An Alternate Ending to A Canterlot Wedding

by MeadowRosePony

The heist

Twilight sat as she checked the contents of her saddlebags, which Discord had helpfully conjuered up. She started to go through them as she checked them off against her list. "Rope...Check, Grappling hook...check, ski mask...check, suction cups...check, dynamite...che-Discord! I said no explosions!" She glared at the white robed Draconequus.

Discord smiled at her innocently as he poofed up a halo and a harp.

Twilight wasn't fooled in the slightest.

"Fine...!" Discord grumbled as he poofed away the dynamite with a snap of his claws. "You're no fun."

"If we're gonna do a heist we should at least do it right." Discord muttered under his breathe as he pouted above her.

Twilight ignored his complaining as she continued with her checklist. "Invisibility cloak...check, Night vision goggles...check, a rock...che-" Twilight stopped as she looked at Discord, confused. "A rock?" She asked.

"Well, of course Twilight!" Discord said, distracted from his sour mood."They have so many uses!" Discord said as he as he juggled various chunks of sediment.

Twilight just looked at the rock in disbelief.

Discord sighed. "Haven't you watched... well, any movie ever?"

Twilight shook her head, "I'm more of a book pony."

Discord facepalmed (again- no front hooves) "Just humor me, okay?"

Twilight sighed but caught the rock he tossed her and put it in her saddlebag.

"Where was I?" She mumbled to herself as she went back to her list. "Oh yes...pry bar...check, lock picks...check, I think that's everything...oh I almost forgot!" With a simple summoning spell she magicked up a couple of old spell books.

"Just in case." With a satisfied nod Twilight closed her bags and levitated them onto her back.

"Here, you'll need these." Discord said as he gave her a bag of marbles.

"What...?" Twilight started to ask.

"Just trust me." Discord cut her off.

Twilight shrugged and put the marbles into her bags, deciding it wasn't worth the effort to argue. She tightened the strap on her bags, after double checking to make sure she had left enough room in them for the Elements. "There, now we're ready!"

"Just one final touch." Discord snapped his claws. In a puff of smoke they were both wearing matching watches and black leather suits. He turned the dial on his watch to synchronize it with Twilight's.

"We have to make sure we're in synch if we want this to go as planned." Discord explained at her confused glance.

Twilight nodded in understanding and checked to make sure their watches were aligned.

'At least, for the first part of the plan...' Discord thought as he hid an evil grin.

"Before we go, we should probably see where all the guards are stationed, seeing as how you want to do this the boring way and sneak in, instead of having fun with fireworks." Discord remarked as he magicked up a scrying mirror.

"Good idea." Twilight nodded, deciding not to comment on the last part of his remark. That would just lead to another hour of him complaining and her explaining why a frontal assault was probably not going to help matters in the long run. "We should set up on a cloud and watch their patterns until we figure out their shift change and then we can..."

Discord interrupted her by shoving the mirror in her face. "Or we could just use my little friend here, and save us the trouble. As much as I like spying on Royal Guards, that sounds a little too boring for my taste. I got tired of watching them march around, practicing their poker faces, a few hundred years ago." He snapped his fingers and imitated a Royal Guard's guard face for a few seconds before poofing back to himself and yawning dramatically.

"Booorring! How do they do it? It's like they're practicing to be statues. Somepony should tell them that being made of stone is highly over-rated. Hmm..." Discord stroked his goatee thoughtfully.

"Discord, we talked about this, you're not turning the Royal Guards into mimes or opera-singing ballerinas." Twilight said tiredly as she tried to figure out how the mirror worked.

Discord humphed but turned on the mirror. "Here we go." He snapped his claws and appeared in a reporters outfit, speaking into a foal's inflatable microphone. "Today on 'Castle Life Live' we have two random Royal Guards marching through the Canterlot Castle. Their faces are blank as they step in rhythm, fulfilling their noble task of looking fierce and important. Discouraging any foal who would dare to enter the castle without the proper security pass. Physically fit and mentally determined, these courageous hall-monitors protect the halls against dangerous socialites and mentally unstable school foals on class trips. Nothing escapes their sight, their minds quick and reflexes quicker as they salute at the first sign of royalty or anypony of higher rank. They..."

"Discord!" Twilight yelled, interrupting his fake broadcast.

"Yes, Twilight?" Discord asked innocently.

Twilight glared at him. "The Royal Guards are not hall-monitors! They..." Discord tuned her out as she started on one of her rants, instead choosing to work on deciding what color tutus would go best on the Royal Guards after he took over Equestria.

"What do you think of carmine?" Discord asked when she paused for breathe. She face hoofed and glared at him.

"Were you even listening?!" Twilight asked angrily.

"Of course not, Twilight."

Wrong answer.

Twilight's eye twitched and her mane began to glow red. It's probably a good thing Twilight's not an alicorn or Discord may have been returned to stone right then and there.

