All the Trolls. ALL OF THEM.

by Alex Prior

Intermission Three - This Time, Really, Something Completely Different!

“...”

“OK then. Err- Captor. Who’s gonna go next?”

“II dunno. Uh… doe2 anyone want two go?”

“...”

“...”

“D --> I suppose I will speak ne%t.”
“Oh. Uh… OK, Zahhak.”

Begin Interlude Three

>Enter Name.
Oh no, not again...

>Enter Name.
Siiigh...

>Enter Name.
Your name is BORIS MIKHAILOVICH ANDREYEV. You’re myriad of life experiences have lead you to believe that you are RUSSIAN. This is a good thing, you guess. And while you do some BODYBUILDING from time to time, and you’ve noted that you are an EXCELLENT LIAR, your TRUE PASSION lies with HORSES. Despite being just TWENTY, you have dominated several EQUESTRIAN COMPETITIONS. You simply UNDERSTAND them so well.

You also find yourself quite enamored with a certain WEBCOMIC, written and drawn by another lover of horses: HOMESTUCK. Even a lad as gruff and serious as you has to admit a fondness for this silly yet suspenseful and epic comic. You’re so enamored, in fact, that you’ve agreed to join some FRIENDS, some FRIENDS OF FRIENDS, and maybe even a couple FRIENDS OF FRIENDS OF FRIENDS in a massive coordinated cosplay at a local GEEKPARTY. For this event, you’ve chosen to portray the role of EQUIUS ZAHHAK, the musclebound, robot-fighting blueblood with an affinity for high art. The part just fits so well…

Unfortunately, this excursion comes at the price of being “lead,” by Alexandr Zarevich, a man you sort of just don’t really like. He is, in a word, annoying. In several words, he’s a small child standing up in his high chair and pretending his bib is a tie, not that you know any small children who do that. He consistently makes rash decisions and relies on the council of his friends to advise against them, while simultaneously failing to acknowledge how imperative this advice is to his success. It gets grating. It’s not like he’s intolerable or anything, though the volume and orneriness of his diction can be difficult to ignore. No, you won’t let Zarevich ruin your fun.

>Boris: Get dressed

You turn away from your odd mental rant concerning Zarevich- you don’t usually have those, you swear- and instead turn towards your bed, upon which contains your Equius cosplay: The GRAY SHORTS, the CRACKED SHADES, the MATCHING BLACK CLEATS AND KNEESOCKS, the SAGITTARIUS SHIRT, and the BROKEN-HORNED HEADBAND. Wearing this outfit just FEELS RIGHT for some reason you don’t think anyone short of a ninety-year-old philosopher could comprehend. Ah well… it’s a great feeling regardless.

You know you’re ready for this night. Now it’s time to make sure that your friends are as well.

>Boris: Check up on friend

Turning to your SERVICEABLE PC, you open the AMAZING TRIBUTE TO HOMESTUCK that is the PESTERCHUM APP, and contact your friend.

======>

>Show Pesterlog
borisAndreyev [BA] began pestering catherineDelaine [CD] at 15:20

BA: Good afternoon, Catherine.
CD: Oh! Hi Boris!
CD: What’s up?
BA: I’m sure you’re aware that this geekparty we’ve all been planning to attend is this afternoon. Are you ready?
CD: What sort of question is that? Of course I’m ready.
CD: I’ve been planning this out forever! My costume will be perfect!
BA: Hehe. I’m glad to hear that, Catherine.
CD: And what about you.
CD: Are you ready for the party?
BA: Yes, Catherine, I am ready.
BA: Despite the odds that Zarevich would drag us all down with him.
CD: Aw, come on, Boris. Alexandr’s a nice guy, and he’s done a lot to get us ready for this thing.
CD: I, for one, am looking forward to meeting him for the first time tonight!
BA: Ah, yes.
BA: Your curious infatuation.
CD: I’m not infatuated with him! I just think he’s an earnest guy!
BA: Ugh. Catherine, would it be possible we could move away from the topic of Zarevich. You know I’m not a fan of the guy.
CD: Yeah, yeah, you’re right.
CD: So, what’re you planning to do at the geekparty tonight?
BA: Um… party? Be a geek? Probably buy some useless memorabilia that I don’t need?
BA: Is that not what one usually does at this sort of event?
CD: Well, yeah but you’re going in cosplay right?
CD: So when you go to something like this in cosplay, sometimes you make a plan about what specific character-esque things you’re going to do.
CD: For example, I’m going to narrate the whole thing like I’m roleplaying.
CD: And if I see a mouse or a fish-themed character, I’m going to pounce on them.
CD: How about you?
BA: Uh…
BA: I will awkwardly hit on any characters in MLP cosplay.
BA: And if I meet a Strider, I will engage him in awkward rap battle.
CD: What no!
CD: Boris, I get that you are kind of new to the whole cosplaying thing.
CD: But when your character comes with this much baggage, you probably want to maybe not act fully in character all the time.
BA: Hmm…
BA: I suppose I should at least bring a towel.
CD: Yep.
CD: Probably several.
CD: Anyways, I sort of need to get ready to go now.
BA: Yes. I’ll see you later, I suppose.
BA: At the geekparty. We’ll meet with the others at… um.
CD: What? What’s the problem?
BA: ...By any chance, did Zarevich ever send you an email about meeting places? Because he sure didn’t send one to me.
CD: ...No, he didn’t send me one either.
BA: That fool… you know, I’m barely even surprised.
CD: Hey, look. Maybe he just forgot till now and he’s got a new memo about it or something.
CD: I’ll check.
BA: Oh wonderful. A Zarevich memo.
BA: Those always work out so splendidly.
CD: Hey, there is a new memo!
CD: Take a look!
BA: I will.
borisAndreyev [BA] ceased pestering catherineDelaine [CD] at 15:28

>Boris: Check board
You open up the new memo on board GEEKPARTY SHIT, and to your surprise, it seems it was not Alexandr who started this, but Sherlock. That one should really know better by now. Ah well. Time to give this whole group a piece of your mind.

