• Published 24th Oct 2016
  • 2,178 Views, 47 Comments

When The Night Crawls - Hoppa_21

An increasing crime rate and the problem with mutants bring the Power Ponies more challenges when they needed. Unfortunately, they weren't prepared as a black bipedal figure appears out of nowhere.

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Chapter 14: Sweet Dreams

Author's Note:

Took longer than expected but here it is! :pinkiesmile:

POV: Kurt Wagner

Location: Dreamland
Time: ??:??

It was dark. I was walking down the corridors of a hospital. Or an asylum? It was hard to say from my vantage point. It looked deserted, decrepit, and overall creepy. Probably some kind of horror game setting creepy if I had to guess.

At least the blood stains here and there were a clear indicator for that.

Maybe this is a zombie game dream again? Left4Dead? Anyone?

I simply shrugged my shoulders. Didn’t matter. I knew he was here somewhere. And considering the lack of zombies this wasn’t going to be the danger today.

I just turned around a corner before seeing a few corpses strewn along the ground. Lifeless with stab wounds. Also cat-thingies. Or whatever these aliens called themselves.

Luckily no fluffy cuddly one was under them. But a lot of females I noted. But then again there are quite a lot female criminals around here. I mean at least the police ones looked female for the most part. And the ones in the team clobbering. Steamchen was male though. So male good, female...no. That doesn’t make sense. The police force was female, and I had three evil stallions with me...Two and a half. Furniturchen was quite nice, albeit a bit moody. Possible tsundere?

I simply shrugged. “Meh,” I said before gigg-, uh, chuckling rather manly! A manly chuckle!

Anyway, Americans have funny words. Meh. *Giggle* A funny word. Sounds like what the sheep do in Germany. Also makes me wonder what the American sheep do. In Germany we say ‘Mäh’ to what the sheep say. Does the Americans say it differently? Or does the ‘Meh’ actually have a secret second sheep sound meaning? A mystery that only Americans know and keep over generations of ‘Meh’? Or how exactly did it develop if it is in fact the same sound?

Just wondering.

Not that I can do much more as I reached something. Ah, an elevator. Totally not a Left4Dead rip-off. But then again, things would get serious soon enough. Just have to follow the corpses…

Well, I tried not to think about it for now as I entered said elevator and rode it right up. The bloody fingerprint on the number telling me pretty precisely where I would find him.

*DING* made the elevator. I quickly enough got out of it, to find some more corpses.

I gulped slightly before setting myself in motion, following the trail. It led exactly to a room. As I opened the door I was greeted by darkness.

It reeked like a trap, I know, but then again the only way was forward wasn’t it?

God, I could already hear the creepy music playing...Well, imagining it. Luckily it didn’t play...for now.

I stepped inside, seeing a small mountain of corpses amassed in the middle.

He was here.

*SLAM* made the door.

I instantly jumped before turning around quickly, facing a dark figure with a knife twirling in his hands all too casually. His dark eyes glared right into my soul, daring me to make a move.

“Adolf,” I greeted the dark being warily.

Yes I called him, the representation of my dark side Adolf. In case any of you have a problem with the use of the name: Get over it. I’m one of the people who is not walking in a bent stance through life, because of the crimes of my ancestors. I think it is important not to forget about the crimes that have been committed as to not repeat them, but it is also important to look forward without any shame. I mean, are the people in Italy ashamed because of Caesar? Or the American’s for taking the land from the Natives?

The answer is quite obvious and I see it the same way. Every country has committed crimes in my opinion, some more severe than others, but still crimes nonetheless. However, crying over it won’t change a thing. Only thing what can change the future is to learn from past mistakes and move on.

Also a reason I hate people who immediately pull the racist and nazi card. I know a bunch of people who have seen superiors in companies being chewed out for chewing out employees with foreign background for making mistakes, because said chewed out staff using the nazi card to even higher superiors so that the ones that chewed them out got chewed out. Makes sense?

...Alright, anyway it really is a sensitive topic, I tell you. In a way you can still today feel the repercussions of the Second World War. The whole careful thinking not to say anything wrong. The…how do you say it here…German Angst? Of course this Angst is not only limited to this branch of social interactions, but there are other sections as well.

