7. Dear Moonlight Kitten...
The kitten continued chewing on the flaming feather. It was an enjoyable feather — fresh, tasty, and so magnificently spicy. Very different from the food Puff usually had. Moonlight magic was nice and all, but after two days it got old. Moments later, the feather popped, disappearing in a puff of smoke. The kitten sneezed, hitting its face on the floor. That was the problem with phoenix feathers — they didn't hold for long, and caused way too much sneezing. A few steps away, Philomena sighed audibly.
"Another?" Puff meowed guiltily. Philomena just shook her head, then plucked another wing feather and offered it to him. Yay! Puff leapt onto the feather. He would smile if he weren't so busy enjoying the new treat.
"Please chew silently, kitten." The Phoenix rolled her eyes. The kitten paid no attention whatsoever. He liked Philomena — she was nice, although so very stuck up. Even when she flew, she held her beak high. At least he could understand her, though. The ponies — they were a different matter entirely.
The second feather exploded in a cloud of ash. Hesitantly, Puff looked at Philomena once more. Her glare of disapproval was clear as day. Obviously, she wasn't going to give him another, so he would have to snatch one on his own. The kitten sunk down. Puff’s tail waved about, as he prepared to pounce.
"Don't even think about it," Philomena said firmly, beak held high. Uh-oh. She's onto me. Puff remained in position for a few seconds more, then leapt past her.
"Nightmare Mew!" he yelled, leaping back again, much to his joy and the phoenix's annoyance. How he wished Luna could be here. She was fun, and she fed him a lot. Of course, she’d pretend to be angry and not care, but the moment no one was looking she'd always give him a bolt of magic to eat. Not to mention that she —
"Puff!" A dark alicorn flew through the window. "Neigh neigh neigh?" She scooped him from the ground. "Neigh neigh neigh neigh!"
"Luna!" The kitten meowed pleased. You came when I called? That's so cool! I'll try it again later! "Hey, Mena, look how cool Luna is! When I call her she appears out of nowhere!"
The phoenix sighed deeply putting a wing on her face. A bit overdramatic, the kitten thought, but he was too busy having his belly scratched to care. Taking full advantage of the situation, he climbed up the Princess and flopped down on her head. He could have just as easily floated, but climbing was so much more fun. The one rule he had to follow was not bite her feathers. Luna seemed weird that way. There were a lot of other rules too — don't claw the ceiling, don't knock down vases, don't pee in the wardrobe... all those were irrelevant. The only thing Luna really cared about were her feathers.
"Neigh neigh neigh," the alicorn said, waving a hoof at him. It seemed like she was upset about something. "Neigh neigh Celestia. Neigh neigh neigh big fat Celestia!" Puff could tell Luna was still mad at her sister. Every time the pony used the words "big" and "fat" something was wrong. Also, Philomena had ruffled her feathers slightly.
The conversation continued for several minutes more. Most of it was unintelligible. Puff only knew a few words in pony speech, most relating to food or various versions of "don't". As usual, the talk ended with a stern warning of some sort, followed by Luna placing him back on the floor, then flying off.
"See, see?" Puff wasted no time, bragging to Philomena. "That's my ponycorn! Isn't she the best?"
"Celestia can, at the very least, understand me when I talk," the phoenix scoffed. "And it's 'alicorn', not 'ponycorn'. Really, you could at least try to learn part of her language, kitten. It's ridiculous not being able to talk to your pony."
Meanwhile, something new had attracted Puff's attention — drapes. There were so many of them in this room, that they made him feel dizzy. Nice, soft, smooth, reaching all the way to the ceiling drapes! It simply would be a crime not to climb them!
"I was fluent in pony five hours after I hatched," Philomena continued. "Celestia and I had our first full conversation the very next day. You, however, are clearly neglecting your language skills. Not that I'm implying anything, I've been young too... a few dozen times, but you—" the phoenix stopped. Puff was no longer there. Instead, the kitten had climbed halfway up the curtains. The goal was almost in sight! Just a little more and—
A pair of talons grabbed the kitten by the back of the neck. Instantly, Puff froze. His paws lost their grip as he was pulled off the curtain. Mena! Why do you always do this?! Just because your feathers are tasty, doesn't mean a thing! The bird flew back down to the floor, yet did not let go of the kitten.