'Oops! Time to backtrack!' "I mean... of course I was, and you're absolutely right!" Discord said, smiling innocently at the flaming unicorn.

"Oh, then what did I say?" Twilight asked as she raised an eyebrow.

"Uh..." Discord struggled to remember one of the phrases Twilight had used during her long winded rant. "Um, the Royal Guards are...um..."

'Oh that's it!' Discord smiled as he remembered part of her speech. With a snap of his claws, the Twilight puppet reappeared. "The Royal Guards are an important part of Equestria's defense. They are tasked with protecting Equestria's borders from attack. They also have the very important job of protecting the princesses. And yada yada yada..." With a bow he poofed away the puppet.

Twilight was still glaring, but at least she no longer looked like a she-devil from Tartarus. Twilight sighed in defeat and turned her attention back to the scrying mirror. And then groaned in frustration. The guards were still pacing the length of hallway outside the vault.

"This is getting us nowhere." With a burst of magic Twilight tossed the mirror aside and started to pace.

"How are we ever going to get past the guards at this rate?" She thought aloud as she paced in circles around Discord, who was turning his neck like an owl's in order to watch her.

"Twilight." Discord put out a paw to stop her pacing. With a flick of his tail, he untwisted his body while keeping his eyes on the frantic mare. "This can still work. We just need a new approach." He flicked his tail back and forth like a pendulum as he thought.

"I know, instead of watching random guards, why don't we go to the head of the totem pole?" Discord snapped his claws and the mirror flew back to him and the picture changed. When he handed it back to Twilight, instead of seeing guards pace, she was looking at her brother, Shining Armor, talk with one of the guards.

Twilight held it closer to try and hear what they were saying, but it was no use.

"Sorry, Twilight. This mirror was only designed for sight, not sound." Discord said apologetically as he crossed his claws behind his back. "But all we need is the schedule. Watch." With the tip of his tail he showed her how to slide the screen to see different angles of the room.

Twilight stuck out her tongue, deep in thought as she struggled to remember where she had seen the shift schedule posted when she had last visited her brother at work. "It should be on the wall somewhere...Ah there it is!" She shouted in excitement as she spotted it hanging behind her brother's desk, right next to poster about the Guard's Annual Picnic and Field Day.

"Vault...Vault..." Twilight muttered as she scanned the schedule, "Throne room...Library...Gardens...Ah here we are, the royal vault... It says here that shift change is every six hours, and there's one a hour past sundown!"

Twilight beamed and then frowned as she kept reading, "But the patrol is also larger after dark, there's two extra guards outside the doors and they've posted three inside. Hmm, that will make it hard to just teleport inside without getting caught. It's a good thing you thought about that Discord, otherwise we'd have been caught as soon as we appeared in the vault." Twilight started to pace again while Discord smugly smiled.

"Well I have had time to think about these things you know." He said as floated above Twilight, keeping pace with her as if attached with a leash. "We'll just have to go with my plan after all." He snapped his fingers and sticks of dynamite, firework bombs, and other explosive paraphernalia rained down on Twilight.

"What?" Discord asked innocently as Twilight glared at him. "It's stable." He said, picking up a few pieces to juggle to demonstrate their safeness.

Twilight sighed, "I just don't want anypony to get hurt." Twilight winced as she pushed aside the explosives.

"Nonsense, Twilight." Discord said as he tossed his explosives on the rest of the pile. "That's why we have the schedule. We'll be able to see where everypony is and plant the explosives where nopony will get hurt. After all, we only need a distraction, something big enough to draw ponies' attention, but small enough so nopony will get hurt."

Discord smiled reassuringly at Twilight as he magicked up a giant map of the castle and poofed back into his captain's outfit.

"The vault is here." Discord said as he placed cartoon models of guards and the Elements of Harmony on the map.

"And the princesses should be here." Placing more guard figurines next to two very silly looking figures of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

"We'll just set the diversion here." Pointing to a spot away from both places, "And we'll be able to pop in, get the Elements, and pop back out before the guards return and nopony will be the wiser!"

Discord finished with a bow and waited for Twilight's response.

Twilight looked at the plan critically before nodding. "I suppose that will work." Twilight said as she compared his diagram to the schedule of the guard's postings. "And as long as we do it at night, we won't have to worry about any crowds being in the way. Plus there's less chance of us being seen."

Twilight nodded again. "Yes, this should work just fine."

Discord grinned. 'Yes, it should work just fine indeed.'

Comments

[Emperor]

Poor Twilight. If only she could realise that Discord is h4x enough he could just pop in and out and grab the Elements with nopony the wiser

She'll have to relieve the guilt by being his lifelong nag every time he gets a crazy scheme in his head

[josue]

Anybody notice the Harry Potter reference invisibility cloak