All the Trolls. ALL OF THEM.

by Alex Prior

Act 4 Chapter 1

Begin Act 4

Chapter One

Fluttershy slinked across the quiet Canterlot streets. Not to say Canterlot streets were usually quiet; in actuality they were commonly abuzz with the gossip, intrigue, and romance associated with aristocracy. But now was night, and the upperclass needed their beauty sleep. And Fluttershy needed to get to the cafe.

Idly, she wondered why he felt it necessary to schedule a meeting for so late in the day. Did he think that this would be the only time she’d be able to escape the palace? If so, he was dreadfully mistaken. In the aftermath of a certain… announcement, all of Canterlot seemed abuzz with activity, and no one noticed the departure of a quiet pegasus. Or- at least as much activity as could occur within a city locked beneath an enormous pink shield. How did he even get in here…?

She rounded the street corner and came upon the cafe. It was small, unassuming, and out of the way, in stark contrast to the minotaur with metal legs who leaned against it, smiling slyly as Fluttershy approached.

“Hey, Fluttershy. Umm- m1nd expla1n1ng the g1ant p1nk 8u88le?”

-----

“Alright,” Ampora said, gesturing at the war map spread before him. “So. After wwe’vve alchemized a bunch of breathing gear for the gill-less of our party-”

“And swimming equipment. T)(ey won’t be very mobile, but it’ll be better t)(an nofin.”

“And swwimming equipment. If Nitram wwas just a god tier he’d probably be able to let evveryone hold their breaths infinitely or something. You knoww, breath powwers... but I suppose that’s besides the point. Once wwe’vve got all that preparation shit done, wwe can enter the seapony kingdom through one of the wwaste ducts, right?”

“No. Remember, the outward waste gushes out way too quickly for anyfin to get inside.”

“No wwaste ducts then. Wwhat if wwe try to trick one of the guards at the front gate?”

“I dunno, t)(e guards are pretty swell trained. It’d )(ave to be one )(eck of a trick.”

“OK then. Do you have any fantastic ideas on howw wwe’ll get in?”

“...No. But maybe we could just…”

Vantas slammed his head on the table in a feeble attempt to knock himself out. It didn’t do diddly squat except perhaps work to further annoy him. He eventually just gave up all together and quit paying any attention to the seadwellers and their half-assed scheming.

To be fair, none of the others were paying any attention either. Captor was at his computer (what else was new) and simultaneously chatting with Megido. Zahhak and Leijon were hanging out, Pyrope was probably off flipping coins somewhere. Makara was eating a slimy pie and Vantas was thankful for it. Maryam was sewing. And the Narrator was tired of giving exposition.

Leijon caught sight of Vantas and waved him over. “:33 < Hey, Vantas? Could I ask you a question?”

“Whadya want?” Vantas grumbled, taking a seat next to the two.

“:33< Well, you had this whole big leader speech about how we just need to wait for Ahuizotl to show up, but I didn’t catch half of it. You were really loud and a bit panicky.”

“Ugh,” Vantas groaned. “OK, look. Ahuizotl just got canon-zapping powers like John did, right? But since he just zapped off, it’s obvious he can’t control them. So there’s basically nothing we can do but wait for him to show up again.”

“:33< Oh. OK then,” Leijon sighed, turning away. Vantas felt a sting of guilt for being a bit blunt.

“Hey, don’t look so sad,” Vantas said. “Look, I don’t know what insane reason compels you to like that guy, but we’re almost guaranteed to see him again. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who ever stays down for good.”

“:33< I suppaws you’re right, Vantas,” Leijon said, cheering up a little. “:33< It’s just- I dunno. I can’t help but feel a bit respawnsible for getting him into this mess.”

“D --> Leijon, he was obviously aiming to obtain that treasure regardless of our interference,” Zahhak objected. “He wouldn’t be stopped just by a lack of help, and he won’t stop now. His will is simply too STRONG.”

“Well, it was nice talking about a big furry asshole with you guys, but I’ve got important leader shit to get too,” Vantas declared, turning away. He took several steps away, but then swiveled back. “Wait a moment- has anyone seen Nitram? Did he sneak off again?”