Kind of funny if you consider we were once a folk of proud warriors. Earlier in the days we were conquering countries, now the only thing we are conquering are beach chairs. Don’t know how you handle it but we Germans like to occupy said chairs with towels. It’s a stupid thing, really, but it’s a way for us to cope, since we can’t conquer countries anymore we just conquer beach chairs!

…Yeah, it is kind of humiliating, I know.

But I’m whining now, aren’t I? I once heard from the German cabaretist Volker Pispers, love the guy by the way, well loving in a platonic kind of way as I’m not really from that side of the, uh… how do the Americans say… well I don’t think Americans say from the other side of the riverbank, but you get my gist. But to get back the comedian said that 80 % of the world population envy us for whining on such a high level, since our economy is rather stable.

Can’t really argue with the words of a wise man.

Funny fact: Some cabaretists tend to have more knowledge on politics than some politicians. I remember that one dude who was foreign minister but had trouble speaking English, just as an example.

So yeah, boo-hoo me for whining on that level. I probably should get on with it. None of you want to hear my ramblings. You probably would like to see me interact with my dark side, screaming ‘Get on with it!’ as you read. So that’s what you get.

Tension hung in the air as I faced my dark side a la Luke Skywalker style! Not really the ‘I am your father style’ more like…okay, maybe not really Luke Skywalker style. I more like just faced him, alright? Just looking into his dark orbs that promised agonizing pain to everyone who gets in his most definitely evil way.

Dream muscles tensed, fingers clenched. It was a showdown, high noon, and whatsoever.

Or maybe not that much. Truth be told I just turned around called him by his name and…

…hugged him.

You didn’t expect that, did you? Well, I’m not really normal, so hugging my nightmares is a normal thing for me to do. I once hugged a zombie. Said zombie was a dick as a side note, as he just bit in my shoulder! That jerk! But to get back, I just greeted my darker side like an old friend.

Though through the proximity I just noticed something... He changed with me then it came to the form, no surprise there, but it made a few complications, or mainly one, how to tell us apart. You see with him being a black version of myself normally and me being normal colored this topic never came up. But now that my complexion took a darker shade…we almost looked identical! Two Kurt Wagner’s! I will be honest with you that is quite irritating!

And it got me thinking. I stepped back in the typical thinker pose, with one hand on my chin, hmm’ing all the way.

After a short while I snipped my fingers.

...Well, I acted like I did it, while clicking my tongue. I’m really good at clicking tongue, so...it is a good surrogate way of snipping since I haven’t mastered that one yet. But then again, snipping was probably overrated, as clicking with your tongue was underrated, so it all turned out well already in a way.

“Ich hab’s! (I got it!)” I said cheerfully as a nice little mustache on my dark doppelganger appeared. A mustache that would make his namesake proud. Not that it mattered, the guy was a jerk anyway.

My dark side and the one the mustache was inspired by.

Kind of a pity that the real Adolf ruined the beard for everyone in the world. Charlie Chaplin had the same beard, so why did we have to, dare I say it, ban this beard from the world? Only time I saw that beard being used was in an anime.

Yes, Japanese people have a lot of backbone to openly use it. To be fair it was only featured in a movie of an anime, and not in the anime itself, but still. This backbone is what I would wish for the rest of the world. Maybe I should try to demonstrate against it?

Meh, too much work.

“Das Problem wäre gelöst! (Seems like I solved the problem!) All praise the sun, yada yada yada!” I cheered in self-praise.

„Warum nicht der Mond? (Why not the moon?)“ my darker side said rising an inquisitive brow. I simply shrugged.

“Das sagen Amerikaner so...glaube ich, (That’s what Americans say...I think,)” I simply answered as he shook his head before pointing his knife at the glorious mustache.

“Und was soll das sein? (And what’s this?)”

“Nur mein Weg uns zu unterscheiden. (Just my way to differentiate between us.)”

“…Das ist doch nur eine Ausrede um mir endlich diesen Bart zu verpassen. (…You are only using this excuse to give me a mustache.)”

“...Vielleicht. (...Maybe.)”

