular.” Discord smiled widely before disappearing, “Now I must tell Celestia of all the chaos that occurred. It will be hilarious. I can’t wait to show her the looks on your faces.” His laughter echoed all around.

Twilight’s right eye twitched for a few moments before passing out.

“Oh horseapples…” Applejack sighs out, hefting Twilight onto her back. “Well, let’s get on home.” Applejack says, heading off to Ponyville.

“Well...if he actually killed that monster...then he did Equestria a massive favor right?” Spike asks, following along with Applejack. “So why is he still being chased by guards?”

“Because the guards think he’s a bad guy for...some reason.” Rainbow says with a shrug. “He was running...so they thought he ran away because he did something wrong…”

“Oh…” Spike frowns.

“He might be a criminal to the guards but...he’s a hero to us.” Rarity says, picking up Fluttershy with her magic and following her friends.

“Well I hope he’s happy wherever he runs off to.” Pinkie smiles, bouncing along with her friends.

To be continued...

Comments

[Ahrazell]

Are you going to add a Henry stickman chapter XD good so far, and random really fits here.

[Xinrick]

8238532
I don't know yet. But thanks man