Ponies of the Night

by Kage no Brony

Introduction

Introduction

A brown stallion with a tan mane and tail ran through a forest, his hoofs making thumping sounds against the wet, sodden ground. The creatures of the forest around him, although usually quiet and docile, seemed to guffaw and howl at him as he fled. Behind him, a crowd had formed, carrying pitchforks and torches. He sighed, wondering if they could have been more original. His attention returned to running, as one of them spotted him. "There! Get him! Kill the monster!"

He sighed. He'd lived amongst these ponies for many years now, and even though he knew quite a few of them well... they could never seem to accept him for who he was, rather than what he was. He had gotten out of their line of sight, and ducked into a thick bush, waiting with bated breath as his pursuers passed by his hiding place, shouting directions. "Don't let him escape! We'll search the entire forest if we have to!"

He waited until he no longer heard his pursuers. Since his hearing was naturally better than theirs, he knew he was well out of earshot. He charged in a different direction than he had been going, heading toward the one place he knew he would be safe. A place his ancestors had tread, a place that was a safe haven for all who passed through there. His breath came in ragged gasps as he reached the end of the forest and saw his next challenge - a mountain pass. He lept from stone to stone, pushing himself to get as far ahead of his pursuers as possible before they figured out where he'd gone. He trekked up a winding trail, through a tunnel, and to the pair of tall, white gates protecting the capital city of his homeland, Canterlot, the work of many years of peace and the careful rule of the Alicorn Sisters, Celestia and Luna. He trotted toward the palace. If there was anywhere his people knew was safe, it was in the heavily defended walls of the palace, where the Alicorns would watch over them, as had been promised long ago. Or at least, that was what had been told him by his parents. As he reached the gates of the palace, he allowed himself a short break to regain his breath. He had pushed himself to get here without being followed, and he figured he could get away with resting. As he turned to enter the gates, a guard called to him. "Halt, what business do you have with the Princess?"

"I wish a private audience with my beloved ruler." He replied, calmly. At least the ponies here in Canterlot didn't want him dead, so he could live in some semblance of normalcy.

The guard eyed him suspiciously, although ponies requesting audiences were standard. There was something about this one that made him nervous. A nagging, subconcious feeling that this pony was dangerous. The guard, to the great relief of the stallion, ignored his gut and ushered him into the palace, to the waiting room for ponies who wish to have audiences with the Princess, as they awaited the period of time she had available when she was not holding court. He was relieved to find that it was relatively empty, save for a couple concerned-looking ponies.

As time passed, he watched as ponies left and entered the waiting room, some going to their audience and coming out pleased, some giving up and leaving, some only just arriving. He couldn't help but shake a feeling of dread that plagued the back of his mind. As he was certain that the princess wouldn't get to see him before her duty of lowering the sun, he heard hoofsteps coming towards him. The princess, the fair and just Celestia, was walking out to get the pony next in line for an audience. With a start, he realized he was next.

"I'm glad we could get that sorted out." The princess said, smiling kindly at an old farm mare.

"Ah'm glad as well." The old mare managed to say, "That puts me right at ease, yer majesty."

Seeing off the farmmare, Celestia looked up, locking eyes with the stallion, who was completely caught off guard. He quickly bowed, breaking eye contact. "You're next, right?"

"Yes, your majesty, thank you for getting to me so quickly..." The stallion muttered, standing up. He followed her into her private audience chambers, his mind swirling all at once. The promise his ancestors had recieved all those years ago came with the price of their loyalty to the throne and their discression, but had promised their safety in all cases except where they were hazards or directly responsible for the hazard to themselves. Now, he'd never harmed anypony, and it certainly wasn't his fault he was discovered as what he was... but he still wasn't sure how she'd take his plea to fulfill her promise to his ancestors for his case.

"Is everything alright?" Celestia asked, wondering what was on his mind that would leave him so wrapped up. "I hope I can help you."

