• Published 19th Jun 2015
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Spiders and Magic 3.5: Rise of Spider-Mare - Maximus_Reborn

Discord travels to the rule 63 universe and trades places with Eris.

  • ...

My Handsome Catalyst

Chapter Three “My Handsome Catalyst”

“No, no, no!” Twilight declared, racing back and forth across the living room.

Despite it only being seven o’clock in the morning, every member of the Parker/Sparkle family was awake due to the high-pitched shriek exuded from Peter upon discovering Eris in their living room. Mayday sat alongside her father with a juice packet in her hooves. She could only alternate her gaze between the draconequus and her mother while Peter cradled Ben, hoping the foal would eventually resume his slumber. Eris watched the group of ponies with awe before taking a seat in midair, all while ignoring the insistent rambling of Twilight Sparkle.

“Okay. Run it by me again,” Peter murmured, staring blankly at Eris, “So, you’re from a parallel dimension where everypony’s genders are the exact opposite, and Discord voluntarily swapped places with you? What’s the point of doing something like this?”

Eris smiled. “We were both in dire need of a change of scenery. I wanted to stretch my legs, and Discord wanted a vacation. It was a simple matter of reaching a compromise.” The draconequus arched a brow at the stallion. “My presence doesn’t seem to surprise you, outside of my intrusion.”

Peter simply shrugged. “I’ve seen my fair share of alternate realities. There was the time I teamed up with three other versions of myself to repair the Tablet of Order and Chaos. Just a few years ago, I went to an apocalyptic version of Equestria. I… try to forget that ever happened.” The stallion exhaled, rubbing the aches from his forehead before glancing off to the side. “I was more surprised by your choice of attire, honestly.”

Eris vanished from sight, materializing inches behind Peter before playfully wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Yes. I can certainly tell that you liked it. Do you have a thing for maids? If I enjoy my time here, I promise to offer you a peek. Does that entice you?”

Before Peter could hope to respond, a magical beam sped in between the pair, forcing Eris to move away from the stallion. “No! It doesn’t interest him at all!” Twilight growled, keeping her glare fixated on the draconequus. “He won’t ask, but I will. How long are we going to have to put up with you before Discord comes back?”

Peter blinked. “This must be bad if you’re asking for Discord to come back…”

Laughing, Eris appeared on the other side of the room with a small fan in her paw. “You have quite a temper. There’s no need to be jealous.” Twilight fired another beam, only for the draconequus to capture it in her talon before transforming the energy into a second fan. “Dusk Shine could use your fire. He’s far too nice for his own good.” Both fans levitated from her grasp before waving, giving Eris a soft breeze from two angles. “To answer your question, I’ll be staying around for only two more weeks. I made a promise to return to my prison in due time. After all, some rules aren’t meant to be broken.”

Twilight exhaled, facehoofing. “Well, what do you want exactly?”

Eris appeared next to Peter, poking his cheek with her talon. “I merely want to observe my handsome little catalyst and see why Discord is so drawn to him. The pleasure is all mine, of course.” She nonchalantly swayed her head to the side as Twilight fired another beam before laughing at the alicorn’s expense. Eris sobered, brushing the wrinkles out of her maid outfit. “Oh. Try not to consider using the Elements of Harmony on me. I’m not certain how much that would upset the balance of the dimensional barrier. You wouldn’t want anything like that to happen, would you?”

“That sounds highly illogical,” Peter deadpanned.

Eris nodded, smiling. “I am chaos incarnate, my lovely. Just think of me as your roommate for the next two weeks. You’ll hardly know I’m here.”

Twilight snarled under her breath as she gritted her teeth to the core. “You have got to be kidding me! There’s no way we’ll—!”

Peter’s hooves slipped over the alicorn’s mouth from behind, cutting off his wife’s sentence before he nervously gave Eris an affirming nod. “Two weeks, huh? Yeah. We can work that out.” As Twilight’s muffled screams rushed through his fur, the stallion held his posture. “Do you promise to stay in this house and not go sight-seeing?”

“But of course,” Eris replied, giving the pair a fanged smile before vanishing from sight.

Twilight growled, biting down on Peter’s hoof after a few seconds had passed. The stallion instinctively relinquished his hold, taking a moment to blow on the stinging bite mark. Twilight leaned forward until her violet glare was barely an inch from Peter’s widened gaze. A small vein pulsated at the center of the alicorn’s forehead, twitching as her brow did the same. Peter chuckled nervously, knowing he was in hot water. To this day, this beautiful yet tiny pony was who the Amazing Spider-Man feared the most.

Twilight resisted the urge to strangle the stallion magically and physically, evident by her trembling hooves and glowing horn. “What are you thinking?! Have you lost your mind?!”

