The Beautiful Land of Equestria
Chapter 1: The Beautiful Land of Equestria
It was all over. Lord Voldemort, the wizard who had tormented Harry Potter for years, had finally been defeated. All that was left to do was to clean up Hogwarts and properly bury the dead. Harry Potter would be known as the most heroic wizard of his generation, an unprecedented achievement for someone so young.
Harry looked around at the wreckage around him. The windows of the Great Hall had been shattered, and broken glass lay all over the floor. Rubble from the destroyed walls was interspersed amongst the dead bodies and their grieving families. Harry turned to his friend Ron’s dead brother, Fred, and saw Mrs. Weasley standing vigil over the corpse, tears streaming down her face. Mr. Weasley and the other children were there as well, looking shocked, as if they were not sure what was happening.
Hermione stood by Harry’s side and noticed Harry staring at the Weasley family.
“Go over there,” she said.
“What?” Harry asked, having been broken out of a trance.
“Harry, I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but you’re practically family. Go be with them.”
“Hermione, I can’t do that,” Harry said.
“Why not?” Hermione asked.
“It would seem…well, wrong.” Hermione rubbed Harry on the shoulder.
“Hey,” Harry said, “do you know where Ron is?”
“I’m not sure,” Hermione said. “He disappeared after you gave up the Elder Wand.”
“We should look for him,” Harry said. “He needs to be with his family.”
“Where could he have gone?” Hermione asked. Harry racked his brain, trying to think. Where would he be right now, if he were Ron Weasley? Knowing his friend’s temperament, he was probably angry right now, but that didn’t exactly help narrow it down. Harry thought back to the last time they had seen him.
“Didn’t he mention something about the Deathly Hallows?” Harry asked.
“I think so,” Hermione said. “He wasn’t sure if it was right to let them go the way you did.” Harry turned his attention to the Hallows. He had returned the Elder Wand to Professor Dumbledore’s tomb so that it wouldn’t be used again. Harry didn’t know if Ron wanted anything to do with the Elder Wand; he had been a bit confused about why Harry would give it up. Harry, of course, still had the Invisibility Cloak. That only left the Resurrection Stone.
“I know where he is,” Harry said.
“Really?” Hermione asked. “How can you be so sure?”
“I think he’s after the Stone. He wants to see his brother again, I’m sure of it. It’s what I’d be looking for if I had just lost someone in my family.”
“Well, let’s go, then,” Hermione said.
***
“Ron!” Harry and Hermione cried, hoping to find their friend. They were wandering in the Forbidden Forest, trying to get the attention of their friend. Hermione groaned when there was no reply for what seemed like the thousandth time.
“How are we ever going to find him?” Hermione asked. “The forest is huge.” Harry ignored her and continued to call for his friend. They eventually heard what sounded like a human voice in the distance and decided to follow it. As they approached, they began to hear what the voice was saying.
“…where’s your damn friend?” the voice was saying.
“Like I’m really going to tell you,” another voice replied.
“It’s Ron!” Hermione whispered. Harry and Hermione followed the voices urgently.
“If you can’t tell me where Potter is, I’ll make you suffer until you start to cooperate! Crucio!” Ron’s screams of pain made Harry and Hermione move ever more quickly. They assumed Ron had run into a Death Eater, and in his panic, Harry still wondered what he was doing anywhere near Hogwarts.
“Who’s there?” the Death Eater cried, hearing the noise of Harry and Hermione approaching. Harry and Hermione looked through some trees and saw the Death Eater waving his wand around frantically. Harry took aim through the leaves.
“Stupefy!” he cried. The Stunning Spell hit the Death Eater square in the chest, knocking him to the forest floor and throwing his mask off of his face. Harry and Hermione rushed into the clearing where he and Ron were and saw Ron slowly getting up from the forest floor.
“Are you all right?” Hermione asked, helping Ron up and giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m fine, Hermione,” Ron said. “Just a little bump-in with one of Voldie’s cronies. Nothing to be worried about.”
“He could have killed you,” Harry said.
“It was your blood he was after,” Ron said, “not mine.”
“What are you doing out here?” Hermione asked. “Harry thinks you’re looking for the Stone.”
“Well…” Ron said. “I was. Pretty hopeless, huh? I mean, I have no idea where you dropped it. I tried summoning it but apparently the Hallows are charmed so you can’t do that.”
