Colgate's Rants 3

by StormLuna

Prince Blueblood

After the whole fiasco with Prince Rutheford I decided that I probably won't see foreign royalty anymore but domestic royalty I would have no problems with. While the other princesses and Shining Armor aren't bad, there is one prince that came in that would prove to me how truly pathetic some ponies are, Prince Blueblood.

The very moment he stepped in he started gagging about this being a "commoners' dental practice." Even though I am royalty, he cringed at the very thought of me working on him. I'm not the only "commoner princess" though, Twilight is no different. How he handles her being in the same time zone as him I'm not sure. I do think he has warmed up to her being royalty more than he has me primarily because I'm not lazy like she is.

Of course before taking him back I tapped on the sign regarding payment and he held an insurance card up in the air claiming he had a way to pay. I took a look at the card and smacked him. He had a fucking TiaCare card. I not so politely let him know that I do not accept that shitty insurance and demanded a REAL form of payment. Well he had none so I told him to go home, grab some bits and then I would see him.

He didn't like it but he did as requested. He showed up two days later not with bits, but with a different insurance card. Apparently he is covered under LunaCare too so when I saw this, I took him back. You know, I would think that a pony who is as vain as he is and has to look 100% perfect at all times would take great care of his teeth and likely not eat anything that would cause tooth decay. Boy was I wrong! He had three cavities and advanced gingivitis.

When I readied the syringe to numb his mouth he shied back and whined about me going to hurt him. You know what? I figured that if he is going to be this way, I'll fill those cavities without numbing his mouth. Well I started work on him and as soon as I started, he began howling in pain. What really pissed me off it that be nearly bit my hoof! Had that happened, I would have had to get rabies shots.

Reluctantly he let me numb his mouth and I began work on him. He was crying and whining about how much I was hurting him. Give me a break, most patients who get their mouths numbed hardly feel a thing. Hell even Rarity didn't whine as much as he did and you know what a pain in the ass she has always been for me.

Once I finished on him I led him up front and he handed me his LunaCare card. I was thinking that this was going to be a normal, stress free payment time but come to find out the card was declined. You want to know why? It had been reported stolen and was deactivated. This not only pissed me off but it infuriated me that he would have the audacity to steal somepony's insurance card. Normally I would have just let Luna sort this out but hey, he owed me money and despite him being a prince, he was still bound by the same customer/doctor agreement every patient is under.

Once the card was declined he started screaming that there was no way that it could have been declined. I decided to stun him just to shut him up while I figured out how I would collect what is owed me. While he was laying there stunned I did some research and there is a market for unicorn horns, especially large ones like his. While he was somewhat out of it I fired up my saw and cut his horn off at the base. Yes he cried and whined worse than a school colt who discovered his first crush is a lesbian but I didn't care, I could sell that horn and get my money.

Now this you will find hilarious. Most ponies would think that Celestia would do Faust knows what to me for taking her nephew's horn but she knew it was part of the agreement, which she deemed legit ages ago, so she didn't do a thing. Yeah I will have to sell this thing on the black market to some rather unsavory ponies but hey, I want my money!

In the end I did find a buyer for Blueblood's horn but I had to travel out to some Faust-forsaken corner of Equestria to meet up with some archaeologist and his shady buddies. The pony's name sounds very familiar, Dr. Caballeron. I wasn't sure if he could be completely trusted but I don't think he sought to lead to my downfall so I sold it to him. What happened after that though I'm not sure but I did get 5,000 bits for it so I'm happy.

Comments

[The laid back hunter]

Prince Blueblood: I'm glad you agreed to meet here today Mr.togo
Togo: ......
Prince Blueblood: umm yes anyway I've ask to meet you here today to hire you for your services
Togo: ......
Prince Blueblood: I see the rumors are true? You're not very talkative are you?
Togo: Name of the target.
Prince Blueblood: Straight to business? I can respect that. The target's name is Colgate she's located in Ponyville
Togo: .... I'll take the job
Prince Blueblood: Excellent I expected things to go smoothly Gologo 13

[Paradise Oasis]

Haha! I love this! awesdome job givivng that jerk what he had coming to him!

-Paradise Oasis