-----

The Cafè Amareicano was rather popular by day, but quickly became barren as the sun sank, to the delight of the workers. In fact, the cafe was currently barren except for a pale earth pony (a rarity in Canterlot), a steely-blue unicorn, and of course, a pegasus and a minotaur.

“So you’re tell1ng me that Tw1l1ght’s 8rother and her old foals1tter are gett1ng marr1ed?” Nitram asked.

“Yes. And there’s been some sort of threat made against Canterlot that made the shield bubble necessary,” Fluttershy confirmed. “And also Twilight thinks Cadence is a jerk.”

“Wow,” Nitram said. “That… sounds l1ke an ep1sode of a ch1ld’s cartoon.”

“A what?” Fluttershy asked.

“Never m1nd,” Nitram groaned. “Alr1ght then. 8es1des all that chaos happen1ng, how’s the whole mak1ng-everyone-love-and-toler8-th1ng go1ng?”

“Well… put simply, Celestia thinks you guys are evil and therefore you guys are evil,” Fluttershy explained with a sad demeanor. “At least, that’s how everypony seems to be reacting.”

“Hmm. So you’re say1ng 1f someone were to 1nfluence Celest1a…” Nitram started.

“No!” Fluttershy interrupted. “I mean- the mind control thing you do. Don’t do that. It’s not exactly a long-term solution.”

“Hmm. Fa1r enough,” Nitram conceded. “8ut we do need some way to conv1nce Celest1a that we’re not ev1l.”

“...Does this mean that we should just part ways and brainstorm?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much all 1 can th1nk to do here,” Nitram replied as he began to rise.

“Wait!” Fluttershy interrupted, remembering something important. She pulled out a white envelope. “Err- it’s an invitation. Apparently as a special guest of the princess I’ve got some authority to hand these out. Basically, you and a guest can come to the wedding.”

“Umm… OK,” Nitram said. “Cool, 1 mean. Yeah. 1’ll 8e there.”

“Great!” Fluttershy grinned. “I’ll see you there!” She turned and trotted out of the cafe, smiling to herself.

Nitram took another look at the invitation. “Should 1? 1t’d 8e pretty r1sky.” He stewed it over for a few seconds, before making a decision. “1 really shouldn’t. 1 oughta play 1t safe for once.”

“Oh, I don’t know a8out that.” Nitram turned to see the steely-blue unicorn standing behind him, glaring daggers yet smiling eerily. “I think you oughta take her up on her offer.”

Nitram’s eyes widened in recognition. “s-s-s-sERKET?”

-----

“You failed.”

“Yes. I know that.”

“You weren’t supposed to fail. You were supposed to assassinate the Elements of Harmony. Now we have to deal with them as well.”

“I know that as well. You seem quite hung up on telling me things I already know.”

“I just cannot believe you were so sloppy in the execution of what you should’ve realized was the most important mission of your career. In fact, it is so difficult to believe that I am just going to assume you didn’t realize you were being so outrageously incompetent, and treat you as if you are, in fact, outrageously incompetent.”

“Alright, your majesty, listen to me for a moment, wouldja? The interference of the trolls was a destructive influence none of us could’ve predicted, and likely hinged on several chance variables which we cannot understand. So if you would, kindly get off my ass about this whole thing and we can get to slightly altering the current plan in order to deal with the added elements of Twilight Sparkle, her friends, and perhaps this time prepare contingencies in case of another interference by the Doomed Gods. That sound like a good idea?”

“You’re lucky you were born into your position, Hive Lord. Otherwise I’d kill you in an instant. What do you propose?”

“Simple. We imprison the Elements of Harmony, and if necessary, the trolls, with the Princess of Love in the crystal caves. Problem solved.”

“Your report indicates that several of the trolls exhibit Alicorn levels of power. How do you expect the crystal caves to hold them?”

“They’re working pretty well for the current Alicorn, aren’t they?”

“...Touché.”

“There, see? Problem solved.”

“There are still schemes to be had. We’ll need to figure out how best to ensnare the ponies before they’re able to deduce our presence.”

“It’s not like we need to be rid of them before we initiate the invasion. We can just overwhelm them with the rest of the guards, through sheer numbers and artillery. Simple, no?”

