Sniper In Equestria
By no sh*t sherlock
"Major Garren do you copy?" The male voice from the radio called out, ending the quiet that Major Tyler Garren liked to have while he set up for a mission. "Major Garren are you there?" The voice said again, firm this time. Major Garren sighed and walked over to the radio.
"Major Garren here, getting set up on tower one." He replied back into the radio.
"This is Viper 1-6 we are ready and in postion about 35 yards from the base. We will advance when the tower guards are taken out, over." He said quickly.
"Copy, good luck Daniel." Major Garren replied. These two had done many missions together and had become pretty close friends.
"Yeah you too Tyler. Watch my back." Daniel said back.
Major Garren smiled, he always had his back. He set down the radio and went back to set up. He rushed to put his ghillie suit on. As much as the suit helped him to stay hidden, he hated it. A part of it constantly scratched the back of his neck. It was a small annoyance that he never seemed to get used to, no matter how many times he wore it.
Fuck it. he thought to himself as he picked up his radio and changed the frequency. " This is Major Garren, check in over." He said into it.
"Hunter 2-4 here, ready on tower two." The female voice called back.
"Hunter 3-4 copies, watching tower three" Another female voice replied.
"And Hunter 4-4 looking at tower four, ready to take the shots." A young male voice said.
"Alright Major Garren here on tower one." He said back. He was the oldest of the group and the most experienced, so he was the obvious choice to lead them. He started to repeated their objectives again. " Viper Team is about 35 Yards from the base, but will not advance until the tower gunners are taken out. That's where we come in." He heard a small chuckle from the other male in the group and continued. " Just take them out and watch Viper teams back while they move through the base. I'll take the first shot, commencing the attack. Fire at will after that, Hunter 1-4 out"
Major Garren put his radio down and went prone on the ledge he was on. After setting up the bipod he had on his M110 SASS, he quickly acquired his target. He pulled out his range card and held it to his target. Only about 450yards. Too easy he thought as he pulled the trigger.
The 7.62X51mm NATO round that the M110 uses could only travel a couple of feet because as soon as Major Garren fired something appeared about two yards in front of his barrel. Major Garren fell back and covered his eyes, hurting because of the light that suddenly appeared in his scope.
Major Garren rubbed his eyes and slowly stood back up and stared in wonder. Very near him was a black line, like a fissure cutting through the air in front of him. It was surrounded by a Dark purple light. Major Garren's eyes widened and he picked up his gun and slung it on his back. He heard heavy gunfire in front of him, but at the moment it meant nothing to him. He grabbed his radio and stuffed it into his bag, which he also put on his back.
He walked slowly towards the light and could feel a tugging effect on his whole body, urging him forward. When he was close enough he stretched out his hand. He made contact with the fissure and felt his arm nearly pulled from his socket as he was sucked into it. Then he and the fissure disappeared.
Major Garren reappeared in a dark forest and fell stomach down in the dirt. He looked to his left and saw a creature frantically tending to another. He tried to speak, but he couldn't. The creature suddenly looked in his direction for a moment, scanning the area behind her then went back to the other.
"Im so sorry I brought you here, Rarity". The creature sobbed. Garren, shocked that it could speak tried to move back, but his body wasn't responding to his thoughts.
The downed creature suddenly lit up with a purple glow surrounding its body. The other creature lit up as well with the same light, but only on a protrusion coming from its head. Injured and scared out of his mind, Major Garren fell into unconsciousness.
Nine hours later...
Rays of sunlight shone through the trees and hit Garren's face, warming him up. Slowly he began to blink his eyes as his consciousness came back to him. Garren stood up and immediately fell to his right knee. His entire ached. He breathed in and out and rose again, this time staying up. He now took his first look at his surroundings.
The fuck?He thought as he looked around. The guard towers were no where in sight, in fact the entire base was gone.
The forest looked...dark, despite that it the sun was almost directly overhead. He looked down at his right arm to check the time, but found that his watch hands were frozen. He cursed as he dropped it to the ground
Garren looked down around him and saw his things: his pack and gun. Then he remembered, his radio was in his pack. He scrambled over to it and unzipped it and brought out his radio, well a part of it anyway. Then he pulled out a another piece and then another, he radio was smashed to bits. He sighed heavily and threw the pieces to the ground.
