You Insolent Beast
Chapter 4: You Insolent Beast
“Explain to me why we have to wear the Invisibility Cloak,” Ron said. He, Harry, and Hermione were crouched beneath the cloak following Twilight and Spike down the busy streets of Canterlot. They had all teleported there by way of Twilight's magic just moments ago and the three wizards were now just trying to make sure they didn't step on anyone's hooves, as it were.
“Quiet, Ron,” Hermione whispered. “We're not supposed to be here, remember?”
“And why exactly is that?” Ron asked.
“You heard Twilight last night,” Harry said. “Humans aren't looked too kindly upon here and we don't want to risk the princess catching us.”
“Well, how are we supposed to search the library like this?” Ron asked. “I can barely move!”
“Will you three be quiet?” Spike asked in a hush. “I can hear you, you know, and so might anypony else.”
“And why do they say anypony anyway?” Ron asked, but Harry nudged him and he shut up. Twilight shook her head and told Spike not to appear like he was looking at something.
“Whatever,” Spike said. “I mean, I understand we don't want to draw attention to ourselves, but isn't there some other way?”
“Spike, we already talked about this. A metamorphosis spell is far too complicated on a body structure of which I am unfamiliar, and they have no way of changing their own appearances either. We're lucky they have that cloak of invisibility with them.”
“Don't say that too loudly, Twilight,” Spike said, glancing around nervously.
“Oh, relax,” Twilight said, trying to lighten the mood. “Somepony will think we're up to something if we're too serious. We should be enjoying our time at Canterlot.”
“Right,” Spike said. “Three humans randomly show up, and you're telling me to enjoy myself. Great.”
Spike continued to mutter to himself until they approached the entrance to the castle. Twilight was relieved that they had come this far uneventfully. However, her relief plunged into worry when she saw two guards stationed at the castle's entrance.
“What's the problem?” Spike asked when Twilight stopped moving.
“I don't know if I can get the wizards past these guards,” she said.
“They're invisible. How hard could it be?” Spike asked.
“Well, you and I should get through just fine, but how are three humans going to sneak by them without bumping into them? I mean, they'll let us through and try to return to their post, but then they might bump into the wizards, so how are we going to-”
“Twilight, will you relax? I'm sure it'll be fine,” Spike said.
“Whatever you say, Spike...” Twilight, Spike, and the wizards approached the guards. The two guards looked at Twilight and smiled when they recognized her.
“Good morning, Twilight,” one of the guards said.
“Morning,” Twilight said nervously.
“You haven't been here since the wedding, haven't you?” the other guard asked.
“Well, no, I've been busy in Ponyville,” Twilight said.
“That dinky place? Man, were we confused when the princess sent you all the way down there!” the first guard said.
“That's a little rude...” Spike muttered.
“Hey, it's my home now,” Twilight said. “It's really quite lovely.”
“Oh, I'm sure it is,” the other guard said. “He's just messing with you.”
“Yeah, it's kind of a long time to be standing up here,” the first guard said.
“I see,” Twilight said. “Well, we have important business in the archives, so if you could just...”
“Oh, pardon us!” the second guard said. “Go right ahead.”
“Okay...” Twilight said, glancing nervously at Spike. Spike motioned for her to get moving, so she stepped through with Spike following right behind her. Then, before the wizards could get through, the guards tried to return to their post and toppled into them. In the confusion, the cloak fell off, revealing the humans.
“What in the world...?” the first guard asked.
“Summon the princess!” cried the second guard.
“Run!” Twilight cried, and the pony, dragon, and wizards ran into the castle with the guards in hot pursuit. Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed Twilight and Spike madly through the castle, which was as ornate as Hogwarts, without any sense of where they were going. Twilight wasn't sure where she was going either; she was only trying to escape the guards. Finally, however, Twilight went through a door and collided with Princess Celestia, who was taken aback by the sudden arrival of her students. Celestia helped Twilight up, and then turned to face Spike and the wizards. She froze when she saw the humans.
