Previous Chapters Next
Close
The Cold Open1,699 words
Fumble Beginnings3,224 words
Plea Bargain4,143 words
The Canterlot Welcome4,400 words
Burning Drive3,483 words
The Dotted Line4,717 words
Ask Me Again4,549 words
To Dance with a Nightmare4,362 words
L.A.U.G.H.3,140 words
Ponyville Redux3,440 words
From Dust 'till Dawn3,939 words
Pressing the Apples4,134 words
A Piece of Cake5,192 words
Interrogation4,389 words
Night Shift6,014 words
Stronger Than Stone6,603 words
Queen Takes Pawn5,083 words

A Piece of Cake

I followed behind Echo and Sunshine, back to the castle. It was more or less on the opposite side of Ponyville from Sweet Apple Acres. It was later in the morning as we passed through town square, near Town Hall. More of the townsfolk were milling around, going about their business. For most, it wasn't their first time seeing bat ponies. But being the day time, we did still gain a few curious stares. If it bothered Echo or Sunshine at all, they didn't express it. But I suppose they were used to it by now. Just ahead on the left was Sugarcube Corner.

I was still a little rattled from the scuffle with Echo earlier. It made me realize just how reckless I had been trying to cover up Dawn. It would have been so much easier to just have her be absent from the house. It might have resulted in Echo and Sunshine setting out to track her down more ambitiously, but it would have given me more time to make a plan at least. You know, figuring out the best way to do something before you actually do it.

"Uh, hey guys, I was just going to stop into this bakery here and grab some food. I still owe Pound Cake a lunch, actually," I remembered. Echo and Sunshine exchanged looks.

"Do not dawdle. You're still on duty," Sunshine said.

"Yeah, yeah!" I agreed enthusiastically. "Piece of cake, just in and out. I'll see you guys tonight at shift change." Echo looked doubtful, but didn't voice it. They each left without another word. I turned and headed into the bakery. I pushed the door open giving a jingle of the bell.

"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner," the pink, energetic mare said from behind the counter.

"Hey Pinkie," I said reflexively, biting my tongue. So much for being more careful. Her reaction said it all. It was one of brief confusion. She searched my face, finding no familiarity.

"Well... this is strange," she said after a moment. "Somepony who knows me, but I don't know them. And I know everypony in Ponyville."

"Oh, well I-"

"Must be the new guard for Princess Twilight!" she cut in, "And I'm sure she told you all about me! After all, I'm her best friend!"

"Well, yeah I-"

"Are you here to give me a yeast inspection?"

"What!?"

"Twilight said that if I wasn't careful, that I would get a yeast inspection."

"I think she meant-"

"So are you here to inspect my yeast? We have all different kinds!"

"Pinkie I-"

"We have a bunch for different breads, and cakes."

"Pinkie,"

"Mrs. Cake likes to use baking powder."

"Pinkie!"

"But I think that's cheating. A real baker uses-"

"PINKIE!" I shouted.

"Oh, yes?" she said, stopping at last. I huffed and collected myself.

"I'm not here to give you a yeast... inspection." I shuddered and took a seat on the stool at the counter. "I just stopped in to get something to eat, and something to bring with me back to the castle."

"Oh." She leaned on the counter with a smirk. "You like to eat out?"

"Excuse me?"

"It's okay. I won't tell Twilight. A lot of guards prefer mine over hers."

"Uhhh,"

"After all, I'm a baker by trade. So it's no surprise ponies prefer my food," she said.

"Oh, right," I said. Mrs. Cake stepped out of the kitchen.

"Pinkie, we need more-" Cup Cake paused when she saw me, in uniform. "Oh, hello. Is everything alright?"

"Yes-sir-reedy-deedy Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie Pie said. "When he first came in I thought he was here to give me a yeast inspection and I was just telling him that we have all kinds of yeasts for breads and cakes and that you prefer to use baking powder but I told him that I thought that that was cheating and that a real baker uses"

Mrs. Cake caught my eyes. She just looked at me and shook her head. She silently mouthed 'I'm so sorry'. I just nodded and sighed. I knew how Pinkie was.