Peter waved his hooves defensively and chuckled nervously. “Hold on, honey. Hear me out. Aunt May is always saying to never poke a hornet’s nest. There’s no reason for us to overreact just yet. Eris hasn’t really done anything wrong. She’s not spreading chaos or whatever. She’s just… watching us. Let’s just try to keep it that way. All we have to do is tolerate her for a couple of weeks. Besides, it might just be better to agree than risk what would happen if we disagree.”

Twilight was slow to respond, pursing her lips before hesitantly nodding. “I suppose we could keep a closer eye on her if she’s in one area. The last thing we need is worldwide panic again. I mean, this technically is Discord we are talking about here.”

“Yeah. If Discord was actually hot— Ow!” Peter lightly declared before Twilight’s hoof struck the back of his head. Shrugging, the stallion sighed. “It’s the maid’s outfit! Trixie’s stupid fetish has rubbed off on me! I swear!” Twilight readied herself to strike again, but Peter raised his hooves defensively. “Besides, it can’t be worse than the time when Trixie first moved in with us.”

For the first time all morning, Twilight managed a smile. “I guess you’re right. Trixie’s much better nowadays, but she used to be unreasonably high-maintenance.”

Mayday finished her juice packet, sighing before exiting the room. “It sounds like Dad’s got another fan. I’m going back to bed.”

As Peter and Twilight attended to Ben, Eris watched the Parker/Sparkle family from the reaches of the astral plane with a furrowed brow before grinning. “They’re as lively as Discord said. It’s still a sight that these two already have a pair of children together. They must be much older than Dusk and Patricia. Surely, that must be so since Dusk’s counterpart is an alicorn.” The draconequus waved her glowing talon, prompting a book to materialize into existence, and she flipped through its pages, her crimson eyes scrolling through the walls of text. “I really shouldn’t pry, but Discord’s diary would be a decent source of information.”

Eris inhaled sharply as she read through a particular passage. “My word! They’re the exact same age as Patricia and Dusk, but they’ve been married seven years longer. It says Twilight and Peter withstood unimaginable hardships in the year and a half they were dating.” She went in further, noting the experiences Peter had endured upon setting hoof in Equestria. Eris paused as her mouth fell agape. “A prince and princess?! Knight of Equestria? The greatest hero in history?” She stared intently at the stallion with a widened gaze. “Peter’s certainly more accomplished than Patricia, yet he’s just as unassuming as her. Oh, Discord. I must admit that I’m a touch envious.”

The draconequus scrolled further. “I wonder. What kind of entertainment has my counterpart provided during his freedom? Should I be so lucky to break free, I may need fresh ideas.” As Eris continued to read through Discord’s diary, her complexion paled. Slack-jawed, she held a bewildered expression before succumbing to depression, evident by the raincloud literally hovering over her head. “By the stars. What am I doing? I’ve done absolutely nothing in comparison!” Closing the diary, Eris frowned and folded her arms. “Once this vacation is over, I’ll so have to make up for lost time.”

The next day, Peter sat in the midst of the library at the table. The cellar was under temporary quarantine because of a spill, and the stallion was forced to continue his work inside of the Treebrary, after begging for Twilight’s permission for what felt like hours. Small beads of sweat formed over his forehead as he connected the circuitry under the glider’s hatch. Mayday entered the room, her eyes widening upon catching sight of her father and his invention.

Hoof-lengths apart, Mayday leaned over Peter’s shoulder. “What are you up to, Daddy?”

Peter managed a smile, despite keeping his eyes centered on the glider’s inner mechanism. “I’m making modifications to the Spider Glider. There were still a few bugs in the system, but I managed to get most of it fixed.”

The filly held a blank expression. “You’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel for names for your inventions, Daddy. Spider Glider? Spider-Mobile? Spider Armor? Are you going to add Spider-Briefs to your arsenal?” Mayday giggled, playfully poking her father’s shoulder as her lips curled into a bright smile.

Peter smirked. “Witty repertoire? Check. You really are my daughter.”

Mayday tilted her head to the side as she analyzed the design. “It looks like the magnetic stabilizers were interfering with the flight control’s signal.”

Peter connected a pair of wires, prompting the machine to stir before settling back down. “That’s exactly what it was. All I had to do was swap the equilibrium balancers with the remote panel I just installed.”

Staring in awe, the filly reached out to touch the glider. “That’s so cool! Maybe we should install raptor boosters and break the sound barrier! Boom! Oh! Better! How about—?”

Peter slapped Mayday’s hoof lightly, earning a sharp ‘Ow!’ in response. “Don’t touch. These are very sensitive. I’m already lucky enough that your mother was willing to let me work on this in the house.”

Mayday huffed. “I know, I know. It’s just so neat to finally see this all coming together! How long has it been since you started it? That thing’s been down there for as long as I can remember.”

