On her way to the country of Stalliongrad for a meeting, Princess Celestia's helicopter is supposedly downed by a blizzard. Princess Luna must resume her sister's role as Equestria's leader, unknowing that a force larger than her is at play.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm i do wonder why he would spend half the day traveling when all he did was go to the Guard Wing in the castle itself, from the princesses room that is obviously also in the Castle...
Also i have to say, i dont really feel anything after finding out that Cloud Drop is a NMM worshiper/traitor, the first chapter is mostly tell rather then show and doesnt make me bond with any character (except Andrei but thats the slavic blood overriding logic ) and lacks any exposition so this is pretty much the first characterization we get for him. This chapter also might have been presented as a flashback further in the story to explain what already happened instead of just telling us what is going to happen, potentially killing all the mystery to it for us.
Dude, you spent way too much time talking about helicopters in ch 2. And I get the past sins references. Heavily inspired chapter. I like it, but the helicopter stuff was so unneeded.
Also your world building is trying too hard. Describing everything in a room isn't necessary unless you're going to do something with the items sooner than later.
And so much unnecessary description... It's so much that you could take 1/3 of the chapter away and it'd almost be better off.
Some of these megaparagraphs are like my depression. Crushing.
Otherwise, this is an a l r i g h t thing.👍
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You're reading something written 5 years ago. Lower your expectations.