Garren watched the pieces as they fell. Thats when he saw the blood. It was a pool of dried blood right in front of him, but it was all the over area. There was a trail of it that led to a thin dirt path. He considered his options. Option 1 was to to follow the blood and possible find the creature it belonged to. Option 2 was to wait here and do nothing.
"Option one it is" He said out loud and began down the blood path. Those creatures had to be going somewhere. He thought optimistically.
He followed the winding path for about 20 minutes. Up ahead he could see the path straighten out and even further he could see a clearing.
With the end in sight he picked up his pace, he didnt want to tire himself out, but wanted to get out of the forest. The forest made everything feel closer. If something came from the trees on either side, he would have little time to react. With that He moved a little faster to the end of the path.
The sunlight blasted Garren in the face and he quickly brought his hand to his eyes. It was darker in the forest than Garren realized. He lowered his hand as his eyes adjusted to the new light. Garren's new environment was vastly different than what he was used to. The world seemed brighter here. The path ended into a large field. Further in the distance he could se e a town with bright multicolored buildings. Pink, yellow, orange, very odd choices for buildings He thought. He looked to his right and saw a small structure. He couldn't quite tell what is was because it was covered in leaves and branches, like it was built into a huge tree. There was a pond in the front with a bridge to cross it.
What made the place odd was the dozens of bird houses surrounding the property. Garren started making his way to the front door. He was about to knock when he stopped himself. What the hell was he doing? He didn't know whose house this was. He crouched and looked around then hurried over to a tree. He was exceptionally good at climbing trees, they had always given him good spots to hid in. Now he was climbing it to break into someones house.
Garren easily jumped from the tree to the roof of the house. He kicked his way through the roof and fell into the attic. It was louder than he had hoped. He got down and listened. After some time of hearing nothing he gave a heavy sigh of relief and fell back. He threw off his gun and his pack and rested for a while. After a half hour of lounging and resting, Garren was brought back to business. He went to his pack and pulled out a water bottle. He took long drinks at it, best to hydrate now then later when he might not be able to. After drinking up he grabbed his M110 and replaced the shot he had fired earlier. He removed the night sight and replaced it with a 3.5-10x variable optic from his bag. As for other weapons he had a standard M9 sidearm and a combat knife he kept strapped to his lower leg concealed under his pants. None would be useful against a group of enemies.
He put both guns to the side and took off his ghillie suit. He sighed and smiled, for the first time in a couple hours he was relieved of the itching.
His moment of happiness was short lived because outside he could hear a large number of voices outside and they were coming towards the house. Garren's heart sank as he heard a door open beneath him. He frantically stuffed the suit into his bag, put the M110 on his back and got down on the floor. He crawled to crack where he could see into the room below.
"It was so lucky that the princess was here in Ponyville." A young feminine voice said from below.
"Yeah, I Dont know what we would have done otherwise." Another, softer voice said . "Have you heard from Applejack yet?
Garren was still peering into the crack trying to see who the voices belonged to.
"Yes she said she was coming back home and that this was more important than the Equestrian Rodeo." The voice he heard first replied.
"That was nice of her" the soft voice said again.
Then a creature came into view. Garren's eyes widened and his heart started racing as he looked down at the cyan creature. It was small, only about four or five feet long, with a rainbow colored mane and tail. The wierdest thing about it was that it had wings. They were small and folded against its body. They appeared too small to make the creature achieve flight, but then the creature extended its wings and jumped into the air, flying around the room.
Another creature walked into the room. This one was yellow with pink hair and mane.This one also had wings. " Oh...um Rainbow Dash could you stop flying around my house?" The soft voice belonged to this pony.
"Oh im sorry, I forgot im not supposed to fly inside anypony's house." She said as she went back to the floor, clearly upset. " What did Princess Celestia give you Twilight?" The Rainbow creature asked.
It took a moment for all this to sink into Garren's head. "anypony". Thats what the one called Rainbow Dash said. Is taht what these are? Some kind of pony Garren wondered in awe.
Another pony came into the room. This one was purple with a dark purple and pink mane and tail. This odd feature on this one was on its head. It had a horn, not very long, but a horn nonetheless. She had bags on either side of her body. "Oh, she gave me this." She said as her horn glowed purple. This must be the pony I saw yesterday. He thought.
The bag on the right side opened and an object engulfed in that purple glow came out of it. "She said nopony's seen one for a very long time." Twilight explained
All three ponies stared at the small object for a while. Garren knew immediately what it was, a 7.62x51mm NATO. It had to have been from his gun. Did I hurt that pony from yesterday? The bullet must have gone through that fissure, same as me He wondered to himself.
