• Member Since 22nd Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen 38 minutes ago

Cereal-Killer


DAUBENY! IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS! THESE MEN DON'T NEED TO DIE!"

T
Source

I woke up to a burning building coming down on top of me.

Oh yeah, that isn't even the half of it. There's these freaky Technicolor horses everywhere too and a few of them were dressed in golden armour.

They bound me, dragged me to the castle and hooked me up to some chains. Currently I'm being interrogated by a white unicorn... guard. Whatever it's called.

Saturday never seems to go well for me...


Rated teen for suggestive situations and bad language

----

Found some cover art.

Sorry to whomever made this, but the source website was taken down or something, so I'm really not sure who to credit. :fluttershysad:

Chapters (19)
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Comments ( 398 )

5k to 8k would be ok it usually means the chapters come out faster than trying to write 10k+ words every time.

I have no idea what is going on... Non at all,

6780172 Neither do I, and I've been writing it.

This whole story is one crazy thing after another with no signs of stopping.

i.imgflip.com/76ng9.jpg

:moustache:

Pay special attention to your quotation marks. A couple unintended errors throughout caused by them. May also want to watch repeating actions, such as twilight giggling three times in the last hundred words.

Besides that it is a quaint story.

killing a Xenomorph with a feather duster

I feel like this is a reference

A flame, a small flickering flame was licking the skin on my index finger. Sustaining itself without fuel, purely of my own power, did the flame exist.

As soon as I read this, I knew it was coming

Plasmid unlocked...Incinerate!

There it is

All I can say about this so far, is thank you for making me laugh like an idiot! I'm serious, this is absolutely hilarious.
Keep the laughs a coming!

i.imgur.com/bAQqO.jpg

The length of the chapters seems pretty good.. Don't limit yourself maybe some chapters will be longer some shorter though personally I hate very short chapters

this story, i like it. you haz get like unt fav

6855042 I shall endeavour to bring in more tactical cow bells, as suggested.

Honestly, this could use a good editing. :applejackunsure: Not going to continue from here because of that, though this has potential.

as soon as equinely possible.

I tried the same, only called it ponily. Your word seems to be better though. :pinkiesmile:

"What was his name?" He asked, I told him, "Q? Never heard of him, Discord, however..." He shivered, He came back from his thousand year banishment about eight months ago. He came to the hive, turned the Changelings into cheese, then left us with a mice infestation. No one was hurt but we were starving, and we were vulnerable following that." He chuckled darkly, "can you imagine that? The Changelings, great deceivers of the wastes, brought to their knees by tiny little rodents." He said the word 'rodents' with particular venom.

Nice reference. Loved that comic strip too! :rainbowlaugh:

Truth be told, i personally like smaller chapters. So that I can stop more easily reading, if I want to take a break and don't have to stop in the middle of a chapter. :pinkiesmile:

6885815 this comment made me realise that I accidentally put the wedding chronologically before Discord. :twilightsheepish:

"...you never told me you were combat trained!" PurpleSmart was lost for words, "you just beat two top quality guards like they were nothing!"

"I'm not, they're just really bad," I remarked, brushing some dirt off my jeans.

I love the constant guard jokes in this fic! :rainbowlaugh:

What I didn't expect was for her to wink and smirk, she trotted past me and whipped me lightly with her tail. My brain kinda malfunctioned 'What?'

I hope she is going to act like that around him in the future too! :rainbowlaugh:

Was... Was any of that real?

Good question! Was Moonflower's assault real? :rainbowhuh:

I looked towards the white royal I'm the Thane of Whiterun!" I put on my best shit-eating grin.

missing quote mark.

"What was his name?" He asked, I told him, "Q? Never heard of him, Discord, however..." He shivered, He came back from his thousand year banishment about a year and a half ago. He came to the hive, turned the Changelings into cheese, then left us with a mice infestation. No one was hurt but we were starving, and we were vulnerable following that." He chuckled darkly, "can you imagine that? The Changelings, great deceivers of the wastes, brought to their knees by tiny little rodents." He said the word 'rodents' with particular venom.

You're over-complicating it with quotation marks and missing some of them as a result.

She didn't are about any

older you to turn him to stone

why,am I

missing space

Quickly fact:,it's

I found out his name was Flagon.

"Oi!" I turned to Flag on again,

pick one?

shine through,'wait, what?'

missing space. textwalls.

in the throne roo.,

Jesus mate, proofread maybe?

"Alright then, I picked up my shirt

missing quotation mark.

"can you not look me in the eyes and tell me I am a pet?"

-not

Jonathon," I hate being called 'Jonathan',

pick one?

"I'm a fast learner," the thestral was taking ages doing whatever she was doing, "Luna, I'm not spending my night guarding a bunch of prisoners so two guards can go suck each other off in the meantime," her cheeks were on fire, they were so red. I snickered shortly.

Thestrals are batponies.

"are nit going to stop me, savvy?"

I assure you, that won't be a problem,"

missing quotation mark

...And I'm not even trying to proofread, I just mark whatever hurts my eyes.

man. xenophile ponies...

missing capital letter

don't worry I can pyromancer!"

