True Facts About ...

by ShadowWalking18

Seapony

Here are True Facts about the Seapony.....

The seapony is named so because it looks like it was made from the mold a small pone, except they ran out of clay before they got to the important parts... Like the parts that help you move.

Mainly propelled by two small fins on its side, the seapony is not the strongest of swimmers. More of an "aggressive floating" behavior. Imagine trying to propel yourself on a scooter solely by wagging your tail back and forth really fast. That is how a seapony do.

Due to its lack of movement skills, seaponies are bottom feeders. Clinging onto whatever crap it can find on the ocean floor, the seahorse has a diet consisting of over 3,000 brine shrimp a day, seaweed, and various bits of top feeder detritus. From this, one can easily infer that brine shrimp are really sh***y at running away.

Much like the changelings, seaponies do not give live birth. Rather, they lay soft smooshy clusters of eggs in long strands which are held together by mucus. These strands are then anchored to a number of stalks of seagrass, where they will mature under the loving and watchful eyes of their parents. And then they might egg make some more together, sometimes going for hours before taking a break, as they shall for the rest of their natural lives. Because, unlike regular pones, seaponies mate beyond life. They mate for death, which doesn't make sense unless you've been f***ed by a seapony.

Here is a quiz:

Which of the following is false?

1. The seapony often performs a duet with its partner before mating.

2. The seapony often mates under the soft light of a full moon.

3. The seapony gives its partner a warm loving hug every morning during their eggs' maturation.

If you said "false" to any of those you're a cynical bastard when it comes to love, because the seapony does all three. So you go out there and find your seapony lover, and don't be afraid to make a commitment for death if you think they're the one. Cause otherwise, you're just gonna die alone at home, entombed by the glow of your tv screen as you binge watch Game of Pones for the third time this week, wondering where my life went wrong.

I-I mean, uh... where your life went wrong.

Author's Note:

Wiggidy rules.

Comments

[RazDelacroix]

Once again, I laugh to lung-hurtiness, for I cannot help but read this in the voice of Morgan Freeman. Good job!

[raven618]

I can't be the only one that thinks of Scootaloo every time they hear that description of how the seahorse do, can I?

[Mossy Pages]

Lol. Seapones have better love lives than many.