" ... and then he told me that he wasn't here to give me a yeast inspection and that he was here to eat and then take something back to the castle and I asked him if he liked eating out and-"

"Pinkie!" Mrs Cake put her hoof to Pinkie's mouth, ceasing her rambling the only way she knew she could. She looked back at me. "I'm sorry. Now what can I get for you, Mr...?"

"Storm Cloud," I introduced myself.

"Right then," Cup Cake said, "What would you like?"

"Could I just have a bagel please?" I asked.

"Ooh! What kind do you want?" Pinkie asked. "We have plain, blueberry, strawberry, oatme-" Cup Cake wrapped her hoof around Pinkie's face.

"I'm sure his eyes work perfectly fine! He can read the menu," she said. I didn't need to look up at the flavors on the chalkboard. I knew what they had.

"A cinnamon raisin please," I said. She lifted the door to the glass display and took out a bagel. Mrs. Cake went back into the kitchen. Pinkie sliced the bagel in half and placed it in the toaster. I always found this part entertaining. As soon as she pressed the lever down on the toaster, she would crouch there at the counter, watching the toaster intently. It wouldn't have mattered if there was a line going out the door and Celestia herself was at the front of it demanding service. While that toaster was toasting, she was watching it. In all these years, I would have thought that she would have had the timing memorized by now. But to this day, when the toaster finally 'popped'-

"AHH!" Pinkie Pie yelped in genuine shock and jumped back. Before her hooves even touched the ground she was smiling again. I guess for the pony who was the master of surprises, it was the only way she could surprise herself. "Ready!" She said as she put the halves on a plate and turned back to me at the counter. "Cream cheese?" she asked.

"Is that a serious question!?" I asked back, "Of course cream cheese!"

"What flavor? We have plain, blue-"

"Honey walnut," I said, cutting her off.

"OoOoh!" she grinned. She turned and opened the small condiment fridge behind her. She returned with the tub of cream cheese and a butter knife. "How much?" she asked. I smirked.

"How much have you got?" I asked in a completely serious tone. She blushed and she started panting.

You see, here's the thing. If it was one thing that I knew about Pinkie Pie, it was her love affair for cream cheese.

She opened the lid of the container. There was still foil sealing it.

"It's- it's brand new," she breathed.

"Go ahead, open it," I said. Her hoof moved nervously for the pull-tab on the foil. "Wait!" She froze. "Do it- slowly."

Pinkie Pie chewed on her lip as she gingerly took the tab in her hoof, giving it just the slightest amount of tension. And then- 'pop!'

"Hsss" she sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth as the seal broke. For a moment she just looked into my eyes, and there was nothing but the sound of the foil slowly pulling away from the plastic rim, until at last, it snapped free. "Hmmm," she purred. This wasn't just food to her now. It was foreplay.

"So..." she asked again, "how much?"

"A lot," I said. "I mean a lot. Like, just keep piling it on until you think that it's just an absurd amount. And then put more." She was practically trembling behind the counter.

"W-what if I use too much?" she asked.

"Hmmf, don't threaten me with a good time," I said. She called my bluff. She put the knife in the tub, running it around the entire circumference of it and then up-turning it over my plate, giving it a solid whack with her hoof, dropping a hockey puck of cream cheese on my bagel. "Mmm. Perfect. Thank you."

"You're welcome," she purred, leaning against the counter. I took the other half of the bagel and placed it on top of the cheese puck, making a sandwich. I cut it in half across the median.

"Would you like half?" I offered. She lit up. I pushed the plate toward her. She took half and ate it.

I'll spare you the details.

When she finished, I picked up the other half and held it in front of her.

"You don't want it?" she asked, almost heart-broken.

