I like how this story is progressing. The way the characters are developing seems to flow ok with the story. Id like to see how they all will help Twilight with her rehab both physically and emotionally. I can see the hardest part coming up will be helping Twilight deal with her withdrawal symptoms followed by her physical rehab. I look forward to seeing who you work this all out.
I would like to see Twilight rejoining the town of Ponyville and see what happens with Shadow!
This has been quite the story for me, Twilight is my most favourite Character ever and for some reason the first character I have emotionally attached myself to, so it was near impossible to read the sad chapters of this book! (If it was a different character in her position I would not have a problem reading it)
Shadow..... Must concludeeeee..... for some reason, I feel that Shadow is gonna be put up as a guard pony for Twilight... just to watch over her as his 'punishment' and/or 'reward' for his part in saving Twilight.
This and the last chapter have been really good. I've been enjoying Gerald as a character, and you've probably developed him well enough that he may demand his own story or oneshot at some point. ^_^
This chapter could still use some proofreading, though. Aside from the 'as only a child good,' section that was noted, there were several spots with spaces missing, periods missing, or that should have commas. The nurses dialogue especially seemed error-prone, for some reason. It's mostly just typos, but there are several of them.
There was a missing space in "eachother", "Ofcourse", and "infront". If you do a search for "an", twice it should have been "and". Two paragraphs were missing periods at the end. And then there was this line:
Spike sniffled and started to cry harder, half crawling up onto the bed to butt her head underneath Twilight’s chin like he was still a little hatchling, “I love you Twilight.”
It should be "butt his head". :)
But I can get rather carried away picking at these things occasionally. None of it was really enough to take away from my enjoyment of the character interaction in this chapter, anyways...
668493 I telegraphed that part a little too well, didn't I? That is not the end of my plans for the ebony unicorn however
668552 Well, time for me to go back in and make some edits! I try to get everything the first time, but alas, between my only half working D key, and my natural want to conjugate those words everywhere, they often end up stuck together
668271 Thanks a lot! though if you think you had trouble reading these parts, imagine what trouble i have writing them! ugh i'm a mess some nights trying to slog through the overly emotional scenes
Unfortunately I don't seem to have tear ducts, Although I do have a huge sense of requirement to protect those I care about, so I guess the hardest part for me was not so much that she was in trouble, it was that I could not get her out of it!
(Edit: Somepony mind telling me why I can't reply to posts? all I get is a reply number which does not work!)
669282 The number with the >> is what does it, first it appears as the number, then after you post, and refresh the page, it turns into a name. Its funky wierd, and took me a bit to figure it out.
I used to have problems feeling emotions for a lot of things, for the longest time, at least a decade or more, i felt like i was an emotionless bastard... but there was just something about this fandom, the series... the animated series ALONE made me laugh and cry over it like i hadn't for years, and the fan fics i started reading... eesh! My delving into this fandom, and writing this story have both been an emotional adventure for me, one i am glad i have taken part in.
669539 After my childhood I grew a very thick outer shell (I was bullied into a deep depression) but at the same time I chose to stand up for others who were being bullied so I feel a strong sense of honour and understanding to what goes on around me, but very rarely get sad at stuff.
I have to say that I have clung to this series like no other, I have all the episodes, started diving into a bazillion stories of every kind (Romance is my favourite) and even have the McDonalds toys (I brought just the toys from McD's) and even a few T-Shirts! I have to say the thing I love about the MLP:FIM Community is how diverse it is, the show is awesome, but I think what makes it better and maybe even outshines it is the community that spawned from it.
Anyways keep up the awesome work, Can't wait to see my Twilight happy again!
669584 I was bullied as well in elementary and middle school, and ontop of that, i had a SEVERE anger problem, snap temper, flash rage, so a kid would piss me off, then go hide behind a teacher, fight and flight were way too over developed in me. It took me until Highschool to start learning to control it, but i felt for a long time that the process of doing so... kinda suppressed everything else, i always knew how to laugh, depression never managed to hang onto me for long, but i never felt anything that deeply. Well, a few things hit me hard, like the breakup with my girlfriend of seven years.
With this, i hope that i will be able to find a balance, between control and experiencing them, instead of simply suppressing everything i feel.
I do plan for Twilight to be happy in the end, that was always the plan, i just have more story to tell before that end comes.
669633 That reminds me of a few pictures i've seen, most importantly the sad one with Twilight crying over a book, and asking, "Mommy, why does the book have to end?" There is no end to the story of life, there is just a point when i will stop writing more about it, what comes next? that is not for me to say.
I ended up turning most of my anger into laughter, it works, and i ended up a lot like Pinkie Pie, i love to make other people laugh.
I almost got this chapter out before going to bed, but looking at what i have written... i am not satisfied, i feel i have glossed over some items, and this is going to be a LONG chapter as it is, and i am sleepy. Therefor, i am putting it on hold where it is, and i will finish it in the morning.
Twilight frowned, and looked over to the bandages layered on her shoulder and down her side, “i… guess if that is the worst I come out with…” she shuddered a bit.
You forgot to capitalize "i"
Twilight looked up, sniffling and nodding, “t-Thank you.”
You forgot to capitalize "t"
I think in this and previous chapters you forgot to capitalize first word in many sentences, just pointing it out.
Love it!!! So happy! The only thing that's better than a happy story, is a happy story after such sad things! Cant wait for the next one!
ALSO!
Dawn looked really uncertain, but she trusted her mother as only a child good,
Think that's supposed to be could.
