Chapter IX: I'll Never Look At Telescopes The Same Way...
Turbulence rocked the chariot.
Most were asleep, only a few had fought against it.
I was among the latter group.
I looked around the cart. Twilight and her friends were given a wide berth, leaning on each other in a group as they slept, Pinkie was making some cat noises while she slept, most likely just to confuse me.
I KNOW HER GAME. SHE'S TRYING TO PUT ME OFF GUARD SO SHE CAN TURN ME INTO ICED BUNS.
I was just thinking about stuff.
Between going off to a place where I could potentially die and my lack of a coping system, I wasnt doing too well. It was getting bad enough for me to lose hours of sleep, even with the comforting embrace of Moonflower keeping me warm all night.
On the outside, I was staying calm, collected.
On the inside? I was terrified.
As I wrote this, my left hand was shaking constantly as I gripped the pen, while the other systematically stroked Moon's mane, pushing out a few happy purrs from her.
It was barely easing my nerves.
...
I don't want to die tomorrow.
----
Another sleepless night. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this.
We were steadily closing in on Alpha Hive, which from a distance, you could have mistaken for a more jagged and black version of that city from The Wizard of Oz.
'You see all that? That's made of chitin. Want to know something fun about Changeling chitin?'
Sure, I could do with some fun.
'It isn't fireproof.' the spirit grinned maliciously.
I'm not going to burn a city down, as badass as it might look.
A few others were waking up now, only the guards, the Six and Spike probably weren't used to getting up this early.
Alpha Hive was closing in fast growing larger with every second. A description? Imagine a hollowed out version of Canterlot Mountain, separated into spikes. There was one that stood far higher than the others, that was where I guessed the Queen was.
'I don't know why other villains always put themselves in the tallest tower, it never ended well if they couldn't fly.'
Because they have a superiority complex?
Lavan considered it, 'Probably.'
The entire structure was black, a few lines of green flowing down from the tip of each claw-like tower. Large ones were dotted up the side of each structure, not unlike what I guessed from Helix would be a normal changeling.
It looked like something from 'Alien'. Fitting, considering what Helix told me about Reavers.
Captain Swift, who I hadn't seen too much of the entire trip, actually, had suddenly appeared in the doorway to the outside.
Loudly, he whistled, waking up everyone. A few of the elements collapsed onto the floor in a heap, right on top of Spike, who's face had been buried under Rarity's tail in the process.
Moon pushed her barrel off of my chest, yawning loudly. "You're really comfy, you know that?" She mumbled, nuzzling under my chin.
It's been four days since we entered Mexicolt.
Over the last few days, Moon had been slowly breaking down my defences against the species barrier thing. I'm genuinely getting blue-balled consistently. It was usually one of the elements butting into our conversations, and on occasion, Moon was just called away for something by a guard.
"Maybe you just prefer being on top?" I quipped crudely, causing her to blush.
"And what if I do like being on top huh? Would you be uncomfortable going bottom?" She shot back.
"Not really. But you'd have to fight for it." I nipped her ear, a spot she was really fond of.
"Mmmm, I like a challenge..." She ran her sharp canines over my neck dangerously. "Think you can give me one?" She whispered in my ear.
Holy shit, Lavan, is there a species changing spell?
'Yes, there is. Are you thinking of going native or something?'
I'm thinking of turning Moon into a human. Because if I can, I'm thinking of doing some very dirty things to her right now.
'Damn dude, you became pretty bold over these last few days.'
I've had a mare lying on top of me for half of it. A rather good looking one as well.
'Can't fault your taste, mate. She has a very nice plot.' Lavan laughed.
I always was more of an ass man. I keep thinking about something the teen-John said.
'What?'
'Maybe if you stare at them long enough, they'll look human.' It's suprisingly accurate.
'It works like that with most inter-species relationships I knew of. Including mine.
Hopefully we live long enough to actually get home.
'Don't think about that. Think about how much fun we're going to have.'
Doing what?
'Burning things...' he admitted quietly.
Stop it, dude. I know you like to burn shit, but don't let it turn you into a physcopath.
Lavan shuffled about inside my body, which feels really odd, seeing as he goes through the circulatory system (Blood system, for any non-boffins).