“Und wir sehen noch immer gleich aus. Ich weiß echt nicht was du dir dabei gedacht hast. Als würde ein schwarzer Bart mich weniger schwarz aussehen lassen. (And we are still looking alike. I don’t know what you were thinking. It’s not like a black mustache would make me any less black.)”

That got me thinking. He had a point, albeit it was nothing I could solve.

With another snap (or more precisely a click of my tongue) his hair and beard turned white.

“Problem gelöst! (Problem solved!)”

“Das macht den Schnauzer eigentlich überflüssig. (This kind of makes the mustache pointless.)”

“Nein, Schnauzer sind klasse! (No, mustaches are awesome!)”

He pinched his brow in frustration, “Du raubst mir noch den letzten Nerv. (You are robbing me of my last nerve.”

I simply shrugged, before grinning.

“Wie wär’s mit ‘nem Bierchen? (How ‘bout a beer?)“

„Sure. As long as you cut the German. Your dialect hurts my ears.”

“Pffft! Was that supposed to be some lame Kill Bill reference? That’s so lame, it needs a new word to get invented because lame is not lame enough for it!”

“And that coming from the weirdo who wears yellow every single day of his life.”

I raised my finger in fierce retaliation, before faltering and then simply shrugging to myself, “Fair enough,” I said as the scenery around us changed to a pub. We were sitting on two bar stools at a stereotypical and yet heartwarming rustic counter.

The bartenders green tentacles tapped us both a cool, refreshing beer.

“Rough day?” Adolf asked as he eyed the blue mare with green tentacles as hair (hairtacles?) who manned ((mared?) well, if it is something equine and not a cat, still unsure about that) the counter.

“You know it. Though, she wasn’t that bad. I mean, sure she attacked me, but she simply was no match for my new and awesome teleporting powers! No more running for this nice little mutant!”

I took a sip from my beer. Well, I let it clang on the counter before getting it up to my lips. In some sort of bow line or upside-down parable? Tradition in case you wonder. Funnily enough no one knows anymore how it came to be. I mean, there are some guesses, like something about the grip on a heavy keg of beer in Bavaria (Bavaria having large beer kegs), or maybe to simply wipe away the beer that swapped out from the keg and onto the counter.

But no matter how the tradition came to be, it was still really nice to have a relaxing beer with a good friend/nightmare/villain/arch nemesis.

“Sounds to me like you are getting a beer belly, squirt.”

…A friend that is also kind of a jerk.

“I’m older than you,” I grumbled.

“How can I, as a figment of your imagination, be younger than you? I’m basically you!”

“You first showed up at the age of 8. Which means you are about 12 years old now? If anything you are not even an adult by human standards. More like you are going to hit puberty soon. I wonder if that is why you are so moody lately.”

He simply scoffed, “Boy, I have seen things in your head. So you don’t get to talk to me like a kid. Though it really is interesting. A whole new world to explore. That is something you only find in some games, or movies, or fanfictions.”

“True. Though I guess I only skimmed the book a bit. Maybe I should read it more to get a better grip on things. Especially with some police forces taking an interest in me.”

“Or that stone. That is information I would look up.”

“Stone?” I parroted with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes! You know how you went all super saiyan in a sense? We know practically nothing about it! Only that Hair Accident was quite eager to get it back. It actually worries me. I mean, we are in a new world, and if you somehow draw attention to yourself… Let’s just say that I am not eager for you to die. Not because I like you or anything, but because if you die, I die. So until I find a way out of your body, I need to keep you alive,” the now outed nightmare tsundere replied.

Kurt waved dismissively, “I don’t think it will be THAT bad. You are talking almost as if we are going to be a target of spies.”

Just in that moment Adolf suddenly threw a knife he had slipped out of his sleeves near a dark corner and embedding it into a wall.

“I think your friend here might agree with me,” he hisses out, making me focus my gaze a bit, trying to discern something, and indeed! There was another dream construct there! Though I actually have no idea how I came up with her.

For one, she was taller, more slender, with both wings and horn. Not to mention some crown thingie, and some other thing on her...chest area? Heck! I don’t even know if chest-thingies are a thing! Or if they have a name in case they do!