>Boris: Respond to memo

>Show Pesterlog

CURRENT sherlockHolmström [CSH] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board GEEKPARTY SHIT.

CSH: Alright, then.
CSH: Attention, everybody. It seems Alexandr forgot to set a meeting place for us all to… meet, I guess.
CURRENT borisAndreyev [CBA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CBA: Hmph. Alexandr forgot something? What else is new?
CURRENT jenniferStark [CJS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CJS: Boris, that’s not a very nice thing to say.
CJS: We’re all supposed to be friends here, and friends don’t talk badly of each other.
CBA: But look at this fine mess he’s gotten us in, Jen.
CBA: He goes around claiming to be the one leading us to a nerdly triumph.
CBA: And forgets something so vital.
CBA: And he won’t even be around to listen as someone else picks up his slack.
CSH: Alright, not that I agree with anything that Boris is saying, but does anyone actually know why Alexandr isn’t here? Because I’d love to.
CURRENT lucyWardale [CLW] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CLW: He’s not online. Whatever he’s wasting his time with is beyond me.
CSH: Wonderful.
CBA: This is what I’m talking about. The man is all bark and no bite.
CURRENT amandaRedwood [CAR] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAR: I don’t believe that to be the correct usage of the idiom.
CBA: Perhaps not the conventional use of the phrase, but I wager it’s correct enough.
CBA: He barges in saying he’ll be our leader and all that crap, but he doesn’t exactly follow through with the promise, does he.
CAR: Perhaps you’re judging him too harshly.
CAR: After all, we can’t all live up to the BORIS ANDREYEV level of standards.
CSH: HOLD IT!!!
CSH: Before we all descend into fucking friendship debates.
CSH: As tends to happen when too many of us gather in one place.
CSH: Can we first accomplish what we set out to do in the first place.
CBA: What was that you were saying, Amanda?
CBA: About my standards?
CAR: They’re maybe a bit too harsh. You’re maybe a bit too pretentious for demanding we all uphold them.
CBA: So says miss fashion nazi.
CSH: THERE’S A BUNCH OF BENCHES IN FRONT OF THE CONVENTION HALL! THAT’S OUR MEETING PLACE!
CSH: LUCY, YOU TELL ALEXANDR, OK? GOOD.
CSH: FAREWELL, YOU FUCKING DISAGREEABLE INFANTS. I’LL SEE YOU ALL AT THE PARTY!!!
CSH ceased responding to memo.

======>
Huh. Well, you guess he’s gone now.

======>

>Show Pesterlog

CLW: Well, now look at what you’ve done, Boris.
CLW: How did this escalate so quickly?
CBA: I believe you’ll find your answer should you ask the woman whose important contribution was to question my grammar.
CAR: Surely you couldn’t be referring to me. All I’ve done is try to police your clumsy, insulting mouth. Is this such a crime?
CBA: May we make a note here that she’s been deliberately trying to get on my case?
CBA: May this be submitted to the court under the official tab for evidence?
CLW: Boris, shut the hell up.
CBA: I will do no such thing, and you have no right to command me to do such.
CBA: I will continue to speak my mind and you will have to deal with it.
CLW: Ugh. Where’s Catherine when you need her?
CURRENT catherineDelaine [CCD] RIGHT NOW responded to memo
CCD: I’m right here, and I have to say Boris, I expected more of you.
CCD: I mean, come on! You’re basically throwing a temper tantrum in here!
CCD: Even without Zarevich this memo is sinking into insanity, so maybe you should think about what that means.
CBA: Catherine.
CCD: Look at yourself, Boris. You’re just sitting there saying bad about Zarevich, and then you go on a memo and raise up a stink just like he would.
CCD: You can be such a hypocrite sometimes.
CBA: Catherine.
CCD: I swear, we are going to have a LONG TALK about this when I see you at the GEEKPARY.
CBA: Catherine, could be maybe talk about this later? Perhaps in a place that isn’t so… public.
CLW: Hey, don’t mind me.
CAR: Me neither. I’m just enjoying the show.
CBA: Grr…
CCD: Alright, that’s it.
CCD: We are going to have a VERY LONG TALK!
CCD banned CBA from responding to memo
CCD: I’m sorry about that.
CCD ceased responding to memo

======>
Oh, you are so in the doghouse.

>Boris: Go to the Geekparty
You go to the Geekparty. As Sherlock said, there are some benches near the front, under which several of your friends have gathered. You attempt to discreetly slide onto a bench. It must’ve worked, because no one acknowledges you. At least you hope that’s why no one acknowledges you.

Someone taps you on the back. You turn to see a girl dressed as Nepeta. Oh no.