"When Princess Luna entrusted you to me it was to make sure you were safe," she said slowly and clearly. "Now, I understand you are just a kitten, but try to take things at least a bit seriously. Soon, you will be living in the palace as Luna's aide. This is a great responsibility! It will fall on you to take care of your Princess when she is feeling down and protect her when needed."
Almost managed to... The kitten struggled to free itself from Philomena's grip. Must escape fat chicken! An audible sigh sounded, after which the kitten’s wish came true. Philomena let go of Puff's neck, letting him scurry off towards the first instance of safety he could see — in this case a cushion.
"Really, kitten!" the phoenix said critically, as Puff tried to claw its way under a cushion ten times his size. Far too heavily to be moved by a cat alone, it effectively trapped him under it. A series of meows followed, desperately pleading for help. "It's a mystery how Luna manages to put up with you."
"Help me out! Help me out!" Puff tried to free himself from the soft prison, yet his paws weren't cooperating. The slippery floor, Curse you, slippery floor!, was a treacherous enemy that took every opportunity it got to strike at him. Now I understand why Luna wears horseshoes. If I get out of this, I promise not to pee on them... unless I have to! Something took hold of his tail. Before Puff could even react, a strong tug freed him from the cushion’s embrace.
"Had enough adventures for one day?" Philomena asked sternly. Talk about embarrassment. Puff looked at the ground ashamed. He knew this wouldn't work on Philomena, but instinct made him try. Truth was that he did want to learn how to help Luna. It wasn't his fault that the world was filled with so many new and exciting things!
"Sorry, Mena," he meowed quietly.
"Look, the faster you learn the basics, the faster you can take care of yourself," the phoenix said. "Just put your mind to it for a while and it'll come naturally. Then we can do some pranks."
"You?" The kitten looked at her in disbelief. "You do pranks?"
"Well, you don't think you're the only one with a hint of mischief," Philomena laughed. "I have fun all the time. Every now and again I even get Celestia mad."
"No!" Puff's eyes widened. "Big fat Celestia?"
"Ahem!" She glared at him. "Celestia is not fat. And yes, at times I get a grumble from her. One time, I tricked Fluttershy into thinking I was sick. She spent all afternoon trying to find a cure, only to watch me burn to ashes right in front of her. I'll never forget the look on her face when I came back to life."
Puff blinked. Phoenix humour seemed scary. He would never do something like that to Fluttershy. That yellow pony was always nice and could understand him. Why, he wouldn't even think of biting a feather off her wings! Hopping on her head, kneading on her back, or even pouncing at her hooves — sure, but pretending to be ill and dying — never!
"Come along, kitten." Philomena flew towards the window. "It is my task to educate you about your surroundings. There are a lot of things you'll need to learn about the palace and its ponies."
Yay! Puff jumped happily, then ran after the bird. Exploring all the new places in the palace sounded like fun. Eagerly, he rushed toward the window, and... Aw! He smacked into the wall beneath it. Why did jumping have to be so difficult? It was so much more fun than floating. Floating was slow and boring. Maybe Mena will teach me to fly like her?
"Mena! Mena!" he meowed, as he sat on the floor. I hope she comes. This always works with Luna.
"Seriously, kitten?" Philomena screeched, flying back into the room. "Didn't you hate being carried?"
"I'll behave," Puff squawked with the most innocent face he could muster. The phoenix grumbled, then swooped down to grab him. Victory! The kitten thought, as the two of them flew out of the room. The urge to struggle remained, though. There was something unnatural in being carried this way.
The garden was the first place that Philomena chose to show. Quite disappointing, to be honest. The kitten had already seen that when he had first met the phoenix. True, this time there was no need to hide, but still there had to be a lot much more interesting places to explore.
"This, kitten, is the garden," Philomena said, as she landed on a statue. "Celestia visits it a few times per day. There are three things you must remember. For now you are small, but in time you'll become a Princess' aide. As such, the garden will become one of your responsibilities. All creatures here will look to you for advice and you'll provide it to the best of your ability."
Violet flying thing! Puff's attention was quickly grabbed by a nearby butterfly. Ignoring Philomena's speech, it pounced in an attempt to catch the curious insect. On its end the butterfly didn't seem to feel at all threatened, for it merely veered slightly not even bothering to get out of the kitten's reach. This only infuriated Puff. Hey! It clawed wildly at the insect. I have defeated armies of squishy toys! I won't be defeated by a violet flying thing!
