The explosion of Chernobyl's fourth reactor in the Spring of 1986 shook Earth and its neighboring universe, Equestria to their cores. Celestia among several others lost a dear friend that day...or so they thought.
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7985011 Oh, you just started reading? Just wait til you get further on. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.
7985365 I like your real attention to detail. Here I am just biting my nails hoping you like the rest of it I truly, genuinely hope you do
7990157 Oh...that kinda worries me I was hoping it'd be interesting at least most of the way through.
7990157 hey if you would, let me know when you get further along. Any feedback is appreciated greatly and constructive criticism helps me better my work. Thanks.
7992300
Okay, wow I am laaaaaaaaaaaaaaate in getting back to you, apologies for that. In any case, beyond the first few chapters, the story starts losing the passion that you have put into the first couple. It picks up here and there, but... Well, after you get done writing, you might want to rewrite some of this, and polish it in general.
Second off, as for that one "clop" chapter: "On a big Mac" at first, I might say that you are bad at it, but looking at the part where you wrote the second paragraph from the story Daring was writing. And from the chapter of which the reactor exploded. I can tell you have real talent... When you get passionate about your writing it is. I guess that is what has been lacking most from most of the chapters: passion. I could go on and on, but the writing guide on here would explain, and with better quality, half of what I would tell you. While the other​ half would be me going deeper into certain points in the guide, going on about a few tips I have... Somehow learned from... Somewhere... Despite not really being in the guide... Or having learned them from English class... Or having really written anything... I honestly don't know how I know, or can do, or learn, or... *Goes on for half an hour like this* ...or see, or think... ...Most of what I do.
Then again, I could probably go on for at least a good half an hour of how I went, at least partially, insane when I first came on here... And the weird conspiracy theories behind it that I have created... So it's not like my life wasn't already weird...
Okay... Where the heck was I? I think I got... A lot off track there...
Now where was I? I could go on about all I know, but I think, with the first couple chapters in mind, I will just summarize my thoughts in two sentences.
"You have true talent within you. You just have to let it show."
P.S. I think that I somehow got high, without even knowing it... That is how I feel half the time anyways... Is this how Pinkie feels?
P.P.S. why did I make this comment again? I am really late in doing this, so I'm not exactly very helpful in doing so this late... Then again, better late than never! And- ooh! Shiny!
7990450
Anyways, I meant more interesting, what it was before was more or less the obvious interesting. The kind of interesting that while ranging from "on the edge of your seat" (for example: the chapter where the reactor exploded) to "generic, been there, done that" (like watching all of the Friday the 13th movies and in the last one you watch, see a guy die! Due to Jason! With a machete! ...again!) interesting​ it is generally obvious what is happening, leaving little to no suspense. For example, with a look at the description, and picture, one could look at the chapter where Celestia gets the radio transmission. It is quite obvious that it is from Radius, that it has came from Chernobyl, etc. Another example is the part where the reactor blows up. Anyone who has even passing knowledge of Chernobyl, knows that the reactor exploded, and could guess that Radius would have supposedly died without even reading the chapter, once again taking away any real element of suspense.
Not to say that the "obvious" sort of interesting can't be interesting; the chapter with the reactor exploding, and just about any tragedy (the hero dies, it's obvious, everyone knows that, it's the reason why tragedies are indeed tragedies) or any action/adventure (the hero wins, the villain either dies, or is put in a cell. End of story.) proves that wrong.
The thing is, the less obvious kind of interesting, the parts where peices of the puzzle unkown to us readers start coming into play, where any story, or movie, or TV show really starts keeping you on the edge of your seat, constantly second guessing yourself on what you think is going to happen, where you don't really know what will happen next, and you are kept on the edge of your seat the whole way through... That, is an entirely different type of interesting, my friend.
7985506
As far as you should be concerned if someone likes your story or not, it should only be in search of criticism on what you could improve. If someone doesn't like your story, but has nothing to add but "f*** you"s and "I hate your story"s, don't sweat it. The only opinions that matter are the ones that can help you get better, either by telling you what exactly is wrong with your story, or what in general is wrong with your writing, so that you can fix it, and improve your skill while you are at it. And, optionally (though nowhere near necessarily) people who say what should, or what they think would, happen in the story, if you think they have a good idea. Do not fall at everyponie's hooves just to please them. We write for fun, working to please everypony would just make it all a chore.
7985054
Yeah, I quit for a while, due to a multitude of reasons. Half the time I wasn't in the mood, and/or reading another story, and the other half (which is why I didn't reply to your comments until now, because of the whole "notifications are destroyed after one week, weather you like it or not" thing) I didn't have internet, because of financial troubles. The last week or so, I have started rereading the story from the start, and failed to comment due to the general laziness and/or tiredness I was feeling at the moment. Once again, apologies, but I will make it a note to comment whenever I can think of something to comment.
As for this chapter itself. Now, I can see the pace is really starting to pick up, with whatever the wolves are up to, the army getting involved, and the rest of the ponies all thrown in the mix. Now it is sad that I have only got back into this recently, but at least that means I don't have to wait to see what happens next.
The only thing that I am missing is the passion you once put into your writing, when like I previously mentioned... a bunch of times... You really should rewrite these chapters once you are done. Don't change anything fundamental about it, but bring back that... Element you once had when you first started writing this, if you can.
7985054
7985506
7990450
7992300
Do all these comments make up for my silence for those months?
8350234
Hey! Yes, that all really does help! See, I would have an editor if someone would be willing to do so but sadly, very few people are even willing to look at it. I do have a friend sort of proofread for like plot consistency and whatnot but not like spelling, punctuation etc. I could certainly stand to take a step back after a release the next chapter (which is very soon) and go back through it. Can you give me some examples on where you feel I lost the passion I had before?
8350854
Hmm... Maybe when I'm done reading, if I have the time, I could go back through the chapters and point out spelling and grammar mistakes.
Similar to last time. No noticeable changes, but the chapter is decent enough as is, all though it has room improvement.