“Look, Ron,” Harry said. “I know you’re grieving right now, but finding the Stone isn’t going to bring Fred back. I only saw the shells of my family when I used it.”
“You used it?” Ron asked. “What did you see?”
“Well…they talked to me and encouraged me to make the sacrifice,” Harry said. “They disappeared shortly after that. Really, Ron, you’re cheating yourself if you think the Stone’s going to bring your brother back.”
“I know, Harry. It’s just…I want to see him one last time, to say goodbye.” Ron betrayed a single tear that told Harry and Hermione just how much he was hurting. Hermione gave Ron another hug and rubbed his back.
“You won’t believe what I found while I was looking around out here. Do you see those sparks in the sky?” Harry and Hermione looked up and saw some red sparks hovering over the forest canopy.
“Yeah, that’s how that bloke found me,” Ron said. “That was thick of me. But I needed to mark it so I could find it again.”
“What is it?” Hermione asked.
“I’ll show you,” Ron said. He led the way through the trees towards the sparks he had cast. Harry and Hermione struggled to follow through the thick roots. Harry tore through his jeans getting caught on a particularly thick bramble, but he was used to the forest’s thick overgrowth. Finally, the three wizards reached the clearing and saw what Ron had found important enough to mark.
“A Vanishing Cabinet?” Hermione asked.
“You bet!” Ron said. “No idea what it’s doing here. I guess one of the Death Eaters brought it here; this is where they were gathered, right, Harry?”
“Yeah,” Harry said.
“Anyway,” Ron continued, “I have no idea where this one leads, but I was too busy looking for the Stone to investigate, so that’s why I marked it. And then that idiot caught me off guard and started demanding to know where you were, Harry. I guess some of those blokes are still lurking around out here.”
“Well, Ron, I wouldn’t mess with a Vanishing Cabinet if I were you,” Hermione said. “You remember what happened to Montague when he got stuck in one.”
“I know, but I don’t think this one is broken,” Ron said. “It looks like it could lead somewhere.”
“I don’t want to take that chance,” Hermione said.
“Come on, Hermione, where’s your sense of adventure?” Ron asked. Harry presumed he was desperate for some kind of distraction.
“Ron,” Hermione said in an attempt to reason with him, “don’t you think it’s a bit odd that a Vanishing Cabinet would turn up in the middle of the Forbidden Forest? We don’t even know why it’s here or where it could lead. I would just leave it alone if I were you.” Suddenly a spell whizzed past Hermione, and the three wizards turned immediately towards the source. They saw another Death Eater running towards them through the clearing.
“Great!” Harry said. “Now what do we do?”
“Get into the cabinet!” Ron said. “It might take us somewhere we can Apparate.” Harry and Hermione didn’t bother to argue as they followed Ron into the cabinet and shut it. As the door closed, however, the Death Eater cast a spell that destroyed it.
The three wizards suddenly felt a bizarre sensation as they were pulled into a portal that had appeared where the cabinet had been. Harry tried to scream but his voice made no sound. He couldn’t see through the void where which they were falling through, either.
Harry had no idea which way was up as he tumbled through the darkness. This was far more terrifying and nauseating than Apparition, as Harry had no idea where he’d be teleported to. Suddenly, a sound ripped through the air and Harry felt his body begin to stretch out most unnaturally, as if it was simultaneously tearing through the air and being crushed, somehow. The sensation was most uncomfortable, but it ended briefly. Then, after more falling, a dim light suddenly appeared and the four wizards landed in the middle of a forest.
Harry awoke after some period of time and saw his friends and, to his surprise, the Death Eater, now unmasked, lying unconscious on the ground. His vision was blurry, though, as his glasses had fallen off of him. Harry took his wand out of the pocket of his robe and used the Summoning Charm to return his glasses to his hand. When he put them on and took a look around, though, he was shocked at what he saw.
They were certainly in a forest, but it was unlike any forest Harry had ever seen. This forest was dark yet colorful, as if Harry had just been flung into an animated cartoon. Harry looked at his hand and yelled in surprise when he saw that his hand looked like it had been hand-drawn and painted. What the hell happened? he thought.
Harry revived his friends, whose appearance had changed drastically just as Harry’s hand had. As they came to, they stared at their environment and at each other in shock.