>Nepeta: Give VERY LONG TALK
>Show Dialoglog

Nepeta: Boris.
Boris: No.
Nepeta: Boris, we need to talk.
Boris: No.
Nepeta: Boris, this is the third time this week. These are supposed to be your friends. You can’t keep insulting them like this.
Boris: No. Look, Zarevich isn’t even here!
Nepeta: Boris, you’re not going to convince me. Listen, I’m not going to give a long talk. Just… I want you to think about your friends and how you’ve been treating them. Think very very hard.
Boris: ... Fine. I’ll do that.
Nepeta: Good. Now then…
Boris: So, um… where’s your tail?
Nepeta: Shut up!

>Sherlock: Say stuff.
Shelock launches into what you suppose is his attempt to give an authoritative speech. It doesn’t work all that well, seeing as he keeps being interrupted. You don’t pay too much attention.

>Nepeta: Enter shipping mode

>Show Dialoglog

Nepeta: Boris. I feel a ship coming on.
Boris: What?
Nepeta: I said, I feel-
Boris: I heard what you said, it’s just… what?
Nepeta: You see Vriska and Tavros. They’re gonna get together.
Boris: Are you saying that only because you ship the actual Vriska and Tavros?
Nepeta: No. Can’t you see it? I tell you, the next time you see them, they’re going to be locking lips.
Boris: I doubt that to be the case.
Nepeta: Doubt my ships, do you? Very well. I bet you ten bucks that they’re going to be kissing next time you see them together.
Boris: Deal.

>Boris: Make a deal with the cat devil.
As you shake hands with Nepeta, you can’t help but feel an odd foreboding feeling. You immediately make a mental note to keep at least ten bucks in reserve.

>Boris: Note Alexandr’s arrival.

>Open Dialoglog

Boris: Oh, whadya know. There’s Zarevich
Nepeta: Hey, you’re right! Aww, he makes such a wonderful Karkat!
Boris: I will note that he has the livid, insufferable expression down pat.
Nepeta: I think I will go up and say hello.
Boris: … Go ahead. I’m staying here though.
Nepeta: Oh fine, be that way.
Nepeta: AC creeps slowly through the tall grass, completely camouflaged as she approaches Karkitty’s leg.
*Honk*
Boris: Wait a minute. What was-
*Honk! Honk!*

======>
You glance in the direction of the honking, and spot a golf cart barreling towards your picnic bench. You glance at Nepeta, still crawling along the ground, unaware of the honks. You don’t hesitate any longer. You leap forwards, tackling Nepeta from behind. You quickly scoop her up, and flee the bench as you notice your friends doing the same. You’ve just reached a safe distance when the golf cart crashes into the picnic bench, shattering the flimsy wooden structure. You are inexpressibly glad that you weren’t caught in that. That looks like it would hurt.

Nepeta tugs on your shoulder. You come to your senses and set her down.

======>
>Show Dialoglog

Boris: Sorry.
Boris: Are you OK?
Nepeta: Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for saving me, though.
Nepeta: Don’t really know what I would’ve done without you there.
Boris: Err- no problem?
Boris: I’m glad you’re OK.
Nepeta: But seriously, thank you a lot for saving me.
Nepeta: Oh jeez, I… I could’ve just died.
Nepeta: Oh god, thank you Boris.
Bystander #1: Hey what’s happening over here?
Boris: Um… excuse me, sir, but I need my personal space.
Bystander #2: Oh god, what happened?
Bystander #3: Is anybody hurt?
Nepeta: Hey, buddy. Watch it!
Bystander #4: I’m calling the police.
Bystander #5: I’m taking a picture.
Bystander #6: Will this be on the news?
Bystander #7: What’s up with the driver? Was he drunk or something?
Nepeta: Boris!
Boris: Catherine!

======>
It’s no use. So many bystanders. So many bodies crowding the scene. You lose sight of Nepeta, and then she’s completely gone.

You’ve got to find her. Who knows what could happen to her alone at a place like this. You raise yourself to your maximum height (which is actually quite tall) and glance around, searching for Nepeta.

You spot what might be Nepeta’s blue cat-hat, entering the convention hall. What’s she doing in there? No matter: you follow her in.

The hall is crowded with people, shifting between booths, chatting things up with each other. You can’t see Nepeta. You wonder if she even came in here in the first place.

Perhaps you should ask for help.

>Boris: Ask for help
The merchant over there has a booth in just the right spot that anyone who came in would be seen by him. He’s the one to ask.

You amble up to the merchant, trying to hide your desperateness. The merchant says hello, and asks if you want to buy something. You tell him that you’re not here for business, and that you’re looking for a girl dressed in a Nepeta costume. He says sorry but he hasn’ seen any girls in a Nepeta costume yet. Couple guys, but that’s all. You curse.

He says hey, maybe you should take a look at his wares regardless. He’s got a lot of stuff, maybe you’ll see something you like. You, however, can’t think of any bigger waste of time then to look through the merchant’s wares.

>Boris: Look through merchant’s wares
He’s right. He does have a lot of stuff. Bunch of it looks pretty high quality too. You catch sight of a husktop, and a headset with the gemini symbol on it.

Suddenly, your eyes fall upon a strange item.

A broken bow? you ask. Really? Just… a broken bow? Why would you sell something like that? It can’t even be used as a regular bow. It’s just two broken pieces of wood attached by a string, what’s even the purpose of that?

The merchant tells you that some people really get into their cosplay. You say oh. You ask how much for the useless bow.

>Boris: Get transported to Equestria.
The sudden change of scenery leaves you shocked. You glance at the starred black sky, then at the broken bow in your hand, then at the familiar laboratorial environment, and you realize exactly where you are. You’re not quite sure how it’s possible, but you have entered the meteor lab- or at least, a place that looks exactly like it. A planet looms off in the distance of space, a blue marble of unfamiliar continents- is this Equestria? The white surface of the land outside of the lab… is this Equestria’s moon?