“Twilight,” Celestia said in a menacing tone that terrified the purple mare, “what are these creatures doing here?”
“Princess Celestia, please, I can explain-” Twilight started, but the princess held up a hoof to silence her.
“Follow me. Now,” Celestia said, and Twilight had no choice but to lead Spike and the three wizards. The group arrived at the throne room a short time later and were hailed by lines of guards that glared at Twilight as she passed. Once Princess Celestia had led the other five into the throne room and shut the door, Harry, Ron, and Hermione started babbling an explanation to their presence. Celestia raised a hoof, and they fell silent immediately.
“Explain,” the princess asked of her student.
“Well, okay,” Twilight said, taking a deep breath. “I'm not exactly sure how these three managed to get here, but they were accidentally sent to Equestria against their will. They ran into Zecora in the Everfree Forest, and Zecora brought them to me, hoping I could find a way to send them home. When we couldn't find an answer at the library in Ponyville, I decided to try to sneak them into the archives here, but we got caught and...well, here we are.” Twilight began to shudder at the look the princess was giving her. Celestia's gaze was surprisingly chilly and unfriendly. It was a look Twilight had never seen before and it made her stomach quiver.
“Twilight, my most faithful student,” the princess said in a tone that suggested she had lost all faith in the unicorn, “give me one good reason why I shouldn't banish these three humans and have you arrested for trying to sneak them into the castle.”
“Please, princess,” Spike pleaded, “it wasn't like we were trying to-”
“That's enough, Spike,” Celestia said, and Spike closed his mouth ashamedly. Twilight, meanwhile, was driven to tears.
“Princess Celestia, I wasn't trying to place the castle in danger, I was just-”
“Twilight, you know the history of humans in Equestria,” the princess said, “I know you do. It is clear the kind of horrors they put us ponies through. And despite that, you try to sneak them into the most hallowed of places in Equestria, my castle. Do you realize how close you came to enslaving our entire race?”
“Whoa, hold on,” Ron said, “what makes you think the three of us could-?”
“Be quiet!” Celestia ordered, and Ron immediately shut up out of fear.
“Princess, please,” Twilight said through her tears, “I just didn't want to cause any trouble. I was just trying to send them home-”
“Did you honestly believe their story, that they were 'accidentally' sent here?” the princess asked. “Did you not think that these creatures, who were notorious liars, as you most certainly knew, would tell any tall tale to lay siege upon this castle, upon my throne? How could you have known that there wasn't an entire army of them waiting beneath the wings? Did you not realize they were carrying these?” the princess asked, levitating the wands out of the back pockets of the three wizards.
“Um, I actually did know about those...” Twilight said sheepishly, “but I didn't think-”
“Apparently not,” Celestia said, “because you should have known that these were the weapons the humans used to enslave us all.” With a bit of focus, Celestia cast a spell that obliterated the wands into dust.
“Hey, we needed those!” Harry cried in furious outrage.
“Not in my kingdom, you beasts!” Celestia cried.
“Please,” Hermione begged, “you don't know the whole story-”
“And what details am I missing?” Celestia asked. “Where are the other humans that you are hiding? Where are your weapons being stored? Or should I ask which one of you is responsible for leading the army that would have us serve you?”
“No, it's nothing like that!” Hermione pleaded. “We were sent here by a rogue Vanishing Cabinet-”
“A likely story!” Celestia huffed. “A cabinet that can send you filthy creatures into our world. I'm sure!”
“No, you don't get it!” Hermione cried, beginning to lose her temper. “There's another wizard who's-”
“Oh, why am I not surprised?” Celestia asked. “Of course there are more of you. How many more need I worry about?”
“Just the one, I swear!” Hermione said, “and he really is dangerous! His name's Thorfinn Rowle and he's armed with a wand and not afraid to use it!”
“Is that a threat?” the princess asked.