“Harry, what’s going on?” Hermione asked. “Why do we look like we belong in a Looney Tunes short?”
“What the hell are Looney Tunes?” Ron asked. “And why does everything look like a painting?”
“I don’t know,” Harry said. “It must have something to do with the Vanishing Cabinet acting up. What do we remember about what happened?”
“Well,” Hermione said, “we entered the cabinet, and then that Death Eater destroyed it while we were in it. After that…I think we were sucked into a portal, but I don’t remember anything else. How about you, Ron?”
“Beats me,” Ron said. “I just want to know where the hell we are.”
“Maybe it doesn’t matter,” Harry said. “We could just try to Apparate somewhere and see if that works.”
“Brilliant,” Hermione said. “Take my hand, you two.” Harry and Ron obliged, and Hermione concentrated on Diagon Alley. When she spun, however, all that resulted was that the three of them toppled to the ground, as if they had felled their Apparition test all over again.
“We must be out of range,” Hermione said, “and since we have no idea where we are, I can’t pick a closer target.”
“Even if you could,” Ron said, “how do you explain the scenery? How do you explain how we look?”
“Honestly, Ron, I have no idea,” Hermione said, “and it’s starting to freak me out.”
“No, Hermione,” Harry said, “the last thing we need to do is panic. Let’s start with what we know. Didn’t that Death Eater get sucked in, too?” The three of them looked at the Death Eater still lying on the ground and identified him as Rowle.
“What was he still doing in the forest, anyway?” Ron asked.
“Apparently looking for me,” Harry said. “I expect the others will have to deal with some rogue Death Eaters before all is said and done.”
“Well, how does that explain our situation?” Ron asked.
“It doesn’t,” Hermione said. “None of this makes any sense.”
“Well,” Harry suggested, “perhaps we should just look around. We might be able to find somebody who lives around here to help us.”
“Harry,” Ron said, “we’re in the middle of a forest. I doubt we’ll find anyone to help us.”
“You got any better ideas?” Harry asked. Ron shook his head.
“Lead the way,” he said. Harry, Ron, and Hermione started trekking through the forest, and even if they knew where they had been they had no idea how to return to it. The three were hopelessly lost and confused.
After a few hours of endlessly walking around, just as the three wizards were about to give up hope for any kind of explanation, they discovered a hut in the middle of a twisted group of trees. Actually, the hut looked like it was actually a hollowed-out tree with a door, and the harsh surroundings reminded Harry of the house of Gaunt.
“Should we…go inside?” Hermione asked.
“What else are we going to do?” Harry asked. The three wizards approached the entrance to the tree and knocked on the door. For a moment, there was no reply, but then they heard shuffling from within the tree and the door opened.
Nothing could have prepared them for what they saw.
Standing in the entrance was none other than a cartoon zebra with a mohawk wearing gold bands around her neck and front hooves and also gold earrings. The zebra whinnied in surprise and lunged at them, fearing them to be wicked creatures. Ron was tackled to the ground by the zebra, but Hermione whipped out her wand and knocked the zebra off of Ron with a spell. The zebra tried to attack again, but Harry levitated her into the air to keep her from moving. At that moment, the zebra began, to the amazement of the wizards, to talk.
“Of all the creatures I have run into,” she said, “what in Equestria are you?”
“Bloody hell, I’ve got to be dreaming…” Ron said. Hermione nearly fainted, but Harry held his resolve. Stranger things had happened to him, after all.
“Eek!” the zebra exclaimed, responding to Ron’s quip. “You can speak?”
“Yes, we talk,” Harry said. “My name is Harry Potter, and this is Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. We’re students from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”
“You are wizards? How bizarre,” the zebra said. “Did you study magic in this school afar?”
“Does she really have to speak in rhymes?” Ron muttered.
“Um…yes,” Hermione said, “we study magic.”
“I’d like to learn about you more, but first, could you set me down on the forest floor?”
“You have to promise not to attack my friend,” Harry said.
“I will bring the fighting’s end. I swear I will not harm your friend.”
“Okay,” Harry said, and he set the zebra down on the ground. She remained still as promised, deciding not to attack for her own sake, as she knew she was overpowered.
“When it comes to your magic, forgive my scorn, but you sport no horn,” the zebra said. “Are you not unicorns?”
“What do unicorns have to do with it?” Ron asked.
