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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well... That was something. Kind of feeling conflicting though, but overall, good chapter.
7106456 Its kind of funny because, after I posted the newest chapter I decided it was a good time to go back of the old chapters and reedit them. I had chosen the leave that chapter for last thinking it wasn't that bad off, as I had someone edit it for me when I first uploaded it. Oh the Irony.
7106476 Conflicted how?
7106525 I'm not sure. I just feel that way. Maybe because of what Twilight's going through, and that being back home, things aren't really working out for her, somewhat. I mean, none of them really knows what's going through her head, understandable. But they seem to... I don't know. Maybe I'm just overanalysing this all too seriously? But, I'm kind of worried for Twilight, that's all.
Luna, Twilight just returned after 10 years for her. You do not wait a day or two to ask if you can search through their mind with nothing off limits
I love your story. I'm looking forward to your next chapter
NO! It will always do more harm to not bringing something like that up.
So far, it's good. It could use some work in the first two chapters, as you've noted after my first post, but it has much promise, and there have been noticeable improvements in the last couple chapters. The most glaring issue is that the ponies reactions to Twilight are quite unrealistic. There's no confusion or fear, only familiar indifference as if they've seen humans before.
7128160
That's more to due with Equus being a multi species world, so there is a level of recognition. That and gossip travels like wild fire.
Anyway, thanks for the comment I'm glad your enjoying it.
7128370 Sure, they're a multi-racial society, but they also share a world with violent and dangerous races. At least some ponies would still be at least a little wary. Even the ones that didn't show any fear or mistrust would at least be curious. It's the lack of reaction that's unrealistic, not just that they aren't scared of her.
Also, I'm always glad to help out, giving advice when I can. Especially when the author has potential. The main reason I've gotten as good as I am, and the reason I'm improving as quickly, is because of reader input and advice, so why not pay it forward. Just don't expect much advice on grammar. I may be better then I was, but it's still my weakest point.