As you attempt to wrap your mind around exactly what has just occured, a thought occurs to you. Why is your hand grey?

>Boris: Be Zahhak.
Well. It would appear that you’ve been transported to Equestria and simultaneously transformed into Equius Zahhak. You’re freaking the fuck out about this. But you’re freaking the fuck out on the inside. For whatever reason, it just feels more natural.

Hmm… you still haven’t located Catherine. Could she also have been transported here? No… the merchant said he hadn’t seen her yet. You decide that, given that, the most important thing to do would be to locate a way to the planet ahead of you. Perhaps you can find a way home there.

You spend several minutes pondering this particular situation before the answer occurs to you. You turn towards the transportalizer pad at the center of the lab. You enter it. Predictably, it takes you to the ring of other transportalizers, each marked by the signs of the other trolls. Does this mean that all twelve of your cosplay group will be sent here, eventually? If so, maybe you don’t have to get home- you simply have to wait for Catherine to appear. Interesting.

You step on your transportalizer pad.

>Tirek: Enter story
Enter? You don’t know what the voice in your head means. You’ve always been here.

You are Tirek, young prince of the Voryvnyn, and you are pissed. Your father’s suspicions, your brother’s annoyance, your failure to absorb that unicorn’s magic. If your intentions to overthrow your father are to succeed, you’re going to need more power and more control. Perhaps even more allies... But firstly, you need to blow off steam. And for you, that usually means a good monologue.

>Tirek: Be the villain

>Show Dialoglog

Tirek: You’re right, father. One day I will overpower you. I will take this land for myself.
Tirek: And once that is done, I will journey to Equestria and do what the elder could not.
Tirek: One day…
Tirek: I will be an indomitable force!

>Zahhak: Be yourself.
Recovering from an odd out-of-body experience (are those common for transportalizers?) you glance around the area to which you’ve been sent. It appears to be a balcony of some sort, jutting out from some larger castle structure. You turn around completely, and find yourself face to face with an odd sort of… centaur, you suppose. It appears to be a juvenile. It has a red and black color scheme and wears silver armor. It is also looking at you with what must be an expression of shock and confusion similar to your own.

>Awkward conversation: Happen

>Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Who… who’re you?
Zahhak: D --> Err- I am… Zahhak.
Tirek: Zahhak? What sort of name is that?
Zahhak: D --> It is a proud name of noble b100d and widely respected through all circles of high Alternian society.
Zahhak: D --> Though… I suppose that doesn’t matter much here.
Tirek: High Alternian society? Are you a foreign? How did you end up here?
Zahhak: D --> There was an incident involving an e%cess amount of magic.
Zahhak: D --> I wouldn’t be surprised if my last location was completely destroyed by it.
Zahhak: D --> For me, it appears I was simply teleported.

>Tirek: Buy the lie
Hmph. This weak-minded f001 doesn’t even question your lie. You are a genius!

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Hmm. Makes sense, I suppose. Magic is a finicky force. I am a prodigy in the art and I still find myself faced with tasks I can’t seem to surmount.
Tirek: I assume you were at the exact focal point of the spell?
Zahhak: D --> Yes, that’s correct.
Zahhak: D --> I might want to inform you that I also go by another title. The E%ecutioner.
Tirek: The Executioner?
Zahhak: D --> No, The E%ecutioner. It’s a very specific pronunciation.
Tirek: Hmm. I won’t pretend to understand your foreign tongue, but I must inquire- why would you take on such a formidable title?
Zahhak: D --> That would of course be because I am a being of equal, if not greater formidability.
Tirek: …
Tirek: Interesting. So soon?
Zahhak: Hmm?
Tirek: Nothing. Simply that a day of which I have long dreamed may arrive much sooner than I anticipated.
Tirek: But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Do you know where you are?
Zahhak: … No. Also, I have never seen any of your species, or this area.
Tirek: You really are displaced, aren’t you.
Tirek: No matter. I shall introduce you to my mother. I’m sure the queen will have something to say.
Zahhak: Your mother? The queen?
Tirek: Ah yes. I suppose I have some explaining to do as well, don’t I.
Tirek: I am Prince Tirek of the Kingdom of Voryvnyn, Heir to the Royal Throne and Prodigal Mage, and I am delighted to meet you.

>Timeskip: Happen
It turns out Tirek’s mother did indeed want to meet with you.

Being a dignitary from an unknown land, whose name you seem to have forgotten due to a curious spell of magical backlash-induced amnesia, the queen quickly accepts you as an honored guest, free to stay at the palace. She’s such a nice person. Her husband, the king, seems a bit more annoyed by your presence following his return from his diplomatic mission, but he plays along regardless. He offers to help you find and then return to your home, but all the maps he brings are completely unfamiliar, and the only records of your species he can find exist as vague Equestrian legends. Curious, but nonetheless pointless.

In the end, you become something akin to an adoptive brother to the family, working to complete the power dynamic present in the two brothers’ previous relationship. You calm Tirek during his more emotional moments, while simultaneously bolstering Scorpan whenever possible, working to build his self-confidence. It’s a tiring job, and not one that feels too rewarding. It’s hard being an auspistice. It’s hard and no one understands. You’re also probably not very good at it.