“You mean you don’t know? Oh, how tragic,” the zebra declared. “Only unicorns are practiced in magic.”
“Well…not where we’re from,” Harry said. “Where we’re from, humans study magic.”
“Humans…? Is that what you’re called? If this is so, then I am appalled.”
“Well, yes, we are called humans.” Hermione said. “And you’re a zebra…right?”
“Oh, let the royal horns sound! We’ve finally found some common ground!” the zebra declared. Ron stared at her in disbelief. “I’m glad at least we’ve found a norm, for indeed I am a zebra in form.”
“That last one was a stretch,” Ron whispered.
“Um…” Hermione said. “Do you have a name?”
“I did not introduce myself? How lame! Yes, Zecora is my name.”
“Well, Zecora,” Hermione asked, “could you care to tell us where we are?”
“You are in the kingdom of Princess Celestia, the beautiful land of Equestria!” The three wizards stared at Zecora in stunned silence.
“Never heard of it,” Ron finally said.
“Maybe you could explain the land of Equestria to us,” Harry suggested.
“Hold on,” Ron said. “Can we get someone else to do it?”
“Why?” Hermione asked.
“No offense, Zecora, but the rhyming is a bit confusing.”
“I apologize for the confusion, but rhyming and speech for me is a fusion. Now, step into my hut. I will tell you what is what,” Zecora said with a grin. Ron groaned and Zecora chuckled as the three wizards followed her into the hut. They saw tribal masks adorning the walls, and the center of the room contained a large cauldron.
“You brew potions?” Hermione asked in awe.
“Yes, complex brews are what I do,” Zecora said.
“Slant rhyme,” Ron coughed.
“Never mind, Ron,” Harry said. “It’s just that we brew potions where we’re from, too.”
“And where exactly is that place, from which comes your human race?” Zecora asked.
“Well, we go to school at Hogwarts,” Harry said, “but we’re from a planet called Earth.”
“Earth…? You mean like the name of the soil upon which we stand?” Zecora asked.
“You’ve heard of it?” Hermione asked.
“I did not know it as a name for the land,” Zecora said.
“Well…it is,” Hermione said. “But on Earth, zebras…well, they’re not sentient beings.”
“What?” Zecora asked. “How can this be true?”
“Zebras just don’t talk like you,” Ron said, eager to finish her rhyme for her.
“Knock it off, Ron,” Hermione said. “Yes, and unicorns, though they contain powerful magical properties, don’t themselves practice magic. Only witches and wizards are capable of that.”
“Please forgive me for being crude. What are you humans, if I’m not being rude?” Zecora asked.
“Well…it’s hard to explain if you’ve never heard of them before,” Hermione said.
“Just consider us sentient beings like you,” Harry intervened.
“I suppose I must, to gain your trust,” Zecora said.
“Trust?” Hermione asked. “We trust you already, as much as we can in our situation.”
“Oh, for me to say this is a must. One must never blindly trust.” Ron rolled his eyes. “Tell me, and let your words be true. What is the situation that has befallen you?”
“Well, Zecora, it’s hard to explain,” Hermione said. “The easiest way to understand it is that a portal opened up in our world and teleported us into yours. And we don’t normally look like this. We’re not so, um…colorful.”
“I’m afraid I do not follow,” Zecora said, “but in this confusion I will not wallow. Tell me what you want to know, and Zecora will surely show.”
“Okay…” Harry said. “What kinds of creatures live in Equestria?”
“In Equestria, there are bands of ponies living on these lands,” Zecora said. “Unicorns, pegasi, and Earth are the various types of birth. Though these ponies are commonly at hand, the rare alicorns rule this land. We ponies are peaceful, but don’t be foaled. There are wicked creatures whose plights have been told. Manticores, Hydras, and minotaurs abound, and danger lurks where they are found. Should you choose to stay, beware! Avoid these creatures if about your lives you care.”
“Impressive,” Ron said, now legitimately admiring Zecora’s adept skills of rhyming.
“So, Zecora,” Hermione asked, “do you have any idea how we could get back to where we’re from?”
“You came through a portal, I hear. Tell me, did the portal disappear?”
“We…didn’t really look,” Harry said, “but I think we would have noticed it if it was here.”
“If the portal’s door has closed away, then it is here that you must stay. You will be safe if you heed my call, and avoid the dangerous creatures all.”