“Yes, if we want the ponies prepared to take a sizable chunk out of my army. You are aware that I would like to accomplish this with the least casualties possible, correct?”

“Yeah yeah, watching out for the pawns. Look, we act fast enough and there won’t be any issues.”

“...Fine. I do not, however, approve of how much of this plan relies on luck.”

“Don’t worry about that. No matter what happens, we win in the end. Nothing short of divine intervention can save these ponies.”

“Do you know what you’re doing right now? It’s called hubris. It usually proceeds and imminent downfall.”

“Well, don’t you just love your sass.”

“Hive Lord, you will bow down to your queen and apologize for your borderline traitorous remarks.”

“Like Tartarus I will.”

“Then it appears I will have to make you.”

*Hatesnog sounds*

-----

Fluttershy quietly crept into the palace, making sure to avoid any attention. Most of the servants were still bustling around, tightening all the little bolts and nuts in Cadence’s massive wedding. Fluttershy knew that they probably wouldn’t question why she was returning this late, but chose to evade the butlers regardless.

Climbing the castle’s stairs, she made her way to the corridor that contained all six of her and her friends’ rooms, and found Rarity knocking on her door, the seamstress’s back turned. “Fluttershy, dear,” Rarity called. “Twilight wants us all to meet with her as quickly as possible.”

“And why is that?” Fluttershy asked.

Rarity gave a yelp of surprise and quickly turned around. “Oh, Fluttershy! I, um… thought you’d be in your room.”

“I had to go, um... to a place.” She blushed.

“Yes, I see that,” Rarity said, a bit annoyed. “Fluttershy, we really ought to head to Twilight’s room. She’s been expecting us for quite a while now.”

“Oh. Sorry,” Fluttershy apologized.

“Well, it’s no problem. Now, come on. Let’s get to it.” Rarity grabbed Fluttershy by the hoof and began dragging her down the hall to Twilight’s door.

“There you are, Fluttershy,” Twilight said as Rarity and Fluttershy entered Twilight’s room. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Err- yes. I’m sorry about that,” Fluttershy apologized quietly. “I was-”

Twilight cut the pegasus off by holding up her hoof, as her horn lit with a lavender glow. The room became encircled in a purple aura, and Twilight took several deep breaths as she wove the inner workings of the spell to perfection. She couldn’t take any risks with this one.

Finally, she let the spell drop. The walls quit shining brightly, and now only faintly shimmered with a purplish hue. “There we go,” Twilight breathed. “Complete sealing spell. We’re airtight, watertight, sound tight- just about as tight as it can get.”

“Umm- Twi?” Applejack asked. “Why was that necessary?”

“Because I need to have the utmost certainty that she doesn’t catch on to what we’re doing,” Twilight answered.

“She- Twilight, this isn’t about your ridiculous accusations that Princess Cadence is… not very well mannered, is it?” Rarity asked, a touch annoyed.

“You all don’t know Cadence like I do,” Twilight argued. “You don’t realize how different she is from before because you had no prior example to compare her to. But- ugh,” Twilight groaned. “And no, this isn’t about Cadence being not very well mannered. This is about Cadence being full on evil!”

At this, Rainbow Dash burst into laughter. “Ha ha ha! Ah hahahah ha ha!” Twilight glared angrily as Rainbow’s laughter faded away. “You’re serious?” She asked. “Evil? Twilight, she’s just a pink bride-to-be and she’s a bit stressed. I think you’re just overreacting to all of this.”

“I’m telling you all, Cadence is evil!” Twilight cried. “And what’s more: I have proof!!!”

“...You have proof?” Applejack asked. “Twilight how in the heck of things did you get proof?”

“Err- I was, um… shenanigans.”

“Psst. She was spying on her,” Pinkie whispered.

“But anyways,” Twilight continued. “I was at Shining’s place. Cadence called him away. Shining seemed a bit disoriented, like he was waking up from a long sleep. Then, Cadence’s eyes turned green and she performed some sort of mind spell that left Shining woozy and complacent! So I rushed back here to tell all of you.”

“Uh… Twilight. That doesn’t exactly sound like proof,” Applejack noticed. “That sounds like y’ah saw something that y’ah may’ve interpreted wrong, and that y’ah jumped to conclusions and ran out before y’ah could set anythin’ straight.”