"I think I want to watch you eat it, more," I told her. I fed her the other half. In truth, it had already been a meal for me. The amount of love that mare had for cream cheese was a feast for me as a changeling. It was enough to satiate me for days. She grabbed a paper plate from the stack, fanning herself with it as she caught her breath.

"Mrs. Cake," Pinkie said into the kitchen, "I think I need a fiver,"

"Okay, Pinkie. I'll come out and cover the counter in just a second." As soon as Cup Cake came out of the kitchen, Pinkie slinked away upstairs for a break. "Oh my, is she alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, she's uh... yeah," I said.

"Oh, okay. What about you, dear? How was your bagel?" she asked.

"Mmm, delicious," I said.

"Well that's good to hear," she said. "How long have you been in Ponyville?"

All my life

"We just got in yesterday to start our rotation at Princess Twilight's castle," I said.

"Ooh, exciting isn't it? You know, I've know Twilight, oh, excuse me, Princess Twilight ever since she first came to Ponyville. Back before she was even a princess."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. She was just a regular ol' unicorn back then," she said.

Princess Twilight Sparkle without her wings. I couldn't even imagine it.

"So is this your first time in Ponyville?" she asked.

"Yes," I lied. I was very good at it.

"Well, welcome to our town. So how long have you been in the guard?" she asked.

"About two months," I said. She raised an eyebrow.

"Wow, and you're already guarding a Princess?" she asked. "I've never heard of anypony doing that so quickly."

I made a mental note to lie about that amount of time in the future.

"Yeah, well, they're doing a special... thing... where... new ponies can do... that."

So much for having a plan.

"Oh. Okay," Cup Cake said, accepting it well enough for an answer. She took a sip of her coffee.

"Pound Cake said I should definitely stop here if I was ever in Ponyville," I said, throwing a conversational grenade into the mix. Cup Cake coughed and sputtered into her coffee cup.

"You- know Pound?" she asked, surprised.

"Pound?" A voice came from the kitchen. A yellow stallion with an orange mane trotted out to the front counter. His eyes looked around the room quickly before settling on me. He was visibly disappointed. I wasn't sure how to take that.

"Uh, Carrot, this is officer Storm Cloud. Apparently... he knows our son."

"Yeah, he's actually in my squadron. Good guy. Hard worker," I told them honestly.

"Well, it's good to hear that he's doing well," Carrot said, turning to go back into the kitchen.

"Yeah. He even got the assignment with me to guard Princess Twilight," I said. Carrot froze mid-step.

"Pound is here?" he asked. "In Ponyville."

"Yeah. He's at the castle right now. Right down the street," I said. It was interesting reading his reaction. He didn't move. He didn't even turn back to look at me. He was deliberately non-reactive.

"Huh." He walked into the kitchen.

"Will there be anything else?" Cup Cake asked, changing the subject. I shook my head and she rang up my total. I passed the bits across the counter and left. And that was it. There was no 'say hi for us' or 'tell him we love him' or 'proud of him'. It was eerie. For as long as I had known Pound and the Cakes, back when I was Pineapple, they seemed like such a happy, close family. But now...

"Hey."

Lost in thought, I jumped at the voice beside me.

"You shouldn't sneak up on-" My voice failed me. It was Pumpkin Cake. Pound's sister. "...a guard."

"Oops," she said without sincerity, "I didn't think it was so easy to sneak up on a Royal Guard." She stood there leaning against the side of Sugarcube Corner. She was a unicorn with her father's looks. She had yellow fur and an orange mane. But her fur was a much paler shade. And her eyes were a vivid blue. The stick of a lollipop protruded from her lips.

Remember, Storm Cloud doesn't know her, I mentally reminded myself.

"Can I help you... Ma'am?" I asked. Her horn glowed, the magic pulling the lollipop from her mouth.

"You know Pound Cake?" she asked.

"Yes... But how-"

"I was in the kitchen. I'm Pumpkin Cake. His sister," she said, putting the pop back.

"Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you," I said, keeping as neutral as possible. "Do you make a habit of eavesdropping on customers?" I asked her.

"Mhmm," her reply. She removed the candy once more to speak. "Gets boring back there." For a moment, neither of us said anything. Her eyes narrowed just the slightest, almost-imperceptible bit. She looked me up and down, scrutinizing me. "Have we met before? she asked.

"I don't think so," I lied.

"You just seem..." she looked into my eyes, "familiar."

"Well... maybe you've seen me on the cover of Attractive Stallions magazine," I said.

"Heh."

The clock on the tower in town square chimed the hour.

"I need to get going. I have to report back to the Princess," I told her. I gave her a polite nod and excused myself. In all honesty, I really was running late.

Especially considering that I hadn't even ever asked permission to leave the castle in the first place.

As I made my way to the castle, another set of hooves trotted alongside mine. Pumpkin's.

"Yes?" I asked. She crunched the candy pop, chewing and swallowing the rest of it, and discarded the stick. "That's littering," I said at her brazen act, in front of a guard pony.

"You gonna arrest me?" she asked. I didn't respond. "There was something else I wanted to ask you."

"I'm sorry. I don't really have time to chat."

"Can you trot and chew bubble gum?" she asked.

"Is that your question?"

"No, I'm asking if you can multitask. Trot and chat?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You said you knew Pound."

"Yeah."

"Did he ever talk about me?" she asked.

Interesting

"He might have mentioned you. Your name is familiar," I said.

"So, not really, then?" she asked.

"No. Not really."

"..."

"So what was Basic like?"

"Why don't you ask your brother?"

"I'm asking you."

"Well unfortunately, I'm out of time," I told her, stopping in front of the castle doors. "This is me," I said, motioning to the castle.

"Oh. Is it? Are you sure it's not some other giant crystal castle?"

"Pretty sure."

"Why don't you tell me about basic some other time then?" she asked.

"Oh yeah? You want to schedule an interview?" I asked.

"Yeah. What time do you get off shift?" she asked.

"Sunset."

"Great. You can pick me up. Tonight. My place." she said. "It's a date."

"It's an interview," I said. She smiled.

"First dates are interviews," she said. I glanced back over my shoulder at the castle, half-expecting to see Pound glaring at me from a window. I leaned in to whisper.

"I don't think Pound would appreciate me dating his sister."

"Well then, I suggest you not tell him about it. Or this." She gave me a quick kiss on the snout. "Dusk. My place." She ran off before I could protest. I grit my teeth. I wanted to date her again. I really did. By the stars I really really did. But it was another complication that I really didn't need in my life right now.

"Dammit!"

I turned and walked into the castle. The door closed behind me louder than I would have liked.

-click click click Click CLICK-

"Private Cloud!" Princess Twilight shouted from the foyer balcony. "You have been absent, without leave, for eighty nine minutes and fifty three seconds! Under Article 86 of the-"

"Your Highnesss!" Echo called out, dropping down from the darkness of the ceiling rafters, "Your forgiveness I implore!" She landed and took a deep bow. "It was I who ordered the Private on the assignment out of the castle at my behessst. I acted alone, deceiving the unknowing Private, commanding him over your crown. If you are to punish anypony, it ought to rightly be me."

"Lieutenant!?" Twilight seemed confused for a moment, looking back to me. "Private Storm, is this true?" she asked. Echo gave me a directing glare.

"Every word, Your Majesty." I too, bowed in deference. Twilight paused for a moment.

"Lieutenant, this is unbecoming of you," Twilight said, "It is not your reputation."

"My deepest apologies," Echo said. Twilight regarded her for a moment.

"I'm afraid I must still report this infraction to your superior."

"I understand," Echo said.

"As for you," Twilight said to me, "report to the Archives at once."

"Proceeding, Ma'am!" I responded. I made haste to the archives. I hadn't time to think about what had just happened. "Why did she take the fall for me?" I asked myself aloud.