“No, it's the truth!” Ron cried, his ears flaming red. “And if you don't start wising up, your Highness, you might find yourself cowering beneath his wand! Do you really want that?”
“You insolent beast!” Celestia cried. “I ought to have you banished, using that kind of tone towards someone of royalty.”
“Everybody, just hold on!” Harry cried. “This has gotten way out of hand. Look, your Highness, we're unarmed. We can't hurt you. The least you can do is let us try to explain our side of the story. Maybe once you've heard what's going on you can pass judgment. Maybe you'll actually want to help us, because I think we both want the same thing here. We want to go home, and you want us out of your kingdom. Shouldn't we try to work together instead of arguing pointlessly like this?” Princess Celestia considered Harry's words carefully, while Twilight and Spike waited with bated breath.
“Finally, someone who speaks reason,” the princess said. “All right, tell your story. I'm listening.”
***
Rowle had been flying on the dragon's back for a few hours. Apparently Twilight had sent him very far from Ponyville. But the dragon had had no choice but to follow through on his obligation. He had listened to Rowle complain about Twilight and Rainbow Dash, and he figured that if Rowle could eradicate any of the ponies that had accompanied that Fluttershy who had so humiliated his brother, then all the better. The dragon had thoughts of sweet revenge on his mind when he dropped Rowle off in a valley close to Ponyville.
“Good job,” Rowle said to the dragon. “I suppose I can walk from here.”
“Just up this hill,” the dragon said. “Say, what exactly are you going to do about that Twilight Sparkle?”
“Torture her if I get the chance. That bitch left me up in your cave to die, so I suppose I can return the favor.”
“Excellent,” the dragon said. “Good luck with that.” The dragon took off and Rowle started walking up the hill. When he arrived at the top he suddenly found himself in the middle of an apple orchard. The apples on the trees looked positively delicious with their shiny red texture glimmering in the moonlight. Rowle figured it wouldn't hurt to take a bite of one, but just as he had picked the apple and was about to place it in his mouth, he heard a harsh voice interrupt him.
“Hey! What in the hay are you doin' with mah apples?” the voice asked. Rowle noticed the strange accent of the voice, as if it belonged to someone from the American south.
“Um...who is this?” Rowle asked.
“And what in the hay are you?” the voice replied. Rowle turned and saw an orange pony with a blonde main tied in a ponytail and a Stetson on her head. Rowle laughed at how ridiculous she looked.
“What is so funny?” the pony asked, and Rowle laughed harder at the accent.
“You look and sound ridiculous!” Rowle finally spat out before bursting into laughter again.
“Says the creature the like of which I ain't never seen before,” the pony replied. “Now put that apple down on the ground or get ready for a buckin'.”
“And what exactly is a bucking?” Rowle asked, but he soon wish he hadn't. Before he could react, the pony galloped up to him, turned, and kicked back her hind legs into his stomach. Rowle dropped the apple as he fell to the ground, having the wind knocked out of him.
“Oof!” he cried. “Forget I asked...” Rowle slowly got to his feet and winced as the pony approached him.
“Yer a mighty strange creature,” the pony said. “The fact that you can talk makes it even stranger... Do you got a name?”
“Rowle,” the wizard said. “And what about you?”
“The name's Applejack,” said the pony. “Now what the buck are ya doin' on mah land?”
“It was a happy accident that I ended up here,” Rowle said. “I assure you I'm not here by choice. I was wondering if someone could lead me to the library.”
“Oh, mah friend Twilight's the librarian there. Did ya want to see her?”
Rowle chuckled about how ignorant this pony was. “Yes, I was hoping to stop by for a visit. Now which way should I head off?”
“Wait one gosh-darned minute. Ah have no idea what you are or why you have business with Twilight Sparkle, so's I ain't about to show ya around these parts.”
“Well, as you can see, I'm a human,” Rowle said, guessing that it was better not to lie about something so fundamental.