Today was really confusing.

Or...tonight? Ugh! More confusing!

I was rubbing my head furiously. At least until Adolf, like Americans like to say, bottled me. Yup. Pulled a bottle right over my noggin. I’m glad I’m so tough. Even more so in dreams.

“Concentrate!” he hissed again, pointing another knife at the clearly stunned fluffy thing. A fluffy thing who’s mane seemed to be flowing in a nonexistent breeze, and that also looked quite soft. And the way it moved… It was moving in a way that was almost too fluffy to comprehend…

“Wolkenhaar! (Cloudhair!)” I squee’d out all too gleefully before with a puff of smoke teleporting right over her.

The reaction was instant.

Pupils turned into pinpricks, just like her serious expression. She moved fast and all too fluidly and was out of the way in a jiffy, making me stumble. She then kicked my legs out under me, making me fall on my back with a painful dream groan. Well, not so painful since we are talking about dream pain here, but you get the gist.

I was at this point looking at this dream being upside down as she towered over me with a rather smug expression on that muzzle.

“Huzzah! It seems our fighting prowess is still holding strong!”

I stuck my lip out in an adorable pout. If you remember, I’m an adorable pouter after all.

“You are mean!” was my rather astute observation.

Something that made her quirk her brow in confusion. She was in a fighting stance again, but this one got rather lax at my statement, “What didst thou speaketh off? Art thou truly trying to fool us, the Princess of the Night with such a cheap tactic?”

I simply pouted harder, not caring for this uncaring individual.

“You are supposed to apologize!” came my annoyed reply, but still this being decided to stay rude.

“For evading thine attack? Thou got to be foaling us!”

I huffed, crossing my arms, “Stupid cat-thingie.”

“We art no kitten! We art an Alicorn!” the being demanded, trying to be intimidating as she loomed over me but only managing to be cute and fluffy.

I meanwhile ignored her cuteness for a moment to tilt my head in confusion, “What is an Alicorn?”

The being seemed rather surprised by this. She was scanning my facial expression, maybe checking for hints of deceit, but didn’t seem to find any, since obviously I was telling the truth, “Thou...Thou truly does not know what an Alicorn is. Not even mine own sister Celestia?”

“Celestia? Who is that?” I asked in clear confusion.

Somehow that shocked her even more and I could practically see the gears turning in her head. Not that I knew what kind of gears it were and what she actually thought about, but it looked like she somehow thought about something. Something that got some stars sparkling in her big eyes soon afterwards, “Oh, nopony at all! We mean that there is of course only one true ruler over this land! And that is us! Princess Luna! The Princess of the Night!”

My eyes started to sparkle just like hers, albeit mine did in wonder, “Oh! That’s sounds so cool!”

That made her halt, her curious eyes looking deep into my own, a question lingering on her tongue, “...Doest thou truly think so?”

I nodded, “Yup! I mean, Princess of the Night sounds like a cool title to have.”

Interestingly enough this dream being seemed to preen at my attention, pushing her chest fluff out, as if to look even more adorable! Though I had to wonder what she was then…

“Say...what is an Alicorn?” I asked in a bit of childlike curiosity, making the mare raise a brow for a moment before shrugging it off.

“Tis a combination of Earth Pony, Pegasus and Unicorn. So we art an equine and no kitten.”

I nodded, clearly interested in this new information, “Huh, didn’t know that.”

My dark side groaned, facepalming as he followed this conversation before looking at me pointedly.

“You realize that in the book were Pegasi listed, so equines.”

“...I forgot.”

“How could you forget it! You read it just before going to sleep! This would probably be one of the biggest plotholes anyone could find if this was a written story!”

At the word ‘plothole’ the being strangely blushed for some reason. Not that I had time to wonder why.

“W-Well, just look at her!” I said pointing with both my hands to her in a presenting motions, “She is way too fluffy to count as ANY kind of equine!”

“Thou thinkest of us as fluffy?” the female cat-, no equine-thingie said with surprise as well as a small blush. Soon enough she got herself composed again and a bright smile could be found upon her fluffy muzzle, “WE THANKETH THEE!” she all but screamed extremely loudly, blewing out my non-existent eardrums and having both me and Adolf have to hold on to tables from the force.

