The explosion of Chernobyl's fourth reactor in the Spring of 1986 shook Earth and its neighboring universe, Equestria to their cores. Celestia among several others lost a dear friend that day...or so they thought.
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Well it has potential and your writing style is very organic (no pandering, over disruptions, feels like actually poeple talking) which will serve your source material very well.
If this story is good enough it might might make me get on writing my S.T.A.L.K.E.R. crossover that's Sat on my "ideas" pages.
And also this is a very untapped crossover material meaning you really don't have anyone to be compared to. I hope you use this.
Welp. Nothing will go wrong. This will be the most successful and least dangerous undertaking ever. I'm sure of it.
7022652 I appreciate that I just wish I wasn't getting so many dislikes right from the get-go When I release chapter one on April 26th along with the cover, I really hope that flips around. I've never had more dislikes than likes so it is kinda discouraging
Don't worry. You have me tracking
7023262 i will admit your playing fire here. But theirs alot of potential of a truly good story animist a disaster that we all are familiar with.
theirs a lot of ways you could screw this up but so many ways you can make it great. i say don't listen to the lik/dislik buttons, they are vague at best when it comes to story reception. just listen to the people who have the nerve to actually comment. My guess on the dislike though was your very un-descriptive and disconnected sex scene, my guess it you don't write alot of sex (which is fine). It was very bare bones and relied too much on the dialog (which was pretty much screaming and moaning) honestly it was a little clingy. but it was so short and you went to reinforce Celesta's and Dr.Radius's (love the Oc name btw) love so quickly and so well it didn't matter.
Also the source material, some ppl just have buttons that make there butt all hurt. i actually got in a little trouble once in school. The Chernobyl incident was a pretty big interest of mine (and my mom, who actually remembered it happening) and once in 8th grade we had to do a report on disasters. I of course did the Chernobyl incident and having alot of pre knowledge about it got into it pretty hard. When i reached all the cases of thyroid cancer and birth defects the teacher stopped me. and i got a pretty stern talking to about how some events in history are better off forgotten. my mom pulled me out of school after that year.
when i got to my new school for freshman year we had to do a report on your 2 biggest heroes, imagine the trouble i got into when i listed mine as John Moses browning and mikhail kalashnikov
keep calm and writing on my friend.
-HWB
7024516 You know what? You taking the time to type all that advice just made my day It's true I don't write a lot of sex scenes and I wanted to show that Celestia and Radius were doing it because they care for each other and not make it mindless clop. See, I have somewhat of a theory. People see that it's rated M and see the sex tag and think "this oughtta be hot" and maybe get disappointed when it's about two characters who love each other and it doesn't go into graphic detail. Anyways, I truly genuinely appreciate the encouragement from you and with the support of my readers, I think I can make something that they would enjoy reading Thanks a bunch!
Well, seems interesting, I will look further into the story before I rate it.
7024516 That is utter bull, being punished for doing EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE TOLD and doing it good. THIS is why I DESPISE schools!
I have long since quit school for reasons like that. As far as your report thing went, well at least you didn't say it was Hitler. (Thinking about it, you probably should have said that Hitler was your hero just to spite them)
The first thing I see is just him and Celestia having sex just might as well put it straight forward I have no problem with it. Good job.
Looking at this, and what it was. I can honestly say, without a doubt you have improved it. I really am not going to waste my time listing every little thing as an example, but between what it was, and what it is... It is definitely better
Personally though, you could have spared making this into so much of an info dump. I mean, it is definitely good for the readers to get a better picture of what is going on earlier into the story, but considering that most of the "info dumpy" details are described in the flashback? Memory? -chapters... Well, it would be a little annoying for a reader to read all about something, only to reread the exact same things later on. Though you can work on that later, after you have edited all of the other chapters.
Other than that one critique, it is pretty good. You are definitely getting better at sex scenes as well.
...And this one has not changed at all since August, so I am just going to move on to the next one.
Interesting, although I'm really having to stretch my disbelief that the whole "magical ponies from another world" has had as much of a (seemingly) affect. No demands that Celestia share power with elected representatives? No communist movements? No anti-horse/anti-human disputes? Celestia's sending her love/top nuclear scientist to a country with an oppressive gov. that doesn't give a damn about its impact in nature, nor does it particularly value human life?