-er, means something doing something. like fight-er, driv-er. dude why.

For all you know could be rutting the princesses

something is missing. a pronoun, probably.

back on Earth I was

missing capital letter.

"So tweedle Bros? The guards threw me a look,

quotation mark

he gazed over at the clock,

she

tiredNess

curtains o f the

'how to be a

missing capital letter

a lot of the unicorns

missing capital letter

taking the pissed

a piss, probably. But I'm no Brit, so...

and through a spear

throw

thearlier

is that even a word?

to Seeing Flagon's pub,

non-needed capital letter

a few

extra space

Celestit

Humans can't digest hay unless it has certain things done to it."

missing quotation mark

sess pit

cesspit

.slipped the plate

missing space and pronoun

'Hmm. On the scale of one to ten? I'd give it a chiptastic.

missing mark

rid of antyping

anything

around the castles

castle. probably even Castle, because referring to a certain one

starlight

missing capital letter

Can you... take me home? At least for a few days, so I can grab some stuff and get back?

missing both quotation marks

you," wow.

Wow should be capitalized

back, "good! I

Good should me capitalized

It's the reason you're alive,

I'm?

6893243 Thanks for these comments, they're actually rather helpful.

Bat ponies are Thestrals. Thestrals can eat meat, have webbed wings, and have reptilian irises, just like bat ponies.

They are one and the same.

6893908 the Thestral scene is really really unclear who's talking and trying to attack him. It really, really looked like Luna was doing it and that you called her a "thestral".

'Sorry, can't tell you, it'll spoil a future plot point.'

Am I the only one who hates it when fics do that?
I never thought 4th wall breaking can be considered funny. I don't just mean in reference to this fic, I mean it generally.

Otherwise, the only gripe I have is slow updates.

"You gonna take me out to lunch? Take a romantic walk through the park?" She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously before dropping her sultry gaze and shoving me in the waist. Well she's certainly different when she's off the job.

I ship them, even though there is no Romance tag! :rainbowkiss:

Well, this has been fun! Look forward to more, should more be on the way!:twilightsmile:

6912622 Soon.

(This is where I would put the image if my images weren't being dumb.)

6912814 Of course!
(This is where I would put MY image, if the site wasn't having a problem!:twilightangry2:)

How does Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and/or Prince Blueblood sound like he/she "wants a corndog"?

Right, maggot! YOU ARE HERE TO PUT SOME MEAT ON YOUR SKINNY LITTLE TWIGS!" Of course they have drill sergeants, why wouldn't they? "GET TO IT, CHIMP! TIME'S A' WASTIN'!"

He could use illusion magic to skip out of the exercises! :pinkiesmile:

"John." That's Moon, although she doesn't really sound pissed. "Walk with me."

'I find it amusing that you haven't seen it yet.'

That I haven't seen what?

'You'll need to figure it out, but it'll take a while to get it into your rather thick skull, I wager.' Cryptic douche-bag.

My shipping sense is tingling! :rainbowkiss:

Who would have thought that I was dead on like that in my last comment of the last chapter? :yay:

If there's one thing I'll do before I die. I'll save Humanity or find a way to go with them.

I looked down at Canterlot.

...Maybe even if it means Equestria never happens.

Wow, that's actually pretty dark. In a way he is planning genocide there! :pinkiegasp:

While picking a princess I was expecting him to take a jab at Luna and Celestia by saying Twilight is the only one of the bunch that could possibly fathom what he is saying whenever he unloads scientific knowledge.

Romance tag? I see you hiding there. The question is: Should I use you?

Yes plz. :)

"I'm going." My words caused her scowl to deepen. I sighed, turning around in the open doorway. "Goodbye, Moonflower." I waited a few seconds for a response, receiving none. Ieft the door slightly ajar, soon hearing it shut behind me.

He's an idiot! :facehoof:

Before I knew what was going on, the crazed mare pounced on me. I ended up on my hack, with her hooves pressing down on me and her muzzle merely inches away from mine. I old feel her breath lightly grazing my skin as her lips closed in on mine...

"Ahem." We were rather rudely interrupted by a certain dark blue alicorn standing in the corridor the doors were wide open.

OH, COME ON! THEY WERE SO CLOSE! :raritydespair: :raritycry:

For many soundly sleeping inhabitants of Canterlot, John's (Girly as fuck) screamING was an unwelcome wake up call. Needless to say, Nobody was happy with him right now. Luna: I nearly made out with her captain; Moonflower: I just bailed on her; Celestia could probably find some obscure reason to be mad at me?,

"GET BACK HERE JOHN!" Oh yeah, Moonflower is pissed.

So close and yet so far... :ajsleepy:

I didn't expect to wake up spooning Celestia.

You are spooning the wrong pony, John... :unsuresweetie:

Well, maybe they will get together in one of the next chapter? :raritystarry:

6874083 This, Id offer to do it but I'm busy with college, all the same I'll follow it and hope it gets edited one day.

Ok.... When did John start channeling Deadpool?

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