'Sorry, I'm just feeling a bit more... burn-ish today.'
Stressed?
'Slightly over-excited.'
What? You mean 'over-excited' to burn sapient creatures to death?
'To fight again, it's been so many centuries since I've had a good fight.' Lavan reminisced.
*THUD*
for the fifth and final time on the outgoing journey, the two chariots dropped down simultaneously, landing on the arid dirt, littered witth sand, rather than the lush fields of green assoiated with Equestria.
This is the point whee I make some joke about the pathetic fallacy in the environment.
Well guess what? I'm too hipster for that!
And so, with my hipsteriority in mind, we set up the camp yet again.
One of the good things about keeping Twilight around was her interest in magic, it meant that I could figure out how to cast a jet of flame, instead of just fireballs.
So now I'm a walking flamethrower. If that doesn't sound cool, I don't know what does.
Illusion? I can disguise myself as Helix, based off of memory.
And of course I've been growing a goatee. Mostly because I haven't shaved in a while.
Someone packed that armour with us. You know, my Captain's armour.
The one that's enchanted to be fireproof.
Does no one remember that?
Oh well. Where was I? Ah. The camp was set up within the hour, this time the colours of the tents had been changed to orange using magic, under my orders. Can't have them seeing us can we? Moonflower and I were perched on top of a particular prevalent dune, using a telescope to try and map any entrances.
If we can sneak in, I can cause some hysteria and the others can get the prisoners out, keeping undetected, from there I should be able to get through to the Queen. I take her out, A pegasus swoops in and carries me out. Or a unicorn can teleport me.
That's the basic plan.
Of course shit never goes to plan anyway.
"You see anything?" I called out to my surveillance buddy.
"Nah, not too much. There's a patrol that have done four perimeter patrols and are just about to finish the fifth, so with luck, their shift is about to end and we can see where they go inside from." Moon declared as I put my head back against the ground. I looked around for a second before scratching Moon's right ear, eliciting a gasp from her.
"Staaahhp iiiit." She moaned, causing me to smirk playfully.
"You say no, but your body says yes~" I teased. She slapped my hand. Not very hard, but hard enough to get across her message. "You're no fun sometimes..." I harrumphed.
"I can guarantee you that I'm fun at other times." She winked before raising her plot slightly and shaking it.
"Really? How so?" I quipped. Her response was to make her eyes half-lidded, before turning the telescope upwards.
"Like this." She ran her tongue from the base to the tip slowly, before flicking the tip and putting her tongue back inside of her mouth. "That fun enough for you, John?" My jaw dropped.
'I have the weirdest boner right now.'
Took the words out of my mouth.
She wiped off the top of the telescope and reset it, locking back onto the five-man patrol again. And she's back to normal, just like that.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..." ///ERROR CODE 404///
"CAPTAIN!" A night guard called out from behind us, still trotting towards us.
"Yes, Paladin?"
"Princess Twilight wants an update on any entrances you've found." She sighed, taking her eye from the bronze-gold telescope.
"We're tracking a patrol right now, in case they have an above ground entrance. We haven't seen anything, get some grey mages and see if you can detect any disruptive charms they might have put on the walls. That is all."
"Do you have anything to add, Human?" I shook my head in response.
"Nah, she's already said anything we were discussing. As a side note, do we have any water? It's boiling out here." The guard saluted before trotting off back to the camp.
"Now that we're alone..." I started.
"Hold up, I've got movement on the wall. They're... phasing into the wall! Must be a spectrum disruption spell. Crafty mother-buckers! Mark it." She pointed, and I shot a small bolt of flame, singing the dirt below it, turning it black.
She took wing and we hurried back to the camp, my steps and the flaps of her wings reflected in the sand.
We slid down the larger dunes, once or twice I grabbed her and we tumbled together, laughing as we rolled around in the sand.
We were sandy and itchy when the multicoloured dots that were ponies back at the camp were given shape.
But we were happy.
----
"Twilight!" I fell over as Moon tripped me, earning her a scowl. She just laughed. "Dammit Moon!" I yelled as the younger princess came forward to meet us.