Me hereby being on the able to grab said table mid-flight, seeing as I was on the ground until now and seemingly shouts can actually make one fly in a dream. Might be a new method of flight, if it didn’t make one deaf.

Okay, that with the eardrums was a lie, considering this is a dream, so both of us were fine with that. Albeit I definitely didn’t want to relive that in person as I stood up, dusting me off.

“Truce? I think we should concentrate on this dangerous intruder first before getting back to bickering.”

“I dunno. She seems rather nice. I’d rather cuddle her than fight her.”

At this my dark side slapped me, making me pout and touch my cheek from the dream sting. He really is way too violent.

“You have to listen to me!” he roared, but then quickly got a hoof to the face, sending him over the counter while two soft wings wrapped around me.

I looked to the side, noting Luna’s muzzle as she glared determinedly behind the counter.

“Foul being of nightmares! Thou art not allowed to harm our loyal subjects!” she declared with great conviction. And considering how warm and cuddly her wings were I didn’t protest the embrace, no matter how fast this change of heart came.

Her horn lit up, making me remember the crazy equine that attacked me on the roof and making me also realize that Adolf was the one being attacked by my sheer skill in deduction.

Seeing as, despite being a pain, he was still a part of me I protested.

“It’s okay! He is with me! Just my dark half, you know?”

The self-entitled Princess couldn’t help but look baffled once more. Almost as if I had declared bananas to be an abhorrence and to be banned from existence. And everyone knows bananas are great, and not only because they are yellow.

“Thou art jesting, art thou not? This being not only being a nightmare but thine dark half makes it only more prudent to erase! Lest they sway thou with sweet promises to harm others!”

“But he is not trying...that much. I mean, sure he is a jerk, but it is nice to have someone to talk to about my day in my dreams.”

But Cloud Hair didn’t seem deterred by that. Only more determined as her mind spun up a respond, trying to somehow pull me to her side on this, “If...If thou need an ear, thou can use our own! There is no need to confide in such a vile creature!”

It was that moment that Adolf stood up growling, “Oh, now you have done it! I will kick your sorry excuse of a plot out of this dream!”

Luna seemed highly offended as she suddenly summoned a scythe, “Our flank is everything other than poor, you distasteful nightmare! We will reap you and chain you deep inside, so you never can show your face here again!”

Adolf summoned a pair of blades to his hands, taking some test swings with a sneer, clearly showing how things were spinning out of control.

It honestly was annoying considering I had enough of such action in the real world, so having such a conflict now seemed unneeded.

It also made me wonder just how it came to this, making me reminisce the dream and her appearance.

Not that the two heeded my presence, both getting into a fighting stance and charging at each other with fierce battle roars until...

“MAAHHAHHAHHHAA!” I couldn’t help but laugh out loudly, making both of them stop within a feet of each other, almost stumbling as they looked at me confused.

“What’s so funny?” Adolf demanded rather annoyed.

“P-Plothole!” I managed to breath out between gales of laughter.

“Plo-” Adolf started to say before facepalming with the blade handle in realization, “Reaaaaaaaaally mature. Though I am more aggravated at the fact that you just now got this ambiguity.”

“W-Well, can you blame me? This isn’t my mother tongue! And you two behaving like this...It actually makes things worse around here! It makes my head spin. I mean, why are you even attacking each other? Can’t we just stop this nonsense and enjoy the evening? Friends shouldn’t fight!” I rambled on, saying everything that came to mind. It was a bit of a jumbled mess I blurted out, but it still seemed to have an effect.

“Friends? With him?” Luna questioned with a glare as she put some distance between them, shooting a glare. Adolf simply snorted.

“I am a part of him, so we are close enough that he thinks if you befriend him, you befriend me too. As a kind of friendship package...Don’t ask. Though this actually ruined the mood for me now,” he finished letting his blades vanish.

Luna eyed him skeptically doing the same with her scythe.