Rainbow Dash finally broke the silence, "Just wait till I get my hooves on whoever did this. He'll wish he never came to Equestria." Twilight looked down, seemingly becoming interested in her hooves.
Ok, time to go. Garren thought. A pony looking for revenge, that was his cue to leave. He now had an understanding of his situation. He was in a place called Equestria, which was inhabited by ponies and was lead by a Princess named Celestia.
Garren tried as quiet as possible to rise to his feet. When He still heard the ponies talking about what they would do to the creature when it was found, he grabbed his pack and climbed back up through the roof.
He pulled himself up and positioned himself onto the branch, then turned to face the field. It was a scary sight, about two dozen ponies all in gold armor, much larger than the ones he saw inside the house. Then he got his first look at the Princess. She was taller than the rest of the ponies, with large wings and a horn. A crown topped her head. Her Hair was Multicolored and flowed to side, but Garren could feel no wind. Leaning further out to get a better view the branch snapped.
It didnt break completely, it just lowered about four, but it was so sudden that Garren lost his balance and fell. It wasn't extremely far to the ground, only about 17 feet, but it was enough to hurt like hell. Garren landed on his left arm and cried out in pain. He slowly used his right arm to stand himself up and moved his arm around to check it was broken. Thankfully it wasn't. Garren started brushing of his lower body. When he got to his chest he froze. He had remembered something, the field of ponies looking for him.
Hands still on his chest, he slowly raised his head. He looked onto a field full of ponies all staring at him, eyes wide, jaws slacked. It stayed like that for a while. Them staring at him, him staring back. Garren slowly pulled the M110 from over his head and dropped it then brought his hand to his M9. He would need to run and the 15lbs from his gun would slow him. He could make out a clear path to the town in the distance. Then the Princess shouted "THATS HIM, HES DONE THIS. SEIZE HIM!"
Garren pulled his M9 out and started sprinting towards the town. Two ponies ran in front of him to intercept him. Without slowing down, he raised his gun and fired in their direction. Three shots hit the first pony in the legs, bring him down.
The other pony was struck in the head and killed. The other ponies followed after him, trailing a good distance.
Suddenly He slowed down, he still felt like he was moving full speed, but he was getting slower and slower by the second. He looked down at his body and saw it was surrounded by a light yellow glow. He turned around and saw that the princesses horn was also glowing, she was controlling him. The gap between him and the ponies was closing fast. Garren pushed his body to its absolute maximum, each muscle pushed into overdrive. He felt himself start speeding up again.
"Ah I can't controll him. Hes too strong" The prince said behind him struggling. The light around him went away and he barreled full speed into the town.
Ponies in the town screamed in horror as this creature steamrolled through them. Garren didn't mean to, but some of them didn't get out of the way in time. The crowds of ponies throughout the town slowed both him and his pursuers. Finally he saw something that could save him, a train, just pulling into station.
It was about 50 yards away, but the ponies were to close behind him. He fired the remainder of his clip behind him. He heard yells from behind and looked back to see his handiwork. Three more ponies were down, the closest one now 15 yards behind him. Garren smiled Thinking he would make it, but he kept his head turned for much to long. When he turned around he had no time to react. He was greeted by the hooves of an orange pony with a cowboy hat, smashing into his face. He was bucked with such force that that he flew backwards , landing hard on his back. He was knocked immediately unconscious.
A crowd of ponies surrounded Garren's body, examining him. His face was bloody and bruised, a clearly visible hoof mark in the middle of it.
"What is it?" Twilight asked still awe struck.
"A Human." Princess Celestia replied disgusted.
End Chapter 1
Ok so that is my first fanfic. it probably has alot of grammar mistakes. please forgive me about them. Looking for criticism on my first story. positive or negative. If you liked it, thanks. Next Chapter will be up soon now that schools out : )
Sound good as a premise, looking forward to how it unfolds...
....Just end the first episode, interesting... looking forward for more...
As your first fanfic, any error is understandable, it's an interesting concept and it seems like it has very much promise, I'm also glad that you're using its original name: the M-82, instead of some CoD fanboy calling it the Barrett 50. Cal. Only a couple problems, however.