"Have you found anything?" Twilight asked.
"Disruption charm-Gaaahkk" I spewed out before Moon could open her mouth.
"Hey! I was gonna say that!" She tackled me to the floor as I was getting up.
"Captains!" Twilight growled, blushing.
"Sorry about that Twilight." I admitted, slightly embarrassed.
"So there's a spectral disruption charm on the wall?" Moon and I nodded in sync. "I should be able to disintegrate it, unless it's much stronger than normal pony magic." As a side comment, she turned to me and added, "We haven't had many encounters with Changelings, so they're still largely an unknown."
I let out a small 'aah' of acknowledgement. "The spot's been marked with a burn, so we can prepare to set out and all that."
As I looked up, I noticed that guards, dressed in full armour had begun to form a circle, and Swift bad moved in to my right.
The other five EB's had closed in on Twilight, backing her.
"Actually, dude. I think we're all ready. It's only you who needs to get your dorky armour on." Rainbow dash commented as she looked around, seeing everyone. Ow, my pride (not).
I didn't really have a particular comeback to that, so I conceded.
"Well, ok then..." I walked over to the larger tent, which held a lot of the armour and weapons. My armour was one of the few remaining pieces.
A though crossed my mind: Holy shit, we're actually doing this.
'Keep it calm, John. We're going to live through this. I guarantee it.'
Easy for you to say.
'Trust me, it isn't.'
I came out of the tent minutes later, donning the robes. I had them magically dyed black, so I could sneak around in the darkness. Because Camouflage.
Moon and I led the group over to the marked spot, and we stopped at the telescope.
Twilight tried doing some rallying speech, but it was kind of sappy and boring so I'll skip it, like most other parts of my life that are way too boring.
And so we moved in on Alpha Hive.
----
Once Twilight had easily tore apart the charm they set on the entrance, we crept in, sticking close to the walls. About halfway down, anot her patrol of five crossed our path, and we hid.
These Changelings were not nearly as large as Helix, and there eyes were compound, like those you might find on a fly.
As they walked past, one lagged behind, before walking straight towards the place I had used that chameleon spell on.
Examining the wall, he took a large whiff, before snorting in my face and continuing on.
My heart was beating out of my fucking chest.
Once the changeling was out of range, I let out a sigh of relief, followed by about half the group.
'It's a nice rush, isn't it? Nearly getting caught.' Lavan mused.
I don't think my heart could take much more shit like that.
"You alright, John?" Moon asked from my side.
I stared down the way the patrol had moved. "...Yeah, just a bit shaken. I'll live. We continued on down the carved tunnel. As we moved forward, voices could be heard above us.
'There's a lot of them above us, maybe it's an outdoor area, possibly a market square or the City hall, if Changelings still have those.'
What were the Changelings like before?
'Hard to find. They mostly just lived as a small group in towns, usually a family. They fed off the ambient love energy given off by ponies... Stay on task, stop trying to put me off on a tangent.'
I thought that was working pretty well.
'Well you thought wrong, jackass.'
"Right, I go up from here, you guys need to split into groups of 5 and search for the prisoners." I turned to the EB's, "You girls can act as a six." Because otherwise they'll have a collective aneurysm.
Teams were quickly assembled, and we soon took our leave.
"Hey, Moon?" I asked as she was walking away, "Be safe." She smiled reassuringly.
"I will." She turned and her group followed her.
I was alone in the passage.
'We set? Let's get moving.'
Almost alone.
'Hey, not many people have the privilege of having a voice in their head AND staying sane.'
I feel so special.
'Yes John, you are VERY special.' Lavan quipped.
Let's give 'em a show up there, shall we?
'Exactly what I've been waiting for...' He grinned.
----
It was a normal day in Alpha. Changelings were doing their weekend runs, taking back their groce-
'WAPOW! LET'S GO BURN SOME SHIT!'
Then we erupted from the ground.
Illusion is so good for effects. I was using it to give me flaming wings of pure badassery, while I superheated the ground around me, giving it an eery red glow.
Those exercises Twi put me through, as well as Lavan's tips had increased my magic pool a lot.
Needless to say I had the attention of everyone.