"Let me say, Princess, I have nothing but the highest of hopes." The stallion said, "I am currently in quite a bit of trouble, and I was hoping you could help me get out of it."

Celestia seemed interested. That was good news. "What kind of trouble?"

The stallion decided not to get into the cold hard truth right away. "Let's say, figuratively, that you promised a pony's ancestors that you would watch over their bloodline, and that you would protect them from any harm that was unneccessarily cast upon them." He hoped he hadn't been too obvious.

Celestia frowned, thinking, before answering. "Please, continue."

"And let's say that, for example, I was one of that bloodline." The stallion said, "Would you be bound by your promise, even after several ages had passed between your word and current events?"

Celestia's eyes seemed to darken, but she urged him to continue, assuring him that she would, in fact, keep her word as long as the figurative bloodline continued to exist.

"And now let's say, that none of this is figurative." The stallion concluded, "And that, due to my being a part of this bloodline, I am in mortal danger." He flinched, expecting the princess' wrath. "Would you be so kind as to uphold the word you gave my ancestors, who seemingly didn't exist?"

Celestia's face betrayed nothing of the emotion she felt, although the stallion thought he could see compassion in her eyes. "Your ancestors, although some were as bad as their reputation, were misjudged and labeled as monsters for being different." Her voice, almost motherly in tone, calmed him. "But I saw through the labels, and I saw ponies who were looking for a place to call home. I decided I would give the rejects a home, under a set of very strict conditions." She paused, "The first being the confidentiality of the agreement between themselves and me. I see you have kept that part of the bargain." She paused, "The second was, they were not to harm any other ponies, and from what you say, it seems you have kept that part of the agreement." She nodded, seeming to get happier with each section he passed. "The third, they were not to use their unique magic to influence ponies, except where such influence would be beneficial to the recipient in the long run." She sucked in a breath, "There is no proof you have disobeyed this section of the agreement, nor any proof that you have fulfilled it." She shrugged, "All will be clear with time."
The stallion looked up at his princess, shocked. She was going through the sections of the agreement he had heard from his parents, and seemed to be on the verge of helping him.
"The fourth section, that your ancestors would uphold the law of the day to their absolute limits," She said, "I have not heard of any outstanding warrants for your arrest, and there is not to my knowledge even a record to your name." She sighed, "I suppose that brings us to the fifth section of the agreement, which is my word to your ancestors. I told them that, should they or their descendants come to any potential harm through no direct responsibility of their own, they would be relocated and given a new life to live, where nopony could harm them."

The stallion stood taller, excited that she would help him, but nervous that he'd be starting all over. His breath caught in his throat, though, as the princess said something else.

"However, I must be certain you are who you say you are. What proof do you have?"

The stallion sighed. He lifted his top lip, revealing... two sharp, pointed teeth, perfect for tearing at flesh. He admitted it, his race hadn't techhnically existed for thousands of years and had slipped into mythology. It wasn't bad, he thought. After all, they could live normal lives without worrying about being discovered as anything but a pony. Vampires were real, but nobody would believe a crazed pony rambling about them, even if they did happen to see something. However, a well-known, collected, and influential pony... the stallion sighed. His luck did seem to run out at the worst times, and his short stay in Manehattan seemed to give him the worst of it.

"I see." Celestia said, after inspecting his fangs. "I will make arrangements, please, rest here at the palace until we're ready."
The stallion looked up at her, his eyes shining with excitement. For the first time in months he was actually looking forward to what his life would be like. He followed the guards she called in, who led him through the labyrinthine hallways to the door of a new room. He pushed the door open, gently, before shutting it with care and stalking over to the bed. It was rather mildly decorated, but respectable. The bedsheets were a fresh white, like a layer of snow had amassed over the matress. Two fluffy pillows resembled clouds on the head of the bed. The stallion climbed onto the bed, before sliding into the sheets and dozing off.