“I started on it before you were even born. It was starting to collect dust, but it’s really picked up since you started helping out a few months ago.”

The filly chuckled. “I just want to see it in action! Baddies won’t stand a chance when Spider-Mane learns to fly!” She knelt down to get a better view of her father's finished work, arching a brow at a particular sight. “What’s that?”

The stallion smiled confidently. “Thanks to the remote panel, I managed to install a tracking feature into the flight navigational system. With a press of the button, the Spider Glider will be able to hone in on my location from within a three-mile radius. If the feature works, I’ll see if I can expand the range.” He shared a brief glance with Mayday, poking her wings with a hoof. “I still wish I could fly like you, your mother, and Aunt May. That’d make things so much easier.”

Mayday rolled her eyes, snorting. “I suck at flying, Daddy.” She arched a brow at a small device on the end of the table. There were several buttons on the remote as well as an antenna protruding from its top. Taking it into her hooves, Mayday held it out. “Is this the remote?”

Peter nodded, turning back to slowly close the glider’s hatch. “Yeah. That’s it, but it hasn’t been properly calibrated yet. So please don’t--” The stallion yelped as the glider hummed to life and its engine revved. He sharply turned his head to the source. “May!”

Mayday stammered, staring at her father nervously. “Oops! Uh, you were going to tell me to not press this, right?”

That same moment, the glider took flight, circling across the living room several times before bursting through the door. Spike screamed as the flying machine neared him, forcing the baby dragon to jump out of harm’s way at the last second. Peter ran out of the living room, his mouth falling agape at the path of destruction the glider left in its wake from toppled bookshelves to flipped furniture. Oblivious, Twilight sat in a chair and read a book while using her magic to rock Ben’s cradle, unaware of the glider quickly approaching her from behind.

Peter dashed across the room in a blur, hurdling over all forms of debris with Olympian perfection before scooping his wife and son into his hooves. He managed to leap away at the last second as the glider burst through Twilight’s chair and crashed into the nearest wall, embedding itself deep into the wood while the engine cooled. Ben cooed playfully, squealing as Peter let out a relieved sigh. Mayday trotted into the room, smiling nervously while her father bore a glare. Twilight was the first to make her way back to a standing position before towering over a prone Peter, who looked up at the mare helplessly.

Unsettlingly enough, Twilight’s expression was calm. “Peter. Your glider is a technical marvel. It’s just a small representation of your enhanced mechanical skill and genius.” Her voice was light, holding no malignity whatsoever.

Peter had quietly hoped for open fury instead of this. This was no joking matter, and he would not invoke the beast that was his wife’s rage. “...and?” he nervously trailed off, expecting the worst.

Twilight folded her hooves and frowned, giving Peter a stern gaze. “...and I never want to see it inside of our home again.”

Peter weakly nodded. “Y-yes, honey.”

Her point made, Twilight took Ben away from Peter, resuming to rock the baby in her hooves as if nothing had transpired before walking upstairs to the bedroom. “Make sure you clean everything up.”

After the door was closed, Mayday giggled sheepishly. “Oops.” Peter stared blankly at the filly for several moments before flicking his hoof against the back of her head. “Ow!”

Eris watched with a grin. “It’s easy to see who wears the pants in this family. I suppose the boring, straight one is the logical choice in that regard. Twilight certainly does a decent job of keeping Peter in check. Chaos would run rampant in his life if not for her. I must thank her for that. Controlled chaos is so much more satisfying.” The draconequus brushed a talon through her hair as she glanced at Mayday. “Like father, like daughter as some say. Mayday’s luck is just as terrible as Peter’s. I can only ponder what she’ll grow up to be like. Discord must have taken a note about this already.”


It was another quiet day, giving Twilight ample time to resume her studies. Aunt May kept Ben occupied while Mayday and Spike played. This left the alicorn with a rare chance to read in peace. Being a wife and mother of two were full-time jobs on their own. Alongside her princess duties and superheroine tasks, to say Twilight barely had a moment’s peace was an understatement. Secured, the alicorn let out a content sigh before flipping to the next page in her book, but all peace would be obliterated that same second as Peter flipped from the ceiling, landing a few hoof-lengths from the mare. Twilight yelped and jumped, hitting the back of her head against the wall.

Alas, there was one that constantly ruined her plans, and it was her husband of all ponies.

“Hi, honey,” Peter cheerfully greeted, oblivious to the mare’s incoherent grumbling.

Twilight cursed under her breath as she rubbed down the knot on her head. “What do you want, Peter?” In spite of her harsh tone, the stallion only grinned. Twilight grimaced. That wasn’t a good sign. A late realization came into mind. “How did you get in here? I locked the door.”