I like how this story is progressing. The way the characters are developing seems to flow ok with the story. Id like to see how they all will help Twilight with her rehab both physically and emotionally. I can see the hardest part coming up will be helping Twilight deal with her withdrawal symptoms followed by her physical rehab. I look forward to seeing who you work this all out.
One pony missing- either Shadow or Shining Armor.
Awesome! Good chapter, Like always.
I would like to see Twilight rejoining the town of Ponyville and see what happens with Shadow!
This has been quite the story for me, Twilight is my most favourite Character ever and for some reason the first character I have emotionally attached myself to, so it was near impossible to read the sad chapters of this book! (If it was a different character in her position I would not have a problem reading it)
Great job on such an awesome story so far!
Throughout the whole thing i was like
Shadow..... Must concludeeeee..... for some reason, I feel that Shadow is gonna be put up as a guard pony for Twilight... just to watch over her as his 'punishment' and/or 'reward' for his part in saving Twilight.
This and the last chapter have been really good. I've been enjoying Gerald as a character, and you've probably developed him well enough that he may demand his own story or oneshot at some point. ^_^
This chapter could still use some proofreading, though. Aside from the 'as only a child good,' section that was noted, there were several spots with spaces missing, periods missing, or that should have commas. The nurses dialogue especially seemed error-prone, for some reason. It's mostly just typos, but there are several of them.
There was a missing space in "eachother", "Ofcourse", and "infront". If you do a search for "an", twice it should have been "and". Two paragraphs were missing periods at the end. And then there was this line:
Spike sniffled and started to cry harder, half crawling up onto the bed to butt her head underneath Twilight’s chin like he was still a little hatchling, “I love you Twilight.”
It should be "butt his head". :)
But I can get rather carried away picking at these things occasionally. None of it was really enough to take away from my enjoyment of the character interaction in this chapter, anyways...
d'aww i feel happy for Gerald now after the last chapter i thought he would be in a world of hurt
668493 I telegraphed that part a little too well, didn't I? That is not the end of my plans for the ebony unicorn however
668552 Well, time for me to go back in and make some edits! I try to get everything the first time, but alas, between my only half working D key, and my natural want to conjugate those words everywhere, they often end up stuck together
668271 Thanks a lot! though if you think you had trouble reading these parts, imagine what trouble i have writing them! ugh i'm a mess some nights trying to slog through the overly emotional scenes
Unfortunately I don't seem to have tear ducts, Although I do have a huge sense of requirement to protect those I care about, so I guess the hardest part for me was not so much that she was in trouble, it was that I could not get her out of it!
(Edit: Somepony mind telling me why I can't reply to posts? all I get is a reply number which does not work!)
669282 The number with the >> is what does it, first it appears as the number, then after you post, and refresh the page, it turns into a name. Its funky wierd, and took me a bit to figure it out.
I used to have problems feeling emotions for a lot of things, for the longest time, at least a decade or more, i felt like i was an emotionless bastard... but there was just something about this fandom, the series... the animated series ALONE made me laugh and cry over it like i hadn't for years, and the fan fics i started reading... eesh! My delving into this fandom, and writing this story have both been an emotional adventure for me, one i am glad i have taken part in.
669539
After my childhood I grew a very thick outer shell (I was bullied into a deep depression) but at the same time I chose to stand up for others who were being bullied so I feel a strong sense of honour and understanding to what goes on around me, but very rarely get sad at stuff.
I have to say that I have clung to this series like no other, I have all the episodes, started diving into a bazillion stories of every kind (Romance is my favourite) and even have the McDonalds toys (I brought just the toys from McD's) and even a few T-Shirts!
I have to say the thing I love about the MLP:FIM Community is how diverse it is, the show is awesome, but I think what makes it better and maybe even outshines it is the community that spawned from it.
Anyways keep up the awesome work, Can't wait to see my Twilight happy again!
669584 I was bullied as well in elementary and middle school, and ontop of that, i had a SEVERE anger problem, snap temper, flash rage, so a kid would piss me off, then go hide behind a teacher, fight and flight were way too over developed in me. It took me until Highschool to start learning to control it, but i felt for a long time that the process of doing so... kinda suppressed everything else, i always knew how to laugh, depression never managed to hang onto me for long, but i never felt anything that deeply. Well, a few things hit me hard, like the breakup with my girlfriend of seven years.
With this, i hope that i will be able to find a balance, between control and experiencing them, instead of simply suppressing everything i feel.
I do plan for Twilight to be happy in the end, that was always the plan, i just have more story to tell before that end comes.
669623
Changing Anger into Happiness is my cure.
And I feel like I never want the story to end. (Will be happy with a conclusion though!)
669633 That reminds me of a few pictures i've seen, most importantly the sad one with Twilight crying over a book, and asking, "Mommy, why does the book have to end?" There is no end to the story of life, there is just a point when i will stop writing more about it, what comes next? that is not for me to say.
I ended up turning most of my anger into laughter, it works, and i ended up a lot like Pinkie Pie, i love to make other people laugh.
OOOOooooo
Shadow and Twilight gunna' get married and raise up dat' kid.
I almost got this chapter out before going to bed, but looking at what i have written... i am not satisfied, i feel i have glossed over some items, and this is going to be a LONG chapter as it is, and i am sleepy. Therefor, i am putting it on hold where it is, and i will finish it in the morning.
674029 Don't rush it, we will still be here!
674029 You should probably re-write this entire story my son.
Gerald is so cute!!!!! I'll adopt him!
i really need to stop reading these type of stories... but i kinda therwn my commin since on the wall when i woke up hehe
You forgot to capitalize "i"
You forgot to capitalize "t"
I think in this and previous chapters you forgot to capitalize first word in many sentences, just pointing it out.