It was a late night at the asylum that I lived in. I was placed in this asylum at the age of fourteen because of my blackouts, times where I wasn't aware of nor able to control my own body. Usually it was a small incident, like I would kill a cat or set something on fire, and the only way I'd know about it would be if someone told me I did it, but last time I set my district's middle school on fire.
It was the middle of the school day, during chemistry. I was reported to have walked up to the cabinet that holds the chemicals and pulled out the one chemical we were not allowed to use because it is highly flammable if exposed to oxygen. The chemical is known as diethyl ether . I then proceeded to soak the papers next to the cabinet with diethyl ether, only then did anyone realize what I was doing and it was too late, the deed was done. The diethyl ether reacted with the oxygen in the air and it was like pouring gas on a fire, and that was when I gained control and completely booked it. I would have escaped scot free if my eyes hadn't done what they usually do during a blackout where the pupils turn into spirals and become literally the size of baseballs, after which it takes an hour to force them to become normal again. After the principal found me there was no doubt that they would take me to court - luckily me and my family had practiced this many times before and so had all my friends. We planned this out so that I could easily claim insanity and that is how I ended up here.
While in the asylum my life wasn't too bad granted the medication I'm taking dulls my senses, and each week I could get some reward for good behavior - last week I was able to earn enough ‘tokens' as they called it to exchange for a new t.v.
Tonight though, seemed different. I felt something watching me and it wasn't the cameras or the guards, it felt like it was trying not to alert me which is hard especially before I take my evening pill. That's when I sensed movement near my bed. I was the only one allowed in this room at this hour unless a guard needed to speak with me. I walked slowly to my bed, and that's when I saw what looked like a discord figure like one from the vinyl collection. (Yes laugh as you may I'm a brony.) Only thing is I had yet to ask the warden if he could buy him with my tokens, so where did this come from? I thought to myself as I picked it up. That's strange, it seems to have a lot more detail than any of the others from the vinyl collection.
“That my dear is because I happen to be real,” said the figure as it morphed into a life-sized version of itself.
“How the fuck is this possible?”
“Well my dear since you asked, every four years on the twenty-second day of the fourth month, the dimensional barriers are weakened so I can easily transport myself here to see my dear old daughter again,” Discord said with a sigh.
“What are you talking about I'm not female, nor am I even close to being related to you.” I shouted.
“Oh but you see my dear you are in fact just that. You may not know it but to avoid you being punished for my crimes 16 years ago in this world, translating to thousands of years in equestria, I had to send you away after that princess of the night wouldn't take care of you; claiming she wasn't your mother when I had made her pregnant and accelerated the pace so it took mere moments for her to give birth to you, but I guess I shouldn't complain, after all fluttershy will be a much better mare than that she-devil could ever be.” The chaos god sighed, “and if you're wondering, the gender change was to prevent your magic from being tracked. It also causes your blackouts as your body rejects its form”.
It took a moment for it to all sink in before I realized that discord was talking as if the events of the return of harmony part two hadn't begun, but he seemed to know just what would happen during it and wasn't going to try to stop it I guess he and fluttershy must have a connection even before his reformation in keep calm and flutter on.
“So I'm your daughter turned male all because you didn't want me to be punished for your crimes, and my mother is Luna who just claims that you're mistaken.” I say thinking mentally that the next time I see the princess of the night whom which I have become so fond of I'm going to punch her in the face. “But does this mean you can finally take me back to Equestria?”
“Yes my dear I think it's finally time. After all, if you're not back by next year your coming of age ceremony to receive your full powers can never be done, and if that happens I'll never have an era to my throne. I may be immortal but eventually I'll want to settle down and have a family. On that day you will take my position of chaos god of that world,” Discord sighed “Of course really it's up to you if you want to stay in this world with no magic, also being but a second rate planet compared to equestria, or come with me to follow your destiny and become a chaos god with near limitless power.”
“Did you even have to ask that question? Of course I'm coming with you father what idiot wouldn't? I mean really.” I responded.
“I guess you're right, plus I probably would have brought you back with me anyways.” Discord said.
Just then part of the wall split open, revealing a swirling vortex and Discord yelled “First one in gets first dibs on spreading chaos to the world!”
For some reason I found myself practically sprinting to the portal as I jumped in and the whole world went black.
This is funny
ALL ABOARD THE EXOSITION EXPRESS!!! In all seriousness, now that the (kinda clunky) exposition is out of the way, I should only really have Chaos Schenanigans to look forward to!
Heresy. This is not a tale of Tzeentch, Nurgle, Khorne,
Malal, or Slaanesh.I'm liking it
I believe you may need an editor. And also maybe an editor for the story you edit so that then the editor can edit your edits so that the edits look much better compared to the edits you've made so far. Seriously. I can't emphasize more than I have by now; Get. An. Editor.
7314636 what errors did i miss and what story did i forget to edit
7316282 You missed practically every possible grammatical error in this story. When I read it, I noticed that the storytelling itself was pretty choppy, too.
7316282 If you'd like to, then I could simply rewrite the entire story for you.
7316442 no I'll just call my editor if it's just that idk i just wanted to see if it pass at first before i called him. If it's a choppy reading it is better then my first story
okay. i wanna give this thing a shot, but several things made it hard to get through this.
First off, the grammar. Sweet Celestia, senetences ran on without pause so often i had to do more than double takes to figure out what was the beginning of a sentence and what was part of the previous one.
second, felt like i was on a bullet train. so much of this story shot past without a second to fully process it, making it hard to get into the world of the fic itself.
third, why the hell is the main character just so okay with going back to equestria with discord and leaving earth behind. there was talk about his family and it's clear he loves them and vice versa, yet when discord tells him "you're my daughter, screwball. wanna come to equestria with me?" He's like "Yep. couldn't think of why not." I mean, really? Really? He has a loving family, whom he loves in return, yet he's perfectly alright with just ditching them on the spot like that? No mention of how he'll miss them? How he wishes he could say goodbye before going? Nothing?
I find it very hard to like a character who willingly will just ditch their family without a good reason (and before you say i did the same with my Screwball by her erasing her memories of her human family, remember that she only did that after learning she couldn't go home and would have to remain in Equestria, whether she liked it or not).
i will follow this but, this first chapter has so many problems, it makes me worry what the rest of the story may hold
7337743 I'll fix that also I may have rushed this chapter give me a few days
whens the next chapter? (i LOVE it )
7365798 soon hopefully I've been writing it but I'm also trying to find a new editor as well
I can't wait to see what happens next keep up the good work update more soon
7470925 Yeah i just need to watch return to harmony a few more times and then the next one will be released
Lithium is a solid. Very metallic. It does release hydrogen and heat when mixed with water, which can light the hydrogen on fire. But it's not all that flammable, comparatively. Also most high school chemistry labs won't have reactive stuff like that on hand (I don't think?). You probably should steal diethyl ether which is a useful solvent in many labs, extremely flammable, very volatile, and in gaseous form it's an explosive gas that sinks because it's denser than air. I vaguely remember being cautioned to evacuate the chemistry lab in case of diethyl ether spills.
back before I had to drop out and fail at life.
Well that was interesting.