But in the end, you are Tirek’s brother- apparently a younger brother, at that. And even if he is a bit brash, he’s been planning this scheme for years and years now to the point where you suspect it was hatched the day you first arrived in this castle. This is why, of course, you are going to help Tirek kill his father.

>What!? Since when was that in the cards!?
Um… since always.

>Then why was something like this never mentioned before? And why are you OK with this?
You’re pretty sure that the whole “Usurp the throne” thing was mentioned before, and you’re going along with it because let’s just say that Tirek can be very convincing when he wants to.

>So, like, you’re going to help him carry out a long and well-planned plot to assassinate the king?
No, you mean you’re going to kill him RIGHT NOW.

You leap over a blast of orange as King Vorak blasts you with all the magic he can muster, as Queen Haydon watches in tears from the background. Tirek stands behind you, and just absorbs the blast like it’s nothing, to Vorak’s shock. Tirek blasts his father with a magical bolt of his own, and the centaur is flung across the throne room, crashing into the ground. You charge towards the fallen king. You prepare to unleash a powerful uppercut to your former ruler. Something stops you- perhaps a residual thread of loyalty to him. He always seemed to like you…

He doesn’t like you now, it seems, as he swings his legs at you, knocking you away as he gets to his hooves.

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Zahhak, focus! You call yourself the E%ecutioner, so live up to the title!
King Vorak: Zahhak, relent! I can see that there’s still reason within you! Listen to it! Killing me leads only down the path of ruin!
Zahhak: D --> …

======>

Tirek fires another blast of magic, this one aimed at the ceiling. The peak of the roof caves in, raining chunks of stonework down at you and your surrogate father. Vorak dodges out of the way, while for you, the rock simply shatters against your bulky, muscled frame. Vorak turns to you again, and gallops towards you. He raises his fist, preparing to deliver a powerful strike. You casually catch his fist in one hand, grab his body with the other, and turn to hurl him towards Tirek.

Tirek throws a punch just as his father approaches, and his fist connects with Vorak’s jaw. The king topples to the floor. Before he can return to his hooves, Tirek takes a step forwards, pinning Vorak to the ground with one of his legs. His mouth opens, and something bright and orange flows from Vorak, a writhing, pulsing energy. Tirek lets all the magic funnel into his gaping maw; as Vorak lies defeated on the floor, Tirek throws his torso back, releasing a scream of primal release as his form shifts and grows with the added energy. Tirek gains another two feet of height, his horns elongating, his muscles becoming all the denser. Tirek glances down at his father, the king’s pathetic, frail form moaning on the ground beneath him. He kicks him towards you, and gives a nod you know only too well.

King Vorak lies bleeding on the ground below you, covered in scratches and bruises from his fight with Tirek and you. His magic is gone and his strength has faded- now he only cries out weakly as you heft a chunk of stone above his head.

======>
>Show Dialoglog

King Vorak: Zahhak… don’t do it.
Tirek: Zahhak, kill him.
King Vorak: Please… this is not the right decision. This isn’t the way
Tirek: Zahhak, kill him now!
Queen Haydon: Zahhak, no!
King Vorak: Please Zahhak… don’t listen to him. He’s manipulated you. He’s controlled you. Don’t be the monster he’s turned you into.
Tirek: Zahhak, kill him now or so help me I am going to make you wish you were in his place.
Zahhak: D --> … I’m sorry, my lord.

>Zahhak: E%ecute
You bring the chunk of rock down. Behind the shades of your glasses your eyes are closed, but the wet splat resonates through your ears. And that’s it. You’ve killed a man.

Tirek let’s out a victorious cackle as Haydon releases a shrill cry of agony. All you can do is kneel there in silence.

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Zahhak: D --> ...
Queen Haydon: *Sobbing loudly.*
Tirek: Mother, I don’t want to have to do to you what I did to father.
Tirek: There are a couple new rules to enstate, so long as I’m in charge. Respect them and you won’t be harmed. I still care about you.
Queen Haydon: *Sob…* Your father was right about you.
Tirek: Hold, mother. My first order was to be that father never be mentioned again.
Queen Haydon: He told me so many times… how was I so blind?
Tirek: Mother, I advise you to step away from this course of conversation while you still can. I won’t hesitate to treat you like any other under my rule.
Queen Haydon: And now I’ve lost him forever… may as well go out the way he would’ve wanted.

======>
Haydon shoots towards Tirek like a starving jackalope towards a perfect carrot, her face alight with malice, her teeth bared and snarling. She would’ve torn Tirek in two had she not found you obstructing her path. She bounces off you as a wall reflects a rubber ball, and slams painfully to the floor. You stride towards her, and seize her by the neck, lifting her into the air.

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Zahhak: D --> I’m sorry, my lady.
Queen Haydon: D-do it. At l-least I can... see Vorak… again…

======>
A quick flex of your wrist and it’s over. You drop Haydon’s corpse to the ground as you turn back to Tirek, whose face bears an injured look.

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Shame. I thought she loved me.
Zahhak: D --> She did. More than you can ever imagine. She just can’t love what you’ve become.
Tirek: Watch your language, Zahhak, or you’ll go the same way.
Zahhak: D --> …
Scorpan: Err- Tirek? Is it… done?

======>
The both of you turn to the doorway, and see Scorpan standing in the doorway of the throne room, trying not to look at his parents’ corpses. He holds a ring of keys in his hand.

======>
>Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Yes, Scorpan. As you can see, the deed is done.
Tirek: Are those the keys to the mines?
Scorpan: Yes. Yes they are.
Tirek: Good. Come, Zahhak. We’ve still got lots of work to do.

