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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm so excited to read the design of twilight's guard armor, and of course the special enchantments that twilight will add . Oh since he's the only guard shouldn't he get a title/rank, increase/change, like Knight Cross of the Twilight, or something? Loving the story can't wait for the next chapter. So many questions
Sir! This recruit would like to report some inconsistencies found:
"door, Shadow stopped and waited" and take off the wood bit and just say "the sound had an immediate effect."
"Disbelief" and "reflected"
Add some commas to that list if you would
Remove comma
Move comma to replace period, move that period to after "here", capitalize "again" and put the second comma after "Again"
I would recommend "fade as they began to weaken"
"taking" and "make"
a
Both sentences should have Question marks
This one too
Actually, reread your story. Most of your dialog ends in commas which isn't proper sentence structure.
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The really sad part is English is my only language. I really should have paid attention to those English classes back in High School. Thanks for the feedback, I wouldn't have known without it. Did I use the comma right that time?
I'll add a review of my comma usage to my list of to do. Hope to see you back without awakening that guy.
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Have you somehow read my notes?! Those are all points I've lined up to write!
Thank you for the encouragement. Hope to you back when the next chapter goes up.
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I'll be here can't wait. Oh and my pinkie sense figured you had something lined up, if you ever need a sounding board or pre-reader let me know.
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