These are the indisputable facts about Mother Nature's cruelest predator, the parasprite.
Parasprites are composed of two parts: a fat little body, and tiny wings that, by the laws of aerodynamics, shouldn't allow for flight. But parasprite don't give a shit and flies anyways.
The Parasprite comes in many forms of color, are perhaps the cuddlest looking creature in nature.
But don't let the cute little eyes fool you. The Parasprite is perhaps one of natures most efficient predator.
It does this by being able to quickly devour any form of food substance within .04 seconds upon seeing it.
Give it a try, find something edible and then decide to eat it in that same moment.
Sorry you just ate a piece of cat poop, try again.
Sorry you just ate a pencil, that we stuck in cat poop.
Parasprites a hermaphrodites, meaning they have both mommy parts and daddy parts and are capable of self reproducing.
However unlike ordinary reproduction, the Parasprite takes it to a whole new level of horror.
They do this by hacking up their babies, which are just a vicious hunger as their parent.
This is why it sucks to attend a parasprite baby shower. There is just way too much coughing. Gross.
The Parasprite is perhaps natures smallest creature, with the Breezies being smaller.
But if you know you are being compared to something that can only fly with a gentle breeze you are really, really damn small.
You may not have noticed, but the Parasprite has really large eyes. They are the largest in relation to its body then any other animal.
Each one of its eyes is heavier then its brain, which might explain why they haven't invented anything.
If you challenged a parasprite to a staring contest, it probably wouldn't understand you, but it would stare at you with a little smile. And you would think that was enough.
The parasprite wouldn't think anything, and probably just make a pee pee.
Just remember, if someone offers you a puff ball with wings. Crush it. Then set it on fire.
You will save yourself a lot of trouble.
A bit rough around the edges, but quite funny
Gilda: Why in Athena's holy name...did you tag me? Do you dweebs think I'm a run of the mill griffin...a run of the mill griffin would try to charge you for copyright infringement just for the money.
Changeling: Yeah changeling biology doesn't actually work that way kid...and you really need to stop making out queen look like a whore just because we feed on love...hell canterlot was pretty much intentionally botched...and you didn't hear it from me.
Chrysalis:It's kind of important that we play the villian...some say the whole thing was a giant ploy by Luna...well you have the right idea...just the wrong alicorn...after all a creature that feeds on love trying to break the heart of the alicorn who wields it's power would be a really bad idea...and if some thug was to break it...
Cadance:Shiny's not a thug.
Chrysalis:And I'm a Flutterpony.
Cadance:Actually...
Chrysalis:Thugs care for their siblings.
Damn.....the leyends are true.......LIES!!!!!!!
Do one on Thestrals
Right, just in case more is added to this, I'm favoring this fic! FOR THE NARRATOR SPOKE WITH THE HEAVENLY VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN! REALITY'S GREATEST NARRATOR!
Where is the Fairytale that ended with "And then the owl swooped down and ripped the little girl's face off and ate her eyeballs" in this in pony form?
7145943
We have something far worse then that :P
7154517 What?
I forgot how funny these were
Is said fic any good?
7155796 Don't you hate it when your comments don't get a response?
7688911 It can be annoying.
7688910 I don't remember if it was any good. Also sorry for not responding, but you tend to stop doing things you like when you hate yourself. You know how it goes (I hope).