“Yer a what?” Applejack asked.
“Human. H-U-M-A-N,” Rowle spelled out for the pony. “You've probably never even heard of one.”
“No, ah reckon ah haven't. Do ya know what ah am?”
“A pony,” Rowle said.
“Now, I don't like the playin' field here,” Applejack said. “You seem to know more about me than ah know about you. What exactly is a human?”
“Well, if you've never seen one, it's kind of difficult to describe,” Rowle said.
“Try me,” Applejack dared him.
“Fine. Have you ever seen a monkey before?”
“A what?” Applejack asked.
“Never mind, you're not going to get it,” Rowle said.
“Ah guess not,” Applejack said. “All I know is ya got yerself caught out here with no idea how and ah ain't never seen anythin' like ya before. That and you have business with Twilight Sparkle, which if it were anypony else ah would consider strange. That pony's always gettin' herself in a heap o' strange magical trouble.”
“She is, isn't she?” Rowle asked.
“Yer darn tootin',” Applejack said. “Why, if ah could count the number of times that mare's gotten herself mixed up in strange happenin's, ah'd have more numbers than ah have hooves on my legs.”
“That's only four,” Rowle deadpanned.
“Well, you get the point,” Applejack said. “Now, where'd ya say ya needed to go?”
“The library,” Rowle said.
“Well, ya seem like a reasonable enough fella, so ah reckon ah can take you there in the mornin'. You got a place to crash fer the night?”
“No,” Rowle said.
“Well, ya can sleep in mah room, on one condition. You've got to be sneaky comin' in so mah folks don't wake up and wonder what all the commotion is about, ya hear?”
“That's fine,” Rowle said, not looking forward to any more meetings with ponies tonight. The day had been strange enough already.
“Okay, the sun will be up soon, so ah say let's get tucked in before we're tuckered out.”
“Fine,” Rowle said, and as he followed Applejack to the farmhouse, he couldn't help but smirk.
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Eeesh. You'd think Celestia would be more open-minded. She of all ponies ought to know there's two sides to every story.
And Harry has got to be pissed about the loss of that holly phoenix-feather wand. That wand was useful.
Before I read...
I happen to be a Harry Potter fan. Also, I like ponies.
I saw this in the "recently updated" part of the homepage.
I literally jumped up and started dancing from sheer joy.
Yeah. I'm that excited.
Not bad although I don't know if Princess Celestia would be SO mad at the wizards that she would destroy their wands, I’d expect that from Luna!
U MAD, CELESTIA?
Just my two cent's here, but I think Celestia is a tad out of character. I think she'd be more willing to listen to the three humans, while Luna would be more rash in her decisions
.
^That, right there. Well said, BorderPatrol.
I can't help but think Celestia is way OOC.... I mean Celestia is always cool minded and always ready to listen to both parts of the story, but here she is kind of racist towards humans.
Is it just me or is Celestia holding the Villain Ball and almost everyone else hollding the Idoit Ball.
Also Fun Fact a horse bucking you in Real Life can and will break your ribs. Applejack is most likely between 5 and 10 times stronger than a normal horse.
827860 Celestia can be very grim and determined when she thinks she knows what's going on. The only thing that's out of character is her being wrong about them.
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRFzRJbtzkmbHcb0PunQviEADtrN1164AB8jfcCDSdDORKXrAK-
830609 Wizards are also more resilient to injury than normal humans, so I think it balances out.
About Celestia...i think i can understand her. If humans act even almost like Death Eaters to pony kind... she have a right to be angry and not act calm. Bitches(i mean humans) like to enslave theyre own species so....
832435 Only 2 maybe 3 times higher restance and at the very least Applejack is stronger than an jinked bludger which can break an arm.
P.S. HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT AJ CAN DO?!
hhhhmmm i would have imagined Princess Celestia reaction to be sort of how she treated twilight in the season finale when they all tought princess candace was innocent.
They see me trollin they hatin.