“Well- I- you all weren’t there,” Twilight sputtered. “There was just… something very wrong about what I saw. I don’t know how to describe it. It just felt… sinister.”

“Twilight, I’m sure there’s a very simple explanation for this,” Rarity said. “Perhaps it was just some sort of healing spell, or something of that ilk. You don’t know everything about your brother or your soon-to-be sister-in-law, and you shouldn’t automatically turn to the worst assumption.”

Fluttershy took several glances around before she spoke up. “Well, I believe Twilight,” she said. The others gave her strange looks. Fluttershy flinched, but drove on regardless. “I mean, Twilight is our friend, and she’s right about several things. We weren’t there and we haven’t met Princess Cadence before today. Until proven otherwise, I think we should all trust Twilight.”

Applejack took a second to think. “Well, when you put it like that, I guess…”

An enormous grin spread across Twilight’s face. “So, you’ll all come with me and go tell Princess Celestia that Cadence is evil?”

“Oh, of course not!” Fluttershy cried. When faced with Twilight’s shocked and rather hurt look, Fluttershy quickly backpedaled. “I mean- not yet. You’re the only one who actually saw what happened, and we still don’t know for sure what it actually meant. I, uh, think that we should go confront Cadence.”

“What!?” Twilight shrieked. “Confront Cadence? But she’s evil! She’ll just lie, or she’ll attack us!”

“Mmm… she won’t lie,” Rainbow said. When she caught sight of the confused looks on the others’ faces, she sighed. “Really? Are you all genre blind?” She put on a metaphorical mortarboard and a literal smug grin as she said, “Daring Do and Book of Legend! When you confront a villain like this, they’ll try to eliminate you because you’re a threat to their evil plans.”

“Rainbow, I think you’re putting a lot of faith in a fictional series of novels,” Twilight said (ironically).

“But it makes sense!” Rainbow argued. “If it’s true that Cadence is evil, then we’re obstacles to her evil goals. Thus, she’s going to try to eliminate us!”

Twilight smiled. “OK Rainbow, now you’re just being silly.”

“Silly?” Rainbow cried. “These conclusions are based on cold hard fictional facts! There were hypothesises and analyzations and conclusions.”

“Not ‘hypothesises,’ Rainbow. Hypotheses,” Twilight corrected. “But- you know what? All this silly talk about Cadence attacking us and all has eased my mind a little. I mean- come on! We’re the Elements of Harmony! We beat Discord and Nightmare Moon! What could Cadence do to us?”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!” Rainbow cheered. “I mean, I’m sure this is all just some big misunderstanding, but even if we get into an epic fight with an alicorn- especially if we get into an epic fight with an alicorn- we can take her!”

A glance around the room confirmed that the rest of the Elements were in a similarly confident mood. Twilight gave a sure smile as she addressed her friends. “Listen- with all you by my side now… I feel wonderful! Confident! Invincible, in fact. Let’s go and see her now. The power of friendship is strong within us, and as such I’m sure no trouble will come to us. None whatsoever!”

-----Gilligan Cut-----

Rainbow glared at Twilight, or at least glared as much as she could from the chains she was wrapped in. “No trouble will come to us, hm?”

The unicorn groaned. “Shut up, Rainbow Dash.”

So what did happen, dear readers? Gee, I wonder.

Wait, what am I even saying? It’s obvious! They went on to confront the “Evil” Princess, who locked them into the ridiculously complex crystal maze inside Canterlot mountain. Problem solved.

“Why didn’t you describe it, Narrator? What happened was right up your alley!”

Why do YOU think, Pinkie? Lazy writers. duh.

Next chapter please!

End Chapter One

Author's Note:

No Intermission this time, sorry. But hey, the Canterlot Wedding is coming up!

And really, do give us some feedback. My co-author might be in it for the fun of it, but I personally feed on praise. Please tell me we're good?

Comments

[Architect Ironturtle]

Like I said before, this story gets a lot more hate than it deserves. The like count should be doubled and the dislike halved at least.

[Alex Prior]

6236744
Thank you.

[Alex Prior]

6246228
hehehehehehe.