"Queen Chrysalis, you inbred fuck! Get down here now, so I can beat the shit out of you! Or are you scared of a species that's far less evolved than your own!" I was trying to taunt her as much as possible. "Chrysalis, guess what? You mama so ugly, she would've looked better with more holes on her!"
I swear I heard a few calls of 'OHHHHH, SICK BURN!' from a group off to my left.
It took a few more minutes before she actually got here.
"Wow, bitch, you been eating too many donuts, you look fatter than when I saw you last. That was the time I fucked your mum, by the way!"
The largest looking changeling, who looked to be wearing a crown, growled and her eye twitched.
"Did I mention I had sex with another member of your family!? Well I DID!" Honestly, I was running on empty when it came to insults, I usually have more time to prepare before I do this kind of thing.
She shot me, a large jet of green electricity heading straight for me.
I just stepped out the way, before sending some fire back at her.
She dodged similarly...
Then I detonated the shot as it went past her.
Fire magic = OP.
She clearly wasn't expecting that and smashed into a small house, singed slightly from the blast.
After a moment of silence, I spoke. "Is that it? All this hype for just a one pump wonder? I mean I was ac-"
*ZAP*
A shot of similar green electricity hit me dead on, throwing me into the floor.
"A-A-A-A-H!" I tried to call out as I was electrocuted.
"I will enjoy feeding off of you... Ape."
"I'm not an ape..." I mumbled, the effect of the bolt leaving my system. "I'm a chimp, cheddar-legs."
And I let loose a jet of flame, trying to push her away.
It was effective, and gave me time to prepare an illusion of myself on the ground.
"You are pathetic." She walked up to my illusion and I crept behind her, invisible. "Did you really think you could beat a Changeling Queen?" I made my illusion scowl and she stomped on its face, dispelling it.
I had charged another spell in the meantime, a paralyzing spell, one which I got from Shining Armour, actually.
The spell hit her as she turned, freezing her body from the neck down.
I took a knee beside her, grabbing her horn. "Why did you take him? Helix." She looked confused for a second, before letting out a giggle. I found it really cute.
Hopefully Moon never reads that...
"You don't know? Didn't he tell you?" Now I was confused.
"Tell me what?" I asked, curious.
"He's a lot more than he let's on, Ape." I started bending her horn awkwardly.
"Tell me. Tell me what you've done to my friend right now, or I swear, I'll snap this little twig off and use it to cut vegetables when I get home. And not just any vegetables, messy vegetables, so it gets all sticky and blunt and dull." I ordered.
She grinned before I was tackled by one of those drones, the ones with the compound eyes.
Damn it, Lavan! You're were meant to be watching my back!
'Wait, I thought I was just along for the ride?'
The Queen teleported away, leaving me at the mercy of several drones which were closing in around me.
"Coward." I created a magical shock wave, throwing off the drones on my back and pushing back the others.
I was using up magic, and fast.
It can't have taken them that long to find the prisoners. Where are the guards and EB's?
'They literally just arrived.' Lavan answered as Rainbow Dash whistled past me, grabbing a changeling, then looping get and throwing it into Applejack's waiting buck.
A pink laser came from my left, as Twilight continued to mow down anything that got close.
The cavalry had arrived. And for six mares, they were beating a lot of Changelings.
"Twilight! Did you guys find anything?" I called to her.
She blasted a group of drones that were charging us. "No we didn't, we found a dead end, no hidden rooms, nothing at all. After that we came back, Rainbow Dash figured you could use the help." She shot across my left shoulder, nailing another Changeling behind me in the face.
"What do we do now, then? Apparently my friend was pretty important, so I need to find him. Are you alright holding off here?"
She nodded, "We'll keep them off of everyone while you search with them." I began to run towards the hole in had melted through the middle of the city as Twilight said one last thing to me. "Good luck."
'Hurry it up! The faster we get this done, the faster we finish off Chrysabitch.'
I jumped.
The fall was a bit rough, my bum and my legs hurt after landing, but I was still fully functioning.
"Aww, my ass hurts..." I clutched my precious buttocks.
'You'll survive, now get to it.'
Thank you for your concern, Cortana.
