7289954 it's not always going to be pet play, Pinkie is just doing what she thinks Applejack needs for her situation, like I said in the tags their will be alot of other things. It's a building story.
I really wish there would've been most fighting in Applejack's stubborn side and her pride, we all know her stubbornness and pride are harder than the finest metal of all earth. (If that metal has a weak spot for friends.)
"r not aloud at th" Should be allowed "She wasted no more time, as she placed the brush in her pet’s main. Applejack only tensed for a second, before returning to her meal, not looking up from the food. Pinkie started to hum as she pulled the brush through her pet’s main." main should be mane. Also Without thoughts, the words came to Applejack as she screamed, “You are my master, my owner, you decide if A- her speech was cut short as another scream came through. Pinkie didn't need any more convincing, as she darted forward licking her pet’s folds. You didnt end the quoatation marks, It should be after A-"
By the way i really like the story so far, if you want an editor i would be more than happy to help.
“Aw, who's a good girl? Are you hungry? Is that it?”
I would think Pinkie would act ignorant to edge Applejack on. That she asks things like "Do you want to play? Or do you have to relieve yourself outside? Even when it's quite obvious. It would indeed raise Applejack's ire but the key thing here is that getting mad won't help her in the slightest.
a bit of pet play eh maybe she should take applejack for walkies. ohh but what if somepony were to see
Good story, thanks for writing it. Pet play isn't really my thing, but you have a good style.
I can do some editing for you! I dont know about story, but I can help the conventions. Hit me up with a PM if youre interested
7289954 it's not always going to be pet play, Pinkie is just doing what she thinks Applejack needs for her situation, like I said in the tags their will be alot of other things. It's a building story.
Wow, this is gonna be clop.... But with an actual story!
Also a submissive Applejack, I sense some edge in you, and I like that.
7315149 well Im glad you like it. The next chap is in the works
I really wish there would've been most fighting in Applejack's stubborn side and her pride, we all know her stubbornness and pride are harder than the finest metal of all earth. (If that metal has a weak spot for friends.)
You could use a proofreader, but this is really sweet as well as being sexy. I hope you continue.
7329350 You wont need to worry about quality too much in future chapters. I've been editing and back-editing this story for Huntersunday
"r not aloud at th"
Should be allowed
"She wasted no more time, as she placed the brush in her pet’s main. Applejack only tensed for a second, before returning to her meal, not looking up from the food. Pinkie started to hum as she pulled the brush through her pet’s main."
main should be mane.
Also
Without thoughts, the words came to Applejack as she screamed, “You are my master, my owner, you decide if A- her speech was cut short as another scream came through. Pinkie didn't need any more convincing, as she darted forward licking her pet’s folds.
You didnt end the quoatation marks, It should be after A-"
By the way i really like the story so far, if you want an editor i would be more than happy to help.
I would think Pinkie would act ignorant to edge Applejack on. That she asks things like "Do you want to play? Or do you have to relieve yourself outside? Even when it's quite obvious. It would indeed raise Applejack's ire but the key thing here is that getting mad won't help her in the slightest.