“Science fiction!” Peter boasted, earning an exasperated stare from the alicorn. The stallion scratched the back of his head after an awkward silence filled the room. “You left the window open. I came in here because I was bored. We should do something!”

Twilight exhaled. “Why is it that whenever I want to study, you want to play? Find Rainbow Dash or Applejack.” The alicorn raised the book over her face, hiding from Peter’s piercing gaze. “I’m reading today, and that’s that.”

“Oh, come on. Skittles and Applebutt aren’t nearly as much fun as you,” Peter replied matter-of-factly before poking Twilight’s shoulder with his hoof. She didn’t respond, never removing her gaze from the book. The stallion poked and prodded the alicorn, practically begging for a response, but none ever came, with Twilight maintaining her silence. Peter frowned, recognizing his wife’s stubborn streak before storming off with a pout. “Fine! I see how it is!”

Twilight arched a brow. While she could not help but smile at her supposed victory, her heart skipped a beat with trepidation. It wasn’t like Peter to give up so easily. Her heart knew not to relax and expect the worst, yet she listened to her mind, believing that paranoia was clouding her judgement. Shrugging, Twilight sighed and resumed her reading without a second thought. However, somepony burst into the room after a few minutes had passed. Twilight was ready this time, shifting her gaze to the side to acknowledge the new intruder.

“Darling! Peter said you were looking for me,” Rarity declared, lifting Twilight from her seat. Before the alicorn could respond, the fashionista extended a piece of cloth measuring tape against her body. “He said you were going on a date soon. I can’t let you go without making you a proper dress! I just need your updated measurements. I remember you telling me how challenging it was for you to lose your baby weight twice.” After a brief exam, Rarity had acquired the correct measurements and took her leave. “I’ll be back in the morning, dear!”

Twilight blinked, wondering what had just transpired. She didn’t bother settling back into her seat. Peter’s quick surrender suddenly made sense. The best alternative was for the alicorn to find a new place to saunter off to, a locale nopony would suspect. Surely, that wouldn’t be so hard. Twilight couldn’t be more wrong, of course.

Pinkie Pie giggled, holding out a box of party goods. “Hey, Twilight! Peter sent me to find you! I know Mayday’s birthday is just a couple of weeks away, but we should talk about the preparations! What should I bring? What’s Mayday’s favorite flavor of cake?” She paused, tilting her head to the side. “Are you okay? You look angry.”

Trixie smugly grinned. “I came as soon as I could. Peter told me how much you’ve missed me. I’m not entirely surprised. I would miss my company as well if I were in your shoes.” The unicorn arched a brow and scrunched her nose. “My word. You look like death.”

Fluttershy hesitantly approached Twilight. “Um… I’m sorry for interrupting, Twilight, but Peter told me you needed to know when Ursa would wake from her hibernation again? I thought you would’ve known by now, but it’s okay. I tend to forget things, too.” The pegasus watched Twilight with her mouth agape, as a dark aura emitted from the alicorn. “Oh, my…”

Some time later, Eris materialized next to Mayday and Spike as they played cards. “I just saw your father.”

The filly’s eyes widened. “Is something wrong?”

The draconequus snickered, recollecting what she saw. “Well, I just saw him crawl into your closet and close himself off into a cupboard. I’m amazed he’s that flexible to squeeze into such a tiny space to begin with, but I could wonder if this was a regular thing? I mean, I saw your mother a few seconds ago. I believe…” Eris trailed off, glancing to the side as a snow-white alicorn with erupting fire for a mane and tail stomped through the house. “Ah, yes. She was on fire.”

Mayday giggled, shifting her attention back to Spike. “Oh! Daddy’s just playing hide-and-seek with Mom again.”

Spike sighed. “It’s too extreme to just be hide-and-seek.”

Eris grinned. “Oh? What do you call it, little dragon?”

Considering his answer, Spike was slow to respond. Twilight’s screams echoed through the Treebrary, sending tremors coursing through its walls. Spike sighed. “I call it ‘Hide-or-Die’.”

Eris hummed, tapping a talon against her chin. “Most intriguing. I must ask Discord if he’s willing to trade these two for Dusk and Patricia. They’re so much more fun!”

In the midst of the astral plane, Eris floated with a content smile on her face. “This has certainly been enjoyable. Sadly, I must leave in three days. Surely, there must be something exciting I can do. Hmm.” Retrieving Discord’s diary, Eris scrolled through the book before slamming it shut. A mischievous grin took form as an idea came into mind for Eris. “Oh, that’s perfect.” The draconequus clapped her talon and paw together. “I can learn everything about that stallion with this. I just hope nopony looks for it while I make use of it. It’ll be my little secret.”

A crystal ball materialized into existence. Eris looked deep into the orb as images of Peter Parker took form within. “I want to learn everything. Show me your life, Peter Parker. What makes you so much more special than Patricia?”