"Because, you jackasss," Echo hissed as she tackled me in the lower hallway, "if she reports you, it goes to the Day Guard command. And then questions get asked and reports get made. If she reports me, it goes straight to Princess Luna. And what do you think will happen next?" she asked me, pinned under her.

"Uh..."

"Nothing! I'm one of her top agents and we were acting on a mission! It'll get buried. As for you," she let me get to my hooves, "what took you so long!?"

"I was saving foals from a burning orphanage," I said.

"Save you attitude for somepony else. Do not buck with me right now. I just took a big fall for you."

"I swear, I just popped in for a bagel. Pinkie Pie made it for me. You can ask her."

"If the Pinkie Pie prepared food for you, then you should have been early, not late," she said.

"Yeah, but then she wanted to talk about it, and-"

"Say no more." Echo put her hoof up to stop me, "I understand. The mare's gregariousness is the stuff of legend." She sighed. "Our mission in Ponyville is complete. We have everything we need regarding Dawn to close the case. I don't imagine we will be in Twilight's charge for very much longer."

"Why?"

"After Twilight files her report against me, we'll likely be recalled to Canterlot for me to face my 'punishment' at the hooves of Princess Luna. If standard procedure holds, our replacements will be here within forty eight hoursss."

"What do you mean 'our' replacements?"

"You acted under me. So it will include you as well. It seems that Princess Twilight doesn't seem terribly pleased with your presence either. I can't imagine why," she said with intense sarcasm. Even so, I knew better than she did as to why. "At any rate, you've a job to do in the archives. Just keep you head down until we get back to Canterlot, would you?" she said, turning to leave. "In fact, just keep your head down in general. Remember, Storm, the secrecy of the Agency is paramount. It is more important than you can possibly imagine, more than my life, or yours. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," I said. She trotted off in the opposite direction. I headed downstairs to the Archives. I opened the door to find that the mountain range of unsorted books in the basement space had gone from ' hopelessly insurmountable' to merely 'daunting'. Pound had made good work on it. Speaking of which-

"Oh, OH! Look who finally decided to show up to actually do the actual job he was assigned to!" Pound shouted from across the piles. "I guess Cerberus will be surprised that the weather forecast for Tartarus calls for snow!"

"Ha. Ha," I replied. "What have you done so far?" I asked.

"Are you KIDDING ME!?" He shouted as he threw several books at me. I dodge what I could and blocked the rest with my hooves. "Are you KIDDING ME right now!? Are you seriously going to come down here after all this time and ask me an asinine question like that!? You should be the one doing this crap right now, not me! I outrank you!"

"Only by like, thirty seconds!" I yelled back. "And that's only because Cake comes before Cloud during the graduation ceremony!"

"Details!" he yelled, hurling one last book. "Besides you still owe me!"

A lunch. That I forgot to get when I was at Sugarcube Corner.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! Geez." I walked over to where he was working and dug in, sorting through the pile he was currently tackling.

"So where the heck were you?" he asked, a bit calmer now.

"I..."

I prepared a lie in my mind.

You see, here's the thing about lying. There's a big difference between lying, and lying well. Lying starts from a base of fiction. And as unstable as a web of lies, like that of a spider's, it is easily pulled apart and collapses in on itself with a modest bit of scrutiny. The key to lying well on the other hoof, is a firm basis in truth. And twisting that truth so subtly that they wouldn't even think to look any further than beyond your word.

For me, for now, it was the rooting in what would be surely reported by Princess Twilight.

"I got in trouble," I started. It was true. But more importantly, it was believable for Pound.

"Heh, I bet."

See what I mean?

"Lieutenant Echo asked me to go into town on an assignment. But she didn't tell the Princess that she was doing so. So really, Echo got in trouble," I told him, as the official report would corroborate. So far, so good. Far from the facts, it was the 'truth'. Truth as far as anypony other than she or I was concerned.