“Well, the funny thing is,” Hermione said, “manticores are creatures where we’re from, and Hydras and minotaurs are mentioned in some of our mythology. Our worlds seem to have a lot more in common than I thought.”
“Indeed,” Zecora said. “Since you are here, why don’t I lead you to a town of ponies with noble deeds? Ponyville is the name of the town, and one pony knows the princess who bears the crown. If you will follow me tonight, I will introduce you to Twilight. Of magic she is of finest skill; she will help you, if meet her you will.”
“That sounds wonderful!” Hermione said. “Can you take us there now?”
“I will lead you there, but stay in my sight. The Everfree Forest is dangerous at night.”
“Thank you so much!” Hermione said. “Well, Harry, Ron, shall we get going?”
“I suppose we’ll have to,” Ron said.
“Okay then,” Harry said. “Lead the way, Zecora.”
***
Rowle finally came to long after Harry, Ron, and Hermione had left. He looked around the clearing and was shocked to find how different the land looked to him. He jumped when he saw his own hand had also changed appearance quite dramatically. Rowle looked up at the sky, but the portal opened by the destroyed Vanishing Cabinet had long since closed in on itself.
Damn it, he thought, where the hell am I? Suddenly, out of nowhere, a blue blur tackled him back to the ground and tried to pin him down. Rowle through the pony off of his body, but the pony recovered quickly and struck him down again. Rowle made to push him aside again, but the pony interrupted.
“I can do this all night, buddy,” she said, and Rowle was stunned that the pony was able to talk, so he conceded defeat.
“Now, what the hay are you?” the pony asked. Rowle was still stunned by the pony’s ability to talk, so he didn’t answer.
“Can you talk?” the pony demanded.
“Yes, I can talk,” Rowle growled.
“Then what are you?” the pony asked, shoving him for good measure.
“My name is Thorfinn Rowle,” the wizard said, “now will you get off me?”
“I don’t think so…” the pony said. “I don’t like the looks of you. What are you doing in Equestria?”
“Is that what this place is called?” Rowle asked. “Let’s just say I dropped in.”
“That explains nothing,” the pony said. “I want to know where you’re from.”
“Earth,” Rowle said snidely, thinking that the pony had never heard of it.
“Like the ground?” the pony asked.
“Huh?” Rowle asked, taken aback.
“I mean, we call the ground Earth, and the ponies that live on the ground are Earth ponies, but I have a feeling you mean something else.”
“Earth’s a planet,” Rowle said.
“Planet…?” the pony wondered. “Never mind. I still don’t trust you, but it sounds like you’re not from here and you have no idea where you are. If I get off of you, will you promise not to attack me?”
“Why would I do that?” Rowle asked.
“I’ve never seen anything like you before. I’ve gotta assume the worst.”
“Well, to be fair,” Rowle said, “I have no idea what you are either.”
“I’m a pegasus,” the pony said, “and my name is Rainbow Dash.”
“That’s an odd name,” Rowle said.
“Not as odd as Thorfinn. I mean, really?”
“Can it, Rainbow Dash,” Rowle said.
“Look, Thorfinn, I’ll make you a deal. If you promise not to attack me, I’ll take you back to town and have my friend Twilight Sparkle look you over. She’s like a total egghead, so if she doesn’t know what you are, then we’re flat-out stumped, but she’ll probably know what you are, at least I hope.”
“And why should I trust you?” Rowle asked. “You attacked me when I wasn’t looking.”
“Because you’re in my territory,” Rainbow Dash said, “and without me you’d never get out of this forest alive. Lots of dangerous creatures lurk around here.” As if on cue, a manticore cried in the background.
“Was that a manticore?” Rowle asked.
“How the buck do you know what a manticore is?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Are you sure you’re not from here?”
“Positive,” Rowle said. “But we have ponies where we’re from, too. They just don’t talk or have girly names like Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle.”
“Watch it, buddy,” Rainbow Dash said. “Look, do we have a deal or not?”
“We have a deal,” Rowle said.
“Then let’s shake on it,” Rainbow Dash said. She spit into her hoof and extended it towards Rowle. Not wanting to irritate the pony anymore, he spit into his hand and shook the pony’s hoof. Rowle thought that it was one of the most bizarre things he had ever done.