"Ahem!" A cough behind Puff made him stop what he was doing. "Enjoying yourself?" Philomena asked, her words dripping with disappointment.
"Sorry?" the kitten meowed. In response the phoenix only shook her head.
"Look, if you aren't serious, I—" suddenly, she stopped. Both creatures froze motionless — they had heard a new series of sounds approach... pony sounds. "Quickly!" Philomena snatched the kitten and flew right into a nearby bush. "Be still and quiet!"
Puff was about to ask a question, more than one in fact, but the phoenix's warning glance made him reconsider. Instead, he focused his attention on the approaching horses.
"Neigh neigh neigh!" The voice was clear now. A feeling of extreme happiness filled Puff. He had recognized the owner of the voice — it was his pony. His first reaction was to rush forward and rub himself against her hooves. Barely had he made a step forward when something grabbed his tail, causing him to plop head first on the ground.
"Hey!" he grumbled a mew. "That was nasty!"
"Shh!" Philomena covered his mouth with a wing.
"Neigh neigh neigh, Fluttershy?" Luna went on. Puff could see her now, and she didn't seem at all happy. She was sadder than when he first saw her, more upset than last night even. The kitten's smile disappeared. "Neigh neigh, Celestia! Neigh neigh neigh!" Of course it would be big fat Celestia! She always picks on my Luna! I've only seen her once up close, but she's mean! She tried to squash me with a wardrobe! I'm so telling Mena to have a word with her pony!
"There, there, Princess. Everything will be fine," a second voice said. No mystery as to whom this voice belonged. Yellow pony was the only one Puff could understand freely. Also, she was extremely nice. If he didn't already have Luna, he would gladly consider her his pony. Actually, why not? Nothing said he had to limit himself to a single pony. Luna was just going to be his official pony. "I'm sure Princess Celestia didn't mean any of that. And the Gala will be the best one yet. The girls are helping out, and they already have enough experience to, umm, avoid past mistakes. And Discord is a sweetheart. He just, umm, wants an teensy-weensy amount of attention, that's all."
Discord? Puff's sadness was quickly replaced by joy again. If the Discord creature was to visit that meant there would be a huge feast! The kitten's stomach growled just thinking about it. The chaos creature was like an every flavour all-you-can-eat buffet. Maybe a bit tough to chew, but the taste... Saliva filled the kitten's mouth.
"Discord," Luna hissed. "Neigh neigh neigh!"
"Umm." Puff could see the yellow pony tremble. Whatever Luna had said, must have been very scary. "So, umm, are you sure you won't tell Princess Celestia about Moonlight?" Both the kitten's ears flicked. "Moonlight" was how the yellow pony preferred to call him. "He has become quite responsible. Last night he even helped me clean your room." That's right! I helped clean my room! "I'm sure Princess Celestia won't be one bit upset."
"Bah!" Luna waved a hoof. "No! Neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh! Neigh?" The alicorn took a dramatic pose. Oh, I like this! Celestia reenactments were always fun. Also, Luna was really good at them! The ruffling of feathers beside Puff, however, indicated that not everyone enjoyed the performance.
"Well, you saw the garden," Philomena said curtly. "Let's see other parts of the palace."
"But, I wanted to watch this," the kitten meowed in protest. Too late, for the phoenix had already grabbed him and was flying away. Philomena could definitely be scaringly fast when she wanted to. In a way, Puff understood her — no one liked hearing bad things about their pony.
Flying at high speed was incredibly nice. Only now did Puff see how slow his clumsy floating actually was. What should have taken minutes took mere seconds. The kitten managed to get a glimpse of the entire city, as the phoenix soared across the sky. Ponies moved about like small dots. So many ponies... So many things to play with. Of course, Luna will remain my number one pony! The experience was cut short by Philomena plunging down, then taking a sharp turn right into the palace, through the corridor and into... a totally unknown place. Puff stared at the endless shelves filled with countless things to push off onto the floor. His paws began to itch.
Landing on a free shelf, Philomena cleared her throat.
"This, kitten, is a very important room," she announced. "It's here that the ponies prepare their food. Every pony house has one, but this one here is special."