-I've held an M-82 Sniper Rifle myself, and that is enough to know that the weapon is extremely heavy, about 20+ pounds, around the same weight as a Browning Automatic Rifle or M-249 Squad Automatic Weapon (SAW) Light Machine Gun, both of which are usually fired from either the hip or in a prone position. How he is able to carry it with such ease is a bit odd.
-The M-82 is also one of the most powerful small-arms ever built, and, mainly because of the size of the round, the gun has an extremely powerful kick, unless this guy has shoulders made of solid gold, I don't understand how he doesn't suffer any pain from that, as well as the fact that hip-firing the thing would most likely throw it out of your hands.
-The End was a fictional character in MGS3, any real sniper in any military almost always has a spotter.
There are a few more errors, but that's what I have so far, I'll look into the other ones.
Please, continue though
its alright... if a tad generic
Decent so far, will hold out on an opinion until I read more.
I demand to see more. won't give review untill i see the rest.
Ok. I don't get it. Why are so many brony authors giving Celestia such a negative additude towards humans? This Celestia, she's above such crap. First she check to see if Rarity's injury was an accident or not. either way she would be very careful in her judgement. I don't see her condemning the man because he's human.
The gun parts are so inaccurate that they make me want to cough up blood.
646610 Yeah I saw it weighed like 30 something pounds, but I was almost at end of the story. I considered going back and having him leave it behind somewhere, but he will need it later on. It does seem kinda dumb though, him sprinting with a 30 pound gun, his gear and his pack.
646610
I agree...
646926
Ok, if he shot Rarity with a fricken .50 wouldn't she be dead? I mean she is probubly in two pieces right now, and also for my story I have the main charecter with a modified M40A5 that uses the .338 lapua magnum round, you might want to change it to use a smaller round, i mean if he was originaly shooting 450 yard he could easily be using the MK11 or an M-14 sniper system. Ok, I'm not a sniper, I'm not even in the military but I do know alot about snipers and he would probubly be packing the .50 if he were shooting at light armoured targets,structers, a helo, or a jet from 450 yards seeing as the other rounds wouldn't be able to tackle those. Hope I've been helpful...
646926
Right, and, like Akkura said, a target that's only about 450 yards away should only be fired at with an MK11 or M-14 sniper system. Guns like the M-82 and M-200 Intervention are fired from much longer ranges, some going up to 1000 yards. Also, snipers don't use the range-card, you usually have a spotter using binoculars or a laser-rangefinder to find the range of a target. Unless you're The End from Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, you're gonna be firing some sloppy shots.
I've been to an event that allows you to hold some of the weapons used by some countries' armed forces, I held both an M-240 and M-249 SAW, as well as several sniper rifles, there was an M-82, and because it was so heavy, it was mounted on the ground. Snipers move very slowly due to the weight of their weapons (Sniper Rifles are some of the heaviest conventional firearms ever built), and, not to mention, the shaggy guillie suit also causes sight and movement problems, so, with the inhibiting ghillie suit and a thirty-pound rifle, I don't see him moving very fast.
I'm not being offensive when I say this, but it seems that you just played a lot of Call of Duty and you just wrote this based off that. Unless it's purposefully based off of it, you want to do some real research before getting things like this done...
When I read the title, I half-expected this guy:
wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/b/ba/Bloke%27s_Bucket_Hat.png/250px-Bloke%27s_Bucket_Hat.png
...I'll just go away now.
647124 yeah pretty much that, bf3 and wikipedia to find out what round it uses. oh well, ill have to read up b4 next chapter.
Good story man, make sure to post more!
please please please, if you have any military questions, get the facts right, or ask me. This may or may not be but, it seems as if ur military knowledge is based around video games. Too many times of people doing this.
646610 Well, I only have an answer to your first question, about how he carried it without any problems. He probably trained to carry such a large weight in boot camp, where I heard they make you carry 160+ pounds and run about 2 miles. This is just info I gathered from other fanfics, so I have no idea if that is what they really do in boot camp. But still, I just gave a legitimate answer.
I read the story. so here's my thoughts.
1) The Mane 6 are coming across as too aggressive. Yes, i know Rarity got hurt, but i can't see them attacking a human on a whim. I see Celestia as giving Garren a chance to explain himself. If she has detailed knowledge about us which seems to be the case here, then she know we humans aren't cold hearted barbarians.