'You know, it's funny because your name is John.' I am Chief. It's confirmed.
Then where's my MLG magnum?
'You have fire magic. I'm pretty sure a pistol doesn't live up to that.'
I don't know how long I spent down there, but eventually I came across a familiar face.
"Moon?" I asked as I saw her amber eyes in the darkness, and she was followed by a few night guards.
"John! You're meant to be distracting them!" She scolded me.
It took me a minute to fully explain the situation.
"So your friend is now a HVT? D'you have any idea why?"
"It's something he hadn't told me. I wager, he didn't really reveal much to me." Thinking back to Helix, I thought of something: Where are those Reavers? Weren't they the main attack and defense force?
'Don't question your blessings, John.'
You're right.
"How much have you explored?" I asked.
"You just met us at a T-junction in the caves, so you accidentally ruled out a path. We'll try the other route."
And so we did that.
'Bingo!' Lavan celebrated.
We had found the prisoners.
Most were strung up in pods, pink tendrils seeping out threw their horns or their mouths. It was odd. Not really disgusting or creepily beautiful.
Just odd.
Theating others didn't share the sentiment, and were already cutting down ponies hastily, dropping them onto a gelatinous surface below them. Changelings were in cells, their condition not far off from Alcatraz.
I was setting them free, most of them would be against Chrysalis when they got out, orthey wouldn't kin her at the very least. I was melting the hinges of the cell gates one by one, a few Changelings I had gotten out were even helping me to do so.
At the very end, in a darker cell, chained to the floor, was Helix.
'She thinks he's dangerous, John. Be cautious.'
"Helix?" I spoke into the darkness, and his eyes opened, our gazes met and he smiled.
"Ah. John, I appear to be in a bit of a bad spot." He rasped, "You think you can find the keys for these chains?"
"Not needed," and I yanked the bars off of the small hole in the wall that counted as a cell.
Helix was surprised, "You've certainly been practicing."
"You ain't seen nothing yet, mate." I said as I melted apart the chainlinks.
"You shouldn't be wasting your magic like that..." He rubbed his wrists, fetlocks, I can't remember what it's called again.
"If you're what Chrysalis seems so afraid of, then it's worth it. So tell me: Why are you so special?"
He sighed, "I didn't want to have to tell you this but... I'm the only one who can claim the crown." I raised an eyebrow. "I may have 'manipulated' the truth, as it were."
"What did you lie about?"
"I was in the room when the Hive Mind's died, but... I wasn't a guard." He breathed, "I am the last Hive mind. That's why I'm a problem. Another thing is that she needs my permission to take control of the Reavers, so she's been torturing me." He chuckled, "she didn't even say 'please' or 'thank you'."
"Makes sense. So how do you claim the crown?"
"One must challenge her in the ways of old. A fight to the death, no magic from either advocate. If it's a successor, the King or Queen's young, usually a child will kill their parent in a ceremony to claim their succession." That's just nasty.
"Does it say anything about someone else using magic?"
He looked shocked before shaking his head and grinning maliciously. "No...No it doesn't...would you care to help a friend settle a bet, John?"
"Gladly."
----
I left Moonflower and her guards to continuing cutting down ponies. Me and Helix were discussing strategies when...
"You want to WHAT!?" I shouted as Helix told me his (frankly insane) idea.
"We can ride the thermal it creates. It should get us up to the throne room far faster."
"Right, apart from that being fucking stupid, how do we know it'll last all the way up the tower?"
"Because I believe you can do it." Helix said with the utmost confidence.
"If we die, I'm going to kill you again." I threatened as I climbed onto his back.
"I don't doubt it." He trotted along, unfazed by the sudden weight change.
We hit the surface within a few minutes, where Twilight and the bearers were still fighting, the princess was continuously firing off bolts, each having one just as powerful as the other, without showing any stress.
'Her magic pool has to be the size of a bloody ocean.' Lavan spoke, amused.
Probably. "We ready then?"
"Yep, takeoff in three, two, one-" Helix launched powerfully into the air. And the sounds of lasers, Bucks and party cannons was replaced by the rushing winds. Turning around, I shot flame backwards, causing us to be pushed higher by the heated air behind us. "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!" I yelled as we rocketed upwards.
