Page generated in 0.039 seconds
Total duration
780 users online
1,119,310 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ok, that is lock and loaded on my Kobo and ready for Sunday. Thank you once again for such an incredible story. Gives me a break from my reread of Heroes by No One.
I wonder if Night is going to put any of those harnesses to use to help in this fight.
well this is going to be a bigger fight then I though. Fun chapter.
11028151
Thank you for reading this far, as I know it's a feat in and of itself at this point, but I did have a reason for Night being alone with Galina! As you know, this is a first-person story, so if Night doesn't perceive something happening, it doesn't mean that nothing happens, just that the reader doesn't get that information. As the reader, you can fill in the blanks with whatever reason you want, either Hispano froze up, or Cora stopped her. Sure she wants to be a talon, but remember she's not one yet! Night's her first real contract, constantly acting erratically compared to a 'normal' wastelander, *and* she cares about him, which is generally not a good combination of factors if you want to be efficient in protecting someone.
Regardless of what the factor was, the idea was that for whatever reason, Night is alone for the fight with Galina.
This is his first real test of being alone, *without* reliable backup, against a capable enemy. He'd been in fights alone before, but this was supposed to show that while he'd certainly learned a bit of how to survive on his own, he still wasn't ready to stand on his own when the chips were down. And the consequences for that needed to be lasting and harsh, as well as end him up right in literally the heart of the lions den as it were.
As for Solomon making a bad deal, well the reason for that is, that's part of his character. The more Night deals with Solomon in the story, the more you get the sense that he's nowhere near as smart as he thinks he is, and as most egotistical villains are, is convinced he *is* better than everyone, so much so that he doesn't actually think he could ever lose. If he feels like he's fallible now, than what happens with him later in the story will make sense to the reader.
This all isn't to say that there aren't plot holes in the story, and that I haven't made mistakes! It's just, I generally have a plan for how things need to play out over a story of this length, and try to stick to not handholding the reader and trying to explain everything. Sometimes it leaves things a bit vague, but I'd rather the reader fill in the blanks left in the story than have someone tell me it reads like a list. Again, I thank you for reading this far and for sharing your thoughts! Feedback always helps as I'm always trying to improve!
11031389
Caught up. Can't say all my reservations have been assuaged, but the general flow of the story's improved as it went.
My biggest hang-up really is that no one coming after Night wasn't even addressed by HIM. I understand it's a first person story, but I'd assume this would be information he'd want as well.
It's a pretty egregious plot hole, but I was probably too harsh in my critique of it. It just kind of made everything that came after it fall flat, so all that development felt hollow.
Took a long time to get invested again, and I'm still not up to the same level I was before that segment.
It's a lot to ask of a reader to swallow the level of abuse Night goes through during that section, or even the story in general, while also feeling that it doesn't make sense that it would be happening like that.
I understand you don't want to lead your readers by the nose, but something as simple as mentioning that Hispano got winged and by the time she recovered Delilah had ordered Cora to stop her from going after Night would just make the whole segment make sense.
Hispano being a rookie Talon as you mentioned, she'd defer to her father while also resenting him terribly for forcing her to abandon Night, and it'd strengthen the plotline that she dove into drugs to distance herself from the untenable situation as well as tie in to Delilah's developing obsession.
Sure, I could assume that's exactly what happened, but why would Night? Or more to the point, where was Night's thought process on the matter?
It just opens a can of worms that detracts from the story as a whole, at least for me, because most of my focus was on that situation instead of the continuing story.
It is what it is however, and like I said the story improved across the board going forward in my opinion.