2) The Major is a trained professional and a sniper too boot. Snipers pride themselves on their accuracy and markmenship, using their brains. so the notion of Garren firing randomly doesn't sit well with me. They pride themselves on maintaining fire discipline while firing their weapons and shooting their bullets in tight groups and remaining cool under pressure.
3) As a trained professional Garren wouldn't have fired his M-82 (Which is designed to take out vehicles, IIRC) unless he absolutely sure Rarity was real threat.
Major seems to be too high of a rank... I mean, that's equivalent to a naval Lieutenant Commander. I would think a NCO rank would suit it better, but it's up to you.
In addition, a .50BMG round would probably have killed Rarity, seeing as smaller calibre rounds such as 5.56 or 7.62 can cause quite a lot of damage to a human. I would also suggest removing the M82 completely and just use a SR25 or some other 7.62x51 sniper rifle or even designated marksman rifle.
Hope this helps ^_^
I've also come back to point out a few more flaws that go more in-depth with the last two commenters.
-How is he firing random shots behind him? The M-82, especially when fired with a .50 BMG, would most likely break your wrists if it's fired like that.
-At a Major, he would seem to be a seasoned veteran, but he acts more like a foot-soldier that picked up an M-82 than a legitimate sniper.
-Like several have said, a .50 Caliber BMG round would most likely tear Rarity in half...
-Like White Wolf said, the M-82 is usually used to take out vehicles, so, the round usually used for it would be a .50 Caliber High-Explosive Round.
-Especially when they're not even a quarter of a mile away, you don't use such a powerful round, let alone the massive M-82 itself, to take out a human target, that would usually be a job done with the M-200 Intervention, and, like the round that gun usually uses, a 7.62 millimeter round, not the .50.
-Also, usually, that's a very short range, and the normal rifle soldiers may use at that would be something like the M-14 Enhanced Battle Rifle (EBR), because the Avtomat Kalashnikova-47 (Fancy Russian term for "AK-47") has a maximum semi-automatic range of 400 meters, even an outdated rifle, for example, the M1 Garand, has a range of 1,000 yards, the M-82 is a rifle used to take out targets sometimes at a full mile away, so why does he use that?
-A lot of these ponies seem quite out of character, the Mane Six especially, also, Princess Celestia would still show some compassion and ask why he shot Rarity, and not be disgusted by the fact he's a human (She's very friendly and very diplomatic, so she's very welcoming of all species, races, and so on).
That's all I have for now, though, still, continue!
Please don't take what we're saying as an attack, no sh*t sherlock. We're just help you to create a better story.
My advice to you is to get some military books or vist websites like this one http://world.guns.ru/shotgun/it/franchi-spas-12-e.html
It has lots of info that help you create a more believable story.
Also what branch of service is Garren? Army? Marine? Air Force?, Navy? Coast Guard?
well he is screwed
649084
Do you mean the character or the author?
Ok, 'evil' human transported from the past. I'll stay to see where this goes.
I demand moar dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Fluttershy.png
649044 I'm not. I'm happier that most of you guys are giving me pointers on how to make it better, than just bitching about what I screwed up.
649209 the character
651536
Good.
Oh another helpful advice. As we know Garren is military, so there for he's highly trained in hand to hand combat and evasion skills. So i highly doubt that Applejack's hind kick(I'm guessing that's what she's doing since we see her do that lot in the TV series) would have landed.
*Mimics Dashie's voice* Get to rewritten and use what we gave you.
651536 are you writing more or not
691893 yeah
692836 ok thanks just wondering
696660 its just im in Florida right now and im kinda not in the mood to write, but we have to drive back so ill have plenty of time in the car. plus i got alot of mixed reactions and it dampened my spirit.
697367 lol no im good
696715
You'll recover.
I still believe this story holds promise. It just needs some tweaking, is all.
ok so to all who care, i got back home yesterday and started writing. Should be up pretty soon. Im not sure you'll like what i do to it but its just an idea I had in my head.
why do humans have to be the bad people
Wait, so he gets compromised and decides to open fire and kill a bunch of inhabitants he has no idea about? That just seems wrong, but unfortunately there is not very much detail about his personality. Therefore, this scene would tell us that he is willing to kill anything that seems threatening to him regardless of being civilian, soldier, or intelligent creature. That makes me sick
Rules of engagement are a thing, no self-respecting soldier would EVER blindly open up in a situation where civilians could be killed.
I'm sorry but this is beyond the pale for a regular soldier let alone a major.