Dinky Doo and the Quest for the Sacred Treats

by PaulAsaran

Part X: And Now For Something Completely Different

The party hurried through the growing darkness, past the Shearsmare’s Clocktower with no concern for the Shearsmare, across the haunted town of Ponyville and to the ominous wood beyond. Their haste was understandable, for high in the sky roamed the eerie moon which, upon reaching its zenith this night, would unleash the Scourge of Equestria upon the helpless little village. The wise Marelin knew their time was short, and so she did encourage their haste – but not too much haste!

Yet, as they at last came upon the pass that would take them to the Monolith of the Nightmare, they found their way barred by an eruption of smoke! And from this smoke appeared a lone figure, her form bearded and a hood of antlers upon her head. She did throw a bag of mysteriousness, which again erupted into sparks and smoke!

Marelin raised her staff before the adventurers, her gaze wary and uncertain. “Who are you that blocks our path?”

And the mare did turn to them, revealing a coat of white riddled with black lines most unnatural, and she did smile upon the party with yellow eyes all aglow.

“Answer I shall on a whim; there are some who call me… Prim.”

The Paper Squire, donning her most noble poise, did approach the enchanter. “Greetings, Miss Prim! I—”

“Greetings, Paper Squire. Of this meeting I have long desired.”

The Paper Squire did gasp. “You know who I am?”

“Indeed I do, and the purpose of thy quest, too!” And the enchanter did raised her hooves, and a cloud of shining green light flew into the night sky, amidst the applauding of the watchers. “I come here to aid a stranger, for the path ahead is fraught with danger.”

“We’re not afraid!” declared Ben, and she and her arcane sisters formed behind the squire with courage in their hearts.

“Yeah, we can beat anything,” Pip the Pirate announced with great aplomb.

“We beat Sir Laughs-a-Lot,” Tom Dumb reminded them all as he and his companion G’rain strode forward. “There’s nothing we can’t do.”

A marginally less enthusiastic Clydesdale Diamond rolled her eyes at the sight. “Can we just get this over with? I’ve got candy to eat.”

“Lead on, good Prim,” Marelin commanded with a majestic wave of her staff. “Take us to this threat most dire.”

And the enchanter did as told, leading the brave heroes forward through the pass. They moved with great caution, prepared for any threat, weapons unsheathed and hearts beating like the war drums of old. Just beyond sight of their ominous destination, Prim raised her hoof and the ponies did pause.

She pointed to the grass beyond and announced, “There you see it on the prowl, a wicked little beast most foul.”

The heroes craned their necks and scanned their environs, anticipating a creature of nightmares. Would it be a manticore, a hydra or perhaps the dreaded quarry eel? Mayhap a dragon had come to their small village – or so the daring squire did hope. Yet their gaze befell on none of those things. Instead, they were met by only a white rabbit, who observed the adventurers with an expression of disdain.

“So… where is it?” asked the witch And.

“Is it behind the rabbit?” queried Anti.

“It is the rabbit,” Prim replied.

At this revelation, the heroes broke into raucous laughter, and even Marelin did offer a chuckle.

But Prim maintained a manner quite grim. “Do not think this only filler, I assure you that rabbit is quite the killer!”

“This is ridiculous,” said Clydesdale Diamond as she strode forward.

“You blank flanks can stay here,” added Silver Bonnet, joining her gangster friend. “We’ll defeat this horrible foe for you, buncha babies.”

Just then did the rabbit leap about, and delivered a mighty buck to Clydesdale’s face! And the rabbit did dance about their attacks to chew and kick and slap. Too late did the gangsters realize their error, and soon they fled back to the village, too frightened and beaten to continue.

“Celestia’s name!” cried Marelin, raising her staff in defensive posture. “It can only be the Rabbit Fiend of Weird Analog!”

Prim did dance and jeer and laugh at the party’s astonishment. “I warned you, is it not so? That rabbit is far greater than any foe!”

“Oh, put a sock in it,” grumbled Ben.

Tom Dumb gazed upon the threatening leporidae. “There must be some way to get past it.”

“Oh, if only I’d brought my pet owl Avesiane,” lamented Marelin.

“Wait,” did speak G’rain the Adventurer, “what about the holy fritter thingies?”

“Yes, of course,” cried Pip the Pirate, “the Holy Fruit Bombs of Antitrot! They worked against Sir Laughs-a-Lot, didn’t they?”

“We used them all up beating him,” the witch And replied.

Marelin displayed her frustration by striking her staff upon the ground, which shook mightily. “Shoot! And those things were outright made for Rabbit Fiends. Seriously, check the Scroll of Armaments.”