--

The stallion felt himself moving. He glanced around at his environment. A wooden box, with a satin bench he had been laying on. He figured this must be a carriage. But why was he here? His answers were to be found moments later, when the carriage stopped and none other than Princess Celestia dragged him out. He looked with horror at the crowd that had gathered... ponies he recognized. He was back in Manehattan, and he could almost feel the hatred of these ponies washing over him. He glanced up at the princess, but her distant gaze betrayed nothing.

"Ponies of Manehattan!" The princess called, finally, "This fugitive was caught sneaking around the grounds of the castle!"

The stallion gasped. Fugitive?

"The news of your plight reached me, and the description of the stallion that troubled you matches!" The princess continued. He felt her magic tighten around him as she pulled him around in front of her, a few paces off. "For crimes against nature, I have henceforth decided..."

The stallion felt struck. She had pretended to be helping him, all along. She betrayed him, and his ancestors.

"That he shall be executed." The princess' level voice seemed full of malice and hatred, as she lowered her horn, a golden light shining from it as she pointed the business end directly at him. A beam of golden light erupted from her.

The stallion could only feel a short pulse of fear, which quickly turned to intense agony as the beam cut through him, sending a wave of confusion, pain and fear through his entire being. After what felt like minutes, everything around him began going dark, and he finally allowed himself to be lost in the nothingness.

Comments

[Sorren]

s'all good. I got one bit of adive for you

in sentances such as these

"I'm glad we could get that sorted out." The princess....

Substiture the period with a comma, so as it looks like this.

"I'm glad we could get that sorted out," the princess....

[totallynotabrony]

You need to break up your paragraphs. Don't do the "wall of text" thing. Other than that, your spelling and grammar is pretty good. I'll keep an eye on this story and see how it develops. I've been known to write a vampire story or two of my own.

[Leoshi]

Very intriguing start. Normally I hold no interest to vampire stories, but I can see that you're not diving head-first into the "monster" aspect of them. I like where you're going, through and through.

If I may point out some details that I've noticed, please take a look:

-"I wish a private audience with my beloved ruler." He replied, calmly.
Dialogue like this is actually incorrect, but only to a minor degree. In these cases, the period should be a comma, and the subject should not be capitalized. It would end up reading "I wish a private audience with my beloved ruler," he replied, calmly.
There are several cases of this spread throughout the dialogue exchanges. Keep in mind that none of them detract from the chapter - it's really just a nuance that readers tend to notice.

-Walls of texts, or paragraphs with no spacing.
This happened a couple of times, the most noticeable being when Celestia was reciting the terms of her age-old agreement. I'm guessing this is simply due to the FIMfic editor not preserving the paragraph spacing you may have had before. It's not a big problem; it just makes the story a little less enjoyable.

Those are the only problems I've found so far. Overall, this is a very strong start to what looks to be a promising story. Keep up the great work.

Edit: Ahh, seems I was late to point out the flaws. Heheh, oh well, I stand by what I've said.

[Kage no Brony]

Thanks, everyone.

I'll think about what you've said and try to implement some changes.

As for the paragraphs, i was actually somewhat consious of that, but it appears I wasn't careful enough. I'll be more careful in the future. It'll just take some getting used to, some trial and error.

Two favorites!

[Vedavyasa]

I find myself wondering where this will end up, I love vampony stories and I like the angle you're taking with this one. Please... continue

[just4imagemails]

Darn... the childish part of me wanted to come here and rage on your story just to be an immature little brat.

But it actually seems pretty good. I guess I'll excuse Celestia's strange interviewing technique, that thing about "five parts of the agreement" where she just checked her own memory to see if this stallion that she'd never met had ever done anything wrong. I'll excuse it only because Celestia's apparently lying through her teeth the whole time.

To the next chapter, then, I suppose.

[Dead Account 19]

...Go on...
I like the way this has started.
I see a bright future for this story.
Time to find out if I'm right. ON TO CHAPTER... er, 1.
Almost forgot this was an intro.