To any normal passers-by, we would sound like a Boeing flying into your ear. I couldn't really hear much so I can't give my opinion.
We shot up the side of the black pillar, trailing two blazes of fire, like the Delorean from back to the furure
If it wasn't so terrifying, I might have been having fun.
It only took half a minute before we reached the top. From there Helix dropped me before looping and descending onto the plateau, creating a small crater as he landed.
"You been gaining weight?" I shot back as I looked at the indent in the floor.
"Enough banter. I must avenge my brethren." Sounds edgy.
The throne room was not too unique, in a way, it reminded me of Canterlot Castle, whites and golds were replaced with blacks and pulsating greens, like they were some sort of creature, wrapping itself around the room.
Instead of the stained glass windows, there were honeycomb patterns which looked like figures but I couldn't be sure.
As we walked through, flames lit up down the side of the silky grey carpet that let to a throne.
*Wap* and Helix was on the floor.
"Ah, Ape, I do believe we had some business to attend to."
"I thought there was meant to be honour in challenging the Changeling crown, from what he said."
Chrysalis stepped out of the shadows, laughing. "Did he issue a challenge? I didn't hear one." She threw his unconscious body to the wall.
"Now, where did we leave off again." Her eyes glowed green as her body began pulsing with energy.
I merely stood there as the light faded from the room, leaving us in darkness.
The only sound I heard was my laboured breathing and a small unconscious moan from Helix.
Then, quietly, in my ear.
"Ah yes, you were insulting my mother." Chrysalis whispered.
I'm so fucked.
If you're going to be doing some writing, I'd recommend listening to that new Coldplay album.
It really seems to get the creative juices flowing for me (if you know what I mean) when I listen to 'Hymn for the Weekend'.
Maybe I'm just a bit of a weirdo. 
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I would point out the typos in this chapter but I'm on phone and FiMFiction is not friendly towards my phone.
6983229 I have to WRITE this shit on my phone, so I know that feel.
6983233 Rip in peace tiny fingers. XD
Well if it makes you feel better you've got at least one more like
. Loving the story and looking forward to more
.
I was expecting a John Cena joke the whole second half of the chapter.
AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA *shoots fire everywhere* *uses illusion magic for invisibility* YOU CAN'T SEE ME.
6986970 he left the pen on a desk in Twilight's tower.
6987011 meh, it's your choice.
Thank you for being honest. Although I was planning to address the bit about the sun and moon/ Nightmare Moon incident in a later chapter.
Why do you care? Also, why should someone care enough to voice why they don't like a thing? Or vice-versa? It's really all about understanding that the internet is a place of low effort requirements. If they care enough to share their opinion, they will.
6998379 yeah, the reason you aren't seeing the update is because the edit and publish button are so close together, that when I try to edit it, I sometimes mistap. It's such a pain in the ass and it means when I'm actually done, it doesn't show up on the feed.
I'm enjoying the story thus far, I have found nothing wrong with it, I mean, when the fire demon showed up he started out very annoying but this chapter I found him a joy to read.
God damn this author has an awesome sense of humor, the sense of humor i have :3
seriously though, why don't you just burn the fucker to the ground?
I'm just glad no innocent changelings were killed (yet), it's probably unlikely, but I hope chrysalis is stripped of her powers and as punishment is forced to become a cuddle bug/maid/servant to either John or twilight. Oh, the humiliation, Just a thought.
6999270
*begins typing alternate chapter for lulz*
What a party pooper!
Theating throne room [ ??????? ] second time used, didn't make sense the first time either
? wierd typos
This...REALLY needs an editor-slash-beta. Or at least a skim-over with an eye towards legibility. There are numerous places where I don't know what's going on because either it's not actually described and I'm left with nothing but context clues to figure it out, or the words are so mangled that I have to try and decipher what you're actually saying. Some of it I can tell is due to autocorrect (which you should turn off), but that doesn't really explain why some words don't make any sense at all.
Lolwut
I feel the need to make an obligitory 'Praise Helix' joke. Heh heh
Up your ass and to the left