Villains Of Equestria Unite!

by Mr. Grimm

The Puma-Mobile

Twilight Sparkle let out a squawk as she was unceremoniously dumped out of the burlap bag she’d been held captive in. She heard the rest of her friends cry out as they too were dropped on the ground beside her. The unicorn found herself looking into the face of a creature she’d hoped she’d never see again.

“Hello, purple pony,” cackled Fido, “We’re happy to see you again.”

“I wish I could say the same thing,” Twilight muttered grimly. The unicorn suddenly felt a ragged rope encircle her back-left hoof, and watched as the rope was tied in a similar manner around her friend’s left legs. Twilight looked at her surroundings, and noticed that she was in the town hall, which had looked as though it had been trashed by a marauding horde of frat boys participating in a toga party. The reason for this was the superfluous amount of togas that had been flung about on the floor, and to this day there is no explanation as to how they ended up there.

“Not you three again!” whined Rarity. Rarity was immediately silenced by the means of a muzzle the Diamond Dogs had spent painstaking months designing and building in order to subdue the mare’s whining incase they ever encountered it again. In description, the muzzle looked like a piece of frayed rope tied around her jaw.

“Ah, they’ve arrived,” came a heavily accented voice from the shadows. The six ponies looked to see a bizarre creature emerge from behind the desk at the head of the building. He appeared to be canine, but the unusual placement of his eyes at the end of his snout made him seem freakish. Also adding to the alien appearance was the unusual jewelry he wore throughout his body, which was crafted in the style of the Ancient Aztecs. At the end of a monkey-like tail was a strange, dexterous hand. He seemed vaguely familiar to Twilight, but as she tried to remember who he was, Rainbow Dash suddenly screamed.

“It’s Ahuitzotl!” cried the cyan Pegasus, “Sweet Mother of Acceleration, he’s real!”

“Yes, it is I!” exclaimed the water-dwelling canine, “Ahuitzotl! And my glorious fingers!” He cackled madly as he waggled his digits in the air. Twilight was now very confused, as she little idea as to why she and her friends had been captured.

“Wait a second,” cried Twilight, “You’re a fictional character in a book! How is it that you’re here?” Ahuitzotl sneered, exposing his horribly malformed overbite.

“Well the books must not be fiction then,” he snarled, “Did my magnificent presence not alert you to that right away?” Rainbow Dash’s eyes suddenly bugged out of her skull.

“DARING DO IS REAL?!” she shrieked joyously, “OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!” Twilight face-hoofed, and turned back to what seemed to be the new leader of the Diamond Dogs.

“What do you want with us?!” she asked, trying to sound brave in front of the snaggletoothed canine. He and his companions merely let out a round of barking laughter.

“Why, what do we want with them?” they repeated mockingly, “What do we want with them…?” They suddenly stopped laughing as they realized that they really had no idea why they had been placed in charge of six ponies who supposedly held the fate of Equestria in their hooves. War Horse had simply told them to wait at the Town hall until Discord and Chrysalis showed up. He had also told them that the pyramids had been built by mice too small to be visible to the naked eye, but this information didn’t seem to be useful either.

“So what do you want with us?” restated the purple unicorn.

“Well…uh….” began Fido as he tugged at his red vest nervously, “Um…” As the dogs wracked their minds to think of an answer, Rainbow Dash noticed that they had neglected to restrain her wings. An idea slowly began to form in her mind.

“Maybe…maybe War Horse wants us to watch ponies?” observed the larger Diamond Dog, Rover.

“Yes!” cried Ahuitzotl as he pointed his tail at him, “That’s exactly what we want with them!” The four canines laughed heartily in their victory, not noticing that Rainbow Dash was eyeing a large window towards the top of the ceiling.

“Um, excuse me, Mr. Ahuitzotl,” murmured the frightened Fluttershy, “Why do you need to be watching us?” This caused another silence in the room.

“Rover, you wanna field that one?” quipped Spot. Rover shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. This caused their captors to delve into the deepest recesses of their minds to find a suitable answer. While this was happening, Rainbow Dash suddenly flew upwards, dragging her friends along with her. Everypony screamed as the cyan Pegasus crashed through the window and rocketed out into the blizzard, climbing up higher and higher into the sky. Though the weight of five ponies reduced her speed significantly, Dash was too empowered to notice.

“Aw yeah!” she cried victoriously.

“Rainbow Dash!” screamed Twilight as she dangled from the rope, “Where are you going?”

“I have no idea,” Dash replied over the roaring winds, “But--”

“NATIVE AMAREICAN POWER!” cried a Windigo as he slammed into the six equines, sending them flying across the sky.

Meanwhile, Ahuitzotl and the Diamond Dogs watched as the Elements of Harmony went sailing off to the other side of the town. Ahuitzotl looked particularly upset by this, but not in a bad way. He instead turned to the three canines that had been put under his charge and dramatically thrust a pointed finger to the sky.

“To the Puma-mobile!” bellowed Ahuitzotl.

“Aw YEAH!” cried the Diamond Dogs, clearly as excited as their leader. The four of them made their way to the back of the room where a large object was covered by a tarp.

Moments later the doors of the Town Hall were flattened by a strange, sleek, Jeep-like vehicle bearing the four villainous creatures as they yipped and yowled joyously. Ahuitzotl, being the driver, shoved a CD into the radio. The car’s speakers began to pulsate as a loud polka filled the air. This was Ahuitzotl’s favorite song to use when going into battle.

Comments

[stringtheory]

oh, god, polka...we're doomed...