Twilight Sparkle discovers that Sunset Shimmer still has some leftover emotional baggage from her past, and peels through Sunset's emotional walls to find out a really big secret.
Jumping to conclusions. Extreme emotional overreactions. Running away in order to drag out the paper thin drama. A few chapters of nothing followed by the characters making up with the typical "I shouldn't have done X. Yeah well I probably shouldn't have said Y. We were X and didn't communicate like the apparent adults are characters are supposed to be."
You can then have one or both repeat step one again and again. Keep doing it until you decide to stop. The show acts as a poor foundation for how the characters should act as they are written to fit the moral of the episode so to speak. If they need Celestia to be useless and incompetent so the main characters can be the heroes, that's how she'll be written. If they need her to be the wise mentor dispensing life lessons for the kids at home that's well you get the idea.
Is Twilight an adult woman with the responsibilities of a princess whose title revolves around forming lasting bonds and the maturity to handle those responsibilities or is she an emotionally stunted teenage girl with a poor understanding of relationships and general healthy communication. Wait! She's somehow both!
What's the endgame meant to be. The characters eventually mature enough to act their ages and get together as mature adults that can properly communicate with each other? How old are they supposed to be again?
Having re-read the chapter, I find your criticism valid and your point sound. Twilight's overreaction was unnecessary and overwrought, so I edited that part of the chapter to make more sense and better fit the tone of the rest of the story. Plot-wise, I just needed Twilight to leave so that the next chapter could happen, and that bit was actually the first thing I thought of, when it could have been so much more subdued. Gonna likely have to re-edit it again later to fix inevitable sentence structure and spelling issues that occur whenever I write anything, since I reposted right away.
Is Twilight an adult woman with the responsibilities of a princess whose title revolves around forming lasting bonds and the maturity to handle those responsibilities or is she an emotionally stunted teenage girl with a poor understanding of relationships and general healthy communication. Wait! She's somehow both!
Going by the show, yes, she pretty much is. Her understanding of friendship is deep and extensive, but it's not flawless, and she has come into it only in the recent years, after a youth as a friendless shut-in who thought the whole friends thing was unimportant. It's not much of an assumption that she's romantically inexperienced, and while (correctly!) seeing Sunset as a friend, missing the other aspects that might be going on.
Actually. Twilight overreacts to just about fucking everything. Having her heart played with and then... I don't know, emotionally-raped for the dark vestiges of Sunset's shattered ego seems like the perfect time to actually slap someone and run out.
But whatever. What concerns me is how quickly this went from Sunset being evil-and-now-being-redeemed to how everything is Celestia's fault. In this chapter it feels like you're trying to shuck some of the blame and responsibility that is Sunset's off onto Celestia in order to make Sunset more relatable and less at fault. Which in turn feels a bit like a shortcut into reconciliation with Sunset's crimes and plot device into feelings-issues with Twilight.
Edit: Read next chapter, I was right. Bleh. This might not be for me.
OOOOOHHHH MY FUCKING GOD YES AINT EVEN GONNA CENSOR NOTHIN, LETS HAVE A PARTY!!! wait....gosh, I should really call Pinkie, she sure has the best party....
Oh! I'll call it: THE BREAKUP AND TOTAL SENSE SUNSET IS NOT GAY SHE IS STRAIGHT AND MY LIFE IS NOT FOR NOTHING PARTY!!!
Anyone that wants to attend is FREE to do so! Oh wait, it does cost your time, if you want!!!
THANK YOU RANDOM GUY ON THE INTERNET THAT MADE THIS STORY!! I LOVE YOU!
Jumping to conclusions. Extreme emotional overreactions. Running away in order to drag out the paper thin drama. A few chapters of nothing followed by the characters making up with the typical "I shouldn't have done X. Yeah well I probably shouldn't have said Y. We were X and didn't communicate like the apparent adults are characters are supposed to be."
You can then have one or both repeat step one again and again. Keep doing it until you decide to stop. The show acts as a poor foundation for how the characters should act as they are written to fit the moral of the episode so to speak. If they need Celestia to be useless and incompetent so the main characters can be the heroes, that's how she'll be written. If they need her to be the wise mentor dispensing life lessons for the kids at home that's well you get the idea.
Is Twilight an adult woman with the responsibilities of a princess whose title revolves around forming lasting bonds and the maturity to handle those responsibilities or is she an emotionally stunted teenage girl with a poor understanding of relationships and general healthy communication. Wait! She's somehow both!
What's the endgame meant to be. The characters eventually mature enough to act their ages and get together as mature adults that can properly communicate with each other? How old are they supposed to be again?
6912016
Having re-read the chapter, I find your criticism valid and your point sound. Twilight's overreaction was unnecessary and overwrought, so I edited that part of the chapter to make more sense and better fit the tone of the rest of the story. Plot-wise, I just needed Twilight to leave so that the next chapter could happen, and that bit was actually the first thing I thought of, when it could have been so much more subdued. Gonna likely have to re-edit it again later to fix inevitable sentence structure and spelling issues that occur whenever I write anything, since I reposted right away.
6912016
Going by the show, yes, she pretty much is. Her understanding of friendship is deep and extensive, but it's not flawless, and she has come into it only in the recent years, after a youth as a friendless shut-in who thought the whole friends thing was unimportant. It's not much of an assumption that she's romantically inexperienced, and while (correctly!) seeing Sunset as a friend, missing the other aspects that might be going on.
6912455
One of those critics I warned you about. LOL
ok now this is more believable and it actually fits twilight then she slapping her
Actually. Twilight overreacts to just about fucking everything. Having her heart played with and then... I don't know, emotionally-raped for the dark vestiges of Sunset's shattered ego seems like the perfect time to actually slap someone and run out.
But whatever. What concerns me is how quickly this went from Sunset being evil-and-now-being-redeemed to how everything is Celestia's fault. In this chapter it feels like you're trying to shuck some of the blame and responsibility that is Sunset's off onto Celestia in order to make Sunset more relatable and less at fault. Which in turn feels a bit like a shortcut into reconciliation with Sunset's crimes and plot device into feelings-issues with Twilight.
Edit: Read next chapter, I was right. Bleh. This might not be for me.
OOOOOHHHH MY FUCKING GOD YES AINT EVEN GONNA CENSOR NOTHIN, LETS HAVE A PARTY!!! wait....gosh, I should really call Pinkie, she sure has the best party....
Oh! I'll call it: THE BREAKUP AND TOTAL SENSE SUNSET IS NOT GAY SHE IS STRAIGHT AND MY LIFE IS NOT FOR NOTHING PARTY!!!
Anyone that wants to attend is FREE to do so! Oh wait, it does cost your time, if you want!!!
THANK YOU RANDOM GUY ON THE INTERNET THAT MADE THIS STORY!! I LOVE YOU!
I'm not surpriseed Twilight overreacts to just about everything. I wouldn't be if she overreacted to the end of the world.
7375614
you fit your username perfectly
Uh can we say fucking ouch