The Universe Trip

by theflaminggay

Prologue

Hey, I’m Jeremy just some average high school gay guy who loved basically everything really except for sports, which bored the shit out of me. Anyway I am a pretty popular person, but my main group of friends consisted of six people. This included a guy named Chase Prower, he was like a linebacker for the football team, he was a total jerk to most people that tried to talk to him. Of course once you got to know him he wasn’t that bad, he had blue eyes, blonde hair, yea I know stereotypical. He was also like 5’9” and was pretty hot, but his personality overall was shit well at least how he treated women. Our group also insisted of these two twins names Sarah and Sara, they were complete opposites of each other, but other than their options of clothing they looked exactly the same. Sarah was the girliest girl around who loved any guy stereotype like jocks, bikers, guitar players, and country men. While her sister on the other hand was a total feminist lesbian, but didn’t really blow it up in your face unless you said some horrible joke about women. Which Chase usually did so they kind of clashes like all the time, but that did not stop us from being friends. And plus while Sarah could get annoying, Sara was chill and easy to hang out with at least without her sister. Another member of our main six was a girl named Susie Meriweather who was as quiet as a mouse and she loved animals. She was 5’5” with light green eyes and she was a brunette. She was always awkward around people, but once she warmed up to you she would eventually start to talk. Also you don’t want to see her drunk it’s pretty scary especially when it’s Vodka. And the last of the friends Steven Waters a total bookworm who usually didn’t like other people. He really only joined our group because he just found us as a cool group of people and I bet he secretly had and still does have a crush on me. He was 5’4” with hazel eyes and he was a brunette. That finally leaves me, well I’m 5’5” I have hazel eyes and currently Emerald hair, but my origin hair color is like black. I love to read, write, listen to music, watch tv, YouTube, Netflix, I also like any fandom imaginable, but not every fetish. I’m a chill guy who can be weird as hell and yes sometimes I am random to a point that I can not explain.

So yea that’s us now we all met one day last year on Halloween, when we all dressed up as our favorite mlp character. Sarah dressed as Pinkie Pie, Sara dressed as Applejack, Susie dressed as Fluttershy, Chase dressed as Rainbow Dash, Steven dressed as Twilight Sparkle, and I dressed as Rarity. I was walking around campus with my friend Cedric who dressed as Scootaloo, when I noticed the other five people all dressed as the main six. Well without one character, which was Rarity so I ran into the group and we all discussed about our costumes and our obsession. And that’s when we all became friends, so after that we always would go to the twins’ house to watch every new episode since. The only thing that was more annoying than Sarah, was her brother named Gerald. He was a total little shit that no one liked especially when he tried to show us any little new thing that he discovered. He always found My Little Pony such a girly show and never really got into the show. He did play with the plushies, but in a way I used to when I was a child like making them mayors of towns or what not. It swore to us he only really like the plushies and that dressing like Sweetie Belle for Halloween was not gay. We just disregarded him and continued to watch our show and became more obsessed with it.

Someone we all liked, was Mother Deborah, she was a sweet woman who loved each and everyone of us as her own children. Every time we came over she would bake pizza bagels for all of us to eat, on occasion though she would cook real dinners. I was her favorite, well after her own children, and I always loved to come over to Sarah and Sara’s house. She was about 5’7” brunette like her children, with hazel eyes, according to Chase she was a total MILF. I mean she had a nice boob size and all, but I was interested on how nice she was. She wasn’t a total pushover though, she knew how to compose herself without being too pushy. She always smelled as if mother nature had a child and then bathed her in the essence of spring. She always tied her hair back and let her bangs run loose over her semi-circular glasses, while she wore blouses of many light hues of yellows, pinks, whites, and blue. She did frequent gardening and had her own chicken coop, in which she took care of herself. Mother Deborah was the classic 50’s girl who could clean, cook, and take care of the children. But she did not let her husband get away with doing nothing, she made him clean the house every time he had friends over which was at least three times a week. Mother Deborah was a home body as she was a writer, she wrote critically acclaimed dramatic adventure stories. She also had a gardening and cooking blog, which was reviewed by many other people. Mother Deborah made decent money with her husband being a normal 9 to 5 office job in which he despised.

Anyway lost track of what this story is even about, so one day we all went over to the twin’s house like normal to watch the new episode of My Little Pony. I arrived with carpooling Steven with me “So what’s this new episode about anyway?”

“Well it stars Pinkie and Applejack for an Hearts Warming eve, even though it’s a week before Halloween.” I looked over to Steven who was on his Iphone looking up the contents of the new episode.

It was 7:15 am in the morning, the clouds were abnormally gloomy today and traffic was nonexistent. This caught my eye for a second until finally some cars crossed my view, just as the light turned green. I drove down the road turning left onto the street where the twins lived, and saw their two story yellow house sitting lonely between the dark tones of the other houses. We parked next to Chase’s car and then walked up to the door. I rang the doorbell, as we waited for the door to open we heard noises coming from inside.