“We don’t trust thee, make no mistake. But...we also don’t want to upset one of our more appreciative subjects with a fight, so our hand will stay still, until thou give us a reason otherwise,” the self-proclaimed princess stated, making me sigh in relief.

I sighed in relief before sitting down on a barstool.

“Well, I’m glad you see it like that. He really isn’t that bad. Not by a long shot at least.”

She snorts disbelievingly instinctively, but quickly tried to cover it up with a cough, “If thou say so. Though we guess we better go now. We still hath other duties to perform.”

“Why don’t you stay and drink with us?” I suggested, making the leaving mare turn around with surprise.

“While we appreciate the thought, we hath no time for such things.”

“So a spoilsport then?” Adolf grinned, trying to get a raise out of her, but only receiving a glare in return.

“There is always time for drinking! I’m sure it won’t do you harm to spend the night along friends, does it?”

“Friends?” Luna looked more ponderous now, “We art not sure…”

“Come oooooooon!” I drawled invitingly, “You look fun to be around! And we are already in a bar, so we might as well use this setting. Not to mention that I’m inviting you cute ball of fluff to a keg of Bavarian beer! So you really won’t regret it!” I finished summoning a keg in my hand, offering it to the dream being.

Said being seemed a bit flustered as I stated her being fluffy, but soon enough composed herself to answer.

“Well…” she said a bit unsurely, before eyeing the beer a bit and then me as I smiled all too warmly and invitingly at her, making her smile as well, “We probably simply can’t refuse some quality time with one of our dear subjects.”

“A-And *hick* s-she...she says neigh! Neigh Luna *hick* the night can not l-last longer! What w-would *hick* the nobles say! A-All a bunch of *hick* foals we tell thou!” Luna said, clearly like we in Bavaria would say ‘angeschwipst’. So yeah, inebriated in the highest of degrees on finest Bavarian Dream Beer. I probably could make my own brand calling it BDB for short.

Luna seemed to enjoy it from the first swig on, cheering about the Bavarian culture and even telling me how she would have not decapitated a single one of the Germane’s if she knew that we were capable of brewing this.

Yeah. Equestria and Germaneia went to war once. Equestria won, but they seemingly developed friendly relations over time. Luna seemed to be new to these relations and was quite wary of them, but now seems rather enthusiastic about not waging war on them anymore.

So, yup. Yay for Germany since german beer can stop wars! If you are happily drinking with your enemy and cheering and sharing stories all around it is quite hard to wage war after all. So next time a few leaders are having an argument just sent them to a good german bar and your relations are saved!

Also Luna certainly was quite the funny company, telling me stories about her childhood where her older sister was caught with her hoof in the cookie jar, or cake, to be more accurate, more often than not, getting the filly some spanking in front of the entire court. Or the time Luna made herself a nice crown of flowers and Celestia got so jealous she tried to convince the animals to steal it for her, but Luna used her cuteness to turn the tables around so that the animals would revolt against Celestia instead.

I myself was also widely gesticulating and talking about myself as well and my family. I mean, considering I have two siblings myself I could relate to her sibling fun and troubles. It was actually nice to talk to someone about it and helped me adjust to this whole situation better. And I think it helped her too, since she could talk about her own family as well, not to mention this sibling rivalry she seemed to have going on with her sister. Though such a rivalry was of course to be expected. That’s pretty much family after all. Sometimes we can simply annoy each other, but still get along again, and laugh it off afterwards.

Of course soon enough I felt that the night would end, and we (meaning Adolf included) invited Luna over to bring her own dark side next time, albeit she was rather hesitant for some reason, while giving Adolf still the stink eye. A rather drunken stink eye, but a stink eye nonetheless.

“W-We s-shall smite *hick* thee later, b-black one!” she declared rather drunkenly, but still managed to pull off a rather heroic pose as she pointed towards him, “B-But first we n-need *hick* rest. S-So farewell *hick* Kurt.”

With that and a flash of light, Luna vanished. It was actually quite the nice imaginary figure my brain created and I certainly hope she would stay to counteract Adolf a bit...who wasn’t looking all that enthusiastic?

“Why did you have to tell her your name? You know that she might just reveal it to the outside world, right?”

