so straight from you are going to regret this, to, i'm in your dept please forgive me. that's kind of annoying and did he even ask for them to turn him back? because i didn't see that.
there is so much you could do with this but its seems like hes just going to stick to the mane six like glue maybe with some fannon characters but that's it, nothing new or very interesting.
6724714 Ok first with the hate to forgiveness. I understand what you are saying and I now realize I should have wrote that differently. The original point is for him to be faking it but holding a grudge. She commands that guard and so far they mop the floor with him so he cant do a thing to her. I can see what mistakes I made there.
Second, the point was for the main 6 to help him out but he brakes away from them and starts to do his own thing. tho this sorry is meant to go on for some time so sadly I don't know when he gets away from them at the moment. The episodes he would run into will kinda be a few but I again see what you are getting at.
Over all? ya I suck and the sorry line is not too solid at the moment. but thank you for pointing this out. Down vote if you think that's right.
This started so strong but then it started going down hill.
Between the inconsistencies in punctuation and sentence structure that pull the reader out if the narrative to the confusing reactions of the characters. Many of them run the extreme of emotions.
I still think this story is good in premise, but it's delivery seems to fade every chapter in.
so straight from you are going to regret this, to, i'm in your dept please forgive me. that's kind of annoying and did he even ask for them to turn him back? because i didn't see that.
there is so much you could do with this but its seems like hes just going to stick to the mane six like glue maybe with some fannon characters but that's it, nothing new or very interesting.
6724714
Ok first with the hate to forgiveness. I understand what you are saying and I now realize I should have wrote that differently. The original point is for him to be faking it but holding a grudge. She commands that guard and so far they mop the floor with him so he cant do a thing to her. I can see what mistakes I made there.
Second, the point was for the main 6 to help him out but he brakes away from them and starts to do his own thing. tho this sorry is meant to go on for some time so sadly I don't know when he gets away from them at the moment. The episodes he would run into will kinda be a few but I again see what you are getting at.
Over all? ya I suck and the sorry line is not too solid at the moment. but thank you for pointing this out. Down vote if you think that's right.
6725244 i don't down vote anything unless i cant see any potential in it, as i said it has potential but there is just nothing i like about it.
I am pretty sure Twilight is not a princess at this point.
You my good sir need an editor
This started so strong but then it started going down hill.
Between the inconsistencies in punctuation and sentence structure that pull the reader out if the narrative to the confusing reactions of the characters. Many of them run the extreme of emotions.
I still think this story is good in premise, but it's delivery seems to fade every chapter in.
Polish this up, please.