“Hold on, a second.” We waited for a minute or two until the door opening revealing Mother Deborah. “Oh hey Jerry and Steven, yea I was just making breakfast for you guys, come in please.”

We both walked in seeing Chase eating some Cheetos puffs with Susie waiting for the twins, which sounded as if they were upstairs. “Hey guys!”

Steven walked over to the couch and sat down crossing his legs, “Oh hey Jerry.” Susie said in her meek quiet voice while Chase kept chomping down on Cheetos.

“Hey dude.” He said while spitting out orange bits of food all over the couch, he then brushed them off.
I walked over to the couch and sat next to Susie under Chase’s leg. “What’s taking them so long?”
Susie just shrugs while Chase thinks he has an idea opening his mouth, but then realizes that he has food and finishes chewing. “Since it’s a Pinkie and Aj episode, I think they’re going to wear their costumes from last year.” He still managed to spit food onto my face even after fully chewing the Cheetos.

Suddenly we all hear a loud crash on the floor, we all jump and look over the couch at the bottom of the stairs. We see Sarah in her Pinkie Pie costume lying on the floor, “Oh my god Sara you didn’t have to buck me downstairs.”

“You were taking forever and plus the show is going to start anyway.” Sara said as she walked downstairs in her Aj costume.

“Okay, but we didn’t even know if everyone was here, which it looks like they are.” Both Saras waved over to Steven and I, who was looking down at his phone. I kicked him in the shin signaling him to wave back to them. “Anyway let’s get this shit started” Sarah grabbed the remote and jumped onto the seat next to Susie turning on the tv.
Chase then got off the top of the couch and sat next to me while Sara sat down next to him. With our limited space I had Chase’s leg on top of mine while Sarah’s leg was on the right arm of the couch. We waited as whatever else was on, when someone ran in ruining the whole thing.

“Hey before you guys watch the episode I wanted to show you something.” Gerald said while wearing a top hat, black shiny cape, and holding a magician’s wand.

“Gerald can you go to your room!” Sarah yelled at him, while he pulled out a book with an aura around it.
We all stared at the crimson book, which had an aura of a burgundy red, this even caught the attention of Steven who looked up from his phone. “What kind of book is that?” I asked as I leaned forward resting my elbows on Chase’s leg clearly interested in the book like the rest of us were.

“Oh um I don’t know I found it in the horror section in the library and I was interested in the title, Mischievous tricks and sp-.” Gerald was interrupted by a screeching voice coming from my right.

“Gosh Gerald, we don’t care about you stupid little book now can you go to your room and leave us the hell alone.” I glared over to Sarah signaling her to calm down.

“Hey that’s no way to talk to your brother Sarah, now Gerald just show your stuff to mommy in the kitchen.” Mother Deborah said as she was holding a mixing bowl, what was she making anyway.

“Ugh whatever mom, and no he can stay as long as he stays quiet.” Sarah said as Gerald jumped up and down with glee, “You better be quiet though.” He moved his stuff to the other side of the room behind the two seating couch where Steven sat.
Sarah then fast forwarded to the episode, which she had paused on the account of her brother. As the show started I noticed blue smoke coming from behind the couch, “Move Chase I need to go to the restroom.” He moved his leg and I walked over to the hallway, I then turned around and quietly sneaked behind the couch to see Gerald sitting down with the book. It was open to a page with a coven circle inscribed within the page. I squatted next to him and asked him, “What are you doing?”
He opened his eyes and jumped back in startlement, “Oh I’m practicing this spell in the book labeled ‘The Mallen Spell’ apparently it merges one universe with another.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, “Uhm okay I don’t understand what that means.”

“Here I’ll show you, just let me get a clear view of the tv.” Moved his book closer to where the tv was and he pointed his wand towards the tv. He then spoke some gibberish which fired a black beam towards the tv it bounced off the tv and hit one of the plushies he had with him. It was then engulfed in this blackness and changed into a breathing living thing, it was a mini Celestia which could talk. I saw the tv flicker and then the plushie fell down becoming lifeless again. “See, I have been practicing that spell for a week”
I then heard the episode come back from commercial and decided to go back to my seat. “I’m going to watch the show now, you keep practicing your spell.” I walked over to the couch and sat down as Chase’s leg was then positioned back onto my lap. “So what I miss.”
Chase then moved over to my ear to whisper, “Nothing just Pinkie announcing that they're going to the rock farm.” I nodded and then focused my attention onto the tv screen.

My attention was broken when Mother Deborah walked in announcing that breakfast would be finished in like 5 minutes tops. We nodded in agreement then focused back onto the episode, until I noticed another cloud of smoke coming from behind Steven. He had noticed it too, most likely through hearing it. He looked over the couch to talk to Gerald.