So many shiny things. An uncontrollable urge forced Puff to take a few steps forward, mesmerized, only to slip off the shelf. Quickly, he grabbed the edge with his front paws determined not to fall. Mews for help filled the room, only to be interrupted by a deep sigh. Annoyed, Philomena lift him up back to safety again.
"Listen, kitten," she began in her serious tone. "You do know you can float, right?"
"Yes?" Puff tilted his head to the side. What does floating have to do with anything?
"So, why do you insist on screaming for help every time you slip? Just float!"
You're so stupid, Mena! I can't float when I'm hanging onto something. One can only float when I’m in the air. I bet you're just envious that you don't have paws. Oh, yeah, you can't dreamwalk either!
"As I was saying, here is where ponies come to eat." The phoenix placed a wing on Puff's head and firmly directed his attention to a pair of ponies in the far end of the room. Oh, yuck! They are making that stuff! Yellow pony tried to force me to eat it once. I know she's nice and all, but that stuff is disgusting! "Unlike us, they cannot survive on magic. Instead, they eat solid and liquid foods. Once you get older, you too will be able to experience such. I know that it seems impossible now, but in time you'll see that it isn't that bad."
"As if!" Puff stuck out his tongue.
"More importantly, for some reason ponies are nicest here," Philomena said sagely. "I learned that when I was a very young chick. They always pet you, even if they are busy, offer food secretly, and don't stay mad at you even when you make a mess. Best of all, they love talking to you."
"Luna always loves talking to me!" Puff countered. Well, it was shouting mostly, but that still counts! The look the phoenix gave him was anything but convinced.
"Another thing, and this is the most important of all, the Princesses sneak in here when they think the place is empty," Philomena announced conspiratorially.
"Really?" Somehow Puff had difficulty imagining Luna sneak anywhere. The pony was as noisy as a storm cloud.
"Oh, yes." The phoenix' beak twisted in a smile. "Luna comes in the afternoon to get some ice cream, and Celestia raids the place at night for cake."
"Ha! Big f—" The scorching glare Philomena gave him made Puff instantly reconsider. Wow, Mena is seriously protective of her pony. "—luffy Celesta!" He finished the phrase. Not the best save, but thankfully good enough. The bird just humphed and looked away. "Are there always so many ponies here?"
"Usually no," Philomena responded coldly. "There are busy preparing for your pony's Gala tomorrow."
"Ah." Puff nodded. He had no idea what a Gala was, but it sounded important.
"Come, kitten, there's one last place I want to show you."
The flight was short. This time, Philomena let the kitten simply grab hold of her tail. Definitely a fun experience. Of course, Puff had helped too — he had floated along, not to mention he had only eaten two tail feathers in the process. Mena really is cool! Strange and scary, but cool!
The room they went in was very different from any Puff had seen. It was absolutely huge, and bright, and warm. Luna's room was nice, but in a sort of slightly lonesome sort of way. When playing there, Puff got the feeling he was the only special thing in the room — he had the freedom to do anything he wished, surrounded by soft calmness. Here it was the opposite — the room screamed "gather all, and let's be together". Nice, in a very intense sort of way. A giant painting decorated one of the walls. It was identical to the one in Luna’s room — a portrait of both ponies standing next to each other. They seemed so happy there… although Celestia still looked fat.
"This, kitten, is Celestia's room," Philomena said, dropping him onto the floor. "With the exception of myself and Luna, no one else is allowed to enter. You," she patted him on the head with a wing, "will be as well, in time."
"It's so... big!" Puff continued to stare around in amazement. There were so many things he could do, and yet, he felt something stopping him from disturbing anything. For some reason, he just wanted everything to remain as it was, untouched by claws.
"And when you come here, there is one thing you need to remember — whatever happens in this room, much like Luna's, is not to leave its walls."
"Oh?" Puff sat down, then moved his tail around his paws. "Why?"
"As I said a while ago," another deep sigh, "we are the Princesses' aides. It rests on us to take care of them and to ensure they are well. I do that by listening to Celestia. Although she sees a lot of ponies, and is constantly writing to her students, she loves to talk. It is my task to respond and make her feel better when she needs it. Your... methods are obviously different, yet they clearly affect Luna in similar fashion."
"They do?" I have methods? Who knew?