“Okay, let’s go,” Rainbow Dash said. Rowle reluctantly followed. This is so embarrassing…
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hm, notification of story pops up, I go to the story within 10 second (flat), story of 3.000 words already has one dislike and one like
wait, what?!
730760
Do you even know how this site works
730767 well excuuuuuse me for assuming the notifications activate as soon as the actual story is posted.
Okay I read the first chapter to see why it had so may dislikes and it was not to terribly bad. I mean this type of story is not really my cup of tea but why is there such a negative response? It wasn't that bad, and with some work it might even be pretty good.
I would offer constructive criticism but my writing is much worse then this so I would probably make it worse by trying to help.
hmm I actually like this, though I have the feeling that going to ponyville will end up in some sort of fight between the trio and rowle maybe twilight will have to step in to stop it.
I suppose that the like/dislike thing IS subjective, so if people don't like it then they are technically supposed to leave a dislike... But I don't mind this. I'll watch it.
Ah yeah this is gonna be so awesome, the only thing that could make this better was if our 3 heros became ponies .(Unicorn ponies preferably)
731173 That would've been nice, for sure. their utie marks would be a bit hard though, so I understand why not.
Still enjoyable, and I'll be waiting for more!
Interesting... i'm going to watch this story and wait for more. Twi is going to have huge problem on her head when trio and death eater start fighting
A very good story so far for a first chapter. I don't understand the dislikes you have received, they are completely unnecessary and in my opinion without reason. Maybe some people just don't like Harry Potter crossovers here...
Well thumb up and I will follow the story!
Hope you upload regulary. I'm the type who really can't wait more than one - two weeks.
Some bronies just hate Harry Potter, and thats just clearly STUPID.
731520 Are people really disliking just because its a Harry Potter crossover and not for any legit reason?
And here I thought tolerance was the brony way. 
I personally want to see more Harry Potter crossovers. I haven't seen many here or over at fanfiction.net.
Two things some times you speak/narrate too fancy or not fancy enough and the entire premise would work better before the dark downward sprial so time before year 5 would be better.
one more thing the beginning seems a bit forced.
Hm...i don't undestand people who like/dislike story when this is even not complete one. I always give like/dislike when i read whole story. Not after the first chapter, damn sometimes you cant give proper rating even if you read the half of the fic.
When you start a new paragraph, you should separate it into another wall of text.
Otherwise, this story is good so far.
The story is actually pretty good.
The characters are well-written, and it actually makes sense how the characters got to Equestria. Which is why I was so surprised that it had so many dislikes. Honestly, this site can be really retarded sometimes. Stories where an average sentence goes "twilight went over to spike and asked for a quill but he didnt have any" get absolutely no negative marks, but decent stories get criticized for being like other stories or having one or two grammar errors.
Anyway, please continue.
I DEMAND MOAR!
Okay, I just did an overhaul of the first chapter, so I suggest reading it through again and making note of the changes. Thanks!
Here's my reaction to the story's first full day of being up on the website:
>First of all, I didn't expect 84 notifications when I logged in tonight after work. About half were favorites for the new story, which I am pleasantly surprised about.
>Second, the dislikes for the story all must have come early on, because a lot of people in the comments were referencing them. I have to say the ratio right now is a bit more positive (about 3:1 in terms of likes:dislikes) so maybe I missed something.
>Finally, thanks for all the positive feedback in the comments. I really appreciate it.
Not sure when I'll be updating this story next, but stay tuned!
An excellent start to the fic! Faved and liked!
One thing bugs me, though... Why the hay was Rainbow Dash all the way out in Everfree Forest? That doesn't make sense to me. And calling the forest her territory is also OOC, since the ponies as a rule don't venture there unless they're visiting Zecora or are on other business.
733446 Rainbow Dash's visit to Everfree Forest has to do with the portal that opened up in the sky. I'll explain it in the story later.
As for her bragging that Everfree is "her territory," she's trying to intimidate Rowle and garner some respect for herself, so she's stretching the truth a bit.
Hope that helps explain things!
730760 Mine was the one like, not sure where the dislike came from.
emotibot.net/pix/104.jpg
Please do more.
I quite liked this story. Rainbow Dash seemed a little out of character though. She's no coward, but she doesn't just slam into a strange monster as soon as she sees one. Also, wall of text. Separate the paragraphs with a double tap of the enter key. It'll look a lot better.
Apart from that, brilliant story. Keep writing!