Steven then returned to watching the show, as the giant rock fell down the hill having the entire Pie family trying to push it up the quarry. We all then heard a small explosion come from behind the couch startling all of us. We all quickly got up and looked behind seeing Gerald covered in ashes from a mini explosion he caused. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m fine.”

“Well he’s fine back to the show.” I glare at her, but she just goes back to her position, “Seriously guys I’m going to start it without you then.” This got us all to go back to the couch, since we didn’t want to miss the episode and knowing Sarah she would watch it without us. Sara then got up to go get a snack allowing Chase with more room, to sit, but instead he actually sat closer to me putting both legs on my lap, which confused me.

We sat there, as Aj learned the lesson of the episode, staring at the screen. Until the same black beam that hit the tv bringing the plushie to life, bounced off of the tv onto us. Suddenly a twirling portal opened and some unknown force started to pull us into this portal. Firstly Chase who was the least grounded was lifted up and pulled towards the portal. Susie and I immediately jumped up and grabbed his hand using all our strength to pull him from the powerful force of the portal. “AAAGGGHHH help me I don’t want to die!!!” Chase yelled as his shoes began to fly into the portal. Then the portal pulled Steven in with Sarah jumping up grabbing both his hands while she had her feet under the couch to keep her grounded. The force of the portal became too strong for Susie and I as Chase was dragged into the portal. Then this seamlessly immensely strong portal grabbed Susie pulling her into it, as Sara dropped a bowl of Cheetos and jumped over to the other side of the couch. She grabbed onto Susie’s arms trying to pull her from the portal.

I looked over to my right seeing Steven already halfway through the portal, while Gerald looked at us with surprise. “Stop staring and come and help us!” I yelled at Gerald, who was then broken out of his trance, he walked over to Sarah and grabbed her by her waist.
Suddenly two ghostly arms grew out of the portal and pulled Susie, Steven, and Sara from our arms. It the grabbed hold of Sarah, Gerald and I pulling us into the portal. I then saw Mother Deborah walk into the living room, just as the portal sucked me into it.
The last thing I saw was Mother Deborah dropping a plate of what looked like pigs in a blanket and screaming to the top of her lungs. I then saw her body start to get sucked in as I landed on my ass seeing the portal closing the place from where we came from. Trapping us in this new unknown territory, here for us to explore and find our true destinies.

Comments

[SCP049]

"Reads description of fic"
d2ws0xxnnorfdo.cloudfront.net/meme/607083

[MrAskAPirate]

some spell out of a book he found at the library.

*looks at cover art that includes a Stargate*

... What?

[ConfettiColored]

Moar

[Szalhi]

I'm just going to wait for more.

Ya know, text walls are overwhelming.

[Mix-up]

I think your character exposition are a little too straightforward and go into details for each in turn of the a little tedious after a certain point. The way your characters behaviors feel a little stiff and despite these exposition they don't seem to show a lot of personalty at the moment. For what I can tel, you the problem is that you go too much in explanation about everything and don't let your your characters actions and words tel the readers how they are. I think you could still fix these problems in the next chapter, but with you having to introduce so many characters at one I fear that they might be constantly cloturing the scene. I might suggest that you divide them into a smaller group when they arrive in Equestria, so that you can present who are those characters and give them a chance to interact with their environment.

Good luck on the next chapter

[theflaminggay]

6581656 Well I was looking for a picture that would show a portal kind of thing to take them to Equestria. In that, I only really thought that the Stargate picture was appropriate for what I wanted. Also since my artists are busy and me low on money I didn't want to pay someone to draw What I needed.

[theflaminggay]

6582724 And yea the next chapter will, at least to my best ability, flesh out the characters on where you will read people's personality and see them as actual characters. of course sometimes I'm not the best at this, but hopefully I can make these characters likable and relatable. And yea, they will be separated on many occasions, but at first will stick together since they don't really know this world's every detail.

[Mix-up]

6584131 don't worry everyone were beginners at some point, you will get better at this as you go along. As for skill level you are already leagues ahead of me. Still, I strongly suggest that your characters be split off for the sake of letting your readers the chance to get to know them one by one and see how they interact with the main character and their surrounding.

[theflaminggay]

6584169 And just like the show (which will always be better then my writing) the pilot was set there to set up characters, but it does sometimes end up feeling rushed and/or too expositional. Thankfully though it's a series so I have time to get comfortable with writing their characters and fleshing out their personalities. Also thanks for the critical feedback I think I really needed it, since everyone needs to be taken down a peg and not have their egos be stroked.

[SCP049]

laughingsquid.com/wp-content/uploads/alien-silly-walks-20110731-231535.jpg

[MrAskAPirate]

6584112
Fair enough,