"Grr-alright," he grumbled. We sorted and stacked the various books and scrolls in relative silence. The Archives were like the casinos of Las Pegasus. There were no windows or clocks. So it was very easy to lose track of time.

"So..." I said after a few dozen books, trailing off. After only one word, I had already lost my train of thought. Perhaps it was my rational mind thinking better of what I was planning to say. But the Archives had a weird way of doing that to you. We each, over the course of the day would attempt to start a conversation, only to have a single word come out and then- nothing. 'So', I said, with nothing after. He didn't call me out on it. He barely even acknowledged that I even spoke at all. It wan't that he was hard of hearing.

"Anyways..." he said at one point, likewise trailing off into silence for another long while.

"Yup."

"..."

"Eeyup."

"..."

"Mhmm."

"..."

"So I, uh..." I strung three words together. It gave him pause for a moment, carrying a few books, about to move on. Part of me screamed to let it go, to leave it be. Be silent. But another part of me was too curious to let it go. I needed to know. "So I went to Sugarcube Corner this morning." Pound dropped the books he was holding. He tried to not react otherwise, but his hoof was revealed.

"Oh?" His only verbal reply as he quickly gathered up the books he dropped.

"Yeah. Met Pinkie Pie, and your folks."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," I said. I waited a bit. "Ordered a bagel." He sorted some books onto the shelves. I watched him as I pretended to do the same, waiting for a reaction. But he was being as inert as ever.

It made me think back upon my classes with Princess Twilight, back when I was still Pineapple. I remembered learning about chemistry and potions. I realized that ponies were a lot like chemicals. You can take a chemical, and ask it what kind of chemical it is. And it will lie to you right through its little chemical teeth. But mix them together, and add some heat... and they'll tell you all sorts of things.

"Yeah, I uh, met Pumpkin. I think you mentioned her at one point. She's your sister right?" I asked. He visibly tensed and bristled. I waited for him to say something. Anything. My irrational mind had already taken the wheel, anxious to see what would happen next.

I think there's a saying somewhere, about a cat and curiosity. Every alarm in my brain was going off, screaming for me to stop. But the words were already leaving my lips.

"You never said how cute she was." I had barely gotten out the 's' in 'was' before he grabbed me by my shoulders and pinned me against the solid wall, shaking several books from their shelves.

"You stay away from her, you hear me!?" he growled at me with a passion I had never seen before. "You STAY AWAY from her!"

Now admittedly, as Pineapple, I had experienced Pound Cake being overly-protective of Pumpkin in the past. But I had never seen him act like this. He was a completely different pony since the orchard fire. Thinking on it now, even Pumpkin was acting strangely. Hell, everypony seemed different. And I was no closer to knowing why. But for as much as I wanted to know, I wasn't going to get anything useful from Pound Cake. Not now.

Probably not ever.

Everypony had their line. And I could see it in his eyes, burning with rage.

I had just crossed his.

"Hey, easy, easy." I said. "Hey, I'm talking out of my rear. I'm sorry!" He eased his grip on me and shoved me away, realizing his overreaction. He turned back to his work of scattered books, gathering them up in aggressive frustration.

"You've got a big mouth Storm, you know that? It's gonna get you in trouble someday!" he growled.

"No doubt," I agreed.

"Just stay out of-" His voice cut out. But I could see his lips mouthing the words 'my life'. "Just stay out of that bakery. Get your bagels somewhere else, okay!?"

"Yeah. Hey, you got it," I said. He turned back to his work. I did the same. We finished our shift in uncomfortable silence. He clearly didn't want to talk to me anymore. And I just didn't know what to say.

I wasn't Pineapple anymore on the outside. But inside, I was still acting like the same asshole I'd always been. It reminded me of something that Spike had said before, and I felt it cut a little bit deeper.

"You've met Pineapple. How many 'friends' do you think he has?"

Part of me, a big part, wondered if I had just lost one more.

1,991 views

295