>Zahhak: Be Sendak
Very well. You are now Sendak the Elder, and as your frail arms feebly attempt to swing a pickaxe against the rock below, your mind wanders, as it usually does, towards feelings of regret and disappointment. Were your kidnappings, your experiments with forbidden magic, and your dreams of power really worth it? Haven’t you just bought yourself endless years slaving away in these mines? How long has it been… six? Seven years? No, you’ve lost count... You tug uselessly on the manacles chaining you to your work, as you continue to struggle away in the dark, regretting all that you’ve ever done.

Suddenly, a rumbling pierces the caverns. You glance up, and scurry back as a scorching beam of sunlight pierces through a small hole in the roof of the caves. You back further away as the hole widens, and then as the roof crumbles slowly away. With a crash of rocks, a great hole in the ceiling appears, and peering through it is a face you never thought you’d see again, looking even more aged and powerful than the last time you saw it. All your feelings of regret fade away as his booming voice fills the room.

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Sendak! It’s been a while.

>Sendak: Plan Invasion

>Show Dialoglog

Sendak: Are you sure that you have complete control?
Tirek: Yes, Sendak. Every single facet of this country is mine and mine alone to control.
Sendak: Good, because chances are you’re going to need it. Equestria is defended by a strictly trained regiment of royal guards, as well as its leaders, the two Royal Princesses.
Sendak: Their Earth Ponies are strong enough to crush stone. Their Pegasi are fast enough to cause winds. Their Unicorns are powerful enough to defend entire cities all on their lonesome. The Alicorn Princesses combine the most powerful traits of all three.
Tirek: But they are vulnerable to our magic-absorbtion spell. All their mighty strength, speed, and power can be ours.
Sendak: Yes, but the spell takes time to use, Tirek. You’d need a significant distraction in order to hold any guards at bay long enough for you to prepare and fire the spell.
Sendak: Some general reconnaissance may also be appreciated. Remember, all of my information is years out of date. You’re probably more interested in current observations.
Tirek: Hmm… yes. And I know just who I’ll send.

Zahhak: Infiltrate
By order of the newly christened “Lord Tirek,” (you believe “King” simply didn’t sound impressive enough) you and Scorpan are to take a trip to Equestria, posing as formal dignitaries in order to assess its STRENGTHS and weaknesses. You’re not quite sold on the idea, but hey. New country, new people, new chance to search for Catherine. You’re still not quite sure what you’ll do when you do finally find her. Ah well, that’s a bridge you’ll cross later.

The bridge you’re crossing now is a sturdily-made drawbridge leading across a great chasm surrounding the Castle of the Royal Sisters. Interesting. This being the only way of making it across, were it destroyed its inhabitants would be trapped. Possible siege tactic… no, wait. Magic. Pegasi. So many factors to take into account.

Scorpan, who always had the better mannerisms of the two of you, introduces you at the door.

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Guard #1: Halt. Who goes there?
Scorpan: You needn’t fear. We are merely dignitaries from the faraway country of Vorvynyn, paying a diplomatic visit.
Guard #2: Vorvynyn? The last time one of you visited this country, it was to return a unicorn one of your subjects had kidnapped.
Scorpan: I assure you, I’ve brought no captives with me, nor do I intend to take any. This is a peaceful visit. I am Scorpan, and this is Zahhak. We are diplomats and brothers to Lord Tirek of Vorvynyn.
Guard #1: Hmm… OK then. Well, carry on, I suppose.
Zahhak: *Accidentally bumps into Guard #2*
Zahhak: D --> Oh. E%cuse me, my good sir.
Guard #2: Oh, it’s no problem. Carry on.
Zahhak: D --> Hmm.

>Zahhak: Diplomatize
It would appear Equestrian tradition dictates that any foreign dignitaries be greeted with a feast and extended offer to stay in the castle for the extent of their trip. Interesting… these ponies sure are trusting. You’re surprised it’s yet to bite them in the flank.

As you are content to feast in silence, you allow Scorpan to do most of the talking. He’s gifted with words, and easily coaxes information from the Royal Sisters’ pliant tongues. When he talks to them at all, that is. Scorpan seems more interested in the court wizard, a bearded unicorn by the name of Starswirl. The two talk quite a bit, about life and philosophy and the study of magic. It’s rather amusing to behold.

You spend a peaceful night in the castle. In the morning, Starswirl takes you and Scorpan on a tour of the neighboring villages. The ponies within seem peaceful, amiable, and generally content with mild work and friendly relations. After the meritocracy of Vorvynyn, where inhabitants need to work and work hard to carve their niche in life, seeing a country lax as this is… disturbing. How do they survive? How are these ponies so soft?

Scorpan, however, reacts to everything with delight and an almost childlike sense of wonder. Starswirl and him converse endlessly about numerous topics relating to the running and function of Equestria, particularly how the country as a whole survives doing so little work. You’d call him a brilliant spy if not for how taken he seems to be with some of the ponies’ ideas. You wonder what the ponies may be doing to his morale.

Your question is answered that evening, after dinner, when Scorpan confronts you in private.