I simply shrugged, “She is part of my brain. She is as likely to spout my name like you are. I mean, what could possibly go wrong.

Celestia was striding through the halls of the castle. It has been some time since Luna went to confront this creature. Enough for her to see if she was back with the information needed. If he did indeed have the stone...she would instantly have to get a team together to apprehend him. This was simply too dangerous in the wrong hands. Or even if it was just in the hands of one naive being. It was hard to tell which category this being belonged too after all. Only that this being was not a pacifist. And that was enough to make her worry.

Luckily she already was reaching Luna’s doors. Her mind reached out for her sister’s, but what she found was...worrying. Somehow blurry was the best she could describe it.

She instantly pushed the door open.

In there she saw her sister with her wings out running around the room.


It was a strange sight indeed, albeit she at least seemed to have...fun? Though Celestia still feared just what this would imply as she coughed to get her sister’s attention.

Luckily it worked and she seemed to stop, almost stumble over her four hooves.

Glazed over eyes looked into clear purple ones.

“Hello Luna,” she greeted before asking the important question, “...Have you been...drinking?”

Her sister simply stared at her as if she asked if the sky was blue as she shrugged.

*Hick* So?”

Celestia groaned facehooving, “Luna! You should know better than that! The last time you got yourself plastered to such a degree you declared mooning to be a legal currency!”

“T-The *Hick* shopkeepers weren’t c-complaining!” she retorted making her sister frown as she rolled her eyes, as best as she could in her highly inebriated state.

“That is not a matter of if the shopkeepers were complaining! It is a matter of decency and how to keep up an impeccable image! Therefore you should never drink anything alcoholic! Exception being it is a gift from an ambassador, but even then getting drunk is completely forbidden!” she chided in a lecturing big sister tone. Something that only irritated Luna as she drunkenly glared at this form of belittling.

*Hick* W-We art the Princess of the *hick* Night! W-We shalt do and drink w-with our *hick* compatriots in our domain whenever we feel like it!”

Celestia furrowed her brow at that, “So...you were drinking...as drinking within the dream realm? How in Tartarus can one get drunk in a dream?”

At that the lunar princess grinned smugly, as well as goofily, “Tis the many secrets of the *hick* great dream realm! The dreamiest and greatest *hick* of all dreamies-, uh, things.” she exclaimed getting on her hindlegs before, letting her back fall on her back, giggling like a little school filly.

Her sister meanwhile walked back and forth rubbing her temple with one hoof in clear annoyance, “At least she had the common decency to get her flank drunk in her own room. Such a public incident would be a pain in the flank. Especially with the internet nowadays it is hard to actually contain information once it spreads out,” the white Alicorn mutters before stopping and eyeing her sister once again.

She was meanwhile staring at the ceiling with a glazed over look. Her hooves trailing shapes, as if painting a canvas, and her horn was strangely glowing…

Celestia’s eyes widened and she instantly rushed to the balcony door, throwing it open and with a flabbergasted expression eyed the new...addition to the night sky.

It was a caricature of herself, with a posterior too large to be anything else but outright offending. The words ‘Prude Cake Monster’ certainly didn’t help

With burning cheeks Celestia ripped Luna’s control of her stars before realigning them again in their proper state, before with all the authority she can muster stepping to Luna’s bed, towering over the mare with a disapproving look.

Luna simply pouted.

Her big sister was really wanting to give her a lecture, but seeing that her sister wouldn’t listen, dare remember it she decided to keep that for when she was clear again. Albeit there was still something she came here for. Something that seemed like a lifeline right now considering her younger sister’s antics.

“So, did you at least talk about the gem with your...compatriot,” she asked. And she did so all too desperately, trying to not think of how many ponies just might have snapped pictures of the night sky. Right now, she certainly could need all the good news she could get.

Unfortunately she didn’t hear any kind of words to bring her comfort. The opposite in fact as Luna simply stiffened, and a silence settled over the room.

Celestia was already applying her hoof to her face in a godly facepalm. Considering she is probably the closest thing to god if you don’t count Discord.

“Dammit Luna.”

And that was the friendly version. Luckily her sister was too drunk to actually read her, ahem, uncensored answer in her mind.