"Of course," Philomena chuckled. "The change in Luna is apparent. Just look at how different she behaves when she's with you. Now, there is that silly matter of her keeping you a secret. I honestly have no idea why she insists on that." The phoenix shrugged. "There's nothing wrong in having an aide. Still, ponies are strange, even princesses."
The phoenix was about to add something more, when the sound of approaching hoofsteps sounded from beyond the door. Aww, and Mena was getting to the good part! Ponies really are interruptive creatures! Without a word, Puff rushed under the bed. The lack of light made his fir glow. Hopefully, fat Celestia wasn't going to notice.
"Ah, Philomena." The kitten heard the pony say upon entering. Hey, why can your pony talk properly? First thing I'm telling yellow pony is to teach Luna to talk! "I'm so glad you are here. It's been a dreadful day."
"I'm always here, Princess." Wow, Mena! Just wow! You grumble, sigh and whatnot, but when your pony arrives you act like this? "Is it about Luna's Gala?"
"No, not the Gala," the pony sighed. Her behaviour resembled Philomena's quite a bit. Puff was certain that Celestia's fatness was also to be blamed on the phoenix. At least my pony takes care of her appearance! "It's Luna again. I simply don't understand why she is being so difficult. She's hardly spoken a word to me since last night. I honestly cannot understand what she wants. I helped setting up her very own Gala, I constantly try to support her in everything she does... One moment she is fine, then she suddenly becomes sad, then angry."
"Maybe she is going through changes, Princess," Philomena said. Curious, Puff struggled to the edge of the bed cover. From this angle the only thing he could see were Celestia's hooves.
"I know, but until when, I ask you, Philomena? It has been a while now. The ponies have started accepting her. Many are grateful for her chasing away their nightmares. Many have even sent thank you letters. And what does she do? She mopes, she destroys her room, irresponsibly launches bolts of magic at the moon..."
The pony paused. This was the perfect opportunity for Puff to venture a look from under the bed, and so he did. There she was — the older sister of Luna. Celestia was quite imposing and regal, even more so than Philomena. The whiteness of her coat made him think of clouds. I wonder what her feathers taste like. Maybe I should charge and bite one off? That will show her to be mean to my pony. Well, Mena will be upset if I do that...
"She's keeping secrets from me," Celestia said, causing both Puff and Philomena to suddenly freeze in place. The kitten felt this wasn't the best time to be in the open... but he so much wanted to climb onto her! That white coat was just too tempting! "Luna thinks I'm clueless, but I know she's hiding something from me. Her acting is atrocious, by the way. The only reason I humour her is that I don't want to force her telling me before she is ready. I know that's the right thing to do, but the waiting is painful."
"Why not ask, Princess?" Philomena made a subtle wing gesture for Puff to get out of sight. That only seemed to increase his interest. "She is your sister."
"A sister that still hasn't spoken to me since our last quarrel," Celestia sighed. "I really hope the Gala makes her feel better. The introvert she is, though, my expectations are low." The Princess petted Philomena gently on the head. "What would I do without you, Philomena? I better get back to helping organize the event, though. Twilight is being a bit... overenthusiastic again."
Hardly had she said it, Celestia left, not even glancing in Puff's direction. That was good, in a way — the kitten hadn't been found. However, the things he had heard made him feel somewhat sad. It was as if a cloud had thundered right inside him. Floating to Philomena's golden perch, he sat beside hear.
"That was heavy," he meowed.
"Definitely." The phoenix nodded. "Not as bad as six centuries ago, but still not good."
"So, my pony is keeping me a secret from your pony because she doesn't think your pony will approve," Puff began. "And your pony knows my pony is keeping a secret from her, but doesn't want to ask her because she thinks my pony would be upset. This sounds stupid!"
"Ponies," Philomena shrugged. "Complicated creatures. The only thing we can do is support them."
Well, that might be enough for you, but not for me. Tomorrow, during this Gala thing, I'll fix everything!
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40.media.tumblr.com/92347d317559232a297a56c24914e044/tumblr_nf8tn3B7S11u3abkpo1_1280.jpg
A kitten's idea of fixing this situation...
This is going to be hilarious. Also, I love how you wrote things from Puff's perspective.