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Scorpan: Zahhak, we need to talk.
Zahhak: D --> …?
Scorpan: I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.
Zahhak: D --> Surely you don’t mean.
Scorpan: I know what you think of these ponies, Zahhak. I know you well enough to know what you’re thinking.
Scorpan: You think these ponies are weak and easily conquerable. You’re wondering how they operate in such an easygoing system, and how come they haven’t been conquered yet.
Scorpan: I admit to thinking much of the same, but I’ve come to a realization. No matter how it works, it works nonetheless. These new ideas could be revolutionary to Vorynyn: A new dawn of society. These ponies would make much better allies than subjects.
Scorpan: I’m going to tell this to Tirek. I’m going to convince him of this.
Zahhak: D --> Go.
Scorpan: What? Aren’t you going to say something about how I should stick to the mission, or respect my brother’s original wishes?
Zahhak: D --> No. Because, Scorpan, you don’t know my thoughts as well as you claim to.
Scorpan: Do you mean…?
Zahhak: D --> Yes. And when you do confront Tirek, don’t simply tell him about these ponies being good allies. Tell him your real feelings about them. Tell him about these friends. If he’s really your brother, he’ll listen.
Scorpan: O-ok, Zahhak.
Zahhak: D --> Hold. Just because you’re going to do this doesn’t mean you should do it stupidly.
Zahhak: D --> I hate to admit it, but chances are that Tirek will not respond positively to this whole proposition. Should he seem ready to take action against you, flee. Flee imediately.
Scorpan: I-I’ll do that. Thank you, brother. For everything. Without all you’ve done for me, I don’t think I would’ve even thought of something like this.
Zahhak: D --> I e%pect good things from you Scorpan. Good luck.

======>
Scorpan leaves. You sleep.

>Zahhak: Wake
You’re woken from a dream of war and peace by a telepathic noise that you recognize to be Tirek, calling you to his hideout. Reluctantly, you slip invisibly from the castle, unnoticed by anything around.

You enter the cave that you know to be where Tirek plots to wait for his rise, preying on anything that passes. You enter, and find him weeping softly at its back. This is unusual…

>Zahhak: Confront your brother

Zahhak: D --> Ah, it’s you, Tirek.
Zahhak: D --> Have you seen Scorpan about?
Zahhak: D --> Err- are you crying?
Tirek: heheh.
Tirek: CHECK IT THE MOTHERFUCK OUT.
Tirek: it’s Zahhak.
Tirek: HEH HEH.
Tirek: fuckin heh.
Zahhak: D --> Tirek, you’re not well.
Zahhak: D --> What is the matter? Does it involve Scorpan?
Tirek: if that idiot and his weak mind
Tirek: IS A RUNNING MOTHERFUCKING GAG
Tirek: then soon
Tirek: HE WILL BE RUNNING
Tirek: through my motherfucking fingers.
Zahhak: D --> This anger is sickening.
Zahhak: D --> I realize you must feel betrayed by his actions, but you’ll stop.
Tirek: you’ll
Tirek: KNEEL. }>:)
Zahhak: D --> You are not in your right mind, Tirek.
Zahhak: D --> You are the Lord of Voryvyn, not some dignitary with a shattered mind.
Zahhak: D --> Cease this tantrum at once.
Zahhak: D --> Uh.
Zahhak: D --> If you please, sir.
Tirek: i’ll show you what i motherfuckin got
Tirek: IF YOU’LL SHOW ME WHAT’S MOTHERFUCKIN YOURS.
Zahhak: D --> What?
Tirek: it was
Tirek: A MOTHERFUCKING
Tirek: joke.
Tirek: HEHEHEHAHAHAHEHEH!!!
Zahhak: D --> We really should talk.
Tirek: you really should kneel.
Zahhak: D --> What was that?
Tirek: I SAID
Tirek: kneel motherfucker.

======>
You kneel. Tirek grins, approaching you with a maddened smile.

======>
Tirek: NOW LISTEN UP, MOTHERFUCKER
Tirek: or we’re gonna do this
Tirek: THE FUCKING HARD WAY.
Zahhak: D --> Tirek, this isn’t right.
Zahhak: D --> I get you’re taking your brother’s betrayal hard, but you have a powerful will.
Zahhak: D --> Are you really going to allow it to be broken so easily?
Tirek: are you really going to
Tirek: SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP
Tirek: or will i have to
Tirek: MOTHERFUCKING SILENCE YOU MYSELF?
Zahhak: D --> …
Tirek: forget scorpan and forget the plan
Tirek: I’M GONNA TAKE WHAT’S MOTHERFUCKING MINE.
Tirek: meaning of course, equestria
Tirek: AND ALL OF IT’S MAGIC.
Tirek: and if I find scorpan
Tirek: HE’S GONNA FUCKING GET WHAT’S FUCKING HIS.
Zahhak: D --> My lord-
Tirek: zahhak
Tirek: SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP.
Celestia: I’d say the same, but perhaps a bit less lewdly.

>Zahhak: Be surprised
You turn to see the royal sisters, Celestia and Luna, surrounded by the swirling Elements of Harmony. Accompanying them is the court wizard, Starswirl the Bearded, looking combat ready. Tirek turns to you.

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Luna: It seems the information Scorpan revealed was correct. Remind us to reward him later.
Celestia: Later, sister. Lord Tirek, for intending crimes against Equestria, I hereby place you under arrest. Your charges and thus your sentence shall be made harsher the more you resist.
Tirek: well dont just stand there zahhak
Tirek: MOTHERFUCKING KILL THOSE BITCHES.
Celestia: I see it will be the hard way then.
Zahhak: D --> …
Tirek: zahhak
Tirek: KILL THEM.
Zahhak: D --> Tirek, I don’t think-
Tirek: just
Tirek: KILL
Tirek: the bitches.
Zahhak: D --> Tirek, that’s not-
Tirek: IS IT SO HARD
Tirek: for you to understand
Tirek: A MOTHERFUCKING ORDER?
Tirek: kill
Tirek: THE MOTHERFUCKING
Tirek: princesses.
Zahhak: D --> I… ergh…
Tirek: DO IT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
Zahhak: D --> Errroaaaaaaagh!!!