“We’re this close to being real heroes,” declared the witch Anti, “and we’re not gonna let some rabbit get in our way, are we?”

With a collective cry, the adventurers did charge the pesky rodent, despite the urgent warnings of Marelin and Prim. Though they hacked and slashed and cast spells aplenty, the Rabbit Fiend did dance from their grasp like a spry-pawed timberwolf, and struck with no less swiftness and power. The Paper Squire herself most certainly almost lost her leg to the fell creature as it leapt upon her and gnashed its nasty, big, pointed teeth!

So aggressive were its tactics, so powerful its frenzy that it soon proved too much for even this band of adventurers. “Run away!” did cry the Paper Squire, and as one the party retreated to the general safety of Marelin and Prim. Alas, not all escaped; the witches Ben and Anti, and even the mighty Tom Dumb lay defeated beneath the hare’s fluffy feet.

Prim chuckled at their despair. “Another frontal assault might not be right,” she suggested. “After all, that rabbit is like dynamite.”

“What are we going to do?” cried the Paper Squire. “We can’t defeat that thing, and the moon’s almost at its… uh… The moon is really high. How are we supposed to stop Nightmare Moon now?”

And Marelin did drop her staff in defeat, uttering as she did a whine most pitiful. “Oh, but if only we had a weapon made for fighting rabbits! I’m sure the Lady Carrot Head would be ashamed of this display.”

It was then that G’rain the Adventurer realized their collective folly. “Hey, uh, Pip? Didn’t Miss Harvest… I mean, that Carrot Head lady give you a sword or something?”

“But of course,” cried Pip, “the wondrous Taproot Blade!” And he pulled out the carroty weapon to display it before the awed sight of the heroes. “B-but, she said it wouldn’t last long. I didn’t want to waste it against a weak enemy. I was saving it for a really strong one!”

“I think this qualifies,” And said in a manner most serious and not at all sarcastic.

“Whatever you’re gonna do, do it fast,” cried the witch Ben. “I think he’s getting hungry.”

“Hey, I thought you were dead,” replied the Paper Squire.

“Be certain, you are no loon,” Prim noted, “but the pirate had best act soon.”

And so the remaining adventurers – both living and miraculously not dead – encouraged the Dreaded Pirate Pip to act. His courage grew with their cheers, until at last he found the strength to face the wicked Rabbit Fiend in solo combat! Upon seeing the glory that was the Taproot Blade, the Rabbit Fiend did quake in its fur and emitted a threatening bellow – which came from its stomach. A neat trick, or so the Paper Squire thought.

The battle was short-lived, as the wicked and apparently ravenous rodent did fall upon the first blow. Yet, as the pirate pulled the weapon away, the rabbit did arise from its grave and renew its assault! With every blow, the rabbit would be defeated, only to rise again when the blade was removed from its furry flesh, and with each new strike the Taproot Blade grew smaller and smaller. At last, the Dreaded Pirate Pip chose to let the blade remain within the Rabbit’s Fiend’s body, recognizing this as the only way to keep the creature down.

So did Pip the Pirate earn his heroism that day, for he would later be honored by the Lady Carrot Head herself for his valor. Songs would be sung of his great deeds! He would soon come to renounce piracy forevermore, instead opting to become the Carrot Squire. Fated was he to received the legendary Vorpal Blade, with which to bring down all manner of dastardly foes with its profound snicker–snack!

Or so Marelin prophesied. Whether this would actually happen or not, the Paper Squire could not say. Regardless, the adventurers hailed Dreaded Pirate Pip for his deeds, raising him high and cheering his name. Even the dead ones, who were not so much dead as a little incapacitated.

Then did Prim speak, “You glorious ones, your cheer is too soon! Do cast your gazes upon the moon.”

And sure enough, they all turned their eyes skyward to see the moon approaching its zenith, and with a collective cry they did gather their confectionery hoard and the Sacred Treats. They flew with as much haste as their tiny hooves could muster, onward to their final destination.

Marelin was sure to give the Rabbit Fiend a belly rub as she passed him. By some miracle, she did not lose her hoof.

Author's Note:

Okay, who saw this coming?

Prim the Enchanter = Tim the Enchanter, famed wizard of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

The Rabbit Fiend of Weird Analog = The Rabbit of Caerbannog of the same show.

Comments

[Ri2]

If only they could have truly slain the beast. The world would be a far better place.

[punzil504]

Regardless, the adventurers hailed Dreaded Pirate Pip for his deeds, raising him high and cheering his name. Even the dead ones, who were not so much dead as a little incapacitated.

They got better...

[Rayvinne]

TIS BUT A FLESH WOUND