7014501 Soon you'll find out :)
7016039 I really don't know anything about cats O:)
7019392 I envy you! Cats don't get along with me... :(
7029986 What? O:) She's just a concerned sister... :)
7036886 That's it! Right there! The face of terror! :)
7036941 :) Thank you :)
This is going to be one Gala, unlike any other :D (spoiler : will involve kittens, Discord and strong drinks)
More?
7036965 I love all of those things!
Oh, I should probably read the chapter. Uh, I'll get back to you later...
7037097 ... :)
I have to
flied, she
This should be "So, umm, are you sure you won't tell Princess Celestia about Moonlight?"
By disobeying Luna's most important order?
7037159 :) Thankee! All fixed now :D
7037173 One never knows :) Maybe have Puff and Mena bitch a spell transforming all the pets to ponies? (Really liked the fic that was linked about the pets becoming ponies :D
7037230 bleh! She's just a pony! What does she understand? :)
Please write more! this is so adorable!!
So wait... I am confused on how Puff can understand Flutters and Celestia, but not Luna or others.
From this chapter, it shows that Fluttershy is not speaking in a different way, as she is talking to Luna. So then how can he only understand her and not Luna if she is not doing anything special?
7038081
Celestia helped Philomena learn pony by first using magic to translate her speech to animal-tongue, something she still does to this day as a habit in philomena's presence as a form of passive spoiling.
7037531 Huh, looks like he shares Celestia's attitude to Luna
7038698 :) Well it's her kitten... I meant she is his pony :)
7038752 Celestia's attitude to Luna, not vice versa. As in,
KITTEN CANNON!!
7038840 Never thought of it that way... :) Soon we'll have kitten vs Celestia to determine Luna's fate :)
7039278 For great justice!
Holy wow! That was an amazing chapter Lise! I loved seeing Nightmare Meow's point of view. I really can't wait for more!!!!
7039282 So it seems.
I mean, they should get along great- They both annoy her, disrespect her and frustrate her to the point she wants to cry, all while being completely oblivious they're being horrible to her
7039580 But she still loves them... And they love her.
Or maybe Luna and Celestia should switch pets? ... That sounds like a good idea for a one shot :))
7039338 Nightmare Mew! :D
7039590 Oh, I have no doubt Celestia loves her- It's just that if this is ANYTHING like Luna was treated a thousand years ago, count me in on team Nightmare.
7039295 MEOWZOOKA!
Neigh neigh neigh, Neighse Neighclaire! Neigh neigh nicker neigh whinny-- oh, crud, left the translator on "horse."
Very creative chapter, Lise! It was a very nice change to see the situation reversed to where the animals can speak but the ponies are inscrutable. A very nice twist before the Night Gala comes. Let's see just how well that turns out...
Really enjoyed the last chapter, getting to see from moonlight 's perspective as he talks to Luna was definitely creative, I don't see things like this very often so bravo.
7039698 :) That's my take on Celestia and Luna, at least :)
7040079 :) Glad you enjoyed! :D
Surprised you didn't catch the reference, though. (Dear Kitten rings no bells?)
Told you thus thing was (untypically) planned through :) Only thing uncertain is whether to split the gala in two... Guess I'll know when I do it :)
Also, why are you speaking pony to me? Do I look like a cat?
7040351 Should I be afraid? :)
7040421 :D Thank you! Very glad you enjoyed it :) 2 more chapters to go. :))
7040563 only two? That's a shame.
7040572 This was never planned as a long multi. :(
Could do a sequel at some point, but I like to experiment with different things :)
7040557
(looks at avatar image)
No, you look like a tree.
And I know a thing or two about having to split chapters. In fact, the next Iron Horse chapter was going to be one long chapter, but instead I'm splitting it for readability purposes. Nobody wants to read 40 pages in one go, not even for cute robot ponies.
7040730 :) Looking forward to it :D Maybe Turing needs a pet? :))
7040559
"Fun!FUN!" 
"FUn!"
"maybe."
*Squeek* "t-thank you for writing this fun story."
7040754
Hmm...
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lh3.googleusercontent.com/-H9hHkFQTTPw/VuxtqSENqyI/AAAAAAAACn0/YWBfXrZpp0c/s2000/sailorlunabymapony2401458335172372.png
Nightmare Mew targeting Discord at the Galla: "Stick an apple in his mouth and call him Cornucopia!
"