>Zahhak: KILL THEM.
Tirek is your brother and your superior. You will do as he says.

You dash towards the Princesses, raising your fists as you prepare to engage in strife.

Starswirl takes a step forwards and a lance of magic pierces you through the chest. You topple to the ground, clutching your center in agony. Through your narrowed eyes, you catch sight of a brilliant light, a rainbow of unmatched radiance blazing towards your brother. And then even this light fades away.

>Zahhak: Be Starswirl.
You are now Starswirl. You turn away from the scene of Tirek being banished away, and instead examine the biped’s cadaver. His death is nothing short of a right shame. Even looking past how you hate using magic as a tool to kill, you’ve never seen a creature like him before, or not a living one at least. You wonder if you ever will again. So much that could’ve been learned… you met him with Scorpan, and while he wasn’t overly vocal, he seemed to possess a good heart. Even here, he seemed to be resisting Tirek’s orders. That he was forced to comply only works to highlight how brutal Tirek truly was, if this is how he treats his subordinates. Perhaps-

Wait.

Why is he glowing?

>Zahhak: E%ceed
In a flash, a hue of purple engulfs the troll’s- your- body. Above it, the purple energy forms into a message: the curved lines of the Void symbol, and beneath it, the word “Just.” Slowly, you lift from the ground, levitating into the air.

A shockwave of dust and debris blow outwards around you, slamming into Starswirl and the Princesses. When they glance back up, they find your floating corpse resonating with a dark aura, while indigo spirographs pulse around you. The dark aura around you grows darker, before solidifying into a sphere of blackness, completely shrouding your body from view. A deep indigo Void symbol blinks into existence in front of the sphere. Slowly, it backs into the dark shroud, fading away out of view. Starswirl’s eyes widen in surprise as another shockwave of energy blasts through the cave. The dark sphere begins to thin, stretching upwards into a more oblong shape. It fluctuates several times, before with a flash of blue it disappears completely.

In it’s place, only you are left, hovering above the ground in garbs of deep, dark blue. A long hood stretches out behind you as your new wings flutter slightly in a passing breeze. You glance down at the ponies below you. Then, with a cry of rage, you dart towards them.

You ram into a wall of solid gold light, conjured by Celestia, as you beat against the barrier, you hear the ponies conversing inside.

======>

>Show Dialoglog

Celestia: That’s got him. Though for how long, I don’t know.
Starswirl: Princess, you have to blast him with the Elements of Harmony. It’s the only way to stop him.
Luna: I’d do as you say, Starswirl, were it not for the Elements themselves. After a full rainbow attack like that, they need time to charge and prepare another blast.
Wall: *Crack!*
Celestia: Ugh! Err- a couple more hits like that and this whole wall shatters. There’s no way I can hold him off long enough to build up another Harmonic Beam.
Starswirl: Worry not, Princesses. I’ll handle this.
Wall: *Cr-Crack! Shatter!*
Luna: Starswirl! Be careful!
Starswirl: *Nods.* Oh. I will.

>Zahhak: Strife
You finally burst through the golden wall. You zoom towards the princesses, only to find Starswirl fire a bolt of magic into your face. The attack sends you spiralling backwards, but has no visibly harmful effect, much to Starswirl’s surprise. He quickly fires another bolt, but you fade away, and the magic slices through empty air. Starswirl glances back and forth, but doesn’t notice as you re-emerge behind him. He notices, however, when you deliver a powerful punch.

Starswirl flies across the cavern, slamming into the back wall. In a flash, you fade into existence in front of him, before delivering a sturdy uppercut to the recovering unicorn, blasting Starswirl into the air. You shoot up after him, catching him as gravity attempts to return him to the earth. You fling him towards another wall. As you touch gently to the ground, he slams into the rock at high velocity, crushing stone behind him and leaving an indent in the cavern stone. Amazingly, the old goat still struggles to his hooves. Seizing several large rocks in his telekinetic grip, her hurls the stones at you. The rocks simply shatter against you, exploding into dust and gravel as they hit you. Starswirl, shocked at your durability, gathers a large bundle of magic into the tip of his horn, before releasing a huge beam of magic. You cross your arms in front of you, and let the magic hit. Your guard effectively blocks the attack, and taking measured steps, you inch your way closer to the unicorn as he struggles to maintain the powerful attack.

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>Show Dialoglog

Luna: Starswirl! We’re charged-get out of the way!

======>
Starswirl flashes a grin, before in a flash, he teleports away. You glance towards the princesses, only to find them levitating above the ground, each of the Elements of Harmony glowing with them. A wave of tingling static passes through the air- then, the princesses release an enormous rainbow of light, a beam that arcs towards you, swirling around you with a shine like a newborn star. You notice that you can no longer feel your toes; you glance down, and spot stone crawling up your legs. You can only attempt to struggle as the petrification climbs up your body, past your chest, spreading down your arms and inching up your neck. Your vision goes dark- seconds later, so does everything else.

End Intermission Three

Author's Note:

So sorry this one was a little late; Real Life happened.