Nice story, but there's a lot of grammar things you may want to edit.
She shouted, cringing after realizing that it had sounded way to urgent.
That should be "too".
She walked to the middle of the hallway, waiting for her friends anser.
"friend's answer".
“How long will take for it to fade away.” ________________________________________ Twilight bit her lip. “Maybe a day, maybe a week… a year is a possibility”
First, that period should be a question mark. Second, that line break shouldn't be there. Third, the end of Twilight's sentence is missing a punctuation mark.
There was pasta on a pot and some kind of sauce in another.
I'm pretty sure that should be "in".
As she ate, Rarity couldn’t help but wonder, had her little sister really learned all of this from the apple family?
That should be capitalized.
They must had taught Sweetie Belle the basics, how to handle herself in the kitchen, but this recipes, this variety, Sweetie must have taken some extra effort to search and learn this dishes.
Those should be "have" and "these".
The door was slightly open, and the moment Rarity looked inside the room, the smell of fruit overflowed her sense when she got a sight of her sister.
I suggest deleting that comma and "a", as well as replace those two words with "senses" and "caught".
“That was beautiful, Sweetie. Did you wrote that song?” “Oh, uh, thanks. And no, I didn’t wrote it, but it’s a song that I like so much.”
Both of those should be "write".
“When did you get home? I didn’t heard you enter.”
"hear".
Sweetie Belle looked up with glee on her eyes, but it quickly turned into a frown.
Again, I suggest changing that to "in".
Rarity laughed from both, how funny her sister sounded as she apologized and from how ridiculous her face looked at that moment.
I suggest deleting that comma.
“What do you say if we watch a movie.”
That should be a question mark.
“I’m really tired, and don’t you have to get early tomorrow?”
I suggest adding "up" between those words.
“Come on, Rarity, Let’s watch a movie. Pretty please.”
Either that comma should be a period or the "let's" shouldn't be capitalized.
Actually Really good story, I'm loving it! Came for a one shot glance and now I'm hooked and waiting for more. Got it tracked (not quite Favorited because when I favorite an unfinished story it has a bad habit of not ever getting finished).
This be good story, I keep track of it, wait for next chapter to come out. But seriously this is a good story and I can't wait for next chapter, looking forward to seeing where it goes
7009850 7000762 I'm sorry for taking so long, I'm being extremely lazy. About 50% of the chapter has been written but I can't say how long it will take to finish it.
bringing Sweetie down with her.Both sisters laughed as they laid next to each other on the floor.
space between the period and 'Both'. ____________
8300927 Because most civilizations count incest as a forbidden type of relationship. Finding out that your true love is looked down upon / potentially illegal is cause for concern for them. Not that it isn't awesome. Rarity couldn't find a sweeter soul mate.
Interesting story.
Nice story, but there's a lot of grammar things you may want to edit.
That should be "too".
"friend's answer".
First, that period should be a question mark. Second, that line break shouldn't be there. Third, the end of Twilight's sentence is missing a punctuation mark.
I'm pretty sure that should be "in".
That should be capitalized.
Those should be "have" and "these".
I suggest deleting that comma and "a", as well as replace those two words with "senses" and "caught".
Both of those should be "write".
"hear".
Again, I suggest changing that to "in".
I suggest deleting that comma.
That should be a question mark.
I suggest adding "up" between those words.
Either that comma should be a period or the "let's" shouldn't be capitalized.
6752576 Thank you a lot for the corrections. I tried to get an editor for this. The ones I asked never took a look of this chapter.
enjoying this, look forward to next chapter
>> clonedbrony2 I might be able to help you there
6754337 With the editing?
>> clonedbrony2 yup
6755081 I will keep it in mind for the next chapter.
Actually Really good story, I'm loving it! Came for a one shot glance and now I'm hooked and waiting for more. Got it tracked (not quite Favorited because when I favorite an unfinished story it has a bad habit of not ever getting finished).
This be good story, I keep track of it, wait for next chapter to come out. But seriously this is a good story and I can't wait for next chapter, looking forward to seeing where it goes
I'm waiting on the next chapter been looking everyday for the last month
7000762
Same here. This setup is making me moister than an oyster.
7009850 lol that smilie there my sides are gone
7009850
7000762
I'm sorry for taking so long, I'm being extremely lazy. About 50% of the chapter has been written but I can't say how long it will take to finish it.
7014230
I appreciate your honesty. I too am a lazy sack of shit.
I really love this concept. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Did she just initiate a Netflix and chill moment?
I'm really curious... Why do Twilight and Rares react so strongly to Sweetie being Rarity's soul mate?
space between the period and 'Both'.
____________
8300927
Because most civilizations count incest as a forbidden type of relationship. Finding out that your true love is looked down upon / potentially illegal is cause for concern for them. Not that it isn't awesome. Rarity couldn't find a sweeter soul mate.